My BF is starting to get really jealous of me and my best guy friend

[smackie9]

Sorry but when you are in a serious relationship you have to make adjustments to what you can and cannot do with the opposite sex, including friends. You shouldn't meet up one on one, text each other all the time, go out on dinner dates, concerts or whatever alone. You have to put yourself in his shoes...what if he had an attractive female friend that he had fooled around with, and kept in close contact with and toyed with the idea of dating one time in the past, hung out alone together and kept it from you, and he had his video cameras purposely shut off?? This would no doubt make you feel insignificant and uncomfortable.

 

Here is what you can do, cut back on communication, don't hang out one of one anymore, but hang out as couples. Invite him and his GF over for dinner and drink and play some board games.

[DKT3]

Sorry Kathy but the more you post it becomes more clear that you are interested in more then n friendship with the "friend".

 

Your posts are all over the place abut one thing is clear, you have a serious flirtship going, I think it's a form of validation for you. The truth is you don't hide things that don't need hiding. If you were 100% on the up and up you wouldn't disable the cameras, you wouldn'tbe upset by his questions.

 

Problem is your in denial, and simply not being honest. Even this whole pre date meeting with the friend sounds shady as hell almost like a session to line up your story. Why would you need a meeting to explain to your friend?

[Darren Steez]

Bwahahaha geez. This is hilarious. Yep Kathy, A Ok. Your boyfriend will understand.

[TooRational]

Seems to be like you're willing to be more open and honest about the situation with Troy than your bf. Do you think that this is healthy? After two years you should be able to be super open and honest with your bf.

 

I can so relate to your boyfriend. My ex was dismissive of my feelings just like you are of his. It doesn't matter how much you feel that you're entitled to what you're doing. You need to be willing to consider his feelings.

 

Let me give you a silly comparison but hopefully it will help. Let's say that I find it ridiculous and a waste of time to make the bed in the morning only to have it undone at night. Waste of time. I feel entitled to this opinion. Yet, hypothetically, my gf likes the room to be neat and really prefers that we make the bed in the morning. What should I do? Stick to my guns or compromise and acknowledge that this is important for my gf and therefore should warrant a little effort?

 

My point is, your bf feelings about things matter in a couple. You need to consider his POV in everything you do. Sorry if that's too much trouble for you, like it was for my ex.

 

Every single response you got pretty much say that your bf is entitled to feeling the way he his. It's not ridiculous. What is ridiculous is you ignoring all this feedback and dismissing everyone's opinion, just like you're doing with your bf's.

[kathy_d]

Update,

 

 

Me, my bf, my guy friend, and his gf are meeting up tonite for some drinks, then we’re going to hang out at a mutual friend’s party. I’m excited. I’m hoping that Rick and Troy really hit it off, and I’ve been interested in getting to know Troys gf better as well. Wish me luck and I will let you all know how it goes.

 

 

DKT, I dont see why you think me giving my guy friend a heads up was ‘shady’. I wanted to make sure he understood the situation so nothing awkward does down tonite, not to set up some ‘story’. Wouldn’t that be a good idea if I we have a ‘serious flirtship’ going? I have never heard of the word ‘flirtship’. Thats funny.

 

 

 

Actually, we do not have a ‘flirtship’, but we have been friends so long that I admit sometimes we do flirt like there’s nothing to it, without even being aware of it. I admit we do get a little too touchy-feely sometimes when we’re playfighting, without realizing it of course, and it would be foolish and childish to not think that it might not give some people a wrong impression. Naturally I wanted to let Troy know about Rick’s ‘curiosity’ about our relationship so that he would be extra careful this time, especially with his gf being there as well!

 

 

 

Again, thx for all the advice. I’m gonna start getting ready now so I have to go.

[basil67]

Am I the only one who's completely wigged out about the spy cameras? A guy who had spy cameras on me wouldn't pass "Go".

 

That said, your best friend of the opposite sex should be your partner - not some other dude. And the fact that you're not comfortable being open and honest about your history with him just adds fuel to the inappropriate fire.

[DKT3]

Am I the only one who's completely wigged out about the spy cameras? A guy who had spy cameras on me wouldn't pass "Go".

 

That said, your best friend of the opposite sex should be your partner - not some other dude. And the fact that you're not comfortable being open and honest about your history with him just adds fuel to the inappropriate fire.

 

She is simply not being honest about this situation with her boyfriend but more importantly not to herself.

 

Sounds like the video feed runs in their home 24/7 unless of course when the "friend" is over.

 

She mentioned that she flirted with her "friend" until he got a girlfriend a years ago but she has been with her boyfriend for two years????

 

Lots of denial going on here

[basil67]

She is simply not being honest about this situation with her boyfriend but more importantly not to herself.

 

Sounds like the video feed runs in their home 24/7 unless of course when the "friend" is over.

 

She mentioned that she flirted with her "friend" until he got a girlfriend a years ago but she has been with her boyfriend for two years????

 

Lots of denial going on here

 

I agree that she isn't being honest. And turning off the camera while her guy friend is around is dodgy.

 

But I still can't get past the fact that he has video surveillance of her in any way, shape or form. That's some scary behaviour from him.

[DKT3]

We run surveillance in our home as well, not uncommon

[Poutrew]

Update,

 

 

Me, my bf, my guy friend, and his gf are meeting up tonite for some drinks, then we’re going to hang out at a mutual friend’s party. I’m excited. I’m hoping that Rick and Troy really hit it off, and I’ve been interested in getting to know Troys gf better as well. Wish me luck and I will let you all know how it goes.

 

As long as you don't get caught French kissing Troy and then blaming your boyfriend for not understanding that what he really saw was how old friends always greet each other...

 

 

 

DKT, I dont see why you think me giving my guy friend a heads up was ‘shady’. I wanted to make sure he understood the situation so nothing awkward does down tonite, not to set up some ‘story’. Wouldn’t that be a good idea if I we have a ‘serious flirtship’ going? I have never heard of the word ‘flirtship’. Thats funny.

 

Let's see, giving Troy a heads up on how to behave such that BF doesn't suspect anything...."Oh Troy, my boyfriend actually suspects that you and I are having sex behind his back... isn't that simply ridiculous? So tonight at the party I want you to behave extra boring towards me, you know no flirting, or sexual joking, or ass slapping, you know, the stuff we normally do. OK? Besides, your girlfriend will also be watching us so we can also throw her off the scent...remember, tonight you have every reason to be on your best behavior. I am so glad we got together before we actually go out to set things up properly..." You'd make a good coach for any one who wants to cheat and get away with it...

 

Actually, we do not have a ‘flirtship’, but we have been friends so long that I admit sometimes we do flirt like there’s nothing to it, without even being aware of it. I admit we do get a little too touchy-feely sometimes when we’re playfighting, without realizing it of course, and it would be foolish and childish to not think that it might not give some people a wrong impression. Naturally I wanted to let Troy know about Rick’s ‘curiosity’ about our relationship so that he would be extra careful this time, especially with his gf being there as well!

 

 

 

Again, thx for all the advice. I’m gonna start getting ready now so I have to go.

 

Please do let us know if your attempt to show your boyfriend how innocent your relationship with Troy is actually worked... just don't get caught soaping down Troy's half nude body, like the other poster did... I guess if you do just blame it on being drunk and young...

[Hermus]

It sounds like your boyfriend has trust issues. As I understand it all that has happened between you and your male best friend is that you made out a few times far before you met your boyfriend. If right now the relationship between the two of you is purely platonic there shouldn't be a reason for him to mistrust you.

 

My girlfriend has a lot of male friends and in general I'm okay with it. I have a few close female friends as well. With one female friend I have been somewhat physically involved a long time before I met my girlfriend. My girlfriend might have made out or even slept with some of her male friends before we were together. I don't know and I don't want to know. We have clear agreement about contact with the other sex. For us flirtatious touching is the limit and I trust her not to cross that. A relationship should be based on trust and not on trying to control each other.

 

If it is true that your boyfriend has the neighbours watching over you or is controlling who enters your house in any other way I would see that as a serious red flag. That means he is trying to control your life in ways that are definitely inappropriate. He should trust you, even in the knowledge that you have a male friend you once made out with.

[elaine567]

People who are cheating often accuse their partner of cheating.

If Rick was all OK with Troy at the start, (you have been best friends for 9 years after all), and now he is in paranoid mode, you need to consider that it may be HIM who is the one cheating here.

 

Also, you have moved in to his house, so the dynamic of your relationship has changed. He may now view you as his "possession" and he may feel he has every right to snoop and check up on you...

He may be showing his true "controlling" colours.

Men like this try to isolate the "victim" and getting rid of the best friend is par for the course

- Be careful.

[DKT3]

People who are cheating often accuse their partner of cheating.

If Rick was all OK with Troy at the start, (you have been best friends for 9 years after all), and now he is in paranoid mode, you need to consider that it may be HIM who is the one cheating here.

 

Also, you have moved in to his house, so the dynamic of your relationship has changed. He may now view you as his "possession" and he may feel he has every right to snoop and check up on you...

He may be showing his true "controlling" colours.

Men like this try to isolate the "victim" and getting rid of the best friend is par for the course

- Be careful.

 

I think you missed alot, her boyfriend knows something is amiss, op thinks one of her friends is feeding him information leading him to believe there is more going on. Beside her actions are super shady...,I find it hard to believe that most men wouldn't find her actions questionable at best.

[elaine567]

I think you missed alot, her boyfriend knows something is amiss, op thinks one of her friends is feeding him information leading him to believe there is more going on. Beside her actions are super shady...,I find it hard to believe that most men wouldn't find her actions questionable at best.

 

Her bf doesn't "know" something is amiss because if we believe the OP and there is no reason NOT to believe the OP, then there is NOTHING going on to "know" about...

Her "friend" appears to be stirring the pot.

 

It maybe justified to put cheating or ex cheating wives/gfs/husbands/bfs under surveillance with 24/7 video cameras, but it is actually pretty creepy IMO.

[kathy_d]

Well, I can report that Rick, Troy, Troy’s gf, and I went out for dinner at this nice buffet, then went clubbing for awhile, then ended up at a friends pool party. I feel that we all had a really good time and there were hardly any awkward moments. I was nervous before the date because prior to this Rick and Troy had only met, and I didn’t know if they would get along. Troy is really good looking and has a purrfect body, and I was concerned Rick might be intimidated by that, and at first I think he was because he acted a bit standoff-ish, but eventually they both relaxed and opened up. In the meantime I socialized with Troy’s gf and found we had many similar interests and things to talk about. She seemed very nice and I genuinely like her. However, I was a little disappointed in that she wasn’t as attractive as I remembered her. I was hoping she would be a knock out because that would help alleviate any fears Rick had about Troy, but she was a bit heavy and even had acne. I was even surprised Troy was with her, since he could get pretty much any girl he wants. At first they even weren’t very cuddly or touchy-feely, and I had to whisper something to Troy. My bf was watching and at first they were acting like just friends. But then Troy started getting more cuddly with her and the rest of the night I noticed my bf relaxing more and more. By the end of the night we were all laughing and having a good time like any other double dating couples, and we even agreed to do it again some time.

 

 

This morning my bf and I discussed things and he now knows that Troy has been a very old and dear friend to me and that we only hang out on friendly terms as fellow classmates. I told him that he only comes over to study with the rest of our friends like 1 or 2 times a week and sometimes for coffee. He also studied with some female friend when he was in college, so I think we now have an understanding on this, even though he didn’t explicitly say anything. But at any rate, I think last night went a long way towards helping my bf with his trust issues. I will keep everyone updated.

 

 

It sounds like your boyfriend has trust issues. As I understand it all that has happened between you and your male best friend is that you made out a few times far before you met your boyfriend. If right now the relationship between the two of you is purely platonic there shouldn't be a reason for him to mistrust you.

 

My girlfriend has a lot of male friends and in general I'm okay with it. I have a few close female friends as well. With one female friend I have been somewhat physically involved a long time before I met my girlfriend. My girlfriend might have made out or even slept with some of her male friends before we were together. I don't know and I don't want to know. We have clear agreement about contact with the other sex. For us flirtatious touching is the limit and I trust her not to cross that. A relationship should be based on trust and not on trying to control each other.

 

If it is true that your boyfriend has the neighbours watching over you or is controlling who enters your house in any other way I would see that as a serious red flag. That means he is trying to control your life in ways that are definitely inappropriate. He should trust you, even in the knowledge that you have a male friend you once made out with.

Thank you, Hermus. I really appreciate a guy’s POV. Yes, my bf has always struggled with trusting me and there have been many red flags over the past couple years with him trying to control me. Like the 24/7 video monitoring of the front and back doors so he can monitor all of my friends. I thought it was really weird when he’s asking me who such-and-such is every time someone comes over. His cell phone would get an alert and then he would call me right away and ask me what I was doing and who is over there. I’m sorry that did creep me out and I disabled the cameras, I feel I was within my rights to do that, as I think I’m entitled to privacy in my own home.

 

 

Her bf doesn't "know" something is amiss because if we believe the OP and there is no reason NOT to believe the OP, then there is NOTHING going on to "know" about...

Her "friend" appears to be stirring the pot.

Oh, yes, that’s another thing. I asked him and he finally admitted that one of my friends has been telling him stuff. The one I suspected. Telling him things like me and Troy are ‘all over each other’ and other such crap. I explained to him that this girl has a crush on Troy and is just looking to start something between him and his gf, and she is greatly exaggerating things to try and get them to break up. I think he understands now that his source of information had an ulterior motive and was deceiving him, and he’s even pissed at her now. I for my part am not letting her come over anymore, nor will I even talk to her at class.

[Poutrew]

People who are cheating often accuse their partner of cheating.

If Rick was all OK with Troy at the start, (you have been best friends for 9 years after all), and now he is in paranoid mode, you need to consider that it may be HIM who is the one cheating here.

 

Also, you have moved in to his house, so the dynamic of your relationship has changed. He may now view you as his "possession" and he may feel he has every right to snoop and check up on you...

He may be showing his true "controlling" colours.

Men like this try to isolate the "victim" and getting rid of the best friend is par for the course

- Be careful.

 

You are getting very close to blaming the victim. Let's see, you and I are living in the same house and I am considering marrying you. My house is under 24 / 7 monitoring inside and out, so I can check up on things via the net (actually it is and I once caught my dog pooping in the kitchen and then eating it to cover his tracks, yeah, I know, gross). I see you coming home early one day, with a man I recognize from old pics as a previous BF of yours. You settle down on the sofa next to him. Then before the visit begins, you remember the video camera and turn it off. You turn it back on 4 hours later. When I ask what transpired during those 4 hours, you get upset, accuse me of trying to control you , claim I think you are my possession, tell me that what you did was none of my business, and then insinuate that by blaming you for having an affair, I am actually having one at work with the secretary and so I should just shut up and let you do your thing because you are a grown up girl... yep, it is all my fault. It will also be my fault when I break up with up and throw you out of my house...

[Weezy1973]

Her bf doesn't "know" something is amiss because if we believe the OP and there is no reason NOT to believe the OP, then there is NOTHING going on to "know" about...

Her "friend" appears to be stirring the pot.

 

It maybe justified to put cheating or ex cheating wives/gfs/husbands/bfs under surveillance with 24/7 video cameras, but it is actually pretty creepy IMO.

 

Since the relationship is over 2 years, I think the OP would have noticed controlling behaviour before this. I'm of the feeling that where there's smoke there's fire. And by fire, I don't mean the OP is cheating, I just mean that the relationship with Troy is something that could threaten the relationship. Again there are many ways that opposite sex friendships (especially when there is a history of it escalating to something physical) can threaten a relationship. Cheating is only one of those ways.

 

I've had many different relationships, and in the vast majority I had no problems at all with my girlfriends having opposite sex friends. There were a couple though that I felt clearly did not have appropriate boundaries and when I brought it up, they both dismissed my feelings and refused to do anything. I would never ask them to give up their friendships, just to modify them to something more appropriate. When they flat out refused, I ended the relationship. So that's another way those friendships can ruin a relationship.

 

Insecurity and jealousy are poison to a relationship. It is in the best interests of both parties to make sure their partners are feeling secure and safe in the relationship.

[elaine567]

Since the relationship is over 2 years, I think the OP would have noticed controlling behaviour before this..

 

The OP has just moved in with the man.

Big difference between dating and moving in.

[Space Ritual]

In the meantime I socialized with Troy’s gf and found we had many similar interests and things to talk about. She seemed very nice and I genuinely like her. However, I was a little disappointed in that she wasn’t as attractive as I remembered her. I was hoping she would be a knock out because that would help alleviate any fears Rick had about Troy, but she was a bit heavy and even had acne. I was even surprised Troy was with her, since he could get pretty much any girl he wants.

 

Why the hell do YOU care about Troy's GF's looks, weight, and complexion and why in reality would you be "disappointed"?

 

Look you can BS us all you want, but posting about Troy "purrrfect" body and his looks and then going into this observation is a dead giveaway. But once again it's not us you have to convince, it's your boyfriend you probably need to convince.

 

Living together and a long term relationship is an audition for a life together. If I was your BF and read your last post I'd be reconsidering continuing a relationship with you. But that's just me. Maybe your BF can accept it.

 

Good Luck with this. I think you are really going to need it.

[DKT3]

Why the hell do YOU care about Troy's GF's looks, weight, and complexion and why in reality would you be "disappointed"?

 

Look you can BS us all you want, but posting about Troy "purrrfect" body and his looks and then going into this observation is a dead giveaway. But once again it's not us you have to convince, it's your boyfriend you probably need to convince.

 

Living together and a long term relationship is an audition for a life together. If I was your BF and read your last post I'd be reconsidering continuing a relationship with you. But that's just me. Maybe your BF can accept it.

 

Good Luck with this. I think you are really going to need it.

it's so clearly evident to 99% of us here that she has a thing for the friend. It's is everything she says she does and in everything she has write here.

 

That's why she is disappointed with the girl, it's not her.

 

She is going to string her boyfriend along until she gets honest about her feelings for the friend then break her boyfriends heart, it's as sure as the sun tomorrow

[doble]

Why the hell do YOU care about Troy's GF's looks, weight, and complexion and why in reality would you be "disappointed"?

 

Look you can BS us all you want, but posting about Troy "purrrfect" body and his looks and then going into this observation is a dead giveaway. But once again it's not us you have to convince, it's your boyfriend you probably need to convince.

 

Living together and a long term relationship is an audition for a life together. If I was your BF and read your last post I'd be reconsidering continuing a relationship with you. But that's just me. Maybe your BF can accept it.

 

Good Luck with this. I think you are really going to need it.

 

Perhaps she should let Rick read her posts? I think if he did he would run far far far away, and continue running. Hopefully she will. But doubtful. Sad how she is stringing him along. But I know "smarter" people who are just as foolish.

[doble]

it's so clearly evident to 99% of us here that she has a thing for the friend. It's is everything she says she does and in everything she has write here.

 

That's why she is disappointed with the girl, it's not her.

 

She is going to string her boyfriend along until she gets honest about her feelings for the friend then break her boyfriends heart, it's as sure as the sun tomorrow

 

No doubt whatsoever. It's so obvious. No one is good enough for Troy except her.

 

If Rick made an ultimatum, which he shouldn't have to, we know who OP would choose.

Edited July 17, 2016 by doble

[bubbaganoosh]

. At first they even weren’t very cuddly or touchy-feely, and I had to whisper something to Troy. My bf was watching and at first they were acting like just friends. But then Troy started getting more cuddly with her and the rest of the night I noticed my bf relaxing more and more. By the end of the night we were all laughing and having a good time like any other double dating couples, and we even agreed to do it again some time.

 

You Have any idea what you just did? You set your BF up to look like a chump.

 

You have to give the heads up to good old Troy to act like a BF to the girl you ran down with a truck just so you can get your BF to think that all is cool and he can relax. Truth be told your a real piece of work the way you manipulate thing to your advantage.

 

You even gave him the heads up on the double date and told him how to act.

 

You never told your BF about how you and Troy made out three years ago. You keep your friends on FB away from him except for mutual friends so there's two secrets so far and after being in a relationship with him for two years and living with the guy, this should all have been put on the table.

 

You want your cake and eat it too. Well with any luck someday your BF will wake up from the fog and see how it really is and you and Troy can finally have at it with no strings attached.

 

Like I said before if the tables were turned on you I'd bet the house you would feel the same way he does. Keep playing games and you may be bunking out with Troy only because it beats sleeping in the back seat of your car.

[Poutrew]

You Have any idea what you just did? You set your BF up to look like a chump.

 

You have to give the heads up to good old Troy to act like a BF to the girl you ran down with a truck just so you can get your BF to think that all is cool and he can relax. Truth be told your a real piece of work the way you manipulate thing to your advantage.

 

You even gave him the heads up on the double date and told him how to act.

 

You never told your BF about how you and Troy made out three years ago. You keep your friends on FB away from him except for mutual friends so there's two secrets so far and after being in a relationship with him for two years and living with the guy, this should all have been put on the table.

 

You want your cake and eat it too. Well with any luck someday your BF will wake up from the fog and see how it really is and you and Troy can finally have at it with no strings attached.

 

Like I said before if the tables were turned on you I'd bet the house you would feel the same way he does. Keep playing games and you may be bunking out with Troy only because it beats sleeping in the back seat of your car.

 

You know, the more I think about it, the more I think this girl is actually worse than the girl who posted here who couldn't understand why her boyfriend would be jealous of the fact that she and her half-brother would soap each others underwear clad bodies down with soap whilst giggling and flirting with each other in mom and pop's hot tub. At least that girl was honestly befuddled and blind to how things looked to an outsider. This girl is an active manipulator. She is the black widow spider who sets the stage to appear however she wants it to appear. She has both these men wrapped around her controlling little finger and behaving like little puppet people. Troy must really love her to do exactly what she says - I wonder what his eventual reward will be? I bet he thinks sex. But in dealing with a black widow spider, as I mentioned in a previous post on another subject, all that awaits him is decapitation and cannibalism. Maybe she promised him she would eat him last, after she gorges on Rick's entrails...

[BlueIris]

Hi everyone,

 

 

I’ve been in a relationship with my bf (Rick) for about 2 years now. He is 25, I am 20. He is my first serious bf ...

 

I didn’t read anything but the opening post because there is one factor that overrides everything else: you’re only 20! You tied yourself down to your BF when you were only 18! No, don’t do that.

 

Be young, be 20, be on your own and find out about yourself, set goals and achieve them, enjoy your friends of any sex, but don’t get serious about some guy and move in with him when you’re only 20.