OTC2579 Posted July 13, 2016 Share Posted July 13, 2016 Hi, thanks for taking the time to read this. First let me give a few details. I met my ex girlfriend about 2 years ago. She was the one that REALLY want to get into a relationship with me and i was never the relationship kinda guy since im pretty young at this point (23) and was really waiting for the right girl. One day she flat out asked me if we were anything and if we weren't she didn't want to waste her time and would move on. Honestly in my head i was really 50/50 on this but i decided to go for it. I fell in complete love with this women after about a year and a bit of dating her. Things started to get tough. We would only see each other once a week and we would start to get anxious about it which was clearly unhealthy. Very unexpectedly she started balling her eyes out one night and broke up with me after we were out doing a little couples date. I was so torn up about it. I kept thinking i gave her a shot to be with me and now shes the one that wants out? It felt awful because she had never discussed anything with me. Before all of this we hadn't fought a single time and always had good times with each other. So i fall into some pretty awful sadness. I take a semester off of school because i actually couldn't think straight. I started a full re-build of myself. Start getting healthy, working out, eating right, and best of all hanging out with all my friends a lot more. we Kept in contact a lot for the first month on snap chat and messenger. This would hurt me so much cause i still really liked her that i stopped all of a sudden. I went on a trip with some friends about 3 months after the breakup and when the plane lands back in my home country i have a text waiting for me saying "Hi my dad was talking about you today and it made me think of you. I have been thinking about you for the past couple of days. Hope all is well." This puts the biggest smile on my face but it didnt last long. I give her a message back asking how shes doing and if we could meet up to catch up on life. She agrees and we meet up a few days after. I tried to just have fun and not expect anything at the meet up but that also didnt last long. We just talked and nothing came about it. On the drive home i have never felt so let down. This is the point i quit ALL communication and really put an effort to move on. I go out on a few dates with different girls and i start to feel good about myself. I slowly start to forget about my ex and how good our relationship really was. another 3 months go by.... And i get another message. This time saying almost the exact same thing. Hi! Miss ya. Wanted to drop a message saying hi! My dad was asking how you were doing. Hope you are having a good summer. I respond a few days after about how my summer is going and she says "Sounds like a good summer! Just checking in, see ya." This really made me feel awful all over again. I really dont need someone especially her to keep "checking in on me" If she wants to have a conversation then so be it but to keep just "checking in" is kind of a selfish thing for her to do. Now i need some help from you guys. What do you take from this. I do want to eventually have this girl back but honestly shes killing me with all of this. What can i do from here on out. Also after that i just said yup, you too. because she already ended the short conversation that SHE started... Link to post Share on other sites
tart6245 Posted July 13, 2016 Share Posted July 13, 2016 You need to establish with her that you two don't need to be in contact anymore, at least not for a while. Right now, she's just checking in on you. If she wanted to get back together, she'd say something along those lines. But it just sounds like she wants you around in her life. She just doesn't want to date you. IF that's okay with you, then keep it up, but it doesn't sound like that's something you want. You can tell her that you appreciate that she's checking in on you, but it's difficult to keep hearing from her and you just aren't ready to be friends, and you think it would be best if she just stops communication with you for a while. Otherwise, I get it, it hurts. I dated a girl for 2.5 years and we broke up in 2011. She came around in Feb 2012 and started telling me she missed me and asked if we could be friends, and I initially tried it, but I wasn't ready, and I told her that. We stopped talking for another 6 months and then it worked out, and we still talk on occasion to this day. Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted July 13, 2016 Share Posted July 13, 2016 She's feeding you breadcrumbs and you keep lapping them up. You want a life? Block her on everything and move on. It's part of growing up. Move on like she has. There's nothing here for you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author OTC2579 Posted July 13, 2016 Author Share Posted July 13, 2016 Yea i understand. Its just that shes the one constantly making the contact. Always saying she misses me. When we broke up the first thing she said was i dont know what will happen in the future maybe it all works out and we get back together. That's why i am so hung up on her contacting me. Link to post Share on other sites
bubbaganoosh Posted July 13, 2016 Share Posted July 13, 2016 Yea i understand. Its just that shes the one constantly making the contact. Always saying she misses me. When we broke up the first thing she said was i dont know what will happen in the future maybe it all works out and we get back together. That's why i am so hung up on her contacting me. Your going to be her plan B if your not careful. If it's me I don't answer any message she send because as soon as she sends one it puts you back in a funk so all your doing is spinning your wheels. Let it go and move on and stop wishing for something that isn't there. Link to post Share on other sites
Pennypa Posted July 13, 2016 Share Posted July 13, 2016 Ugh.. This is always really tough.. The only thing to do here is completely cut off contact. You want her back? Cut off contact. What her to hit the road? Cut off contact. Not sure what you want? Cut off contact. This girl clearly cares about you... You were together over a year and there is obviously something there... But girls love doing this. We love keeping our ex's close (especially if they're great guys) because contacting them and getting a response gives us a surge of power and confidence. By responding, you're telling her you're waiting with baited breath for her to come back and she will never get her act together and do it if she knows you're sitting there waiting for her. I say you tell her the truth. That you appreciate her reaching out, but you would love to move forward from this and hearing from her is just confusing you. Tell her to respectfully let things lie for a while so you can collect your thoughts. This is where fear of loss comes in for her. You're giving her a slight rejection.. Not enough to hurt her but enough to make her reevaluate what she wants. If you don't hear from her again- good riddance! But if you do, it tells you that there is still something there to work on. Stay strong, my friend. Break ups are awful but once you get past all the emotions and hurt you'll be 10x the man you were before. Link to post Share on other sites
Pennypa Posted July 13, 2016 Share Posted July 13, 2016 Ugh.. This is always really tough.. The only thing to do here is completely cut off contact. You want her back? Cut off contact. What her to hit the road? Cut off contact. Not sure what you want? Cut off contact. This girl clearly cares about you... You were together over a year and there is obviously something there... But girls love doing this. We love keeping our ex's close (especially if they're great guys) because contacting them and getting a response gives us a surge of power and confidence. By responding, you're telling her you're waiting with baited breath for her to come back and she will never get her act together and do it if she knows you're sitting there waiting for her. I say you tell her the truth. That you appreciate her reaching out, but you would love to move forward from this and hearing from her is just confusing you. Tell her to respectfully let things lie for a while so you can collect your thoughts. This is where fear of loss comes in for her. You're giving her a slight rejection.. Not enough to hurt her but enough to make her reevaluate what she wants. If you don't hear from her again- good riddance! But if you do, it tells you that there is still something there to work on. Stay strong, my friend. Break ups are awful but once you get past all the emotions and hurt you'll be 10x the man you were before. Link to post Share on other sites
Author OTC2579 Posted July 13, 2016 Author Share Posted July 13, 2016 I really appreciate your response! Its almost been half a year since it all went down so its definitely been a while. I didn't respond after she "checked up" on me so i left the option to really tell her how i feel. Do you think its kinda dumb to tell her a week after or will that create more problems? I feel like everything i do at this point makes a huge difference in the outcome of all this. Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted July 13, 2016 Share Posted July 13, 2016 Only if you like being strung along. Move on Link to post Share on other sites
gaig Posted July 15, 2016 Share Posted July 15, 2016 It's not late. Send this text to finish it off Link to post Share on other sites
Densel Posted July 18, 2016 Share Posted July 18, 2016 Tell her straight up that you can't be friends with her. You still love her and being friends will hurt you more. Link to post Share on other sites
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