Trinity_84 Posted July 13, 2016 Share Posted July 13, 2016 If you lived with your ex for a certain amount of time and that relationship ends and you move out, you have to start over from scratch. Does anyone have any tips on how to cope with this, how to survive starting over? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
guest569 Posted July 13, 2016 Share Posted July 13, 2016 What part of this are you having trouble coping with? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
keiji Posted July 13, 2016 Share Posted July 13, 2016 If you lived with your ex for a certain amount of time and that relationship ends and you move out, you have to start over from scratch. Does anyone have any tips on how to cope with this, how to survive starting over? Yes, it would be good to know what upsets you the most in this process. In my case, it was the lies and the carelessness of my ex-wife (we lived together for 7 years). Other than that, the fact of finding a new place for me, decorating it, buying new furniture, the logistics of moving thousands of records and hundreds of books, I found exciting, however weird that sounds. It was an opportunity to live a new life on my own terms, because I had never lived alone before. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Trinity_84 Posted July 13, 2016 Author Share Posted July 13, 2016 Well, the starting over process. Nothing to do with my ex or the situation for the break up, that is over and done with. I guess I mean more about the logistics of it all. With my ex I had a home, furniture, pets, a routine... Now I don't have that and I miss it. It's going to take me a long time to find a partner to have that again with (Lord knows it's not too easy having all of that stuff while being alone, in my 30's I still need to have roommates) I guess that's my main issue. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Trinity_84 Posted July 13, 2016 Author Share Posted July 13, 2016 Ok I'll clarify a little bit more. I was living in a fun town with my ex, we had a nice place, but the relationship didn't work out. I ended up having to move back in with my parents (in a different country) for the foreseeable future because rent is too expensive to get a place on my own, not to mention having to furnish a place. Before I moved in with my ex I shared a flat with friends and it was great. But the prospect of starting a life with my SO seemed too good to pass up. Now that the relationship is over I am left wondering what to do: find new roommates? Wait until my old ones have a spare room again in the old flat? Stay with my parents and save money? I am really unsure what to do or how to cope with this. Also the idea of moving back to the city I lived in before isn't really appealing, it rains too much the feeling of "going back" is not pleasant. I guess I'm kind of kicking myself for not having had a co-habitational situation that worked. I would have a HOME, with a caring partner and our pets and our blender and our bedsheets...etc That's what I miss the most. Not the "material" but all the things that make a home. The symbol of stability and safety. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
keiji Posted July 13, 2016 Share Posted July 13, 2016 Do you think living with your parents for a while would allow you to save some money and find a place for yourself? I went from having a 400,000€ flat with a swimming pool to having nothing at all except for my two cats and my records and books. I'm a freelancer, so the prospects of stability were scarce, to say the least. All I could do was being a bit patient, working as hard as I could (most weeks Monday through Sunday) and then find a suitable place for me. Now, when I get home every night, I feel so lucky. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Trinity_84 Posted July 13, 2016 Author Share Posted July 13, 2016 Do you think living with your parents for a while would allow you to save some money and find a place for yourself? I went from having a 400,000€ flat with a swimming pool to having nothing at all except for my two cats and my records and books. I'm a freelancer, so the prospects of stability were scarce, to say the least. All I could do was being a bit patient, working as hard as I could (most weeks Monday through Sunday) and then find a suitable place for me. Now, when I get home every night, I feel so lucky. Yeah I suppose this is the most sensible approach. I also work independently, it's so much harder cause income fluctuates so much, getting a loan would be almost impossible without an employer letter in my country. Sometimes I get a bit bored living with my parents. I'm at a point in my life where I feel I should have a home of my own, my own furniture, my own things, you know? Thanks for the response. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Trinity_84 Posted July 18, 2016 Author Share Posted July 18, 2016 Today I am really missing the idea of having a home, something I had with my ex. I wish I had a place of my own, with my own furniture, my own things. But I can't afford it. I know there are no timelines in life but I am reaching a moment in my life where I want to find a good place to settle physically. I really enjoy traveling but I want some stability. I just can't think of a good place to settle. I want to live by the beach but I want it to be a place where there's cultural variety and a good sense of community. I have yet to find a place that meets those "requirements" (I am not in the USA/Europe/UK). The closest that comes to that is the place where I lived with my ex. I moved out of there because the relationship crumbled and I couldn't bear to in the same place as them, it was a very small town. Today I even contemplated the thought of moving back. But I moved out of there, why would I go back? My ex would probably think I am back for them (which I wouldn't be). Half the time I lived there I didn't enjoy it too much (it lacks on the cultural variety). I am a little restless today. Link to post Share on other sites
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