smile95 Posted June 29, 2005 Share Posted June 29, 2005 So much for the "being friends" after loving someone for 3 yrs. We decided to be freinds after he said he cnnot give me waht I need right now or deserve. We love each other, but he needs to straighten out his life. Great we are friends. Ok so now......he acts the same.....says the same things......does not act any diff from when we were together. I am getting my hopes up. This is hard. The only diff now is that I can no longer ask where he has been, whyhas he not called, etc. If we are just "friends". How do I choose between letting him go and NC or suffering thru this "friends" period where nothing really is diff, but he now has an excuse for not making me a priority since we are just "friends". LOST! If we love each other-why is this so freaking hard to com eto a conclusion! I guess it has to be all or nothing right? no in between when you still love each other, right Link to post Share on other sites
Marshbear Posted June 29, 2005 Share Posted June 29, 2005 I guess it has to be all or nothing right? You're learning. Staying friends will not work for the both of you. Best to end it now before you resent him more and more and you really start hating each other. Link to post Share on other sites
Author smile95 Posted June 29, 2005 Author Share Posted June 29, 2005 sux to end it when we love each other. but he now wonders where I am wnad who with and I wonder the same, when in relaity we are both home or at work. It was easier doing NC. No wondering. It is a hard choice. Link to post Share on other sites
Author smile95 Posted June 29, 2005 Author Share Posted June 29, 2005 i truly can spell. I re read that and it was awful-sorry Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted June 29, 2005 Share Posted June 29, 2005 It's gonna be more awful if you stay friends with your ex. Link to post Share on other sites
Author smile95 Posted June 29, 2005 Author Share Posted June 29, 2005 He is not really acting like a friend. He says "can friends say I love you and miss you". So, eventhough we love each other and do not really want to break up, but due to his personal matter now we have to, we should go from loving to nothing? I think he likes it this way. He does not have to do the work, but knows I am "waiting" so to speak. Link to post Share on other sites
Author smile95 Posted June 30, 2005 Author Share Posted June 30, 2005 well after he reeled me back in and I prretty much admitted to loving him and also went back to how we used to be......the greatness lasted a whole week. I have decided to give up. I am going to let this go and start dating others. He is back to making me the last priority and I am afraid that will never change. We were just friends, but now I cannot do it. I expect more and get my hopes up only to be let down. I guess we cannot be friends. We love each other and he claims he will come for me when his life is in order but I cannot wait anymore. I waited 3 yrs. It hurts too much now. I think he just wanted to be able to call me -see me whenever and not have to be my "boyfriend". Why does this have to be so difficult? If we love each other than nothing should get in the way and there should not be all these games! Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted June 30, 2005 Share Posted June 30, 2005 Ever occur to you that he may not love you as much as you think he does? His actions (or lack of) speak louder than words. Link to post Share on other sites
Author smile95 Posted June 30, 2005 Author Share Posted June 30, 2005 yes, I struggle with that thought quite often. But then I tell him and he says all the right things/ I know that he loves me and I almost have to step away, let him get his life in order and see what happens. He claims he is coming for me and he willl win me over no matter who I am with. I guess I should move on and let him try! Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted June 30, 2005 Share Posted June 30, 2005 Yes, you should move on. It's obviously killing you inside. Link to post Share on other sites
d'Arthez Posted June 30, 2005 Share Posted June 30, 2005 Words are easy to say, but actions speak. This 'friendship' is not helping you Beth, and the best thing is to end it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author smile95 Posted June 30, 2005 Author Share Posted June 30, 2005 I know it is the right thing to do........If people love each other, why is being friends so hard? Is it possible to be friends down the road maybe when one of us has moved on? Or will I be bitter if HE moves on and makes all the time in the world for this person. He kinda freaks when I talk about moving on. Me that is. He always makes smart comments about who I am with and what I am doing...just so I reply and tell him I am NOT doing anything wrong. I am not evengoing to tell him what I feel anymore. Just implementing NC. Link to post Share on other sites
d'Arthez Posted June 30, 2005 Share Posted June 30, 2005 Especially as he seems to be unable to carry the consequences of his actions and expectations. If he can't handle that a friend of his might possibly form an interest in a guy who is not him, because he refuses to be more than friends to her himself, you are wise to institute NC and move on. You are doing nothing wrong here. Don't wonder too much about all the 'what if' scenarios. Most of them won't come true, and what would you possibly gain by thinking them through? He is the one, who refuses to commit in decent fashion. Not you. Let him answer these questions for himself, and make up his mind. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Author smile95 Posted June 30, 2005 Author Share Posted June 30, 2005 Thanks......I knew I could count on you!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted June 30, 2005 Share Posted June 30, 2005 Originally posted by d'Arthez Don't wonder too much about all the 'what if' scenarios. Most of them won't come true, and what would you possibly gain by thinking them through? So true... Link to post Share on other sites
drgnflybethany Posted July 1, 2005 Share Posted July 1, 2005 Originally posted by beth5201 He is not really acting like a friend. He says "can friends say I love you and miss you". So, eventhough we love each other and do not really want to break up, but due to his personal matter now we have to, we should go from loving to nothing? I think he likes it this way. He does not have to do the work, but knows I am "waiting" so to speak. So, why wait? As painful as it may be - go on with your life, get out there and start living... He doesn't deserve you, and you don't deserve this crap.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author smile95 Posted July 1, 2005 Author Share Posted July 1, 2005 I guess I felt that if I waited this long already, why give up. I do love him, but sometimes it is just hard to realize that I can find someone else that I will love as much....but that is a whole other thread that I prob have already done......lol Link to post Share on other sites
drgnflybethany Posted July 2, 2005 Share Posted July 2, 2005 Originally posted by beth5201 I guess I felt that if I waited this long already, why give up. I do love him, but sometimes it is just hard to realize that I can find someone else that I will love as much....but that is a whole other thread that I prob have already done......lol Relationships, crushes, whatnot are hard because when you are in the middle of the situation, you can't see the edges. You pretty much have to leave the situation to know and understand that there are 6 billion people on this planet - odds are one more more of them will like you, treat you better than this guy, and you will love a lot more than you care about him. I put this question on the front of my web site, and I think it fits here: Love is the hardest of all human emotions, it knows no bounds and through it's joy, it also incorporates all fears, hates, and jealousies. So, why do we all believe that is should be so easy? Beth, you strike me as a very caring person... I think you need to, at the very least leave him for a while - and find out if this is truly what YOU want.. Especially if you are his last priority. You should be near the top of his priorities, if he cares for you, truly... I hope it gets better soon... Take care! Link to post Share on other sites
Author smile95 Posted July 2, 2005 Author Share Posted July 2, 2005 Aw thank you so much. It is very hard to see what is going on, however, in other people's situations, I see just fine what they need to do. I do love him, but I am forcing myself to get away with no contact for a while. I am tired of feeling like Ihave to beg for attention here. Now that we are only "friends" I am resnenting him very much. For instance, he went camping with his dad this wkend. I cannot get mad since we are just friends, but HELLO I WOULD LIKE TO SEE YOU TOO. We are LD so I have no even seen him since Jan! I can no longer say that since we are just friends, ya know? Everyone says I will know when I have had enough. I think I have. I have to get the courage to just leave. I truly get nothing positve out of this anymore. Onoe problem I have is, when he calls and we talk, I am fine. When he does not (like today) I sit here and wait and get upset. Yes, we are friends, but I would never date anyone during this time since I love him. That is why I have to just take the nothing part of "all or nothing" Link to post Share on other sites
drgnflybethany Posted July 3, 2005 Share Posted July 3, 2005 Okay - as his friend, he's not going to call you like he did before... when you were dating... so, you shouldn't be waiting by the phone for him... Get yourself out of the house - away from him - away from any memories of him - delete his number from your cell phone, so you're not tempted to call him - and take it day by day... Link to post Share on other sites
Author smile95 Posted July 3, 2005 Author Share Posted July 3, 2005 I have no choice but to do that now. I guess since he was acting like before, I assumed we were more than friends, but that clearly is not the case. Link to post Share on other sites
Author smile95 Posted July 3, 2005 Author Share Posted July 3, 2005 just left him a message that being his friend is too hard for me and I do not know how to make that transition from when were together to being a friend and I am sorry for expecting things to be normal. But, I cannot be just friends, so it is best if we don't talk. OHHHthis sux. Now I am crying. I will prob bever hear from him again now.........but I suppose that is better than what I am going thru now. I just have to belive that things will work out for me with someone else one day. Love should not include me crying daily, so I guess this is for the best. Link to post Share on other sites
shamen Posted July 3, 2005 Share Posted July 3, 2005 I agree, Beth. NC is the way to go. This relationship has been tormenting you for a long time. You will be OK. If you're not ready to be friends, then you're not ready. You need to do what you need to do. I saw my ex last week and it tears me up every single time that I do. It's too hard. No, absolutely not... Love should NOT include you crying daily. Time to move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author smile95 Posted July 3, 2005 Author Share Posted July 3, 2005 thanks shamen...deep down, I know this is best. I guess I was hoping things would magically change and they never will. It hurts most becasue I did all Icould. I was patient. I was loving and always there for him and I end up losing. I guess it took all of this to happen(break up, NC, talking as friends) for me to realize that it will never work. Damn this hurts. Mostly becasue I feel like I did all I could and still failed. He makes me feel so unlovable. I guess that if this truly were love, I would not be going to therapy, on LS all the time, and constantly crying and wanting him to call. Thanks..... Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted July 3, 2005 Share Posted July 3, 2005 I was hoping things would magically change and they never will. There's no magic. That was fairytales. This is real life. You'll be much better off once you've accepted that life is what it is and that means this guy doesn't deserve you. Link to post Share on other sites
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