Author smile95 Posted July 3, 2005 Author Share Posted July 3, 2005 I am counting on that. I get kinda upset at myslef that I really depended on him for happiness and made him my life. Now look what I am left with. Me...sitting here.....wishing it wa about 10, so I could just go to bed. I let everything go with him and now I don ot even know what it is that makes me happy, aside from hearing from him. It was a fairytale that I made up in my head and that is the part I am letting go of. I cannot wait til I gt on here telling you all of the great guy I met! I think that I will be stunned at how a healthy relatinship works....once I am ready for that. It was so easy to build him up when he was never here. My dreams with him are gone, but my dreams still live. Link to post Share on other sites
shamen Posted July 3, 2005 Share Posted July 3, 2005 Hey Beth, Moi certainly is right that he doesn't deserve you... Another thought, don't depend on the men in your life to give you happiness. That is something that needs to come from within. Do wait a while to have a relationship. I (like an idiot) thought that I was ready to start dating again and have since realized that I am absolutely not ready and just broke up with my newest beau. So yeah, once you are ready for that. It is easy to build people up when they aren't around. He's not the fairytale man of your dreams. Time to let go, Beth. I know that you can do it. Have your list handy and get outside. Are you still working out? Taking walks with your dog? 10:00 will come soon enough, but don't forget to keep yourself busy too. Link to post Share on other sites
Author smile95 Posted July 3, 2005 Author Share Posted July 3, 2005 I think my dog is the best thing I ever bought! I love him so much. When I cry he runs up and licks my tears and makes me laugh all the time. He is a life -saver. I am still working out. I always feel better afterwards. I am sorry that things did not work with the new guy......how are you going to work on yourself now? Did you still have thoughts of the ex with him? If I cut the contact and try to make myself happy again (not sitting home) is it only natural that I will heal? Is it possible that I will never get over him? Everyone tells me that I tried more than anyone would and put up with so much, so I know that I did all I could , and more than I should have. For all I know I have been fooled all along? I finally can see that it is time to move on.....I see it....that is a step I suppose. I made my move to start NC...so I guess that is another step. My sister teases me that it will not be hard to find a guy better than him.....find any bum off the street that would call me once a day and that would be more. I cannot wait to give my love and be apprecaited! I guess I have to get over the fact that I love this jerk and that life goes on and that he WILL date again one day and I have to just accept that he did not want me. Or he just wanted me to wait while he did his own thing and got his life in check. A lot of friends tell me that he is not changing because I let him get away with so much and he knows I will always come back no matter what. So it is my turn to change things.I just hope that time really heals me Link to post Share on other sites
drgnflybethany Posted July 5, 2005 Share Posted July 5, 2005 Originally posted by beth5201 My sister teases me that it will not be hard to find a guy better than him.....find any bum off the street that would call me once a day and that would be more. I cannot wait to give my love and be apprecaited! I guess I have to get over the fact that I love this jerk and that life goes on and that he WILL date again one day and I have to just accept that he did not want me. Or he just wanted me to wait while he did his own thing and got his life in check. A lot of friends tell me that he is not changing because I let him get away with so much and he knows I will always come back no matter what. So it is my turn to change things.I just hope that time really heals me Family is a great support group - when they are loving and emotionally supportive.. My mother and I have problems regarding her own self esteem and my weight - and those are her issues - and while I was married, she would never let me into the husband-bashing she and my sister would give into... Now that I have finally left and divorced my now ex-husband, she is willing to tell me how she really felt about him - and has told me that she believes I will find someone better suited for me that will treat me the way my ex never did... It was hardest listening to her tell me that she was most upset that my ex never touched me... ever.. and she was right... that was one of our problems.. Honestly, the jerk is probably already dating... and you are right, he is a jerk... These are his issues - and not yours - and you shouldn't be worried about whether or not he's dating... Truth be told, my ex is probably at this very moment having sex with a coworker who has a boyfriend.. and probably doing it in my old house that I decorated, with my dogs standing guard at the door... Do I honestly care? Hell no - hopefully she will see a side of him that he could never show me... and why do I not care? I care about the dogs - and the furniture and the fact that this house is no longer mine - but, I don't care that he's getting his jollies with a girl already involved with another man - b/c he knows it's wrong and is willing to give into temptation... and because I have the possibility of another relationship with a man infinitely better than my ex could ever be... willing to help me in a situation in which he can - and willing to give more of his time to me than my ex ever would... and we're just friends right now - and there's an attraction and a caringness my ex NEVER afforded me.. So - there is another guy out there - but don't go looking for him - look for Beth first... relationship second... I know it's a rough road, but I have faith in you... and I know that you will find someone infinitely better.. (by the way - LOVE the name.. ) Link to post Share on other sites
drgnflybethany Posted July 5, 2005 Share Posted July 5, 2005 Originally posted by moimeme There's no magic. That was fairytales. This is real life. You'll be much better off once you've accepted that life is what it is and that means this guy doesn't deserve you. If you can't believe in magic or fairy tales, how can you believe in love? Love for me, at least, exists as the best magic of all - and the biggest fairy tale.. I know you are probably talking of fairy tale castles and Prince Charming swooping in on a white horse... (for me, it's a red Jetta...) but.. I think... if you can believe in the worst life has to offer, why can't there be fairy tales and magic - but just be exceedingly rare? Sorry - it's my whimsical side getting to me... I agree - this guy doesn't deserve her, though... Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted July 5, 2005 Share Posted July 5, 2005 I cannot wait to give my love and be apprecaited! Really, you need to wait. Not being able to wait is what has been getting you into bad relationships. I've looked at your posting history - this has gone on for a long time. You really, REALLY need to learn to live happily on your own and learn to be an independent, fulfilled woman by yourself before you take on yet another man. Link to post Share on other sites
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