Back to square one!

[Traceycprc]

I was with my partner for 2 years. He was so loving and attentive, I thought I was so lucky, I have never met a man so in touch with his feelings, and loved affection. As the relationship progressed things started to change. He stopped having sex with me, would pick on me for no reason, and blamed me for gaining some weight and he just didn't fancy me anymore! I agreed I had become too comfortable and joined a gym and started to lose weight. Nothing seemed to make a difference. He had a lot of stress going on in his life, so I gave him the benefit of the doubt and tried to support him the best I could.

 

No matter what I did I had this gut feeling there was more to things than met the eye, do I went against all I believed in and checked his phone. So many text messages to one woman and his call logs showed hours of him being on the phone again to this same woman. The texts were intimate and caring, not sexting genuine care and affection and I was devastated. I of course confronted him and he just said they were friends! He went on to say he loved me and wouldn't throw away everything we went through. I basically said stop contacting her and work on us then. He refused saying I couldn't ask him to do that! We argued for weeks, text messages coming all times of day. I think l was so much in love it clouded my judgement. I should have said straight away I'm done! He said he was a mess and needed some space to sort out his head. In other words work out who he wanted! I was strong enough to say I'm moving on, I won't contact you again. He was crying saying that he couldn't deal with no contact, but I said it was for me, and I was moving on. It's been 3 days NC. I have since found out he is now seeing his 'friend' and the dream we had of getting a VW Transporter Camper and travelling he is now looking to do with her!

 

Now taking a step back I see all the clues to him having an emotional affair, it may have gone further, probably did! Just trust your gut! I'm continuing with the gym, lost some weight and feeling so much more confident. I'm joining a running club next week to make some new friends. I refuse to wollow, through a pity party. Sure it stings and I feel down now and again but I'm too busy living my life, building myself back up in a healthy way. When the time comes, when I meet someone else I will be healed not taking baggage into my next relationship. If a guy wants to be with you he will be, don't be fooled with I miss you, remember he will miss you because he is not making no effort to be with you. If you accept it's over and put one foot in front of the other it's easier I promise. Waiting for him to change his mind, putting your life on hold? Forget it, get out there and live!

[Buddhist]

Yep, there is always more to it. I remember I suspected my partner (about a decade ago now) of cheating. He denied, denied, denied. Then, lo and behold we attend a group outing with some of his friends and the look on this one girls face was priceless when the official GF showed up on his arm.... She was searching his face for some kind of hint, explanation maybe, it was frantic and she was stunned. Told me everything I needed to know. I dumped his arse.

 

You don't even need to find an email, phone records or anything. Once you know, you know. The evidence cropping up is only a matter of time. They always think they can hide this, that no-one will ever know. That it will remain secret forever. He came back to me, saying that I was the only one who understands him, we have a special connection blah, blah, blah. He even texted me 6 times a day for about 3 weeks with pathetic voicemails pleading to see me.

 

I went on a vacation to a nice warm beach and just deleted all that crap. Got myself a new job and texted him to say, so long, but I'm off to get paid to travel. And I did, for the next 8yrs. The next BF was a vast improvement.

[Traceycprc]

I'm really hoping he gives me the opportunity one day to say sorry I have moved on, not interested. Well now I do, in several months I'm sure I will be past caring anyway. He always went on about our connection and I was the best woman he had ever met. I helped build his business, supported him in everything he did, I thought I deserved better! But he has gone, involved with someone new, the best of luck to her, a leopard never changes his spots!

 

 

 

 

Yep, there is always more to it. I remember I suspected my partner (about a decade ago now) of cheating. He denied, denied, denied. Then, lo and behold we attend a group outing with some of his friends and the look on this one girls face was priceless when the official GF showed up on his arm.... She was searching his face for some kind of hint, explanation maybe, it was frantic and she was stunned. Told me everything I needed to know. I dumped his arse.

 

You don't even need to find an email, phone records or anything. Once you know, you know. The evidence cropping up is only a matter of time. They always think they can hide this, that no-one will ever know. That it will remain secret forever. He came back to me, saying that I was the only one who understands him, we have a special connection blah, blah, blah. He even texted me 6 times a day for about 3 weeks with pathetic voicemails pleading to see me.

 

I went on a vacation to a nice warm beach and just deleted all that crap. Got myself a new job and texted him to say, so long, but I'm off to get paid to travel. And I did, for the next 8yrs. The next BF was a vast improvement.

[Traceycprc]

My ex caught me leaving work today. I have been NC with him for a few weeks, so the break up is really recent. He is now dating his 'friend' after saying she was just a friend and that was it. He gave me a hug and said he was worried about me as he hadn't heard from me, he wanted to make sure I was OK. I was rooted to the spot, I wanted to just walk away, but seeing him again, I just froze. He went on about how much he missed me etc, etc. To cut a long story short, he loves me, but thinks he has more of a future with his current girlfriend, but would like to stay friends! I basically said he hadn't heard from me because I didn't want to be in contact with him! I also wished him well with his girlfriend, and told him not to contact me again.

 

I'm devestated all over again, and angry! I feel like I have gone right back to the beginning, all the work I have done, the crying for what? Why did he have to do this to me? Why couldn't he just move on and leave me alone?

[BelleSkye]

My ex caught me leaving work today. I have been NC with him for a few weeks, so the break up is really recent. He is now dating his 'friend' after saying she was just a friend and that was it. He gave me a hug and said he was worried about me as he hadn't heard from me, he wanted to make sure I was OK. I was rooted to the spot, I wanted to just walk away, but seeing him again, I just froze. He went on about how much he missed me etc, etc. To cut a long story short, he loves me, but thinks he has more of a future with his current girlfriend, but would like to stay friends! I basically said he hadn't heard from me because I didn't want to be in contact with him! I also wished him well with his girlfriend, and told him not to contact me again.

 

I'm devestated all over again, and angry! I feel like I have gone right back to the beginning, all the work I have done, the crying for what? Why did he have to do this to me? Why couldn't he just move on and leave me alone?

 

That is why you maintain bitch mode no contact and remain a mystery to them...entertaining the moment with his talk only made it worse.

 

I learnt something from the LS guys...or the guys who post on LS - if they jump into a relationship with another girl easily, it means they never truly cared for their ex gf. Sometimes, jumping into to the next girl makes them so depressed or upset that they rather be alone....never knew guys could feel like that. Proud of some of the guys on LS.

[toastytiger]

My ex caught me leaving work today. I have been NC with him for a few weeks, so the break up is really recent. He is now dating his 'friend' after saying she was just a friend and that was it. He gave me a hug and said he was worried about me as he hadn't heard from me, he wanted to make sure I was OK. I was rooted to the spot, I wanted to just walk away, but seeing him again, I just froze. He went on about how much he missed me etc, etc. To cut a long story short, he loves me, but thinks he has more of a future with his current girlfriend, but would like to stay friends! I basically said he hadn't heard from me because I didn't want to be in contact with him! I also wished him well with his girlfriend, and told him not to contact me again.

 

I'm devestated all over again, and angry! I feel like I have gone right back to the beginning, all the work I have done, the crying for what? Why did he have to do this to me? Why couldn't he just move on and leave me alone?

 

Sorry to hear this happened! I can relate to most of your story -- the emotional affair, the gut feeling something is going on, checking his phone, then having it denied only to find out your intuition was right in the end, the hearing "I miss you" from your ex after the break up, the contact that sets you back in your progress.

 

That sounds like a rough interaction, I swear some guys are clueless. I'm learning that it's selfish for someone who has betrayed an ex to want to be "friends" afterwards. Especially if they're now dating that person who they lied about earlier. It's like punching a friend of yours in the stomach, then next week, asking them to hang out and pretending like nothing's happened.

 

Also, not all your hard work has been lost. I'm sure you have bounced back sooner than expected. At least you were able to communicate to him that you don't want to be contacted anymore, so now he knows.

Keep doing what you're doing. Staying busy, active, being gentle with yourself.

Edited July 18, 2016 by toastytiger

[Traceycprc]

Thank you, it really put me back after seeing him, but I'm managing to go forward again. He hasn't contacted me since which makes things easier. Going into another relationship one day I will always trust my gut. And yes I could never stay friends with someone that betrayed my trust like that. I'm nones option or fall back girl.

 

 

 

 

Sorry to hear this happened! I can relate to most of your story -- the emotional affair, the gut feeling something is going on, checking his phone, then having it denied only to find out your intuition was right in the end, the hearing "I miss you" from your ex after the break up, the contact that sets you back in your progress.

 

That sounds like a rough interaction, I swear some guys are clueless. I'm learning that it's selfish for someone who has betrayed an ex to want to be "friends" afterwards. Especially if they're now dating that person who they lied about earlier. It's like punching a friend of yours in the stomach, then next week, asking them to hang out and pretending like nothing's happened.

 

Also, not all your hard work has been lost. I'm sure you have bounced back sooner than expected. At least you were able to communicate to him that you don't want to be contacted anymore, so now he knows.

Keep doing what you're doing. Staying busy, active, being gentle with yourself.