About rejecting

[Bantosm]

I usually don't post on this site on occasions where I reject. I used to rely on line from Seinfeld: "It's not you; it's me." I guess it was too ambiguous because it never worked and more times than not I found myself dealing with more drama. Now if someone is interested in me but I don't have enough to want to date. As soon as I can I tell them that I'm not feeling it and and I give them the most honest reasons why I feel this way.

 

On the the other side it. I hate when women try to be too nice in rejecting me. I have a difficult time with most of these common one: "You're nice but" "I'm too busy" and "I'm not interested in a relationship." I hate those. I usually convince myself that I can say something and change their minds. I much prefer an answer that show indignation. Recently a woman I showed interest too said "EWW it looks like you have black pencil eraser for hair." It may have been a bit mean but it was so refreshing and frank it left had a smirk on my face.

 

What lines rejection lines do you hate and why?

If you have a date or meet someone but don't feel enough attraction to be interested in dating what is your method for rejecting?

[Larryville]

As soon as I can I tell them that I'm not feeling it and and I give them the most honest reasons why I feel this way.

 

On the other side it. I hate when women try to be too nice in rejecting me.

 

If you have a date or meet someone but don't feel enough attraction to be interested in dating what is your method for rejecting?

 

I know some might think this is BS but I have only had that conversation from a woman specifically “rejecting me” one time.

 

I posted on a thread recently where I mentioned a woman I met last year and I fell hard, for her big time, seriously out of character for me.

However not too long in she invited me over for dinner, we talked about some things and eventually said she did not think we were a good match long term.

 

Oh I was punched in the gut and was pissed for a bit but as the dust settled and even thinking today I appreciated how she handled that.

 

In virtually every other instance it was mutual, we both just knew, you can just tell, you feel it in your gut if you are intuitive enough. I’ve personally never just flat said this is not working and rejected someone verbally, text, email whatever ever.

 

Now about a month ago similar to this…

 

"You're nice but" "I'm too busy" and "I'm not interested in a relationship."

 

Got a text after outing #3 a woman I met on the same site over 4 years ago, she contacted me… long story short, a day after #3 date she said:

 

“sorry again but I’m just not ready for a relationship right now”

 

Upon meeting 4 years ago she did the exact same thing and said almost the exact same thing after date #3. I was not totally invested either time more skeptical, this time… but still was kinda annoyed.

 

When someone you care about (or you think you care about) ends a relationship (or a potential one), it can evoke feelings that range from disbelief to despair and everything in between. “How could this happen?” you think. “There must be something wrong with ME.” Or “I thought I had a lot to offer but maybe not.”

 

Folks just have to remember and don’t buy into the myth that it’s all about you.

[S_A]

The last time I cold approached a woman (cold approaching is something I seldom did btw) I was turned down. She said she already had a BF but offered for us to do lunch. I thought that was an amazing gesture as far as rejection goes. It made me feel like "you're saying 'no' not because there is a problem with me, but because you're unavailable." That was awesome and thoughtful of her (I turned the offer for lunch down obviously). Coincidentally, I saw her a couple days later with her BF, so she was not lying there. The girl was smoking hot and the guy himself looked like he had nothing to offer. He was fat, razor-shaved head, old, and dressed like he was homeless. They did not match. Oh well.

 

When I approached her I also realized she was several years older than me, too. So it's possible she went very easy on me because she was thinking "awww, you're so young" (I did get a little bit of that vibe). I mean, I highly doubt she is that nice with every single guy that cold approaches her, so maybe she thinks that the older dudes can just handle rejection better.

 

Personally though, I've never felt hurt from a rejection. Not sure how all this helps the OP but her post made me think of my rejection.

[Bantosm]

I posted on a thread recently where I mentioned a woman I met last year and I fell hard, for her big time, seriously out of character for me.

However not too long in she invited me over for dinner, we talked about some things and eventually said she did not think we were a good match long term.

Interesting. Somehow women can sense when a guy is falling for her too soon. Every time I did that I got one of those lines. In my case I got them asap and no later than the first date. Usually if I get to date number two there no problems. I would be wrecked if I got a rejection line after it progressed where I was at her place.

In virtually every other instance it was mutual, we both just knew, you can just tell, you feel it in your gut if you are intuitive enough. I’ve personally never just flat said this is not working and rejected someone verbally, text, email whatever ever.

What you described is typical with me after a get a few dates in and for some reason the rejection line is not used.

Got a text after outing #3 a woman I met on the same site over 4 years ago, she contacted me… long story short, a day after #3 date she said:

 

“sorry again but I’m just not ready for a relationship right now”

 

Upon meeting 4 years ago she did the exact same thing and said almost the exact same thing after date #3. I was not totally invested either time more skeptical, this time… but still was kinda annoyed.

That's strange. You got 3 dates in both times and then rejected. Did you make the same mistakes or did you make changes?

When someone you care about (or you think you care about) ends a relationship (or a potential one), it can evoke feelings that range from disbelief to despair and everything in between. “How could this happen?” you think.

I think it's rougher to get knocked out at the potential stage. Often I feel that they didn't get a chance to really get to know me and I often find that I have an inflated impression of them that quickly shrinks after dating for a couple of weeks.

[Bantosm]

The last time I cold approached a woman (cold approaching is something I seldom did btw) I was turned down.

The cold approach is my usual routine, so no doubt I'm going to be faced with a good deal of rejection.

She said she already had a BF but offered for us to do lunch. I thought that was an amazing gesture as far as rejection goes.

How is that even a rejection? Did you expect her to say "Oh, ok let me dump my bf immediately and we'll date.":laugh:

Coincidentally, I saw her a couple days later with her BF, so she was not lying there. The girl was smoking hot and the guy himself looked like he had nothing to offer. He was fat, razor-shaved head, old, and dressed like he was homeless. They did not match. Oh well.

Not sure why you're complaining that they didn't match. If you felt you were a better match for her then it's your fault for turning down down the opportunity. Many women have a bf but are also looking for the right guy.

Personally though, I've never felt hurt from a rejection.

You gave an example that wasn't even a rejection and never felt hurt by a rejection. You're are just too cool.

[SevenCity]

My most hated line is "It's not going to work right now".

 

Translation: I'm interested in other guys but want to keep you on a leash in case I get lonely or things don't go my way.

 

My favorite reject line is "No thank you". Short, simple, to the point.

[Larryville]

That's strange. You got 3 dates in both times and then rejected. Did you make the same mistakes or did you make changes?

 

No… well my gut feeling is I did not think (I) did anything. Both times, she contacted me first…. In fact I clicked on her profile (this second time) I kinda thought she looked familiar but I did not message.

 

She saw i visited her profile sent me a message and asked if I remembered her. I said sure and she was taken aback by how much I remembered about her.

 

On each meet we had good solid talks, seemingly good chemistry… to be totally honest I don’t know. She said in both instances that “career changes, and family issues” kinda occupied her and had not been in a real relationship for a long time.

 

Gonna again use the quote, “when someone rejects you it is not necessarily about you.”

 

I do think she liked me but some people just are ready or actually wiling to actually be in a relationship. I can’t be mad or bitter better to be honest with me and come to that conclusion right away than to waste time and emotional energy forcing something.

[Bantosm]

My most hated line is "It's not going to work right now".

That's a bad one. Perfect for stringing someone along. I'd be checking back every week like a fool asking: How about now?

My favorite reject line is "No thank you". Short, simple, to the point.

That is it? No reasons or excuses?

[Bantosm]

Both times, she contacted me first…. In fact I clicked on her profile (this second time) I kinda thought she looked familiar but I did not message.

Same start; same ending.

She said in both instances that “career changes, and family issues” kinda occupied her and had not been in a real relationship for a long time.

And she gave you the same reasons. If you ever decide to give a relationship with her another chance at least you'll know the game plan.

Gonna again use the quote, “when someone rejects you it is not necessarily about you.”

That reminds of the the Seinfeld quote I used: "It's not you. It's me." You know how that turned out right? If I get so many dates in then get rejected it has to be about me or they wouldn't be rejecting me and vice versa. When that has happened I usually made some big mistakes. I fully take the blame in those cases.

I do think she liked me but some people just are ready or actually wiling to actually be in a relationship

Maybe. It's easier to put the blame her not being ready for a relationship. You don't own up to making mistakes?

[carnelian]

Rejection hurts. I strongly disagree with the line "it does not hurt to ask".

After a while, rejections accumulate and you have a collection of them in your head and you anticipate them, at least I do. There's Rejection on sight,

immediate rejection plan (takes a couple minutes) and a delayed rejection plan

that girls use. They think of excuses not to go out, like I'm too busy, (most common of all)

but they leave enough hope to think they will go out with you in the future.

So you keep asking, and get turned down by a new excuse and then you realize

that she was never interested in the first place. It was a soft let down. Shel

Silverstein, a comic, once recorded a whole song about it.

All rejections are some form of "it's not you, it's me". Seinfeld did not make it up.

Over many many years, I have heard all of them I think. But my

favorite involves American foreign policy. During the American Iraq war when Bush was president, I asked out a girl on the phone. She said she worked for the Army, and she was busy sending U.S. soldiers to Iraq. I said, how about Saturday night? She said she was busy then. Right! Now, I thought, even American foreign policy is against me.

[Bantosm]

Rejection hurts. I strongly disagree with the line "it does not hurt to ask".

Yes rejection can hurt. How does one get hurt by asking? It's all anticipation of the answer, so no pain.

After a while, rejections accumulate and you have a collection of them in your head and you anticipate them, at least I do.

Why focus on the negative? I mentioned I mostly cold approach so I have my share of rejections. I don't care about those times. I think about my successes. I think

about all the amazing women I've gotten to know because I took a risk.

So you keep asking, and get turned down by a new excuse and then you realize

that she was never interested in the first place.

I've been in that position more times that I would like to admit and usually felt lousy for it. On the other side, there were times where I thought there was no interest but in reality they were playing hard to get. That's another reason why I have a hard times those type of rejection lines.

I said, how about Saturday night? She said she was busy then. Right! Now, I thought, even American foreign policy is against me.

That was a pretty convenient excuse on her part. At least she tried to be a little bit creative. I got rejected a few weeks back. The woman said her schedule was booked up for a couple years.

[Larryville]

I think it's rougher to get knocked out at the potential stage. Often I feel that they didn't get a chance to really get to know me and I often find that I have an inflated impression of them that quickly shrinks after dating for a couple of weeks.

 

ME: I do think she liked me but some people just are ready or actually wiling to actually be in a relationship

 

Maybe. It's easier to put the blame her not being ready for a relationship. You don't own up to making mistakes?

 

Sorry Ban, saw this late:

 

Ban I don’t “blame her” for anything, not did I imply that. We were never in a relationship, this is the investigative stage of the process and folks are entitled to have whatever feelings they want and are entitled to change their minds.

 

I’m not ego driven and have absolutely no problems in admitting mistakes, but as far as this woman is concerned we had very good, engaging heart felt conversations in fact because of the abruptness of how it ended before I was a little more vigilant and measured in how I spoke to and responded to her.

 

I’ve stopped worrying about what women think of me and seeing when things did not work out as some sort of indictment of me. I engage process and if things don’t work out I move on quickly. Being blunt I’m too damn old to give a damn anymore about this kind of stuff. Not worth the mental anguish in the long run.

[carnelian]

Yes rejection can hurt. How does one get hurt by asking? It's all anticipation of the answer, so no pain.

Why focus on the negative? I mentioned I mostly cold approach so I have my share of rejections. I don't care about those times. I think about my successes. I think

about all the amazing women I've gotten to know because I took a risk.

I've been in that position more times that I would like to admit and usually felt lousy for it. On the other side, there were times where I thought there was no interest but in reality they were playing hard to get. That's another reason why I have a hard times those type of rejection lines.

That was a pretty convenient excuse on her part. At least she tried to be a little bit creative. I got rejected a few weeks back. The woman said her schedule was booked up for a couple years.

 

 

 

Good for you that you met so many "amazing women" I wish I could say that. Honestly, I wish that I never met most of the girls I dated casually.

They were unpleasant times Forgettable. We had nothing in common. I never met anyone "amazing" if you mean it. I took too many risks I should not have taken in hindsight. I did not even enjoy their conversation often enough. Bad luck? Your last line was LOL