ICanToo Posted June 29, 2005 Share Posted June 29, 2005 I'm confused and need advice. I married my school hood sweetheart that I fell for in 8th grade at the age of 13. We were together and married for 8 years then divorced. I moved to the other side of the US and back twice and neither of us had any contact with each other from the day of parting. For 27 years after we lived far away from each other and had absolutely no contact. I thought about him throughout the years and often wondered where he was and what he was doing. I wondered if he ever thought about me. The other day...to my surprise..I opened email from him. He had found my email address somehow on the internet. He said he had been searching for me for a long time. He too said that through the years he couldn't quit thinking about me and wondered where I was. We have been emailing and chatting for a couple of weeks now and the emotion is high. Neither of us expected the freight train of feelings that would surface. Our chat conversation is passionate and full of memories of our "good" times together. There is one problem. He is married now. He's been married for about 13 years. I wonder why he searched for me? Why would he after so many years and while married, think of me and search so hard to find me? I wonder why he can't stop talking to me? Why do I look forward to talking to him every day? He wants to stay in touch and we are getting very close once again. I still love him and would re marry him today if I could. He too is a little confused by all the feelings our re-connection has stirred in him. What do you suggest I do with my high school love and ex husband? Thank you Link to post Share on other sites
shygurl Posted June 29, 2005 Share Posted June 29, 2005 I suggest that out of respect for his wife and a fellow-sister (all women are part of a sisterhood), you explain to him that you don't feel it's right for you and he to continue communicating. He has no business doing this...for I'm sure his poor wife has no clue. You've already admitted that chatting with him has stirred up a lot of emotion - sounds like an emotional affair in the works....which could then lead to a full blown affair. What he's doing is wrong, carrying on with you this way - it's wrong to his wife and marriage (and family, if he has one). If the tables were turned, how would you feel if your husband was carrying on with his ex wife/old school sweetheart? I'm sure you'd be hurt and devastated, no? nothing good can come from this. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ICanToo Posted June 29, 2005 Author Share Posted June 29, 2005 I asked him about being married. He said he told his wife and that she was happy that he and I were talking. He said that long ago he had told her that there was something "left open" with him and I and that he wanted to find me to have some closure and peace about our breakup. The break up was sudden and without contact. I left the area and mailed the papers. There never was closure which I believe was his honest intention in contacting me but neither one of us expected this and now it's out of control. He told me again today that his wife was aware of our communication. Still confused. Link to post Share on other sites
Nicholas Posted June 29, 2005 Share Posted June 29, 2005 27 years of silence is the best closure anyone could ever ask for. Tell me, when you read an e-mail from him, do you feel closure? I bet you don't. Link to post Share on other sites
shygurl Posted June 29, 2005 Share Posted June 29, 2005 Of COURSE he's going to tell you that his wife is aware of his communication with you, of him trying to find you - it could be nothing but total BS, told to you so that you don't feel "bad" about this communication with him. For all you know, he could have spent the many years since you've been with him, having affair after affair - a serial cheater. So in all those 27 yrs, how many times has he been married? Obviously he was married to you, and he's married to her now...but how many others in between and what are the reasons the marriages ended? It's not uncommon for married people to be living in a fantasy world and for them to try and reconnect with their past....particularly if they're bored in their marriage or want to boost the ego. Do you know how many men who are looking for an affair will lie to the "other woman" and tell her that his wife knows that he's communicating with someone who's "just a friend"? If he is on the up and up, it's one thing to want to achieve closure........but you can see this is going well past that, it's heading into dangerous territory. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ICanToo Posted June 29, 2005 Author Share Posted June 29, 2005 I appreciate the comments from Nicholas and Shygurl. Nicholas you are right...Everytime I open and email from him or chat with him....I DON'T feel closure or peace about the re-connection of me and my high school love. I instead feel a little blue and confused more that anything. Very profound to me what you said about that. And Shygurl...He didn't remarry until 13 years ago and he married only the once since him and I. I agree that it's probably BS that his wife is aware of anything. He's mentioned that she knows several times and I've wondered if he's trying to convince me or himself on that one. I think you are right on this one. You said he's probably just bored, getting older and needing an ego boost...I think you are right. Thought provoking to say the least... He did have a couple affairs when we were married but so did I at the end. We were very young, involved in things we shouldn't have been and didn't have a clue yet how to treat a life partner and how to fulfill our responsiblities of a relationship. We've talked about the things we did to each other and he has said he's sorry a lot for things he did that resulted in the failing of "Us." We have discussed the changes for the better in both of us and caught up on a lot of history. It's all very bittersweet to me but I am encouraged by your comments and advice. Thank you all........... Link to post Share on other sites
ICantStopLovinHim Posted June 29, 2005 Share Posted June 29, 2005 LOL im sorry this might be off base but i recently started searching for a high school sweetheart, who i thought had moved to another state. I had heard he is still here i went online only to pay for info on him like home number and address....but to be honest i would LOVE to simply just have his email address and let him decide to answer or not. Do you know how he got you email? i went to people finders and they could offer me everything but an email address. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ICanToo Posted June 29, 2005 Author Share Posted June 29, 2005 In response to "Can't Stop Lovin' Him's" question: My ex found me online by going to "google" search, typing in my name, from there a link sent him to our High School Alumni site where I had registered with my email address to be notified of reunions and such. From the Alumni link he clicked and there I was. That is how he found me. Hope this will help you and good luck with your search. Link to post Share on other sites
Cis Posted June 29, 2005 Share Posted June 29, 2005 Warning.....Warning.....Warning....... I had this experience (classmate, long ago attraction, emails galore)...the relationship tapped into so many emotions from the get go. Nostalgia is powerful.... I can only tell you that the end result has been very difficult. Emotional Affair - Physical Affair - Misunderstandings - my full disclosure - separation, My husband's affair (with his exwife for "closure"), marriage counseling and then ????. I'm not in contact with him now - but my guess is he just went on to the next person to engage in similar antics...I think this is how he got his ego fed (I'm pretty sure he suffers from dillusional thinking). Anyway - just to tell you my experience. It was fun at first - and then it all crashed - and it was very very painful. Cis Link to post Share on other sites
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