MissCongeniality Posted July 14, 2016 Share Posted July 14, 2016 She just left me with my father when I was young I didn't see her for years. Most of my siblings and I have different mothers. I've been in the foster system but I always ended up back with my dad. My mother eventually took me back when I was twelve I lived with her for a year she kept reminding me over and over how lucky I was that she decided to give me a second chance. She was quick to remind me a lot of things like how she got pregnant because my dad raped her. She tried to abort me but I didn't die and she always said how she hated me for that she said "You couldn't even die like you were suppose to!" She said this durring one of her "You screw everything up." rants. I never understood why I could never do anything right. I never could keep up my grades because of my dyslexia and I often got into trouble because of my bi polar disorder. I didn't find out until I was much older. Most people just called me crazy or stupid. My mother sent me back to my dad when I tried to make her a mothersday breakfast (my fist attempt at cooking) and I almost caught the apartment on fire. She said I was doing it on purpose I just wanted to show her I could be useful. After that she told me I didn't have a mother. I little bit after that I started telling people I was adopted it was easier than admiting my own parents could treat me the way they did. I also developed a need to be perfect I was obsessed with being perfect for my mom but she just looked at me like I was freak (I kind of copied her). I stopped wearing jeans and t shirts started dressing more girly and I copied her style. She said I was weird and thought wanting to dress like her was creepy. It stared when I first moved in with her my clothes were old and dirty way past there prime and when ever she had friends over she'd get embarassed by the sight of me. One time I asked to get new clothes and she said she didn't have any money and I was selfish for wanting some new clothes even though mine barely fit and were falling a part. Every time I made a friend or got a boyfriend I would try to be whatever they felt was the perfect friend or girlfriend. However those relationships always ended in disaster I never understood why they ended up hating me I just wanted to be their ideal friend and partner in the end I'd just get called crazy. Why is it that no matter how perfect I tried to be mother never could love me? I haven't seen my mother in years and have no desire to. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted July 14, 2016 Share Posted July 14, 2016 I'm so sorry your childhood looked like this. Nobody deserves to have a mother like this. I don't know the circumstances of her rape and I don't understand how you ended up living with your father if he's a rapist. No doubt the rape had a significant impact on her and she had issues with you for being the product of that rape. That said, not even rape can excuse her appalling behaviour as a mother. She's a terrible woman who is very broken. And I will lay money that she was broken before the rape happened. Perhaps you will find clues to what broke her in the way she was raised. Or perhaps she has a substance abuse issue. All in all, it's not that she can't love *you*. She sounds like the type of woman who can't love anyone - not even herself. I can only urge you yet again to get personal therapy. There are a lot of demons you need to put to bed and some relearning of healthy ways to be a mother. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Phoenician Posted July 14, 2016 Share Posted July 14, 2016 sweet venus , we meet in life somtimes selfish people , it hurts us when they are close to us ; I have a selfish wife who gets jealous of her children ... Those selfish people are not able to give , they take and take until they suck happiness from the hurt of people around them . Lower your expectation from people around you , and try your best to analyze every aspect / action in terms how much good or bad it is for you and others . Huggs dear , I can feel your pain ;take it easy ... Link to post Share on other sites
Author MissCongeniality Posted July 16, 2016 Author Share Posted July 16, 2016 I'm so sorry your childhood looked like this. Nobody deserves to have a mother like this. I don't know the circumstances of her rape and I don't understand how you ended up living with your father if he's a rapist. No doubt the rape had a significant impact on her and she had issues with you for being the product of that rape. That said, not even rape can excuse her appalling behaviour as a mother. She's a terrible woman who is very broken. And I will lay money that she was broken before the rape happened. Perhaps you will find clues to what broke her in the way she was raised. Or perhaps she has a substance abuse issue. All in all, it's not that she can't love *you*. She sounds like the type of woman who can't love anyone - not even herself. I can only urge you yet again to get personal therapy. There are a lot of demons you need to put to bed and some relearning of healthy ways to be a mother. I know it sounds bad but I don't even feel sorry for what happened to her. I mean she knows what kind of man he is and still left me with him. I don't know if she had any issues like that I do remember she seemed to like wine but she never got drunk from what I remember. She always used what my dad did against me it got to the point where I just didn't care and still don't. Link to post Share on other sites
DevotedBaker54 Posted July 23, 2016 Share Posted July 23, 2016 I'm so sorry your mother treats you badly! Growing up we really listen to what our parents say about us and believe everything (good and bad) they say about us. I hope you're old enough to know that sometimes your parents are wrong and sometimes people are mad about something and take it out on their loved ones. I don't think you've done anything wrong. Maybe your mom is just taking her frustration out on you (Not saying it's acceptable). Are you able to talk to a counselor at school? Maybe they can help you work through some of the emotions you have right now. I don't want your mother's hurtful words to affect you the rest of your life. I hope you know that you are loved by so many and you know you're worth. I don't believe people's opinions of you have anything to do with your value. You are a child of God and that means he has a purpose and a plan for you. You were not put on this planet to be abused by your mother. I know you will rise above this and have so much to offer the world Hang in there and don't try to get your value from the opinions of others. Love yourself, and the rest will follow <3 1 Link to post Share on other sites
RecentChange Posted July 23, 2016 Share Posted July 23, 2016 It has nothing to do with you, and everything to do with her. Some people are not fit to be parents, some people have no desire to be a good parent, and the unfortunate result is a helpless child becomes the victim. I don't know what to say beyond life is not fair. You certainly got the short end of the stick when it comes to parents, which is something we can't choose. Best we can do is try to stop the cycles of abuse. Personally I would not try to seek your mother's affection, she isn't worth it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
blackcat777 Posted July 23, 2016 Share Posted July 23, 2016 My mother was neglectful and abusive while I was growing up, and I heard my share of, "You should have been aborted." I remember being in third grade, and my mom took me out to lunch one day, sat me down and told me how her friend tried to convince her to abort me (the subtext was she totally regretted not doing it). Long story short, going completely NC with that entire side of the family was the only thing that brought me peace. I'm sorry you had to experience this. Just do what makes you happy. It's hard when you don't have a model for certain things and have to figure out how to fill in the blanks. I actually found it extremely therapeutic to go to beauty school and be in an extremely feminine industry. I hated the fact that I was a girl, growing up. Hugs to you. For as wonderful as my life is, for how happy I am and for how far I've come, there is still the odd day here and there when I cry and wish I knew what it was like to have a mother. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author MissCongeniality Posted July 23, 2016 Author Share Posted July 23, 2016 It has nothing to do with you, and everything to do with her. Some people are not fit to be parents, some people have no desire to be a good parent, and the unfortunate result is a helpless child becomes the victim. I don't know what to say beyond life is not fair. You certainly got the short end of the stick when it comes to parents, which is something we can't choose. Best we can do is try to stop the cycles of abuse. Personally I would not try to seek your mother's affection, she isn't worth it. I don't I haven't seen her in years she sent me back after she got fed up with me. I begged her not to send me back and she just didn't care she knew what he was doing to me and ever since I send cards to her on Mother's Day, Christmas and her birthday they are not happy cards. I make them myself they are along lines of "I hate you.", "I can't wait to go to your funeral.", and my personal favorite "If it wasn't for you I would have killed myself a long time ago just knowing that being alive makes you miserable is enough to keep me going." I mean my dad is evil but she is so much worse I know how messed up this sounds but I care more about him (and I barely care for him) than I do her. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts