ericlongely Posted July 15, 2016 Share Posted July 15, 2016 (edited) The long story short is I'm in a financial train wreck. Bad/ugly stupid divorce..... In debt twice my yearly salary Child support payments aren't affordable No one else to borrow from. Hell, I can't even buy my kids a Birthday present. I'm massively depressed and need some emotional support but nothing is available that doesn't cost money. Any one have idea's? Edited July 16, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator removed derogatory language 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted July 15, 2016 Share Posted July 15, 2016 I've been there. My first divorce put me almost $200k in debt and I was only making $38k a year. The answer? You eat the elephant one bit at a time. Don't look at the big picture, but the small steps you can take. I sold my belongings on eBay and bought presents at the Goodwill. Very surprising what sort of lovely things you can find for $1.50 when you look. I also got very frugal with my own cooking and eating. Buddy up to a butcher who will give you the chicken backs that are cut away to sell just the breasts and whatnot and make chicken broth. Shop at the ethnic markets for fruits and vegetables which are WAY cheaper than regular grocery stores. Rice and beans are also very nutritious and filling. With the exception of milk and eggs - bought rarely - I could budget my eating budget to about $10/$15 a week. Chip away slowly at the debt and don't keep using any credit cards you have, no matter how tempting. The elephant eating analogy is that you start with the toenail and before you know it, the leg is gone... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
MLP11 Posted July 15, 2016 Share Posted July 15, 2016 (edited) The long story short is I'm in a financial train wreck. Bad/ugly stupid divorce..... In debt twice my yearly salary Child support payments aren't affordable No one else to borrow from. Hell, I can't even buy my kids a Birthday present. I'm massively depressed and need some emotional support but nothing is available that doesn't cost money. Any one have idea's? I'm sorry to hear this! I know if you have massive cc debt you are able to restructure your debt, especially if your APR is incredibly high. In terms of counseling, I would definitely recommend looking up any group therapy sessions. I imagine there are group sessions that are completely free and would be a good way to express your feelings and hopefully have people listen to you. Life will go on, I wish you the best Edited July 16, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
burnt Posted July 15, 2016 Share Posted July 15, 2016 (edited) The long story short is I'm in a financial train wreck. Hi Eric, I don't have much suggestions/advice to give you about the actual financial crisis. I'm sorry that you find yourself in this hardship. Bad/ugly stupid divorce..... You have every right to be angry and resentful. It's natural to feel what you are feeling. But try your best to watch everything you do or say around your children so that the rage/resentment towards your ex-wife doesn't show through when you're with your children. Now, I'll guess without thinking your immediate reaction is "No I never bad-mouth her in front of my kids.". I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about the more subtle hate that we express through our non-verbal communications. So, just try to be as mindful as you are able to through this very difficult time. In debt twice my yearly salary You have no other choice but to take a single day at a time, in terms of what you can accomplish; the long term grim prospect will inevitably bring you down; as forcefully as you have to, TRY to value each day's savings as a milestone. I know, I know, what I'm saying is easier said than done. Realize, what I'm saying to you is what I'm hoping to be able to do myself as well. Hell, I can't even buy my kids a Birthday present. Then don't. Children all over the world survive without birthday gifts. Children nowhere in this world can survive (emotionally) without the loving affection from the parents. Do NOT buy a single dollar of gift. Think of it as an opportunity for you to discover how many wonderful gifts you can actually give to your child that costs a whopping ZERO dollars and ZERO cents. It is those gifts without a price-tag that will be the priceless ones in time for them. Spend time with them. Go hiking, biking, swimming with them. Cook something fun with them. Teach/learn some woodworking or crafts with them. The possibilities are endless once you start thinking about: what can I DO with them vs what can I GIVE them? Give them a hand with their school work if you are able to. If you aren't, then just sit with them just to make them feel they have your company and attention. There is NOT a happy single child in this world that grows up and says "thank god my father spent millions of dollars on me"; what they say is "my father spent lots of time with me". I'm massively depressed and need some emotional support but nothing is available that doesn't cost money. Any one have idea's?As someone else has suggested, see if you find FREE depression support groups near you. Check the local hospitals. Many of them offer depression/grief support groups. Again, I'm sorry for what you are going through. Best wishes. Edited July 16, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
Author ericlongely Posted July 16, 2016 Author Share Posted July 16, 2016 The elephant analogy is good but the problem is the elephant is still growing a rate faster than I can chew. I'm living on a $300/month deficit right now and have been for over a year. I don't use my CC's because they have been maxed out for close to a year. I own nothing. I have a small TV and a wooden chair. I sleep on the floor so the kids can have the air mattress. I have a few toys, I turned off the fridge to save electricity, I don't have A/C and it's 102 inside my house according to the thermostat if it's correct. I lose my place at the end of next month. I have little to no hope. I do have a job in engineering making a middle class wage and the legal fees and child support take it all plus some. For my sons Bday the rumor is at their moms house a neighborhood block party with bouncy house and BBQ. I'm gonna steal a box of cake mix and a little thing of milk from the store, actually I don't have anything to cook with so I'll guess I go to the restaurants instead and hope my sons someday understands that as much as their mothers says about me my love for my children is all I have as everything else was taken away from me. I had my day in court already to explain to the judge my financial issues. I was removed from our home and I took nothing but my car and work clothes. I lived in my car for two weeks taking showers at the truck stop until I found a place the courts would agree is suitable for children. I'd hoped my attorney could get me in front of him before I ran out of money but that didn't happen but I was at least able to make to trial and I'm waiting for the courts to decide my case right now but it could take 6-8 months to get a decision. If I lose my apt. there will a retrial and therefore the Child Support payments will go up not down. It's the intentions of their mother to financially destroy me so I cannot properly care for my kids. It's working as she has the money and a family with money backing her up. I don't know what to do or where to get the answer if there is one. All I can be certain of is I'm about to snap and I'm afraid of what I'll do when the build up of anger and frustrations finally burst out of me like a mad volcano and that will play right in to cards of the other attorney by providing the proof I'm not a fit father with a mental disorder. Link to post Share on other sites
oasis Posted July 16, 2016 Share Posted July 16, 2016 Not sure where you are living, but should be able to qualify for some sort of public assistance or government help. Have you checked that out? Link to post Share on other sites
Author ericlongely Posted July 16, 2016 Author Share Posted July 16, 2016 I make too much money by the gross monthly income requirement that doesn't include Child Support as a deduction. I could if I quit my job but that wouldn't look to good to the judge. Link to post Share on other sites
losangelena Posted July 16, 2016 Share Posted July 16, 2016 See if there are debtors anonymous meetings in your area. They might not be able to provide an immediate solution to your debt problem, but they'll provide good emotional support, and it's free. I speak from experience. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ericlongely Posted July 18, 2016 Author Share Posted July 18, 2016 I looked around for that but came up empty. There was a lead to a support group but it as hokey at best. IT was basically a bunch of hippies talking about selling your house and living in a Teepee or yurts and that wasn't really helping me considering the house was already sold and the proceeds are stuck in the legal system. Debt isn't' the first and for most problem though. It's how to save $300/monthly. I was paid today and after paying the electric bill, water bill, and Child support I have $22 left for food, gas etc..... for three people. I could turn off my electric but that only saves $100/monthly and the judge wouldn't like that I could turn off the water bill but it's only $35 and again the judge won't let my kids live in a house without running water. If I don't pay the child support I go to jail. Link to post Share on other sites
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