1 Year relationship - can't say she loves me! [update: We have split up]

[alpha99]

Merry Christmas everyone.

 

Well, I managed to get through it. The last few days have been tough. I've enjoyed quite a bit of time with my children who have brought great happiness to me, but there's been moments where emotions have got hold of me and I've felt rough. Overall though I think I may be reaching the acceptance stage.

 

That's not to say I won't try and win her back, but it does mean I'm no longer frantic about it.

 

So we exchanged merry Christmas texts on Christmas day. Previously we said we'd speak over Christmas so I called this morning. She didn't answer. I felt crap thinking she'd ignored me. Anyway, got on with my day. This evening I get a text saying sorry she'd been out in the nearby big city all day and left her phone at home. This felt like an invitation to call - but I haven't. I don't think I'm going to.

 

I sense the passing of time lowering the intensity of the situation. I don't want to be friend zoned but whether it be by no contact, which I have failed to implement, or by a change in tone - left a short, cheery voicemail saying I was just saying merry Christmas - then I get the sense she will be open to more communication if I take my foot off the gas and ease back a bit.

 

The thing is our old relationship is over. It is this moment and future moments that will shape how we feel in the present and any change in the situation. Being desperate won't help. Being confident, mature, relaxed, good natured will surely help.

 

So I haven't quickly dashed off a reply text or called her like she's probably expecting. I'm not playing games either. Just taking my time and chilling the hell out. I want her back. However, I'm living in a reality where she's not part of my life anymore, and despite the continuing pangs I'm feeling better overall.

 

So the plan is to get on with my life, that means hobbies, work, study, dating etc, but slowly work on rebuilding a relationship with her in a controlled, relaxed way. Initially, that may be a tentative friendship but I then would plan to reattract her by showing a different side to myself she's not seen.

 

So no call or text tonight. I'm working tomorrow so not then either. I'm feeling right now that I'll leave it a while anyway. Give her the chance to miss me a while.

 

I get the feeling given time to miss me somewhat the good memories will flow and she'll contact me, even if just to be friends at first. Maybe that won't happen and she'll just meet someone else. If so then it wasn't meant to be. I believe it is though and so knowing that I can relax somewhat by choosing to believe that if I get on with life one way or the other things will sort themselves out for the best.

[NopeNah]

No offense BUT, reading that you're still torturing yourself over this, is insane! It's time to write this one off! You are approaching "that crazy ex" status. I can really see a restraining/NC order in your future, if you keep up your behavior.

[TooRational]

I'm sorry but please don't date. You're far from ready for it, you're not emotionally available and you'll end up hurting women. You can't date with plans to get back with your ex. Gotta be over your ex first and given your current state, that will probably take months.

 

You're still in denial, not acceptance stage. Acceptance is realizing that's it's over, forever. She's not into you anymore. Heck, she was never fully into you (could never say ILY). I know it hurts to let go of that hope of getting back together but that's what you have to do to move on with your life.

 

What books are you reading in the self improvement field? You have to shed a layer of neediness. I recommend Models by Mark Manson.

[Sweetfish]

Merry Christmas everyone.

 

Well, I managed to get through it. The last few days have been tough. I've enjoyed quite a bit of time with my children who have brought great happiness to me, but there's been moments where emotions have got hold of me and I've felt rough. Overall though I think I may be reaching the acceptance stage.

 

That's not to say I won't try and win her back, but it does mean I'm no longer frantic about it.

 

So we exchanged merry Christmas texts on Christmas day. Previously we said we'd speak over Christmas so I called this morning. She didn't answer. I felt crap thinking she'd ignored me. Anyway, got on with my day. This evening I get a text saying sorry she'd been out in the nearby big city all day and left her phone at home. This felt like an invitation to call - but I haven't. I don't think I'm going to.

 

I sense the passing of time lowering the intensity of the situation. I don't want to be friend zoned but whether it be by no contact, which I have failed to implement, or by a change in tone - left a short, cheery voicemail saying I was just saying merry Christmas - then I get the sense she will be open to more communication if I take my foot off the gas and ease back a bit.

 

The thing is our old relationship is over. It is this moment and future moments that will shape how we feel in the present and any change in the situation. Being desperate won't help. Being confident, mature, relaxed, good natured will surely help.

 

So I haven't quickly dashed off a reply text or called her like she's probably expecting. I'm not playing games either. Just taking my time and chilling the hell out. I want her back. However, I'm living in a reality where she's not part of my life anymore, and despite the continuing pangs I'm feeling better overall.

 

So the plan is to get on with my life, that means hobbies, work, study, dating etc, but slowly work on rebuilding a relationship with her in a controlled, relaxed way. Initially, that may be a tentative friendship but I then would plan to reattract her by showing a different side to myself she's not seen.

 

So no call or text tonight. I'm working tomorrow so not then either. I'm feeling right now that I'll leave it a while anyway. Give her the chance to miss me a while.

 

I get the feeling given time to miss me somewhat the good memories will flow and she'll contact me, even if just to be friends at first. Maybe that won't happen and she'll just meet someone else. If so then it wasn't meant to be. I believe it is though and so knowing that I can relax somewhat by choosing to believe that if I get on with life one way or the other things will sort themselves out for the best.

 

 

I disagree and agree with a lot of the posters.

 

I believe you can get her back....

 

 

If you will freaking start listening to the advice of cutting her off completely!! NO CONTACT. You screwed your self on that call. You put your self back ALOT!!

 

Your post says she wants kids in her late 30's right...

Guess what... most guys are not willing to have children this late in the game and men marrying at that age is rare.

 

She is not 20 anymore... there is not a ton of men at her whim anymore.. her chances of rejection will increase as she gets older. Your gonna want to know someone for at least 2 years to have a kid.. she will be in her 40s. Nooooo contact. trust me many females still think they got the magic they had when they were 25 at the age of 40.

 

No contact... even if she text you or calls. No contact. Trust me... only respond if the msg is an essay... if not keep no contact.

 

Start working out... get p90x or something... it makes such a huge difference.. mentally and physically. Get a cheap treadmill.. every morning before work run 45 mins. Cut out sugars and juices. Buy a ninja and get cheap protein powder..

 

Im serious... like 1000% serious.. its hard to start but once you do it for a month its addicting.

 

Also did you read the members post i recommended.

 

This is much as i can help you... i think calling was a big mistake on christmas and she lied to you and felt guilty and texted you later... slim chance she was telling the truth.. hard to believe no one looks at their phone on the holidays for hours...

 

Thats why i say rid the number...

 

 

You might get a text new years... ignore it...

V-day ignore it...

 

In 2 months you should be good in your workout... join a gym if you have to it helps..

 

It will boost your testontrone and clear your mind and decrease depression.

 

I get compliments all the time now at work, friends, and family. It will boost your ego.

 

i hope this helps and im supporting you... but you have to think rational. Its possible she wants a guy with no kids.. its possible she is scared. She may not be attracted anymore... but her options are low and she might find a guy... but you need to add some new tricks under your belt if she comes back...

 

This means finding new places and new people and improving your self. But do this to improve you..

[alpha99]

Thanks for the comments

 

Maybe I got the term wrong but meant acceptance as in I know of course we're not together and may never be, but that doesn't mean I don't have hope. I don't think that equates to denial. Maybe I'm wrong. I prefer to think that over time if done correctly I could reattract her. There are many reasons why I think this could happen which I've outlined in the past.

 

I think crazy ex status is over doing it. If she said never contact me again then I'd respect that, but we're far from that point. Our last conversation ended saying we'd speak again at Christmas and her saying speak soon. I was just calling to do that. She replied to say sorry she'd left her phone at home whilst out for the day. On average we've probably had contact maybe on a weekly basis since our split. I see plenty of people call/text many times a day, which is clearly over doing it, and I believe she's still open to such weekly contact.

 

My problem to this point has been pushing relationship talk. If we go back just a month we had multiple really friendly conversations which led to a meet up that went really, really well until again I pushed relationship talk

 

I will look into the models book you recommend. I'm not saying I'm ready to date yet but it's something I'm open to when the time comes.

 

I know the internet as a whole proposes no contact and to move on. That may well happen over time. I'm not torturing myself. I think I have previously. I do feel a calmness now where I have accepted the situation.

 

Again, I can live life and have this on the back burner without it torturing or consuming me. She may not have said ILY but she's never said that to anyone. She clearly has issues over what it is based on what's she's said previously, and she used to say that although she doesn't say it she shows it in other ways. Certainly she was lovjng in many ways to me.

 

So...maybe I'm looking for a range of tips to reattract her over time. A Christmas meet up would be nice for coffee etc and a low key, no pressure chance to begin reconnection.

 

A friend made a good point the other day. He said go back 10 years and there's a big pool of potential partners for her. At present given her age the number of people who would fit her bill in terms of what she wants would be a lot smaller. I believe over time she'll see that it's slim pickings out there and start to reflect on our good time together.

 

I guess I could blow it by not giving her time to miss me. On the other hand, it is a fear that giving her too much time would lead to her just completely moving on. She has said she doesn't want to maintain contact with me and be friends on multiple occasions. When one time I said I didn't want that she did get upset.

 

We'll see what happens anyway.

[alpha99]

Sweet fish,

 

We posted at the same time. I mention the same point, finding a man who meets her needs will be hard at this point.

 

I did look at Facebook having unfollowed her but it still showed the last time she was online, and it was several hours earlier, so as someone who uses it an awful lot I do believe she left her phone at home.

 

So based on your advice, would you recommend NC for a certain length of time? 30 days etc or until she contacts me in a meaningful way?

 

I did read the member posts you suggested. Quite helpful.

 

I have joined a gym, bought new clothes, and when I do go out I get more looks and attention since losing some more weight and dressing well. I have started to socialise more in a social group and can see how that has helped enormously already in shifting focus. I'll keep this one short. Thanks for the comments and support.

 

Edit. Just to add to your point, she has never been dumped. I do think there's an element of grass is greener with her due to this. Wow this sound horrible but I mean it well, she's not what you'd call a natural beauty. Looking at her exes I think I come out too in lots of ways. I think you make a good point about believing shes still 25 and not over 35. I've had the same thoughts about the timeline involved in meeting someone and having g children etc. Maybe I do need to bite the bullet and give it a good few months NC. The prospect of that is difficult to comprehend but ultimately it may be required

Edited December 28, 2016 by alpha99

[NopeNah]

Are you "OK" being her only option/fallback,because she doesn't have many other choices, at her age? This is what I'm trying to get across to you...NEVER be someone's last "option"..be their last "regret" by removing yourself from the equation completely! Weakness looks weak,buddy.

[Sweetfish]

Are you "OK" being her only option/fallback,because she doesn't have many other choices, at her age? This is what I'm trying to get across to you...NEVER be someone's last "option"..be their last "regret" by removing yourself from the equation completely! Weakness looks weak,buddy.

 

People make mistakes... sometimes you need to let them go and see if they took you for granted or if they can find better.. if your were number 1 and always feel like number 1 than the other person can feel what ever way they want.

 

Its human nature for ppl to take things for granted.. the minute the water or lights cut off at your house ppl start to freak out and panic.. its human nature.

[alpha99]

I wouldn't see it as being her last option. I would see is as her having gone and looked about and maybe having the dawning realisation that the grass isn't greener, reflecting that what we had was actually really good, and coming back to me with the intention of working things out.

 

The hardest thing is letting go.

[alpha99]

I wrote out a long message on my phone to post here whilst at work...But before I could post it this happened:

 

On my dinner break I tried to call her just to say 'Merry Christmas' but got no answer.

 

Then a funny thing happened...

 

I don't get a great phone signal at work and use work WiFi for browsing. It is limited however.

 

So sometime this afternoon, after I'd tried to call her, I get a delayed notification saying she'd messaged me via Facebook...this morning before I'd called her!!!!...At the same time I see a missed call from her from this afternoon... after I'd called her (my phone was on silent at work).

 

Her FB message was: hey, you had a good Christmas?

 

Last night's text was: hey, sorry phone at home on charge. I was in (big city) (her name)

 

So that means after her texting and me not replying last night, she has reached out again this morning via a different medium, Facebook, rather than text. Then, after my coincidental call at dinner today, she has tried to ring me back.

 

This is a turn up for the books. I'm in no way getting carried away. It's almost certain she just wants to say Merry Christmas herself but this is the first time she has unecessarily initiated contact (with the FB message) She called once before when we were meeting up but only as a response to my unanswered call to her about where to meet etc. I perceive her FB message to be slightly warmer than last night's message which was pretty to the point and a bit cold.

 

So what do I do now? I was the one asking to speak at Christmas. Should I just call back and be brief and pleasant, or since I was going to post about finally going no contact, do I ignore her and see if she sends anything else? Ignoring seems rude so I'd be inclined to get back to her at some point, but I'm just wondering your thoughts on this?

 

In my mind I'm thinking she's just saying hello and nothing more, but curiosity gets to you and I wonder how her Christmas was, did she miss me, does she have anything other to say. I don't even think this is breadcrumbs but that passes through my mind as well...

[alpha99]

Well, I've just spoken to her.

 

We had a great conversation. Like night and day compared to the last one we had.

 

She sounded really pleased to hear from me. We talked about how we spent Christmas and asked each other questions.

 

I think I made a good impression overall 7/10 maybe. I didn't try overdo the trying to make her laugh thing - it just came naturally this time.

 

I did ask her about having a Christmas catch up - to which she blankly said no. I asked why? She said she doesn't think it's a good idea, and jokingly added 'it isn't the middle of January yet'. I laughed it off. In fact we both laughed.

 

I avoided all relationship talk bar briefly saying I'd thought about last Christmas, how we were all together at her folks, and although it's not the case this year to wish them all the best as from my point of view I haven't fallen out with anyone. She seemed worked by that sentiment.

 

Edit: any thoughts of her forgetting about me were quickly extinguished. She made reference all by herself to the court case next week, with me only having mentioned that once about a month ago.

 

The take home thing for her I guess is I showed myself to be a bit tougher with my ex wife to be over the children and Christmas arrangements. She seemed taken aback slightly by this - which I believe is a good thing. I also said I was off to the gym as the call ended. Again, she enthusiastically said oh cool.

 

So there you go, I can understand her wanting to chill over Xmas and not have the potential drama fest with me (not that I'd give her one) but we seem on course to meet up potentially mid Jan as planned.

 

The key thing for me from what I've read is to improve upon the traits I have which may not appeal to women in general, so essentially show more masculinity in our interactions and to not be afraid to joke around with her and tease her. An example of that was her explanation​ if why she missed my call yesterday. She said she thought she'd better ring back otherwise I'd think she was ignoring me. I said, yeah and you know better than that. Now here on paper that might seem aggressive etc, but I was clearly joking and we both laughed. Although there was no major reaction I think it's things like that which show a more masculine side which in turn could potentially change feelings over time.

 

I don't think physical attraction is the be all and end all. We've slept together countless times with bith if us having quite limited numbers of previous partners, so attraction has been there at some point. I think I went wrong by being insecure, needy, lacking purpose etc. When those things are changed I believe the rest will follow.

Anyway, that's quite a ramble. I await your thoughts!!!

[Sweetfish]

My thoughts...

 

Now you deserve to pay the toll and conseqences for your actions.

 

Your playing your hand on the idea that you can have a pleasant conversation and inject nemories of the past by dropping tiny bits of experiences from the past. You still gambling on your "online guru" that made you the most progress to getting your EX back.

 

Thats why you keep saying 30 days.. because you feel if you ignore her too long she will start to regain a new habit of you not being in her life and humans tend to take on new habits fully in 3 months. This is not true as habits and relationships are two different animals.

 

Everytime you contact your just resetting the clock of NC.

 

 

Than you told her you were going to the gym because you wanted to some how take control of the conversation and end it on a high note...

 

She shouldnt even know your going to the gym.. its not her business.. lol women dont give a **** about words... you can tell them all day your working on a six pack and they will laugh and critize you for eatting a salad, but when the six pack is staring them in the face you'll see a bunch of bunnies turn into a pack of wolves.

 

You lack any change in power and you said she has never been dumped.. she is the created and destoryer of this relationship..

 

Forget about the needy insecure stuff. Thats the past and you talking about the looks thing is B.S. your creating to lighting up the load of the work you have a head of you.. i bet if your ex had the hottest dress and high heels and looked amazing you would be a dog in heat.

 

Working out puts your sexual market place high and a lot of men in their 30's do not workout.

 

I cant help you anymore because you got this under control...

 

She already knows for a fact that you were going to call christmans and she knows your going to call or contact her in jan. So you have done nothing to create a chase, attraction, or urgency.

[alpha99]

I suppose the major point most people will pick out is that she doesn't want to meet up in the next day or two.

 

I don't see that as a huge problem right now, more a matter of timing.

 

Again, over the festive period she no doubt doesn't want any potential hassle, as she sees it from previous conversations. She was laughing when she said it isn't mid January yet.

 

Thinking again about it, I'm a realist: I highly doubt we'll be getting back together mid Jan but it should make things clearer. If there's any sway I will push on down the route of trying to win her back; should she steadfastly say shes not interested in reconciliation then it should be NC all the way.

[alpha99]

So you think it was a bad idea to speak to her?

 

I debated this with myself but ultimately decided since she's tried to contact me to try and actively respark interest in her through communication. We did laugh, joke, catch up, and lay the seed for a meet up in Jan that she initially mentioned.

 

Yesterday I did feel a slight shift in things as she tried to contact me.

 

Yes, the particular online guides I read say leaving her be when she currently has few or no feelings for you means she'll just move on. It says get on the phone and let her hear your voice, arrange a meet up, change how you interact, and try and reattract her... without needing needy.

 

I know this flies in the face of most advice here... advice I'm very appreciative of...

 

Maybe I shouldn't contact her again now she's expecting it? That would make her wonder why. There are reasons to speak, court case, and the work she does will bring her close to me sometime in Jan. I don't want to be friend zoned so I try to make each interaction funny and sexy and show change when we do speak.

 

Finally, as it stands we're on course to meet mid Jan. I wonder how to handle this. Pursue and secure the meet up, go about trying to attract her, or just leave it and see if she brings up the idea nearer the time. She may begin to wonder why I haven't contacted her if I leave it.

[ExpatInItaly]

A bad idea in what sense, OP?

 

I would say that while she is probably wondering why you can't let go, it didn't harm a chance of reconciliation because there doesn't seem to be an interest in getting back together on her part. You are doing the same thing you've been doing for weeks, which is clinging to hope that you can manufacture a spark using some formula you read about online. But it's not working; you're still in deep denial, unfortunately.

 

I'm not clear why you keeping saying you need to speak to her about your court case. How is she involved in the proceedings?

[Sweetfish]

So you think it was a bad idea to speak to her?

 

I debated this with myself but ultimately decided since she's tried to contact me to try and actively respark interest in her through communication. We did laugh, joke, catch up, and lay the seed for a meet up in Jan that she initially mentioned.

 

Yesterday I did feel a slight shift in things as she tried to contact me.

 

Yes, the particular online guides I read say leaving her be when she currently has few or no feelings for you means she'll just move on. It says get on the phone and let her hear your voice, arrange a meet up, change how you interact, and try and reattract her... without needing needy.

 

I know this flies in the face of most advice here... advice I'm very appreciative of...

 

Maybe I shouldn't contact her again now she's expecting it? That would make her wonder why. There are reasons to speak, court case, and the work she does will bring her close to me sometime in Jan. I don't want to be friend zoned so I try to make each interaction funny and sexy and show change when we do speak.

 

Finally, as it stands we're on course to meet mid Jan. I wonder how to handle this. Pursue and secure the meet up, go about trying to attract her, or just leave it and see if she brings up the idea nearer the time. She may begin to wonder why I haven't contacted her if I leave it.

 

You cannot re-spark attraction as you cannot create the feelings of butterfiles. You can only create the feeling of loss. The whole point of drugs is chasing the original feeling of the first hit.

 

That first hit will not come back.

 

If your around and buzzing around like a bee. She will realize she can live without your romance and still get her needs by knowing you will always be there.

 

Women value you... when you have the strength to move on and hence they do freakout when you find another women. That is a trigger of pure loss.

 

Its human nature.

 

The feeling of loss and regret takes months... but in regards to women and the loss has to be vaild. Men function differently.

[alpha99]

So if I read your message right you think that the only most remote chance of having her come back would be to completely let go, cut her off, move on, and maybe, just maybe she might miss me and do something about it months down the line?

[alpha99]

This is draining me.

 

This evening I've been out with friends and had a good time.

 

I''m sure no contact initially will be difficult but will get better with time.

 

I think it's time to just drop this. I love her, want her, but barring some sort of dramatic turn around she isn't coming back.

I'm thinking of writing a goodbye letter, which I'd post here first, and then finally, finally move on.

 

I know other women find me attractive. After my marriage ended the first time i socialised a very pretty girl asked me out. We had a few dates. I went on other dates and had girls checking me out in the street etc

 

The point is this IS torturing me. I veer from hope to hopeless and back again quickly.

 

So maybe I should just take your advice and cut her off completely.im thinking delete her from Facebooketc completely, write her a letter saying I accept the break up, that I do love her but if she doesn't want to be with me I will be moving on.

 

Then begin to move on. If down the line she contacts me I'll deal with that then.

 

I enjoyed our chat but that's not enough. I'm fooling myself to think there's even an inkling she is coming back to me right now.

 

So if she texts about the court case, no response, no.messaging her about mid Jan meet up, no V day message, birthday messages, nada

 

So what do you think, letter then no contact.

 

I like the quote 'if you love something then give it away'

[Sweetfish]

So if I read your message right you think that the only most remote chance of having her come back would be to completely let go, cut her off, move on, and maybe, just maybe she might miss me and do something about it months down the line?

 

You hit the mark... right on the target...

[Sweetfish]

This is draining me.

 

This evening I've been out with friends and had a good time.

 

I''m sure no contact initially will be difficult but will get better with time.

 

I think it's time to just drop this. I love her, want her, but barring some sort of dramatic turn around she isn't coming back.

I'm thinking of writing a goodbye letter, which I'd post here first, and then finally, finally move on.

 

I know other women find me attractive. After my marriage ended the first time i socialised a very pretty girl asked me out. We had a few dates. I went on other dates and had girls checking me out in the street etc

 

The point is this IS torturing me. I veer from hope to hopeless and back again quickly.

 

So maybe I should just take your advice and cut her off completely.im thinking delete her from Facebooketc completely, write her a letter saying I accept the break up, that I do love her but if she doesn't want to be with me I will be moving on.

 

Then begin to move on. If down the line she contacts me I'll deal with that then.

 

I enjoyed our chat but that's not enough. I'm fooling myself to think there's even an inkling she is coming back to me right now.

 

So if she texts about the court case, no response, no.messaging her about mid Jan meet up, no V day message, birthday messages, nada

 

So what do you think, letter then no contact.

 

I like the quote 'if you love something then give it away'

 

No! No love letters. No good byes.. no sappy stuff. No i love you... dont use the word love, like, care... nothing...

 

Thats why you go NC... its draining... you dont get it..

 

Your the advantage.

Your the man.

You protect the family.

The roof the lawn.

Your the one that slaves to your kids needs and her needs.

 

You are higher value. Men dont get it.

 

Time after time they are chasing their slave to work the plantation again. Look at how you are doing SOOOO much to win her love back and she just sits back and gives you time tables to grant you access to see her.

 

Your being manipulated ever so logically.

[TooRational]

Glad to see that you're slowly reaching the acceptance stage. I believe a SHORT letter stating that you can't just be friends and you need to go NC is appropriate. But by all means keeps it short and to the point. Don't say things like if you ever change your mind I'll be waiting for you. That's weak and hopefully not true. You both need to move on and who knows, perhaps your paths are gonna cross again in the future but don't have any expectations. Don't wait around.

 

Good luck.

[Sweetfish]

Glad to see that you're slowly reaching the acceptance stage. I believe a SHORT letter stating that you can't just be friends and you need to go NC is appropriate. But by all means keeps it short and to the point. Don't say things like if you ever change your mind I'll be waiting for you. That's weak and hopefully not true. You both need to move on and who knows, perhaps your paths are gonna cross again in the future but don't have any expectations. Don't wait around.

 

Good luck.

 

Strongly against the note of any kind...

[LargoLagg]

Strongly against the note of any kind...

Except that it helps ensure she won't check in on him, and start the cycle all over again.

 

Maybe just something like,

 

I've been thinking about things, and I just can't do this with you. I'm calling it quits. Nice knowing you. Don't contact me again, and I promise the same.

 

Going NC is so manly.

[Sweetfish]

Except that it helps ensure she won't check in on him, and start the cycle all over again.

 

Maybe just something like,

 

I've been thinking about things, and I just can't do this with you. I'm calling it quits. Nice knowing you. Don't contact me again, and I promise the same.

 

Going NC is so manly.

 

A note shows fear...

 

Better that if she calls or contacts him.. he tells her its just best if he just close things off... dont even say there is or is not an option in the future.

[alpha99]

OK. Big step.

 

I just unfriended her on Facebook. No more temptation to look for me, maybe a little loss for her?

 

Wow, that was scary. I guess it's all part of letting go. I wonder what she'll make of it when she realises. Anyway, at the moment I'm unsure if it was the right thing to do but what I've been doing so far hasn't made me feel much better or get any closer to getting her back - and I definitely don't want her feed coming through should she meet someone else.

 

It's time for No Contact.

 

With the Xmas call she was once again a contact and on WhatsApp etc, so those again have been deleted.

 

I've read various NC threads and this time I'm determined not to contact her.

 

If she texts for New Year I don't think I'll answer, or about the court case I may send a short, closed reply.

 

Listening back to the last conversation, it was really pleasant and nice but she bluntly said no to a catch up, that it wasn't a good idea, and it wasn't mid Jan yet.

 

Someone reconsidering things probably would have uhmmed and ahhed. She tried to switch topic or cut short the conversation once it headed into meeting up territory. There's no way she is thinking about changing her mind right now.

 

Contacting her again right now is just asking for more rejection. Last night when I came in I saw she was online on FB and on the dating app, which she hasn't been over Xmas . I was virtually crying and desperate to reach out. I didn't though.

 

That paved the way, together with your previous posts, to delete her from Facebook. I've been torturing myself.

 

I'll assess any future contact she may initiate but I need to be holding out for her at least contacting me (that'd be a start) with some sort of let's meet up, talk message. I know others say wait for an I want you back type message, but she doesn't work like that. So we'll see what happens.

 

I feel a little anxious now as to whether it was the right thing to do or not, but at this point I don't have anything else left to try.

 

Driving to work this morning I thought to myself I should have gone NC from day one of our split.

 

Can't change that now. But I can change how I behave in future. I believe she will one day contact me, maybe I'll have moved on by then, maybe not, but I can't put life on hold any longer.

I love her, miss her, think about her constantly,, but I have a life to live.

 

I just hope the NC serves a dual purpose of making me feel better and over time bringing her back to me.