Immigrant wife's job pays minimum wage but she wants a $400K home or else!

[S2B]

Petition the court to keep primary custody of your kids.

 

She can go back if that's what she wants.

 

Make decisions in your best interest - she's just looking like she's using you.

 

IF you buy any home - put it in your name only...see an attorney to find out what the laws are in your area...even IF you buy in your name only - she may still be entitled to half.

 

Your wife doesn't seem like a supportive and loving spouse - protect yourself in every way possible.

[elaine567]

I re-read the OP's post, and I do think you have a point. We are probably hearing a very one-sided version of the story here.

 

Who calls their wife the "immigrant wife"...

I detect loads of resentment and "contempt" here.

The four horsemen are criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling, and contempt is the most lethal of the four. It’s the acid rain on a marriage, withering affection and destroying hope.

[BetheButterfly]

Who calls their wife the "immigrant wife"...

I detect loads of resentment and "contempt" here.

 

I do too. My hubby is an immigrant, but I don't go around calling him my "immigrant husband" - I do share that he is a legal immigrant from Ecuador, who my parents helped sponsor because they love him too!

 

Basically, most Americans are descendants of immigrants, so we're all in the same pot there. Most of my ancestors came from the British Isles, possibly to find a better life.

 

OP, there are some American women who would not even look at you unless you provide them with an expensive house and stuff. Gold-diggers can be found anywhere.

 

What is concerning is her threat to take the children around from you because you won't/can't give her what she wants. That is manipulative and abusive. Get her to say it again while you tape her (though make sure that's legal first.) Then save that evidence for any court proceedings. Don't hesitate to let her know that if she tries to take the children back to her native country without your permission, you will file a police report on her. Watch the children like a hawk.

[BetheButterfly]

As long as you've been a good husband to your kids and her, she can't take away anything from you. Consult a lawyer becouse I see this situation getting nasty. Control your anger and your emotions and you will have the upper hand. Record her, and play the game.

 

Aye. Great advice.

[elaine567]

Have you actually sat down with your wife and gone through the finances and had a discussion about what you can afford? Is it possible she just doesn't understand? Mortgage calculators are available online, or your mortgage broker can even do the calculations for you if you point them to a specific property. Show your wife the differences between the costs of the different houses (including property tax and insurance) as compared to the income you both have coming in. Seeing those numbers in black and white can be very eye opening.

 

I agree, she needs to be aware of all your finances.

BUT

I have a feeling this is about her perception of you as a man and the provider for her and your kids.

She will have grown up with "machismo" in Spain, so YOU as the man are supposed to put her and the kids first even if it involves sacrifice on your part.

That is why she screams "selfish" at you, because you are not living up to your role as provider, as you want to move closer to YOUR work and are not taking her or the kids into consideration. She will not respect you as a man for that, hence why she threatens to leave and take the kids with her

It is a cultural mismatch.

[enddeck]

I have seen this exact situation before.Be careful about her brother.A man who worked with me in Ireland a few years back took a foreign bride when he was in his mid fifties,he had never been married before this.Her "brother" moved in with them a few months later.It turned out he was her husband and it took years for my friend to get them out of his house.This is very common in African countries especially Nigeria.Are you sure she is really Spanish at all.

[Just a Guy]

Folks, while you all are debating the issue and offering advice to the OP, he himself has made himself scarce. He hasn't bothered to reply to the queries some of you have posed and he hasn't responded to any of the posters in general. I wonder if he is for real. Just a thought.

[darkbrooke]

My wife was not a mail order bride and she wasnt in it for the money. I was unemployed and living with my parents when we met while she was studying english in the US and she knew it. Due to family obligations she needed to go home to Spain. Then she invited me to visit there and since I was unemployed and airfare was cheap it seemed a good time to go.

 

She then visited me again for several months on a tourist visa and after finding out she was pregnant (after claiming she couldnt be) we got married. It would legally help her application for her visa which we needed if the birth was to be here. 5 weeks later she got extremely angry and jealous over something absurd and the next day she flew home 6 months pregnant. I almost nullified the marriage at that point but she begged me not to and made a threat (which she has since conveniently forgotten) that I'd never see our son again if I did.

 

So:

1.Married in the US on tourist visa

2.She returned home

3.gave birth to our son

4. waited 2 years for her visa

5. she immigrated

6. applied for divorce

7. we both went broke with legal fees and our colletive options were more limited than before the divorce. (she had lousy childcare and a bad job, couldnt leave the country, my son was really miserable, and I was empty from not seeing him)

8. we canceled the divorce and tried again and obviously still having problems

 

I am considering divorce but we have already been through divorce round #1 with lawyers and restraining orders and everything. It wiped out both our life savings (and her parent's too) and has us renting mold infested dumps for another 4 years. The one thing the divorce court did to us is make it very clear that we are the victims and the legal system is the aggressor. Its part of what brought us back together again.

 

We've both discussed that next time it will be a 50% uncontested divorce.

 

Plus last time she just made up a couple lies saying that I'm dangerous to our son and they gave me no custody and very limited visitation with him from some very weak allegations that weren't true. Didn't see him for 6 months and probably still wouldn't have unless I begged her to come back and she did.

 

I've been through all that and know she can say anything anytime and just get her way. Each of her lies would cost me $5,000 to dispute and eventually the judge wouldn't trust either parent. What saves me is that she knows I am a super-dad and that she needs me every day and that my son knows it too and doesn't stop asking to be with me.

 

She is a wretched liar but is actually a great mom to him. Hes daddy's boy.

 

Its a big convoluted story so instead I summarize with immigrant wife... We've been living apart for 2 years already which might be a great mid-step for divorce.

[road]

My wife was not a mail order bride and she wasnt in it for the money. I was unemployed and living with my parents when we met while she was studying english in the US and she knew it. Due to family obligations she needed to go home to Spain. Then she invited me to visit there and since I was unemployed and airfare was cheap it seemed a good time to go.

 

She then visited me again for several months on a tourist visa and after finding out she was pregnant (after claiming she couldnt be) we got married. It would legally help her application for her visa which we needed if the birth was to be here. 5 weeks later she got extremely angry and jealous over something absurd and the next day she flew home 6 months pregnant. I almost nullified the marriage at that point but she begged me not to and made a threat (which she has since conveniently forgotten) that I'd never see our son again if I did.

 

So:

1.Married in the US on tourist visa

2.She returned home

3.gave birth to our son

4. waited 2 years for her visa

5. she immigrated

6. applied for divorce

7. we both went broke with legal fees and our colletive options were more limited than before the divorce. (she had lousy childcare and a bad job, couldnt leave the country, my son was really miserable, and I was empty from not seeing him)

8. we canceled the divorce and tried again and obviously still having problems

 

I am considering divorce but we have already been through divorce round #1 with lawyers and restraining orders and everything. It wiped out both our life savings (and her parent's too) and has us renting mold infested dumps for another 4 years. The one thing the divorce court did to us is make it very clear that we are the victims and the legal system is the aggressor. Its part of what brought us back together again.

 

We've both discussed that next time it will be a 50% uncontested divorce.

 

Plus last time she just made up a couple lies saying that I'm dangerous to our son and they gave me no custody and very limited visitation with him from some very weak allegations that weren't true. Didn't see him for 6 months and probably still wouldn't have unless I begged her to come back and she did.

 

I've been through all that and know she can say anything anytime and just get her way. Each of her lies would cost me $5,000 to dispute and eventually the judge wouldn't trust either parent. What saves me is that she knows I am a super-dad and that she needs me every day and that my son knows it too and doesn't stop asking to be with me.

 

She is a wretched liar but is actually a great mom to him. Hes daddy's boy.

 

Its a big convoluted story so instead I summarize with immigrant wife... We've been living apart for 2 years already which might be a great mid-step for divorce.

 

 

So much time apart requires that you get a DNA paternity test ASAP.

[Mr. Lucky]

The one thing the divorce court did to us is make it very clear that we are the victims and the legal system is the aggressor.

 

Only true if you make it that way. If a couple is going to continue to fight, divorce court becomes just another arena in which they do battle. Your tale of restraining orders, false allegations and custody issues prove this point.

 

MC, mediation and common sense can help you avoid this...

 

Mr. Lucky