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Can one live without love, without sex and totally alone?

Springsummer

By Springsummer
in General Relationship Discussion

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Springsummer Established Member

Springsummer

Posted
Posted

I think that is the way I am gonna be whether I like it or not.

 

The funny things is that I am not ugly and actually been told I am sexy and have all the assets.

 

It will be a long analysis why I ended up like this. Let's just don't go there.

 

I am totally an thorough convinced now that there has never been and never will be love for me. and also totally believe I can't handle a relationship, maybe that's why I unconsciously never have had one? anyway, Let's just this at that.

 

My question is: I don't think I really like to be alone and I do have normal physical needs. but I also don't think I could have sex and be with someone that I am not into either, especially I have never had experience with that sort of things. Don't think love and relationship will ever be in the plate for me.

 

How do I solve this dilemma? :sick: any thought to help me will be highly appreciated!

 

How to conquer the needs if I am going to be alone the rest of my life?:(

 

maybe I should consider to be a nun? maybe that would help? but I am stubborn I don't believe in any religion. how can you be a christian nun or Buddhist nun, if you don't believe the religion?

grays Established Member

grays

Posted
Posted

Could you do a friends with benefits type of thing?

 

How old are you?

carhill Established Member

carhill

Posted
Posted
I am totally an thorough convinced now that there has never been and never will be love for me. and also totally believe I can't handle a relationship, maybe that's why I unconsciously never have had one? anyway, Let's just this at that.

 

I've noted it's a lot easier (your title) after having had all that. IME, it's no panacea nor nirvana. It's just life. Mixed bag.

  • Like 1
Els Established Member

Els

Posted
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"The rest of your life" is a very long time to be certain about being alone for, especially if you are only in your 20s or 30s as I'm guessing you are based on your posts. People rarely even know where they will be or what they will be doing 10 years hence, let alone 20, 30, 40, or 50 years from now. For all you know you'll meet someone tomorrow.

 

Enjoy life, live life, the unexpected can happen.

  • Like 1
Lady2163 Established Member

Lady2163

Posted
Posted
I think that is the way I am gonna be whether I like it or not.

 

The funny things is that I am not ugly and actually been told I am sexy and have all the assets.

 

It will be a long analysis why I ended up like this. Let's just don't go there.

 

I am totally an thorough convinced now that there has never been and never will be love for me. and also totally believe I can't handle a relationship, maybe that's why I unconsciously never have had one? anyway, Let's just this at that.

 

My question is: I don't think I really like to be alone and I do have normal physical needs. but I also don't think I could have sex and be with someone that I am not into either, especially I have never had experience with that sort of things. Don't think love and relationship will ever be in the plate for me.

 

How do I solve this dilemma? :sick: any thought to help me will be highly appreciated!

 

How to conquer the needs if I am going to be alone the rest of my life?:(

 

maybe I should consider to be a nun? maybe that would help? but I am stubborn I don't believe in any religion. how can you be a christian nun or Buddhist nun, if you don't believe the religion?

 

I'm around 50 and I did marry, but that was a lot worse. I felt like I was alone in the relationship - but had the joys (sarcasm) of being the grown up, adult, mommy figure in the relationship. I'm very thankful for my divorce.

 

I never had children. Most days I truly don't regret it.

 

I worry about death. I worry about the pain and I worry that I will die without anyone showing true and genuine compassion and making my final moments peaceful. I have my doubts that nurses or hospice workers will fill the void.

 

Financially, I run about ten years behind my married peers. I know that is because I've only had one income. That said, I'm getting ready to buy a house that is my next to last house. I predict 3-5 years (maybe longer depending on economy) I will be buying my last house. I will probably be on track with my peers at that point.

 

The longer you are alone, the tougher it gets to compromise and care completely for another person and their needs/wants. This is because as a single, your only limitation is financial. You never have to compromise where, when and what you eat. When you're married or living with someone, they may not be onboard with having popcorn for supper.

 

Quite possibly, you answer to nobody. You can have a tough time accepting "no" for an answer in your personal life.

 

Your schedule is the only one that matters. You may have a tough time adjusting to someone else.

 

In some ways you can be very spoiled on the home front. You never have to compromise on decorating, tv on or off in the bedroom, picking tv shows, the already mentioned food, deciding how money is spent or Deciding what to do for leisure time.

 

The difference between 50 ish me and 30 ish me, is that I refuse to do much of anything for entertainment that I don't want to do. I've spent and wasted a lifetime watching movies I didn't want to watch and participating in activities I wasn't interested in. I'm not a bar drinking type of woman. I could care les about all sporting activities (except the Red Sox). I'm not a hunting, fishing, camping type of woman, either. I'm sure as hell not going to PAY for it, either.

 

I'm not convinced I'd be a very good stepmother, since it would get irritating to have my schedule and free time dictated by children's activities.

 

Sex and intimacy. Well, I spent 7 years as an OW because it was convenient for me. You may view me as morally bankrupt because of that. In the 2.5 years since I ended things, my only sex is with BOB and I've connected with a few single long distance former boyfriends three times. I traveled to their location. I found their hospitality quite lacking. The sex was adequate, but because I was a touch irritated (one guy was eager for me to visit, but his apartment was FILTHY, sheets smelled, ring in toilet and shower, dishes piled high and he had made no plans for meals and he had volunteered to work overtime at the last minute), something was taken away from the enjoyment. None of the three have made any plans to see me. One was eager for me to visit again, but I told him it was his turn to travel. That resulted in conflict when I declined to assist him with air fare since he hadn't helped me.

  • Like 1
Cablebandit Established Member

Cablebandit

Posted
Posted
I think that is the way I am gonna be whether I like it or not.

 

The funny things is that I am not ugly and actually been told I am sexy and have all the assets.

 

It will be a long analysis why I ended up like this. Let's just don't go there.

 

I am totally an thorough convinced now that there has never been and never will be love for me. and also totally believe I can't handle a relationship, maybe that's why I unconsciously never have had one? anyway, Let's just this at that.

 

My question is: I don't think I really like to be alone and I do have normal physical needs. but I also don't think I could have sex and be with someone that I am not into either, especially I have never had experience with that sort of things. Don't think love and relationship will ever be in the plate for me.

 

How do I solve this dilemma? :sick: any thought to help me will be highly appreciated!

 

How to conquer the needs if I am going to be alone the rest of my life?:(

 

maybe I should consider to be a nun? maybe that would help? but I am stubborn I don't believe in any religion. how can you be a christian nun or Buddhist nun, if you don't believe the religion?

 

Until this attitude changes, you are correct.

  • Like 1
smudge21 Established Member

smudge21

Posted
Posted

I would say that there's been many who have truly loved you, but you possibly didn't love them. In the same way, you loved others who just didn't feel it for you. Sadly that happens a lot - just because two people seem perfect together, doesn't mean they love each other equally (this place is full of stories like that). I've known many, and I'm sure I've done it myself, who have felt unloved after a bad relationship, failing to see the times they too have pushed others away because they didn't feel the love they did. As for the "needs" thing, well you're not alone there either. There's only so much rubber and batteries can do. Sadly I don't have an answer to that one. There's FWB, random hook-ups, ONS, etc.. just whatever floats your boat... or in this case, sinks your battleship.

  • Like 1
carnelian Established Member

carnelian

Posted
Posted

What is your age? I cannot comment or advise without knowing that. Also, do you live in a small town area or big city? That will seriously affect your chances of meeting someone.

I will say that you are probably underestimating yourself.???

  • Like 1
preraph Established Member

preraph

Posted
Posted

Life doesn't always go as planned, and it certainly doesn't always go like in the movies or how other people's lives may go.

 

Best use of your time is to follow your passions, be your best self, be yourself around others so they can see if they like you or not and that way if you do attract a friend or lover, it isn't an illusion, it's the real you and they really like you. But stay focused not on what you can't do but following your passions and dreams and see if life doesn't fall into place a bit better for you.

  • Like 1
brothers343 Established Member

brothers343

Posted
Posted

I think the human mind can do wonders, even be alone. Many different cultures have devoted themselves to being by themselves (alone) that is. So it can be done. But the discipline and the fortitude to accomplish such a thing. Well......that's a different story.

  • Like 1
brothers343 Established Member

brothers343

Posted
Posted

I think the human mind can do wonders, even be alone. Many different cultures have devoted themselves to being by themselves (alone) that is. So it can be done. But the discipline and the fortitude to accomplish such a thing. Well......that's a different story.

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Springsummer Established Member

Springsummer

Posted
  • Author
Posted
Life doesn't always go as planned, and it certainly doesn't always go like in the movies or how other people's lives may go.

 

Best use of your time is to follow your passions, be your best self, be yourself around others so they can see if they like you or not and that way if you do attract a friend or lover, it isn't an illusion, it's the real you and they really like you. But stay focused not on what you can't do but following your passions and dreams and see if life doesn't fall into place a bit better for you.

 

Thank you so much!

 

I guess that's the only way to go. There is unfortunately no quick solution. I have to toughen up and endure. I often only fell in 'love' with illusions that didn't seem reciprocated.

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Springsummer Established Member

Springsummer

Posted
  • Author
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I just woke up from another illusion/dream. It is painful.

It turns out life or myself just played tricks or jokes with me.

It's so 'funny'/ironic. I can't believe myself for being such an idiot. I need to get REAL.

juniorrocha Established Member

juniorrocha

Posted
Posted

I also thought it would never happen for me, until it did. Had a 2 years relationship, broke up, and the day I broke up I started getting closer to someone else, who's apparently in love with me.

 

Life is sure something you can't predict. Things just happen, when you least expect them to.

 

The best you can do is always keep your doors open, take care of yourself and enjoy the life that's been given to you.

 

There are many, many things in this life that can make you happy. Relationships are just another one of them. :)

  • Like 2
Bantosm Established Member

Bantosm

Posted
Posted

Sure, someone can live without love, without sex and be totally alone, but there is a big difference between being alive and living.

shoplocal Established Member

shoplocal

Posted
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Springsummer, because I'm in exactly the same boat, I'm going to selfishly say -- I sure hope so. :p Also, I love your username. Makes me think of lemon-lime candy and warm days when I was a kid.

  • Like 2
HillValley Established Member

HillValley

Posted
Posted

I'm in a similar boat except when I'm honest with myself, I enjoy being a loner.

 

To what extent that has/will shaped me, I guess I'm going to find out with the hopefully many years I have.

 

I think it's possible, just very, very hard. So much of the human experience is expressed through connections to others(movies, poems, songs, etc). It's hard not to feel depressed about not getting what others seem to want to express about those connections.

 

Even though I have my "flare ups"(what I call my moments of wanting to connect), I simply remember all the times I've failed to and how, and I sort of came to the realization that maybe I deep down didn't want to.

  • Like 2
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Springsummer Established Member

Springsummer

Posted
  • Author
Posted (edited)
I sort of came to the realization that maybe I deep down didn't want to.

 

maybe true for me too...maybe that's why I consistently sabotaged myself?

Edited by Springsummer
stillafool Established Member

stillafool

Posted
Posted
Can one live without love, without sex and totally alone?

 

Of course so! There are thousands of people who live alone, don't have sex and aren't in love who live perfectly happy lives.

  • Like 1
Eternal Sunshine Established Member

Eternal Sunshine

Posted
Posted

I have always been a loner. I remember during one of my dates, a guy asked me what I most like to do, my instinctive reply, before I could fake something more acceptable was: "I enjoy being alone".

 

I had few relationships: one was serious and I lived with a guy and we nearly got married. I can honestly say that that was the most miserable time of my life.

 

I have recently stopped OLD and forcing myself to attend social events I don't want to attend. I was thinking of ways of how I could give my life more meaning. I love animals and instead of just having pets, I recently started volunteering in a wild animals conserve :love:

 

I also have a job that I love, a very close relationship with my mum, and a couple of close friends who I can tell anything to. As for sex, I am not a fan of sex with randoms but I do have an ex boyf who is great in bed. He lives out of state but we occasionally fly out and spend few days together. While it's just sex, he treats me well and I don't feel used.

 

I do worry what will happen in old age. I figure since I have been working all my life, I can afford a nice retirement home where I will meet others and just chill by the pool and play cards all day. Doesn't sound like a bad way to live :cool:

stillafool Established Member

stillafool

Posted
Posted

 

 

I do worry what will happen in old age. I figure since I have been working all my life, I can afford a nice retirement home where I will meet others and just chill by the pool and play cards all day. Doesn't sound like a bad way to live :cool:

 

I visit my Aunt at her retirement home and very few children even visit their parents. So much for having kids. Also the seniors in my Aunt's home have quite a social and dating life going on there. It's really sweet. Someone told me that STD's were spreading around these retirement homes like crazy so their sex lives are very active.:laugh:

  • Like 1
GunslingerRoland Established Member

GunslingerRoland

Posted
Posted

How do you define "can you" and how do you define "totally alone".

 

 

If you mean can you live a totally fulfilled life, then I'd say it depends on if totally alone means that you are single, or if it means that you don't have any real social support.

 

 

If you have family and friends who love you, that you can trust, and share your life with, then sure you can live a great life.

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