A happy ending

[healthyhopes]

This isn't exactly reconciliation, as we are not in a relationship and probably won't be, but bear with me

 

If you saw my other posts, I had a very hard time getting over a fwb that meant a lot to me. It wasn't only feelings, he was also one of the closest friends that I ever had.

 

I suffered for a very long time, and it seemed like he was doing fine without me, and that he had moved on. It was honestly a terrible terrible pain, and this was harder for me to get over than a longer actual relationship that i had had a couple years back.

 

Somehow, at the very end of the school year, I moved on, and my summer has been great so far. Today, I decided to talk to him because I heard he was in a special school for the summer, and wanted to hear about it. It was innocent and I just wanted to know what was happening; I honestly, truly, moved on, and I can say that with exact certainty.

 

Today, after what started as a pretty innocent conversation, we had a very in-depth heart to heart, and a lot of misunderstandings between us were worked out. Everything I had thought was flipped upside down. He said that he missed me a lot, and that the rift between us was one of the hardest things he ever had to face. He said that he hated himself for what he did (his words, I'm not exactly sure what he means here), that it broke him inside, and that he felt awful for a long time, and that it still bothers him. (Though he also did say that he had moved past it)

 

I don't think this conversation would have been possible if I hadn't healed as much as I did, which I suppose says a little bit about the whole "they only come back when you move on" thing. He didn't quite come back, and he is in a new relationship now I think, but it's all okay and I am glad that someone who was very important to me is back in my life, and I am glad that I was important to him too. He brought up talking more and hanging out sometime, but I'm not going to pressure him for either of those things.

 

I guess no contact works, though he said that it hurt him a lot. I am very sorry about that, but if I hadn't done that, maybe he wouldn't have realized what had happened? Nevertheless, it came across as slightly manipulative, but honestly I don't think I could have moved on or healed any other way. I guess breakups of any nature are always tricky situations. I am glad we got to talk about it in the end.

 

He meant more to me than almost anyone else, and I am so glad to have this resolved. I don't know what happens next, I am trying to be entirely outcome independent. For now, I am just happy to have fixed this friendship.

Edited July 17, 2016 by healthyhopes
a little addition

[healthyhopes]

Looking back through what was said, it seems like he lied about one issue that was very important to me last night. He also said he would text me in the morning to continue the conversation, but didn't. I feel bad because I shouldn't have accepted what he said as an apology, but I did anyways and now he might feel like he is entirely in the clear. Perhaps this whole thing was just clearing the air and absolving his guilt-- though then again, I did that too.

 

I feel as if I let him off too easy for being hurt so much, especially after that one bit of bs he said last night. But I was tired and not thinking straight, so I don't know.

 

I'm not sure what happens next, but I honestly feel like we will never speak to each other again. I guess if he lied, then it's for the best.

[juniorrocha]

Just relax. If he's in a new relationship anyway, then you can only be friends. If that's not enough for you, or if you still care/have feelings (which apparently you do), then you should go back to NC.

[Simon Phoenix]

Looking back through what was said, it seems like he lied about one issue that was very important to me last night. He also said he would text me in the morning to continue the conversation, but didn't. I feel bad because I shouldn't have accepted what he said as an apology, but I did anyways and now he might feel like he is entirely in the clear. Perhaps this whole thing was just clearing the air and absolving his guilt-- though then again, I did that too.

 

I feel as if I let him off too easy for being hurt so much, especially after that one bit of bs he said last night. But I was tired and not thinking straight, so I don't know.

 

I'm not sure what happens next, but I honestly feel like we will never speak to each other again. I guess if he lied, then it's for the best.

 

Take this as the end and start moving forward.

[healthyhopes]

Just a small update ... I don't know if anyone cares haha but writing about it helps me validate stuff in my head? idk

 

A couple days back I posted about having a conversation with one of my ex-things. He did end up replying to me, and we had a conversation that spanned the next day. He said that he would hit me up to hang out when he figured out his work schedule. After that he told me to text him the next day or later in the day, and I told him that he should do it. He said, "no, it's on you this time :P" and I said "Uh yeah sure, I'll think about it" (hoping that it came off as sarcastic. I thought about it a while, and wanting to play any more dumb power games, I texted him the next day, and we had a short conversation that ended with him going to bed. Since then we haven't spoken (I guess it's been about a week? A little less)

 

Yesterday I was talking with a friend and she said that the day before he had added his ex girlfriend (who had cheated on him and completely broken his heart) on snapchat. I don't know why but suddenly I felt very very bad, like after everything he had said about me being better than her and how he was happier with me he still reached out to her. I might have been the "nice" one in the situation, but she still had his heart. After that I thought about how what he said was probably just bs, or he was just lonely. Or maybe he just wanted to fix things with her too, but I still felt jealous because he could have reached out to me in all this time and he chose not to, instead did so with her. Then again, if I hadn't reached out to him and fixed things, he might not have reached out to her, as they have been in strict no contact for a year and we on the other hand have been talking here and there.

 

 

I have written out some things to remember:

-he didn't want to be with me and never will be

-nothing will come of this

-if he wanted anything, he would have reached out

-he isn't worth losing sleep over

-if he said that I "won" over his ex and still reached out to her, then it's his choice

-it was all bs to make himself feel better and absolve his own guilt anyways, and I don't need that in my life.

-He won't go back to you in any sense, but he might go back to her

 

 

In a sense it is freeing and I don't feel bound anymore. I felt like I had moved on before but after this rough night I feel much better. I guess hope really dies last, and I didn't know I still had any. His choice is his choice but I don't want to be an option anymore and while I don't think he'll contact me again (pessimism?) I don't think I'll contact him either. I feel ridiculous for having cared so much about something that I felt myself to be over, but I feel much better now...

[healthyhopes]

Everytime something like this happens and I feel very bad I end up feeling much better after. I hope it stays. I don't know why I cared so much because it honestly seems so stupid now, but I did have an awful night.

 

If there's one thing I've learned from all of this it's that another person cannot possibly give you any level of satisfaction, because I wasn't content when i thought that he didn't miss me and I wasn't content when he told me that my absence was one of the hardest things he had to endure. I was only happy when I found myself giving this closure to myself. Further proof of this could be see in him jumping from girl to girl. And idk but I don't want to entertain that notion anymore... Yeah I want to love and be loved, but I want someone who can do that in a selfless, baggage-free way. And that doesn't sound like him. I've grown and change much over these past couple of months, and despite his apology, I guess that major aspect of his personality has stayed the same.

 

Maybe I'm being too pessimistic because now I find myself discrediting everything-- him missing me, him saying I was better than his ex, him saying that he was happy with me, et cetera.... But it somehow makes me not miss him either, and I remember this happening with a previous ex, and it is what made me cut all the cords for good.

 

I don't think things will ever be how I want them in this scenario, and he won't come back in the way I wanted him to, ever; and I guess that's fine because if he can't then I don't want him back.

Edited July 24, 2016 by healthyhopes