Guy on OLD - do you want to see what its like getting too much contact and attention?

[Toodaloo]

 

So true and men seem to forget this today, and maybe there's lot of women out there too. I've heard a guy's biggest fear is the woman they meet will look nothing like her picture and weigh 50 lbs heavier, as a woman, I can say what does it for me is how a guy talks to me and makes me feel. If I don't feel like he's into me, and asking me questions then I lose interest. There needs to be an emotional connection for me, and it seems men on OLD are so interested in selling themselves and telling me how awesome they are instead of letting me figure that out on my own. It just bores me when a guy does that, or the guys that say I'll call you tonight over & over and never live up to their word. So annoying and next!!!!

 

This is so true!

 

Its all very good and well either gender complaining but both sides suffer the same problems... Different aspects but the same problems in trying to find a person that they are attracted to both physically and mentally.

 

When I was doing it I realised very quickly that there were very few people that I would actually meet, even if they did get my number and get into texting and calls etc. Most were time wasters or looking for some sort of weird unicorn style Princess girl. Of those I did actually meet very few went any further... very few! Even then hardly any went past date 2 or 3...

 

Dating is really hard work and not much fun if I am honest. The only way I could do it was to limit the number of people I spoke to and met drastically and ensure I spent time with my friends and family, people who really do love me rather than people who are a bit flimsey and fake.

 

Irony is that some of those that I only met once or didn't meet at all keep coming back and keep wanting to know what I am doing... Why bother? You have no interest in my life and I am not your entertainment guru... Rant over. People are weird. Probably myself included.

[joseb]

Whenever I check out ladies on OLD, most of them 30-40s seem to be high quality. Attractive, educated, good jobs. The problem is that there is no match for them on OLD. Men in that age group on the other hand...maybe 1 of 10 has a full time professional job. And they are usually players and not taking OLD seriously. The problem is that men that have their s*it together get snapped up in real life very quickly.

 

 

I have no idea what kind of site you are on, but you really seem to be hitting the bottom of the barrel! Whatever it is, get off it!

 

I don't know any guys like this! Not one.

I know loads of guys my age (40s) single (or divorced, more likely), live alone, close to the city,

making anywhere from (I'm guessing cause its not something I ever discuss) 100 to 500k.

 

I disagree with your assessment that all the good ones get snapped up,

sure they might have been snapped up once, but so many ltrs and marriages fail that just because someone is single again doesnt mean that much other than relationships fail.

[Toodaloo]

I have no idea what kind of site you are on, but you really seem to be hitting the bottom of the barrel! Whatever it is, get off it!

 

I don't know any guys like this! Not one.

I know loads of guys my age (40s) single (or divorced, more likely), live alone, close to the city,

making anywhere from (I'm guessing cause its not something I ever discuss) 100 to 500k.

 

I disagree with your assessment that all the good ones get snapped up,

sure they might have been snapped up once, but so many ltrs and marriages fail that just because someone is single again doesnt mean that much other than relationships fail.

 

While I hate to agree with ES I found many men where unemployed or "between jobs" etc...

 

I tell you what. Do us a favour and get all those lovely single men asking us out will you!

[Jabron1]

Whenever I check out ladies on OLD, most of them 30-40s seem to be high quality. Attractive, educated, good jobs. The problem is that there is no match for them on OLD. Men in that age group on the other hand...maybe 1 of 10 has a full time professional job. And they are usually players and not taking OLD seriously. The problem is that men that have their s*it together get snapped up in real life very quickly.

 

Career oriented women on the other hand are not in high demand. Men don't care about jobs, careers, living situation. They prioritize youth, looks and cooking skills. So there is a high number of career oriented older women that are unable to find anyone that even comes close to them.

 

I currently have to hide where I live because men that I meet all have 3 roommates or live at least 20kms from the city in old, run down dumps (and no, it's not because they find old houses particularly charming). The last guy I brought home tried to to borrow money from me the next day What chance do I have with them?

 

Sadly, when I lived with a flatmate for 6 months, just to see what it's like, I felt somewhat closer to men that are available. But why should I have to do that?

 

So the less I date, the more I work and the wider the gap grows.

 

It boggles my mind that men that were born in Australia, with all this opportunity; have gotten to be 40 and have done absolutely nothing with their lives.

 

 

I've heard you discuss this often, and I find it relevant. So, I'll give you a man's point of view.

 

I really don't care for your job, or academic qualifications. Status is not attractive to me at all.

 

The last 3 women that I've been going out with were all graduates. That is pure happenstance. They are sexy, and have an attractive personality - that's what matters.

 

I am not looking to provide for a woman. That makes me free. I (normally) have a lot of time for things in my life that I actually enjoy doing instead. One of them is dating, but all sorts of other things too.

 

One of the great things about the rise of feminism, and the demise of Christianity is that men can get away with doing much less.

 

The irony is that status is a big part of your own attraction. So you need to settle down with a man that is equal, or higher status than yourself. Your own attraction is at odds with your feminist ideology.

 

I don't have this problem at all. When I read your posts, I realize just how easy my own life is.

 

It's an interesting point. And I hope guys listen. Too much complaining going on, sometimes

[Aniela]

I took a year off of POF , because I exhausted my options in my area. Came back later and saw the same faces of the overly picky spinsters that already ignoredme a year ago again. I thought, would they remebe me?

 

Emailed them again, nada.

 

Guess they need to add more cats to their collection. Lol

 

Why are you so mean? Did you ever think that attitude is what's keeping them away?

 

The cat jokes are so old. Much, much older than the women still on the dating sites. Why do people keep churning them out like they're funny?

[joseb]

I've heard you discuss this often, and I find it relevant. So, I'll give you a man's point of view.

 

I really don't care for your job, or academic qualifications. Status is not attractive to me at all.

 

The last 3 women that I've been going out with were all graduates. That is pure happenstance. They are sexy, and have an attractive personality - that's what matters.

 

Yeah I agree with this.

 

I find it very strange anyone would actively peruse online profiles for job titles, but I guess that's one of those guy/girl differences.

 

A women I'm seeing now is a doctor - but it's not in the least bit important to me.

I do like that she is compassionate, and she is working in a part of her field that shows this. But her job title/salary? Totally irrelevant.

[phineas]

Yeah I agree with this.

 

I find it very strange anyone would actively peruse online profiles for job titles, but I guess that's one of those guy/girl differences.

 

A women I'm seeing now is a doctor - but it's not in the least bit important to me.

I do like that she is compassionate, and she is working in a part of her field that shows this. But her job title/salary? Totally irrelevant.

 

But, can she administer an IV when you have a killer hangover?

[AMJ]

If men really don't care about women's job titles and salary, then why is that one of the first 3 questions they always ask me? Because they have nothing else to ask?

[joseb]

If men really don't care about women's job titles and salary, then why is that one of the first 3 questions they always ask me? Because they have nothing else to ask?

 

Probably!

 

It's often just a go to to start the conversation.

 

It shows a lack of imagination in my opinion.

 

Ive asked it myself, but never unless she asked first or it came up somehow.

[phineas]

If men really don't care about women's job titles and salary, then why is that one of the first 3 questions they always ask me? Because they have nothing else to ask?

 

Depends on your age.

Maybe you haven't noticed but a lot of men in their 20s (especially in england) are disenfranchised with marriage due to how unfair the divorce laws are.

 

They just want to make sure should you marry and divorce he isn't stuck supporting your minimum wage self for the rest of his career.

 

Or you are attracted to material men.

[LookAtThisPOst]

Why are you so mean? Did you ever think that attitude is what's keeping them away?

 

The cat jokes are so old. Much, much older than the women still on the dating sites. Why do people keep churning them out like they're funny?

 

Well, I know using the word "spinster" may be harsh, but it was a word I use to get the point across.

 

But just telling it like it is. I keep seeing these same women over and over again in my area with unrealistic standards that's keeping them singles.

 

Some are never married, no kids like I am and that's rare in my area as most around here get married young and raise families. They are just the odd ones out that have very limited options.

 

I recall one woman that ran a stable/horse business. Mid 40s, attractive, intelligent sounding from her profile. But what stuck out the most was that she referenced her parents of 40+ years and wants to follow their lead when it comes to their old-fashioned marriage. How she was raised by them with good morals and values.

 

That of all profiles I've read in a long time resonated in me because it was like coming across someone just like me and the relationship with my parents.

 

She apparently appreciated old-fashioned values as a fellow Generation X-er.

 

She announced on her profile, "She was on here trying this again..." and saw, unfortunately that she was ONLY dating within her city. I live in a rather rural area where cities are further spread apart, but I was familiar with her city and liked driving the scenic roads to get there...so I had no problem driving.

 

I contacted her mentioning how much in common we had based on her profile and asked her "How far is...too far?"

 

She did respond, "Only within the city of <named city>"

 

I responded, Okay, how about if I just do the driving as I tend to go there frequently to see friends?"

 

She had already blocked me. Apparently wasn't up open for discussion.

 

Another nail in the coffin for her, she'll leave, come back and announce in her profile, "3rd times a charm!" like I've seen other profiles state. It's funny, in these smaller areas dating options are limited as it is that one really cannot afford to be TOO picky and if you keep coming back to the site saying, "Trying this again" maybe they should start at least considering meeting up with these men for a quick bite, yes?

[Shanex]

If men really don't care about women's job titles and salary, then why is that one of the first 3 questions they always ask me? Because they have nothing else to ask?

 

Vice versa. I rarely have had women messaging me and wouldn't ask my profession. If you're unemployed, even temporarily. You're doomed for sure.

 

As for nothing else to add for the basic opener. While I put effort into at least a one or two liner into a message, women who messaged me first rarely cared about that and just plain said ''hello'', at best ''how you doing''. Don't kid yourself here. Women are not necessarily smarter when dating, online dating at least but since they are incredibly more in demand, they can afford to.

 

On the other hand, yes it would be weird to have so much to write out on an opener. Like if you had a dozen questions whereas you don't even know the lady. It's just as dumb or creepy as saying ''yo'' or ''sup''. And the women won't even bother reading most of the time.

 

As someone said before and living rural, I've run out of options in my area for a few sites already. Hence I closed my account and waiting for some months until new women pop up.

 

We've derailed a bit this topic, but I gotta agree having done before what the OP pointed out. I'm very popular with Asian women, black women to a degree too. Now of course some are scammers but other seemed genuine. It was only a test though. I don't believe in LDR.

 

About profession and status this is meaningless to me. A woman can be a high-school dropout scrubbing toilets and I like her, personality and physically speaking. I would definitely date her because she still has her sh--t together. Not every high-school dropout is a moron. And I'm neither a lawyer or a doc, so I better be modest and keep my demands to a minimum.

[Jabron1]

If men really don't care about women's job titles and salary, then why is that one of the first 3 questions they always ask me? Because they have nothing else to ask?

 

Because they're chatting you up

[SwordofFlame]

If men really don't care about women's job titles and salary, then why is that one of the first 3 questions they always ask me? Because they have nothing else to ask?

 

I ask because a lot of times the type of career or job you have does say a lot about you. For example, I've been on some dates with women that were in the creative/artsy fields. None of them worked out. I'm about the complete opposite of creative and artsy.

[LookAtThisPOst]

I ask because a lot of times the type of career or job you have does say a lot about you. For example, I've been on some dates with women that were in the creative/artsy fields. None of them worked out. I'm about the complete opposite of creative and artsy.

 

Yeah, same here, though there is a creative artsy part of them that attracts me to them as they tend to be nurturing and kind, but they kind of tend to overdo it in the "rose-colored glasses" department.

 

Too free spirited. I went out with a woman that was a masseuse, she was divorced twice at the age of 49, tended to travel a lot or go on excursions frequently and she didn't hang around town much. Most of her circles were far out of the area in which she lives.

 

Thought about having a fling with her, but she was looking for something serious. Figured free spirited types were big into the FWB thing, but some aren't I guess. lol

[katiegrl]

Yeah, same here, though there is a creative artsy part of them that attracts me to them as they tend to be nurturing and kind, but they kind of tend to overdo it in the "rose-colored glasses" department.

 

Too free spirited. I went out with a woman that was a masseuse, she was divorced twice at the age of 49, tended to travel a lot or go on excursions frequently and she didn't hang around town much. Most of her circles were far out of the area in which she lives.

 

Thought about having a fling with her, but she was looking for something serious.

 

 

---

 

**Figured** free spirited types were big into the FWB thing, but some aren't I guess. lol

 

I would suggest you stop "figuring" things before getting to know a particular woman. Making such judgments are not only wrong, but will severely limit your options as well.

 

Women are multi-dimensional with many different layers.

 

Speaking personally, I am a paralegal in a stuffy law firm (structured) but am also extremely "artsy" and free-spirited.

 

In fact, if I had my druthers I would work in the arts but southern cali is extremely expensive and the art field doesn't pay well. Not in my neck in the woods anyway.....generally speaking.

 

And I have never and would never have a FWB. Not that there is anything wrong with that, just not my thing.

 

I am also true to my word and keep my commitments. "Despite* being *artsy* and free-spirited. lol

 

Stop making broad judgments and get to know a woman for heaven's sake!

 

Rant over...

Edited July 19, 2016 by katiegrl

[AMJ]

Depends on your age.

Maybe you haven't noticed but a lot of men in their 20s (especially in england) are disenfranchised with marriage due to how unfair the divorce laws are.

 

They just want to make sure should you marry and divorce he isn't stuck supporting your minimum wage self for the rest of his career.

 

Or you are attracted to material men.

 

How are the divorce laws in the UK harsh?

 

Lots of responses say that they could care less if the woman has a low paying job, but other than joseb and his doctor, no one has said how they feel about dating a woman who's more educated or earns more than they do. I've noticed that having a graduate degree intimidates lots of men who don't have one, and having a serious job has also turned off men. After a guy gets weird about my job, honestly I can't tell you how many times I wish I could just say "I'm a nurse" or a teacher because guys think teachers are cute and nurses are sexy. I mean no disrespect to nursing because there is nothing glamorous about that profession, it's a very difficult, demanding and stressful job...but guys just have that baser instinct of wanting to be taken care of, and you don't see scrubs when you hear "nurse" you all see sexy nurse costume. Am I wrong?

[LookAtThisPOst]

I know...I'm sorry, Katie, sometimes I drum up these thoughts...hell even after the fact I think, "Maybe that's being too judgemental?"

 

However, I think some women tend to judge harshly too, like they tie in one characteristic that doesn't have anything to do with the other?

 

Like, "I tired dating short people, and everyone I dated...they had a napolean complex! So never again!"

 

I'm guessing what I stated is similar to that. So I guess my interactions with these kinds of women are somehow rubbing off on me?

 

 

I would suggest you stop "figuring" things before getting to know a particular woman. Making such judgments are not only wrong, but will severely limit your options as well.

 

Women are multi-dimensional with many different layers.

 

Speaking personally, I am a paralegal in a stuffy law firm (structured) but am also extremely "artsy" and free-spirited.

 

In fact, if I had my druthers I would work in the arts but southern cali is extremely expensive and the art field doesn't pay well. Not in my neck in the woods anyway.....generally speaking.

 

And I have never and would never have a FWB. Not that there is anything wrong with that, just not my thing.

 

I am also true to my word and keep my commitments. "Despite* being *artsy* and free-spirited. lol

 

Stop making broad judgments and get to know a woman for heaven's sake!

 

Rant over...

[Jabron1]

How are the divorce laws in the UK harsh?

 

Of course.

 

Don't know how it's any different from America though.

 

 

Lots of responses say that they could care less if the woman has a low paying job, but other than joseb and his doctor, no one has said how they feel about dating a woman who's more educated or earns more than they do.

 

It doesn't bother me in the least

 

It tends to be more of a problem for the women. Sure, short term fling is fine, but then the provider stuff becomes a problem eventually.

 

See Eternal Sunshine's post for what I mean.

 

LTR's for men are ultimately a compromise. It's about how much are we willing to sacrifice.

[Aniela]

I know...I'm sorry, Katie, sometimes I drum up these thoughts...hell even after the fact I think, "Maybe that's being too judgemental?"

 

However, I think some women tend to judge harshly too, like they tie in one characteristic that doesn't have anything to do with the other?

 

Like, "I tired dating short people, and everyone I dated...they had a napolean complex! So never again!"

 

I'm guessing what I stated is similar to that. So I guess my interactions with these kinds of women are somehow rubbing off on me?

I'm sorry I was curt yesterday. I was really worried about something, and shouldn't be here when I'm feeling that way.

[joseb]

other than joseb and his doctor, no one has said how they feel about dating a woman who's more educated or earns more than they do.

 

I never said she was more educated and earns more money then me

 

But she probably is/does

 

Honestly though, I really Don't care. I certainly wouldn't be turned off or intimidated by it any more than I would avoid women on more low paying jobs.

 

Regarding the whole divorce question, yeah it's a big problem here in Australia too (guys getting cleaned out in divorce settlements), so I can get maybe that is a factor for some guys.

I guess for me I don't think that long term when I'm just dating someone - and I'm almost definitely never going to marry anyway.

 

But the thing is, for the guys I know anyway, it's not that the wives had low paying careers or anything - some of them would maybe have been high earners *when they met* but because of kids etc they didn't when they split, they might not be working or just part time or decided to take it easy, and end up with the bulk of the finances.

[phineas]

How are the divorce laws in the UK harsh?

 

Lots of responses say that they could care less if the woman has a low paying job, but other than joseb and his doctor, no one has said how they feel about dating a woman who's more educated or earns more than they do. I've noticed that having a graduate degree intimidates lots of men who don't have one, and having a serious job has also turned off men. After a guy gets weird about my job, honestly I can't tell you how many times I wish I could just say "I'm a nurse" or a teacher because guys think teachers are cute and nurses are sexy. I mean no disrespect to nursing because there is nothing glamorous about that profession, it's a very difficult, demanding and stressful job...but guys just have that baser instinct of wanting to be taken care of, and you don't see scrubs when you hear "nurse" you all see sexy nurse costume. Am I wrong?

 

IDK How old are you?

[SwordofFlame]

Most guys I know are not intimidated by an educated woman with a good job, they are just turned off by her attitude. Many of the more educated, successful women I have known say they don't need a man. I have seen plenty of them talk down about men who don't earn as much as they do, and patronize men who didn't spend as much time in college. That is the sort of thing we don't like.

 

I agree here. It's not the fact that being a driven career women is a turn-off in and of itself, but it's some of the traits that tend to go with being one is.

[AMJ]

 

Most guys I know are not intimidated by an educated woman with a good job, they are just turned off by her attitude. Many of the more educated, successful women I have known say they don't need a man. I have seen plenty of them talk down about men who don't earn as much as they do, and patronize men who didn't spend as much time in college. That is the sort of thing we don't like.

 

Oh we still need men, just for things other than paying our rent.