need to ans email. whats he trying to accomplish when he was mean/ engaged and NC

[IfiKnewThen]

i know no one can read this crazy persons mind. (my EX) why he contacted me is anyones guess. but i need a few guess's here so i can determine what to do and say next to him in response. so i am calling on LS.

he initiated No Contact with me months ago and was downright mean about it and is making contact now.

 

here is my original post and then updates that need answers please.

 

original post...by my other name bewilderedhurt

please help me to keep my sanity. i was with someone for 5 years..they are now engaged to someone else and got engage 7 months after our break up. and they have been engaged for 5 months.

 

for us, it was one of those ending where i cried and he kept giving me less and less of themselves because he had someone and he was strong and didnt want to deal with my emotions and the promises he broke to me. and so, he got so cold till all contact was broken.

 

my ex was so adament that we couldnt be friends because he was now engaged, etc. the months leading up to the engagement contact was slim and then none. the last thing he said to me (after we exchanged the things we felt belonged to each us, though postal mail) was,

"this is the last business contact needed and last message" (he said this to me through an email when notifying me that some more of my things were on their way) i received my items but didnt call to tell him i got them because i didnt want him to go and feel i was using even a mere thank you, as an excuse to contact him. he had me almost that nervous about it. so basically i felt i was respecting his wishes and keeping some dignity and let it go at that.

 

sounded pretty final, right? and so i did No contact and tried to piece my life back together.

 

so after 2 months, out of the blue this person who was so adament that we couldnt be friends of ANY kind becaus he was engaged

instant messages me and writes: "ok you are alive thats a good thing".

apparently he saw me on his buddy list when he reactivated his account after several months. but honestly i think he saw me under another account we both have...but who knows.

i didnt say anything again, because i was in shock and was thinking, why is contacting me now out of the blue when i thought he would NEVER talk to me again.

his fiance is in another country and they are waiting on the visa for her to enter. i knew better that to start up conversation (because from what i know the engagment is still on and fine), and i dont want to have false hope or ever get hurt like that again. so i didnt respond and 3 days went by. the on the 3rd day i got another instant message asking me if i still played this game that we both enjoyed. well 24 hrs later i replied to that instant message. but by email (because 24 hours had gone by) and i said, "yes, i still play the game".

 

to which i got a return email from him saying: "i am so sorry I bother you". i wrote back "no bother"

a few days pass..maybe a week or more and....last night

OK now for update:

...last night i was online and i get another message. it was 4 am and his IM said

"you up?" (as though nothing ever happened between us he can just talk to me our of the blue)

anyway...

i answered directly and said "yes but i am about to hit the sack"

him: ok sorry i bothered you

me: is there something going on

him : just wanted to talk but sorry i bothered you

me: ok now i have to ask you what is it

him: nothing its ok i sent you an email bye bye

me (i think i said ) oh ok

then i went to read this email but he didnt just send it , it was there for hours but i didnt notice it

..it said:

 

"Very sorry, That I bugged you in the past. Or was blunt when it camed to finalizing our business. My heart has softened a little toward you over time now and I was wanting to know simply if you were healthy".

 

i went back to the Instant message we were on and said:

me: i am healthy ty

him: good.

him: i like your ice cream cone (icon near my name)

me: yeah well is dripping so i have to go

him; silence

me; i like eating ice cream now (i dont know why i said that)

him: ok drake night (thats a game name i use in a game we once played together, an online game.)

me: thats my name : )

me: take care

 

so then i went to bed. i woke up and read that email again and decided to write back. i noticed it came from his job. i wrote:

 

"did get your email around 430 last night . i feel fine, the doctor said i am in good health. and how are you physically feeling?"

then he writes back...

"i am fine. enjoy your ice cream"

then sends another email right after that asking me

How many level 65 characters I have in a game?

Did any of the things he sent me in mail a awhile back survive the shipping?***** note it didnt survive the shipping. he wrapped it like chit and the musicboxes broke into a billion pieces and literally turned to dust in the shipping box which was too big and so all the items moved around and broke. it made me cry my eyes out when i got it. it was stuff he bought for me when we were together.****** but he doesnt know how it showed up. remember i didnt thank him. just stopped talking at that point.

he he asked in this last email Do you still live in same place?

 

i havent answered anything yet. its been a few hours. hes still engaged. what does this all mean? she still in other country. do you think it sounds like he wants me as a back up? or does he want to clear old issues so his NEW relationship can be better and healthier? i feel kinda used now. glad for an apology if you want to call it that. but he acts like he just bugged me. bugged ???? more like he broke my heart..messed with my head, screwed up my self esteem ..made me doubt anyone anymore. he was a devil at times. promised me a whole future and then bam after 5 years gets engaged to someone from another country. its just that hes so clueless , and aloof. i just dont know how or if to answer his questions anymore. i want to be friendly but cant be used at my expense by him anymore. he wants her not me or he would be with me so whats up? why now when he said ..i cant talk to you she wouldnt like it i am engaged...back then. where will this get us or me..really me? dont want to be getting hurt or feeling stupid again. what can i say to answer?

[Cwazydude]

No contact would be your best bet, Don't talk to him anymore. He has a new life and such, Start working on yours. I know you cared about him and such, but its wrong for him to come out of the blue and act like nothing happened.

[NiCoLe20]

enuff wit the small talk.. ask him: so why r u starting to contact me again? u ended things and maybe its better if it stays that way. you hurt me, and i can forgive but never forget... and iw ouldnt think your fiance would appreciate it if you were talking to your EX.

 

see wut he says after that haha.. dont be nice

[IfiKnewThen]

dear nicole 20 and cwazydude,

 

first of all, thank you for your replies and good advise.

you had a good point cwazydude about ignoring him..and basically i did

and nicole20..youre right the small talk is driving me crazy._ but i was thinking maybe i could finally get a point or 2 across if some conversation got going, but i tend to freeze up.

either way, i hadnt been in contact with him at all since my last post....

so heres the latest and i am still in a quandry.

please remember b4 my last post here , it was left off where he wrote 3 questions to me and i didnt answer the email back. 1. did_ i live in the same place. 2. did i have high level characters on a game i play._ 3. did any of the things she shipped to me (months ago ) break.__ ok so i didnt answer him at all!!__ then,

2 days later...

 

which was last night ....

he instant Msgs's me again.__

this is how that converstaion went:

him....i saw war of the worlds..reminded me of when we listened to that once on cassette tape.

me_ thats right

him the freedom tower looks like its going to be nice

me._ yeah i thought the same

him._ the little girl who stars in the movie was good._ you were right about her a long time ago

me._ yeah shes a prodigy. ty i know talent when i see it )

him. sally

him i am sorry i never got that test you wanted done

him. i wanted to say i never did anything to put you at risk

me. <paused a long time then finally said>: thoughtful

him. ok i feel better now. yes my heart was slipping but i didnt have sex with anyone and i know how scared of that stuff you are. but i didnt do anything till after physically.

me <long long pause>. ok

him. alrighty i will let you go

me taken back <sorry guys i was in a daze>

him. taken back like a christmas present?

me. like some holiday

him. like lent?

him. like padra pios birthday? < this is a religious guy who bled from his hands ..we used to talk about him>

me. yes it was a bloody mess

him <silence>

me. that was a joke

him. <he asks about a computer game i play and asks about someone else who used to play the game>

him. are you still a kock out

me. i think so . thank you

me. i appreciate the holiday but back to work

him ok laters

 

ok guys i know i didnt accomplish much. my wish would be to not always be caught off guard and to speak my mind about how he has affected me by his actions of dumping me. honestly, i didnt think he'd contact me after i ignored his emails twice. but i was happy he apologized for never getting tested as he promised he would. that was a biggy for me. < by the way i tested myself a few times, i can get paranoid like that> if you read any other post on LS from me i mention i found some letters from him where he was writing to someone (not this fiance..but someone else before we broke up). and since we were LD, i told him i didnt trust him and wanted him tested. he swore he was just lonely and wrote the letters to someone and never even met them. we had a big fight over this. i broke up with him, then i forgave him and believed him (that he never met her) but he couldnt forgive me for not being able to trust him that far...and he didnt want a lifetime sentence on it so he moved on. and wouldnt take me back and ended up engaged 7 months later. i was so angry he didnt take my fear serioulsy. so now he is apologizing for that, out of the blue. hes still engaged, as i said to someone out of the country waiting for her to come in on a visa. of course i plan on confronting that issue. saying youre geting married why talking to me. but i needed more closure of sorts i guess. and maybe more..i dont know. and i want to tell him how he really disrepected me. and in someone ways he is showing more respect with these two recent little apologies, but in another way..he still seems to take it all so lightly. but the thing is. what does it sound like he wants or is up to? why now why this? after he was so adament about no contact and IS engaged! i guess what you said nicole is still the best thing.