tried to say happy birthday to an ex, bad idea :)

[letsdoitman]

Broke up with my ex girlfriend of two years (1,5 of it living together) two years ago. Well, I was somewhat in a weird place and started to take her for granted. Then, realised I love her a lot but becoming needy backfired big time. She went from super loving caring GF to someone else and dumped my ass and started hanging out with our mutual friend. Who she is still together with today as a couple. I took it real hard and did lot of foolish things. We were on decent terms at some point but I guess not any more. We have not been seeing or talking with each other for a more than 6 months. And then it was really brief encounter and then another year with maybe one or two sentences exchanged. She was the one after breakup wanting to stay in touch though and being nice.

 

After taking the red bill and immersing myself in the manosphere, I realised it was 90% my own fault what happened and that I myself put myself in this situation. It was a little thing that I completely blew out and dig a hole to myself. She was not so great communicator though, so that 10% was hers. But most (young) girls are like that.

 

These two years have been hard for me. Lots of ups and downs. Real hard. But I've learned a lot. More than in my lifetime before that.

 

I've also hooked up with more girls than before the breakup with my whole lifetime. It's not a crazy amount but a lot for me. Just hookups though, no relationships. No happiness. But learning experiences.

 

Until recently I've started to see a girl who I really dig more and more and if I don't blow it, I think this could be something.

 

My ex just had a birthday. I didn't wish her a happy birthday last year but I thought, what the heck, we're in so close social circle still, we should try to be civil and do that. When we were so close for 2 years. I befriended her to FB again (I was the one who unfriended her at one point. But I explained her later at one point when we saw each other, that I needed a time to move on.) and wished her "a happy birthday. hope u're well". She accepted my friend request. Read the message. And then unfriended me.

 

When I took that action it was with genuine effort from me to just wish her well and without wanting any outcome. But that action from her part, still made me quite baffled. Why accept the request, and do unfriend me again straight after. To look through my profile, and think no point to "stay friends" here?

 

I've done quite a few embarrassing things during that breakup and after in the healing stage. (She played hot and cold for 5 months after so that didn't help me to recover. Every time I tried to move on, she became "interested" again. So that didn't help not to make foolish things...). Things I'd like to forget. But I guess you must hit rock bottom in order to see yourself naked to the bone, and see the faults and improve as a person. I know this breakup as a thing is nothing about her, it was my wake-up call to deal with my issues. I've dealt with them. It's still a long road to go though.

 

Still, I'm a bit hurt from her action. No reply. Accept the friend request, read the message and then unfriend.

Should have left it alone Well, I know for sure now that this chapter is really closed even for staying civil or "hello" acquaintances. And we're stranger than strangers.

Edited July 17, 2016 by letsdoitman

[juniorrocha]

The best you can do is: don't analyse this situation too much.

 

There are many things that could have happened. What if her bf saw it and requested her to unfriend you? What if she thought it would be a good idea to add you, and then regretted her decision? What if she thinks you're going to try to pursue her again, like you're trying to get closer? What if she still have feelings for you, and figured it would be better if she stayed away?

 

You know, there are a million situations behind her attitude. But at the end of the day, all you can do is not overthink about it and move on. And remember: people are different, they have different ways to react given the circumstances.

[SevenCity]

By your reaction. You don't appear over her at all.