How to cope with being alone?

[Bliss09]

My girlfriend and I broke up in March. We took a month break, and then tried to fix things for another two months. In those two months, it seemed I was the once constantly making changes. We went on new trips, did things she's always wanted to do (me, not so much), and I gave all that I had for a chance at complete reconciliation.

 

Flash forward to a week ago, and we were back in the same place as before. She doesn't want to be in a relationship. She wants to travel. She wants to be selfish and not have to worry about my feelings.

 

I was upset for a day, cried and kept to myself. Monday I woke up and decided I didn't want to be a victim anymore. I still think about her, but it was not healthy for me anymore.

 

While I am upset about the end of my relationship. I'm more upset at myself. I don't know how to be alone. In one week, I realized this about myself, and it's scary.

 

It's hard to admit, but I don't necessarily miss my ex. I miss being in a relationship. I've been in and out of them for the past 5 years, usually with only a month or two in between.

 

How do people learn to cope with being alone? I don't want to go back out and jump into a rebound relationship. I spend time working out, focus on eating better, and spend time with the few friends I have left. But I just feel so uncontrollably lonely all of the time. I can't turn it off. I'm so afraid I'll never find anyone again, as my social circle has substantially depleted since college.

 

Side note: all but one of my relationships have ended with me being cheated on. I clearly have some severe insecurity issues to deal with from this.

[sickoflove11]

I think many of us have had similar feelings as you are having at one point, or many points in our lives.

 

I have a severe lack of friends these days, with everyone getting married, moving or just having different priorities, I find myself alone a lot.

I'm at the point where I particularly enjoy being alone. There are times I get sad and wish I had tons of friends to hang out with every weekend, but you really just have to focus on yourself and what you do have.

 

I think the gym is a great start to keep your mind busy and stay healthy mentally and physically. Other times I read, watch shows or movies, take a walk, go to the beach. I also work a lot so that keeps me busy, then I go to the gym after and then sleep. So I really try to keep my mind busy and off of how lonely I might be. You may have had a routine with your girlfriend when you were together, now you just make a new routine around yourself. It'll take time, and you'll still have moments of loneliness, but they won't be so painful.

 

Best of luck

[SevenCity]

Op - I'm like you. I don't like to be alone and do not have many friends anymore (moved away / grew apart).

 

The world works on the basis that people are in relationships.

 

I find that getting other women who you will not become serious with will give you something to do and make you feel better. It's not the popular opinion here, but it works wonders.

[DevotedBaker54]

I'm glad to read that you understand that you don't necessarily miss your ex, but miss being in a relationship. Not many people can differentiate the two, so you've got some emotional intelligence!

I've been single for a few years, so I'm just about the opposite of you! I would just surround yourself with family and friends and don't think that you have to feel lonely just because you're alone. I'm very involved in my community with various nonprofits and keep myself busy with work and school. Honestly I spend my weekends watching tv shows and reading books. Sometimes I feel lonely, so I acknowledge that I'm feeling that way, and then move on.

I hope you get used to being by yourself and can find ways to cope with your new lifestyle

[Bito]

Devotedbakers point about emotional intelligence is on point. If you spend enough time dealing with your pain by accepting it you wIll find the concept of being alone almost attractive. I still think about romantic love from time to time but no longer from a place of lacking or need. I just focus on being a better person each day and accept that whatever happens happens. It's very liberating.