3 years in, need assistance.

[lindseyle]

So my boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years now, and i wont lie we didn't start off the perfect relationship. At first we didn't know if we even wanted to become boyfriend and girlfriend so we decided to become just friends with benefits because of past relationships of abuse.

Anyways, all this time I have been very faithful, not ever thinking about using him in any way, i have never thought about cheating on him ever in my life. But the other way around has not been the same. The first time I caught him trying to cheat on me is with a girl at his school, of course they were just talking and he said he had a little "crush" on her which i just ignored. Let me mention that he is 24 part time college student and part time job and I am 21 with a full time job. For a while i couldn't understand why he would do that to me when we were just doing fine together. Yes we have our hiccups like every relationship but does that mean you can just go out and attempt and try to hide it?

Second time i caught him was a year later, we got into a argument about one of his coworkers touching him right in front of me and i just simply told him hey i don't appreciate that and he got pissed off at me for making a scene; later that evening he goes on the dating website and talks to a random girl thousands miles away from him and they start sending each other nudes and sexting each other. Of course i didn't know this until she messaged him on Facebook when he was logged on in front of me. He says to me that it was nothing and they didn't do anything harmful or anything to hurt me. Lets be aware that this was just because i told him how i felt about a girl touching him really sexually right in front of my eyes.

Now I'm not saying he is a cheater or he isn't a cheater but does it hurt to think he is emotionally cheating on me maybe because he isn't sexually attractive to me? Today I had my doubts and i shamefully went on his google history and saw he typed in "Love my girlfriend but unattractive and want to cheat on her but don't" now I'm here spilling my guts out to the world because i just don't know what i can do anymore.

Let me make another note that I am yes clingy and i hate it because my family doesn't give me the love i look for at home so i go to my boyfriend because i thought that's what they are there for. Yes i give him a ton of space especially when i work more than 40 hours a week and all he does is play video games when I'm working. Don't get me wrong i do not push away the video games because that is his hobby and i actually buy him hundreds of dollars worth of games each month.

When we fight about me being clingy we really go off on each other, he starts to abuse me every time. No I'm not talking about just pushing actually slapping me in the face and choking me (i have been in an abusive relationship before, that broke my jaw) so i just let that go every time he just says sorry the next day.

Another issue i have is about sex, I'm not that type of girl to push away sex, i actually enjoy sex with my boyfriend and i tell him that all the time, try doing new things with him? i always try but nothing comes out of him. I am always the one to start the sex and i don't even know its even worth trying anymore. I catch him watching porn about more than 3 times a week when i'm over her wanting sex. He just tells me he's lazy and just don't need it like other guys want it. But i cant trust that because i know its just not true. I don't care that he has to watch porn if I'm not willing to give it to him but im literally trying to put on lingerie and try new positions with him.

I've asked a lot of my friends and his REALLY good friends about these problems and all i get is i deserve better and i don't need him in my life. Don't get me wrong we have A LOT of good times together, like if we are 2 peas in a pod. We laugh all the time at each other and sometimes it feels like we are meant to be until all these problems catch up with us. I prefer not the obvious answer about us just breaking up, i just need advice please.

[clia]

Let me get this straight:

 

He cheats on you.

 

He physically abuses you.

 

He doesn't want to have sex with you.

 

You are 21 years old. Don't you think you can do better than this?

 

He isn't going to change. Why not go find a nice guy who loves you and wants to be with you? You don't want to hear the obvious answer, but I'm going to give it to you anyway. Move on. You can do better.

[GunslingerRoland]

Can you read what you wrote and tell us what in there would make anyone recommend anything other than getting as far away from him as possible?

 

 

Okay, you make each other laugh. There are lots of people who make me laugh, but I wouldn't date them, especially in this situation.

[Mr. Lucky]

I prefer not the obvious answer about us just breaking up, i just need advice please.

 

Sometimes the best answer is obvious for a good reason - it simply makes the most sense.

 

Let's turn this around - what advice would you hope to receive that would change a physically abusive BF with no interest in sex with you? "Plan a date night" doesn't seem enough, does it?

 

If he's "slapping me in the face and choking me", why don't you call the police ???

 

Mr. Lucky

[NTV]

Did that history of good times together stop him from hitting and choking you? No? huh....must not have been worth that much then....

[heydad75]

Hello Lindseyle,

 

First of all it breaks my heart just reading your post. Let me tell you have a lot of value as a person and a 21 year old woman. I would really want to take care of myself in your situation. Speaking as a dad and someone who has had friends in this situation, most of them have sought counseling. Most of the time they are struggling personally and the counseling really helps. If you need help finding a counselor PM me and I’ll see what I can do for you.

 

Sincerely

[preraph]

You need to call the domestic violence hotline and get help.

The National Domestic Violence Hotline | 24/7 Confidential Support

You need to stop seeing men until you follow their recommendations to find out why you think this is all you deserve. You will die at the hands of a man if you do not just stop and flee.