After 6 months NC he wrote me that he will never love anyone else but me

[hopelessromanticchic]

soleada

 

Hi Hun. I'm sorry you had to go through this. But you wouldn't have if you had never pressured him about the whole marriage thing. Why do you need to marry so soon if you're already getting a commitment from this guy. A lot of guys are scared to marry. I can't even get a guy to commit solely on me and you had all that plus more until you brought it up. Marriage is a big deal and you want to make sure the person you want to spend the rest of your life with will be the right one. You can't just get married just because "it's time".

 

Did you ever ask him if he did want to get married one day? Not specifically with you but in general did he see himself as a married man? If he doesn't and if getting married is a deal breaker for you then you did what you had to do. I've learned that you can't change anyone's mind if they've already made it up. But if it's because he thinks it's too soon maybe he wants to wait longer than you guys could have sat down and compromise. Set up a date to talk about the marriage thing again and see where you guys stand then.

 

If I was in your shoes, I wouldn't have left so quickly. It wasn't like there was cheating involved. This could have been talked about. I'm sure he misses you and still is in love with you. And you are too. Why test the waters if what you had was perfect?

 

Well this is just my opinion. To me a commitment, communication and loyalty are very important. If you have all that kids and marriage are things that can be compromised on.

 

Good luck and keep us updated!

[sandylee1]

You did the right thing by not staying with him without marriage on the cards. I think you should block him on whatsapp too. I presume he knows where you live and work if he really wants to find you?

 

The only thing I'd say from your first post, is that you said you stopped talking about marriage, then you also said whenever you brought it up it caused problems. So it seems you were still raising the issue a bit with him.

 

Anyway, stay strong and maintain NC. At your ages, there's no need to faff around as time is ticking.

 

I think you need to give yourself a time frame where your heart remains open for him and if he hasn't come back with a marriage proposal, then get out there and start dating.

[elaine567]

He knows exactly why you split up, but when you question his motives for contacting you again he goes all mysterious -

"He said that at this point, he cannot tell me more."

What does that even mean?

 

and

"that he needs to 'figure everything out himself' and then talk about us."

 

So nothing has really changed has it?

 

My guess is that he missed you, he still doesn't want to get married and he was just testing the waters to see if you would just take him back anyway as you were sooooo happy to hear from him again.

Or he may indeed have someone else, and he just had a nostalgic moment brought on by being at a wedding.

 

He doesn't appear to be tremendously keen, so whilst he may say he will never love anyone else, he is hardly blowing up your phone as he is so delighted to get back in contact with you.

He has gone in effect MIA again.

Best forget him.

Edited August 8, 2016 by elaine567
typo

[sandylee1]

[quote=elaine567;7007144

 

My guess is that he missed you, he still doesn't want to get married and he was just testing the waters to see if you would just take him back anyway as you were sooooo happy to hear from him again.

 

Best forget him.

 

I agree with Elaine.

 

He thinks you love him so much you'll settle for being a lifetime girlfriend. Stick with your current stance. Too many women who want marriage stay regardless and if they were like you, the men would step up or step out.

 

Instead they get the benefits of a wife, without making a commitment.

[soleada]

Thanks again for your answers. I want marriage and I wouldn't go back to him if marriage wouldn't happen eventually, but I also think I pressured him too much (even though I still think 3.5 years of relationship are enough to know if you want to marry someone).

 

It's been three weeks now since he messaged me that 'thing', and 2.5 weeks since the last time we messaged (after I didn't answer anymore). I think about him constantly. Last weekend, I slept with a friend of mine, after having a dry spell for months. We like each other, but he's just a friend to me and all I could think about was my ex. I've been contemplating messaging him to tell him that I still love him (since I haven't told him yet, when we messaged I only told him that I still think a lot about him), but then I forced myself to not do it. Not sure if I should be honest with him one last time to see what he says or just stay NC and try to move on. It's so hard. I thought six months post break up I would be much better already but I'm not.

[privategal]

Zero contact. Just stop. It's over

Not his business what you do, who you slept with and if you still love him. He didn't consider you wife material.

Moving on and getting over people takes time.

Missing someone does not mean it is meant to be.

Let it go. He isn't contacting you so that's what says it all. You want a husband not a non commital ex and the same old same old. Pick someone who would be proud to say I do.

[Silver_star]

Sometimes exes reach out like this at a particular low point. It has less to do about you and more to do about them. I'm sure you did impact them in some way, and they are reflecting but the reach out does not constitute any action on your part. If you do take action be prepared for dissapointment as it is not a fresh slate.

I had an ex say that he has never loved anyone else again like he loved me and that he feared he never would again. Because I have found love twice I ensured him that it would happen if his heart was open to it and not to worry so much about what the future has in store. i was over that ex when he told me this tho...

[darkbloom]

You can miss someone and still not want to get back together with them.

 

You can love someone and still not want to get back together with them.

 

((I think your ex feels both.))

[MrWhite]

I don't think anyone has answered your dilemma.

If I sent that message and got NO reply, I would assume the reply is: "You are dead to me."

 

 

So what to reply? (or not)

 

 

It might just be best to stay NC and see if he puts effort into making contact again.

[sandylee1]

DON'T tell him you love him. I'm quite sure he knows this.

 

He knows what you want. 3.5 years is long enough to know. Keep NC and blocking him would be better for you. He just wants a lifetime GF. Don't be that for him or anyone else.