Traveling wife met man for dinner twice

[Cephalopod]

I would simply say "thank you for setting the boundaries the way you did with this guy.

 

How is riding with him to dinner in his car setting boundaries?

 

Has it occured to anyone that this creep could have taken her out to a field, raped her and killed her? Then OP would be posting on a loss and bereavement website.

[BryanMar]

I get off work in 2 hours. I'll be home then. I will look and see if she has contacted him for dinner plans. If she has I will call her immediately. If she hasn't or if she declines his invitation I will wait and talk to her when she gets home.

 

I think that's a good compromise and either way I address the issue. I really really prefer to do my talking face-to-face and not over the phone. Too easy for tempers to flare and hanging up

Edited July 18, 2016 by BryanMar

[kgcolonel]

How is riding with him to dinner in his car setting boundaries?

 

Has it occured to anyone that this creep could have taken her out to a field, raped her and killed her? Then OP would be posting on a loss and bereavement website.

 

you're correct on that one however she did decline his invitation to his room and for dinner the next evening.

[BryanMar]

I will also suggest when she gets home we talk to her counselor..

[Art_Critic]

I get off work in 2 hours. I'll be home then. I will look and see if she has contacted him for dinner plans. If she has I will call her immediately. If she hasn't or if she declines his invitation I will wait and talk to her when she gets home.

 

I think that's a good compromise and either way I address the issue. I really really prefer to do my talking face-to-face and not over the phone. Too easy for tempers to flare and hanging up

 

So you are going scorched earth.. dude...

 

Why the need to control her over this ?

[Lois_Griffin]

I get off work in 2 hours. I'll be home then. I will look and see if she has contacted him for dinner plans. If she has I will call her immediately. If she hasn't or if she declines his invitation I will wait and talk to her when she gets home.

 

I think that's a good compromise and either way I address the issue. I really really prefer to do my talking face-to-face and not over the phone. Too easy for tempers to flare and hanging up

I think you're VERY wise not to give away your source of information.

 

Don't shoot yourself in the foot and tell her you can see her texts.

 

But you do need to also consider the fact that its VERY very possible they made dinner plans in person and won't need to text each other. The absence of a text is not proof positive that they're not getting together.

 

I'm not going to try to convince you to bury your head in the sand and 'thank her' for being loyal to you. As if. She's lied to you several times already and quite honestly, I think she's enjoying the attentions of this old married lech.

 

I'd seriously wonder how different this situation would be if it were an attractive man in his 40's she was spending time with.

[TobyBoy]

I will also suggest when she gets home we talk to her counselor..

 

Why is she in counseling?

Is she on any social media like Facebook?

Edited July 18, 2016 by TobyBoy

[BryanMar]

I think because she lied to me. This is still a lot to process as I only found out about this last night about 8 o'clock p.m. . I still need to let it soak it all in and plus consider everyone's great advice I've received today on this forum. I've got a lot to think about and I definitely don't want to do something I'll regret so I do need to still process everything and choose my actions carefully

[Cinnamonstix]

Here's the issues I see so far with your wife's behaviour:

• She lied about eating dinner alone.
  
• She went out with a single man twice (that you know of) who is obviously trying to hook up with her, so she obviously enjoys his company and isn't letting his flirtyness stop her.
  
• She rode in his car.
  
• Though she declined his invitation to drinks in his room, she said she was tired and "maybe tomorrow." Why lead the guy on? A firm "No thanks, that would not be appropriate" or "I'm not interested" is the more fitting response, IMO.
  
• She hasn't told you anything about any of this, except the fact that she met him.
  

 

I am not saying your wife has cheated, but the above doesn't seem like good boundaries that deserve a pat on the back to me.

 

And just because she is being affectionate doesn't necessarily mean she is innocent. She could be feeling guilty or trying to maintain the connection because she is actually feeling distant/distracted.

[BryanMar]

Yes I can only hope that his obvious invitation for drinks in his room AKA sex she has realized she's been leading this guy on and will discontinue this interaction if not I think it's quite possible it could happen before she leaves Wednesday

 

And when he invited her to his room with his sexual innuendos I would hope she realized quickly that it has gone too far with this guy and he's not just an innocent friend who would accompany her for dinner plans

[standtall]

Dude...something is going on. Persistence will beat her resistance. Good job taking action....now go fight for your wife...emotionally and attention first...physical with him if you have to.

[BryanMar]

Here's the issues I see so far with your wife's behaviour:

• She lied about eating dinner alone.
  
• She went out with a single man twice (that you know of) who is obviously trying to hook up with her, so she obviously enjoys his company and isn't letting his flirtyness stop her.
  
• She rode in his car.
  
• Though she declined his invitation to drinks in his room, she said she was tired and "maybe tomorrow." Why lead the guy on? A firm "No thanks, that would not be appropriate" or "I'm not interested" is the more fitting response, IMO.
  
• She hasn't told you anything about any of this, except the fact that she met him.
  

 

I am not saying your wife has cheated, but the above doesn't seem like good boundaries that deserve a pat on the back to me.

 

And just because she is being affectionate doesn't necessarily mean she is innocent. She could be feeling guilty or trying to maintain the connection because she is actually feeling distant/distracted.

 

Yes. That sums it up!! Thank you!!

[BryanMar]

So I got home and sure enough they were making plans to go for dinner.

 

I called her and ask her if she was going with anybody for dinner and she said no she lied to me again. So I told her what I knew.

 

She really didn't know what to say. I told her the truth that I don't go through her private emails or texts but it popped up and I knew that they went out for dinner on Wednesday and Thursday.

 

She really didn't know what to say she was stumbling with her words but she said she was sorry and she was going to tell me she went out with him when she got home. I asked her why she felt the need to lie to me about it and she said I would have gotten upset. I asked her what wouldn't you have been upset and she said yes. I said there you go

 

So she told me she was canceling her plans with him and was going to eat at the hotel. She also told me she was coming home a day early. To surprise me. So she will be home tomorrow she was actually packing when I talk to her

 

She said other bunch of stuff about how she talked about me all the time to him when they went out for dinner and so on and so on who knows what's the truth and what's not

 

She told me she loved me and she was very sorry and she made a mistake.

 

Ugh

[BryanMar]

I feel like a ton of bricks have been lifted off my shoulders.

[DKT3]

So I got home and sure enough they were making plans to go for dinner.

 

I called her and ask her if she was going with anybody for dinner and she said no she lied to me again. So I told her what I knew.

 

She really didn't know what to say. I told her the truth that I don't go through her private emails or texts but it popped up and I knew that they went out for dinner on Wednesday and Thursday.

 

She really didn't know what to say she was stumbling with her words but she said she was sorry and she was going to tell me she went out with him when she got home. I asked her why she felt the need to lie to me about it and she said I would have gotten upset. I asked her what wouldn't you have been upset and she said yes. I said there you go

 

So she told me she was canceling her plans with him and was going to eat at the hotel. She also told me she was coming home a day early. To surprise me. So she will be home tomorrow she was actually packing when I talk to her

 

She said other bunch of stuff about how she talked about me all the time to him when they went out for dinner and so on and so on who knows what's the truth and what's not

 

She told me she loved me and she was very sorry and she made a mistake.

 

Ugh

 

So what is your gut telling you? I think it's a bad sign that she clearly knew his intentions and still planned to and likely will still see him tonight (the whole happens in Vegas thing).

[S2B]

So now she knows you can't trust a word she says.

 

I hate it when they aren't sorry they did it - they are only sorry they got caught...and never tell the truth until they know you already knew...

 

She didn't OFFER her truth... I'm sorry but this just seems really bad on her part.

 

Coming home a day early? That's because she knows she needs to make sure you're willing to eat this $hit sandwich she's feeding you. Manipulation on her part...again...

 

 

3 dinners out with the same guy looks a bit like dating to me...and I'm single - I know what that looks like and that's why she had no intention of telling you.

[TobyBoy]

She's still lying!! She never intended to tell you!! You were never the topic of their conversation!! She might cancel the diner plans, but she'll still see him tonight!!

[TobyBoy]

So who iniated the messages today? What was said on the exchanges?

[BryanMar]

She initiated..

 

They just exchanged small talk.. He asked her to dinner and she accepted.. Thats what drove me to call her.

 

I dont know if she would have told me.. I would guess probably not but there is no way of knowing now that I confronted her about it.

 

She told me she cancelled her plans and sent me pictures of her getting take out for dinner and back to her hotel.

 

She found out this morning she was leaving tomorrow a day early.. She isn't coming home because I caught her lying..

 

Guess we will have to have a serious sit down when she gets here tomorrow.

 

 

Additionally reading her texts he told her he had to pick up an engineer at 6PM and she told him he should bring him along.. So she wasn't interested in being alone at least... Although "James" (His name now I know) said no he didnt want to share.

Edited July 19, 2016 by BryanMar

[DKT3]

She initiated..

 

They just exchanged small talk.. He asked her to dinner and she accepted.. Thats what drove me to call her.

 

I dont know if she would have told me.. I would guess probably not but there is no way of knowing now that I confronted her about it.

 

She told me she cancelled her plans and sent me pictures of her getting take out for dinner and back to her hotel.

 

She found out this morning she was leaving tomorrow a day early.. She isn't coming home because I caught her lying..

 

Guess we will have to have a serious sit down when she gets here tomorrow.

 

 

Additionally reading her texts he told her he had to pick up an engineer at 6PM and she told him he should bring him along.. So she wasn't interested in being alone at least... Although "James" (His name now I know) said no he didnt want to share.

 

Here is what I think, take it for what it's worth....your enjoyed the attention and knowing he was interested, however she likely never intended on actually doing anything.

 

The problem is you can never know.

 

She knows of your past with being cheated on?

[TobyBoy]

It will be interesting on how she cancelled her date. In person? By message? Phone call? Have you looked at the online detail bill yet?

 

Right now you really have to find out who this james is. Chances are that hes not who your lying wife says he is. If you have his phone number, you can do a reverse number check to get a name. (Namefromphone.com) works real good. Then look him up on facebook, or google his name.

 

Has your wife shown any emotions at getting caught?

[Poutrew]

Sorry Brian. This is real bad. As far as her coming home a day early, do you really believe that she only found out about that just now? My guess is that if you hadn't busted her she would have had a whole day to devote to her new boyfriend and you'd still be thinking she was at her meeting.... Here's what you can do. Tomorrow, call her company up and ask when the people are due to be coming back from their meeting or whatever it is. If they tell you it is tomorrow, play dumb and act confused - say you thought it was the next day. They'll either say the meeting has always been scheduled to end tomorrow, or that the meeting broke up a day early. Wanna bet you'll catch her in another lie? Tell her you know when the meeting is over because you called the company and they told you. Ask her if spending a day with her new lover boy was worth throwing away her entire marriage over. You know, now that I think of it, when you call them be prepared for them to tell you it was over yesterday...

 

Another thing. Go into the computer and see if you can find any messages from before the meeting - if there is a history, be prepared to see that your wife has been maneuvering and planning this outing for a long time. At the very least, back up the entire computer to a portable usb drive so you have documentation. When she gets home, the first thing she will do is wipe that computer clean, but you will have a copy in a safe place.

 

It might also be a good idea to install a key logger in it while she is gone. Undoubtedly, she and this guy have been in touch and she will try to get in touch with him again... Damn, man, I feel truly bad for you. This is the third go round for you.. what's with girls and their uncontrollable vaginas? It really seems that today, they have a fire down below for everyone but their husbands... Keep us posted, man. And stay strong.

[Poutrew]

She initiated..

 

Additionally reading her texts he told her he had to pick up an engineer at 6PM and she told him he should bring him along.. So she wasn't interested in being alone at least... Although "James" (His name now I know) said no he didnt want to share.

 

Wow, this can be read many different ways... Share what? Share dinner? Or share her? Does your wife have any kink in her at all? A perfect time to get her kink on would be when she is far away from home and there is absolutely no way hubby will ever find out...

 

Also, if you want to make sure she is actually sleeping in her own room tonight, first call her on the cell phone, around 2 A.M. When she answers it just say, "This is a reminder from your husband that he loves you. "

Then ring her hotel room phone. If she doesn't answer it, it is because she isn't there. She is in James's room...

Edited July 19, 2016 by Poutrew

[BryanMar]

Ok..

 

She sent me the itinerary for her flight home sent to her by travel at 9:00 AM this morning.. She had texted James this afternoon she was leaving Tues at 8:00AM so no she wasn't planning on spending the day with him.

 

No no there is no record of him before... I believe she met him last Tues in Tulsa.

 

No record of him on Facebook.. Ugh.

 

Yes she knows my past.. thats why when I told her I hated the fact I was reading her texts she said she understood why I did what I did. So she didn't get upset because I "Violated her privacy" whatever on that.

 

 

She didn't text him anymore.. Im sure she had to contact him someway to cancel her dinner plans but thats beyond my control. the texts are silent.

 

 

Update.. i asked her how she canceled their plans.. She caught him in the lobby.

Edited July 19, 2016 by BryanMar

[BryanMar]

So I texted my wife I know James number.. I told her I was tempted to call or text him. She said Go Ahead... Should I?