Author BryanMar Posted July 19, 2016 Author Share Posted July 19, 2016 I called her at 6:58 She was supposed to meet him at 7:30 Link to post Share on other sites
TobyBoy Posted July 19, 2016 Share Posted July 19, 2016 I called her at 6:58 She was supposed to meet him at 7:30 Meet him where? Resteruant? His room? Lobby? Oh, and dont bother texting the OM, she already warned him, he!! theyre probably together having a drink as we *speak*. Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted July 19, 2016 Share Posted July 19, 2016 So I texted my wife I know James number.. I told her I was tempted to call or text him. She said Go Ahead... Should I? Waste of time, you won't learn anything there. If they are more involved he will lie. What's your gut feeling here? I don't think your wife is cheating....however I find it abit oddshe didn't take the opportunity to text him to cancel the date knowing you could see the conversation....clearly she chose another form, maybe a quick trip to his room....i don't think you killed whatever momentum he was building to lure your wife into the sack....that us a small victory Link to post Share on other sites
66Charger Posted July 19, 2016 Share Posted July 19, 2016 Give it a hour, then yes but get another phone. Call your wife, then while she is on the line, call him from the second phone. If you hear the phone ring, from the other phone, and he picks up, ask to speak to your wife. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author BryanMar Posted July 19, 2016 Author Share Posted July 19, 2016 I really don't think in my gut they are together right now... I could sense she was scared when I confronted her. If they are and wish to continue this I'll find out... I'm not afraid of divorce... Unfortunately I am an old pro. Link to post Share on other sites
TobyBoy Posted July 19, 2016 Share Posted July 19, 2016 At the very least ck the phone records. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BryanMar Posted July 19, 2016 Author Share Posted July 19, 2016 (edited) Yes I will but ATT takes a day or so to update.. Whether she called him or as she told me ran him down in the lobby is inconsequential really.. But I can check for future calls.. At some point I'm going to have to make a decision... Either try to start trusting her again or divorce her.. I dont want to divorce so hope to start trusting again. I guess she'll need to earn that back Edited July 19, 2016 by BryanMar Link to post Share on other sites
Gr8fuln2020 Posted July 19, 2016 Share Posted July 19, 2016 At some point I'm going to have to make a decision... Either try to start trusting her again or divorce her.. I dont want to divorce so hope to start trusting again. I guess she'll need to earn that back Why don't you want to divorce? I can already see a dangerous reluctance to make an objective decision. So, if you find out she called him, etc. You will come up with another excuse to trust her? Link to post Share on other sites
TobyBoy Posted July 19, 2016 Share Posted July 19, 2016 Yes I will but ATT takes a day or so to update.. Whether she called him or as she told me ran him down in the lobby is inconsequential really.. But I can check for future calls.. At some point I'm going to have to make a decision... Either try to start trusting her again or divorce her.. I dont want to divorce so hope to start trusting again. I guess she'll need to earn that back I'm thinking more along the lines that she was also having phone sex with the guy!! You have his number, see how far back they been communicating. Link to post Share on other sites
standtall Posted July 19, 2016 Share Posted July 19, 2016 Well, OP I don't think she has done anything yet, but you have a problem here. Not necessarily divorce worthy, but a major sit down and figure out what to do next. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BryanMar Posted July 19, 2016 Author Share Posted July 19, 2016 No.im not at that point yet.. like I said before I don't believe they were intimate. I might have learned more if I had not called her tonight but I think I did the right thing. I did get caught up with a bit of emotion when I saw the texts planning for dinner. I kind of lost my cool. By reading the texts I learned she did not take him up on his offer to meet him in his room would she have declined tonight I would think she would have but I guess I'll never know now. I guess I need to start thinking about what I'm going to say to her when I get off work tomorrow and she'll be here. I would like to work things out. That is unless I find out she is still wants to see this guy or they were intimate which I don't think either is true. I guess time will tell Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted July 19, 2016 Share Posted July 19, 2016 I think you need to be very careful that you don't make this worse than it already is, bias and rose colored glasses can alter our views so be careful where you go at this point.. It could have been something non-threatening to your marriage or something that would have destroyed it but you and her are going to be the ones who sit down and go over the trust violations and see if you can move forward with your marriage, don't let the what if's get you fired up, since you don't know what the outcome of the what if's are... Good Luck Link to post Share on other sites
BettyDraper Posted July 19, 2016 Share Posted July 19, 2016 So what is your gut telling you? I think it's a bad sign that she clearly knew his intentions and still planned to and likely will still see him tonight (the whole happens in Vegas thing). This. It's also a bad sign that your wife blatantly lied. Why would she need to hide a dinner that was perfectly innocent or business related? I feel that when someone is married, it is best not to get into tempting situations. Repeatedly having dinner with someone of the opposite sex who is clearly attracted is inappropriate and dangerous in terms of maintaining fidelity. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
TobyBoy Posted July 19, 2016 Share Posted July 19, 2016 Has her evening time been accounted for? Has she called you - reassured you she's not with him? It's odd that she saw him in the lobby... Instead of just texting him like she usually has. They were probably together already. Link to post Share on other sites
Poutrew Posted July 19, 2016 Share Posted July 19, 2016 At the very least, I smell a polygraph in someone's immediate future... Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted July 19, 2016 Share Posted July 19, 2016 At the very least, I smell a polygraph in someone's immediate future... Seriously.. WTF... How is trying to get your wife to take a polygraph the right decision ? and have you ever had someone take one ? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
66Charger Posted July 19, 2016 Share Posted July 19, 2016 What this clearly illustrates, is the power of the lie. Dinners with the opposite sex, meh Text messages where she rebuffs...meh The lie and more lies....war. Link to post Share on other sites
Cephalopod Posted July 19, 2016 Share Posted July 19, 2016 I noticed it too. That to me is over the top. OP I think you need to ask her what he meant by that. You also need to ask her why she thought it was okay to go out with this man three nights in a row. What would she think if you did that with another woman? You should take a no tolerance stance with her. She knows your marital history. She knows you have been cheated on twice before. There is absolutely no excuse for her behaving this way. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lanah102 Posted July 19, 2016 Share Posted July 19, 2016 As a woman, I believe you should wait and continue to watch. if there is anything suggesting untoward behaviour then call her immediately and let her know. I would wait until she comes home and then tell her you saw all her texts and wait to see the response. If she becomes angry then it's safe to say your marriage is doomed. Link to post Share on other sites
Cablebandit Posted July 19, 2016 Share Posted July 19, 2016 She lied to you while she was with this guy at dinner and said she was alone? Link to post Share on other sites
Author BryanMar Posted July 19, 2016 Author Share Posted July 19, 2016 I'm going to have to take a break from this and take a deep breath. I'll come back with a status update in a couple of days. Thank you for everyone's advice I'll talk to you soon Link to post Share on other sites
lucy_in_disguise Posted July 19, 2016 Share Posted July 19, 2016 I think there are two ways to interpret all this: 1. You are the somewhat-jealous, possessive type, and your wife knows this. She is not experienced in traveling for work and wanted some company on this trip, not to cheat, but just to have someone to eat with and talk to (totally understandable). Rather than rocking the boat and telling you she was going to have dinner with another man (par for the course for men and women who travel for work a lot) she decided to... Say nothing. Thinking, what you don't know, won't hurt you. Except you found out, so it did. In this scenario, imo the fact that this guy hit on her is not very alarming. As a woman being flirted with in a similar fashion is a daily occurance. And yes it happens at work and during travel for work. It's a sad statement about our society, but most women are able to play it down without scking every dick on their way through the parking lot. 2. Worst case scenario. Your wife is generally shady and lies a lot. Knowing she'd be traveling for work, she seized the opportunity to cheat on you. She lied to protect herself from the truth. I don't know, #2 just doesn't strike me as all that realistic. Women have opportunities to cheat at every turn - there's no reason for her to wait to go on a business trip to do so. Imo the mistake she made was not being honest with you. I don't think she did this to conceal any important information so much as to avoid concerning you. Playing detective as you have been doing and trying to catch her in more lies to have a big row about it when she gets home is likely just going to cement for her that you don't trust her, and that you are jealous and possessive. I don't see that making it easier to be open the next time she's traveling and a dinner opportunity comes up. Not sure what the best way to handle it from here is. The best thing to do was not to snoop, if you trust her, and not make a mountain out of a molehill in the first place. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author BryanMar Posted July 19, 2016 Author Share Posted July 19, 2016 I know my wife... I know her background.. Her personality.. her past.. her values.. #1 is the likely scenario and is pretty much the exact way she explained it when I confronted her about what has been going on last night on the phone.. She told me she was lonely..(She had been there already a week and hadn't met anyone) Met him and enjoyed his company (and probably his flirts) She told me about meeting him on the phone but she said I didn't seem thrilled she had been talking to him so she decided not to tell me. (Which is true.. I wasn't too thrilled) My gut tells me she had no intentions to cheat. She told me I would have been upset if she went with him to dinner and yes I would have.. None of this justifies what she did by lying but it's her reasons I guess. So when she gets home we will have a long discussion about it and hopefully work on a plan to rebuild our trust. Thank you. Link to post Share on other sites
standtall Posted July 19, 2016 Share Posted July 19, 2016 She told me she was lonely..(She had been there already a week and hadn't met anyone) Met him and enjoyed his company (and probably his flirts) That is a problem...you have to take care of her emotional needs or she will get them from somewhere else. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author BryanMar Posted July 19, 2016 Author Share Posted July 19, 2016 (edited) Its hard to do that when she's in Tulsa and I'm home 6 hours away but your statement is very true. I guess the biggest problem I have about the whole situation is after he invited her into his room with texts like "You can come up but you'll have to keep your hands to yourself" (She declined) she agreed to meet him again for dinner. She told me she didnt catch the sexual inuindo in those texts.. She's too smart for that. She was enjoying his attention even if she wasnt going to have sex with hi,, I called her because when I realized it was going to be her last night I was afraid he was going to come on very heavy on her. So there ya go. Im going to stay off here for a while. I'll update when things settle. Thank you everyone for your help and advice. Bryan Edited July 19, 2016 by BryanMar Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts