sj1234 Posted July 18, 2016 Share Posted July 18, 2016 Id like to start off by saying that ive been in a relationship for over two years now with my "soulmate". This person is the air i breathe.. ive always been the kind of girl that dreams of having love like my parents have but i havent been lucky. The love of my life at the moment pretty much rescued me from a relationship when i was 18.. i was with this guy for two years as well but after numerous flings and love interests i finally left my first love. He wasnt a nice boy to me and the break up was beyond rough.. which forced me into the arms of my of my current boyfriend. It was a very fast hook up and he was very protective of me. I can honestly say id never been so confused from all the drama i lost over 30kg and i was in a really bad depression. My boy came along and gave me a reason to get out of the house and made me laugh and smile again.. to be completely honest he made me wanna live . Ive struggled with depression but this boy has always given me love like id never imagined. But the thing is... he has a girlfriend Our relationship began with a lot of passion and i knew he wanted to sleep with me from the begining.. turns out he and his girlfriend had a lot of trouble in bed long story short he found that with me it wasnt forced but it was out of affection that we got in bed together.. When i found out for sure he had a girlfriend (which he didnt clarify before we had sex) i was devastated.. i had just gone through being the girlfriend now i was the other girl.. at this point i was so numb i decided i just wanted to be with him... i needed him more than i could really explain. The thing about our relationship is that its intimate.. we are in love.. i know we are he never stops texting me, any xhance he gets hes arranging to come see me, take me to lunch, shopping, holidays. I even get invited to his house.. hes wanting to marry me.. he doesnt want to use protection. .. i feel like my heart and soul belongs to this man completely and i dont leave the house without him let alone talk to or look twice at another guy.. But hes not following through.. i feel like ive been a slack arse in being too easy to please.. i hate that ive become a side girlfriend i want to wake up next to him.. i feel like im in so much pain when i dream of him at home with her... In a few days ill be confronting our problems.. can anyone help me.. perhaps you have confronted your lover before and have some tips.. has anyone ever been in a relationship like mine and its turned out well? Im so lost and im so sad Link to post Share on other sites
pooldog Posted July 18, 2016 Share Posted July 18, 2016 My opinion. Do not give him an ultimatum. State you are leaving because you want to find a man who will commit to being with you and you alone and you don't want to share anymore. If he comes iwth you he is your and if he doesn't you won't be in pain and an side car you will find the one. Either way you win. Id like to start off by saying that ive been in a relationship for over two years now with my "soulmate". This person is the air i breathe.. ive always been the kind of girl that dreams of having love like my parents have but i havent been lucky. The love of my life at the moment pretty much rescued me from a relationship when i was 18.. i was with this guy for two years as well but after numerous flings and love interests i finally left my first love. He wasnt a nice boy to me and the break up was beyond rough.. which forced me into the arms of my of my current boyfriend. It was a very fast hook up and he was very protective of me. I can honestly say id never been so confused from all the drama i lost over 30kg and i was in a really bad depression. My boy came along and gave me a reason to get out of the house and made me laugh and smile again.. to be completely honest he made me wanna live . Ive struggled with depression but this boy has always given me love like id never imagined. But the thing is... he has a girlfriend Our relationship began with a lot of passion and i knew he wanted to sleep with me from the begining.. turns out he and his girlfriend had a lot of trouble in bed long story short he found that with me it wasnt forced but it was out of affection that we got in bed together.. When i found out for sure he had a girlfriend (which he didnt clarify before we had sex) i was devastated.. i had just gone through being the girlfriend now i was the other girl.. at this point i was so numb i decided i just wanted to be with him... i needed him more than i could really explain. The thing about our relationship is that its intimate.. we are in love.. i know we are he never stops texting me, any xhance he gets hes arranging to come see me, take me to lunch, shopping, holidays. I even get invited to his house.. hes wanting to marry me.. he doesnt want to use protection. .. i feel like my heart and soul belongs to this man completely and i dont leave the house without him let alone talk to or look twice at another guy.. But hes not following through.. i feel like ive been a slack arse in being too easy to please.. i hate that ive become a side girlfriend i want to wake up next to him.. i feel like im in so much pain when i dream of him at home with her... In a few days ill be confronting our problems.. can anyone help me.. perhaps you have confronted your lover before and have some tips.. has anyone ever been in a relationship like mine and its turned out well? Im so lost and im so sad 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Lobe Posted July 18, 2016 Share Posted July 18, 2016 But hes not following through.. i feel like ive been a slack arse in being too easy to please.. i hate that ive become a side girlfriend i want to wake up next to him.. i feel like im in so much pain when i dream of him at home with her... In a few days ill be confronting our problems.. can anyone help me.. perhaps you have confronted your lover before and have some tips.. has anyone ever been in a relationship like mine and its turned out well? Im so lost and im so sad Usually it ends in heartache and pain, for you, SJ. My husband's xOW has a blog online and your post could slide in there and fit right in. Your AP doesn't sound like he loves you, he sounds like a pig who is using you. Give him an ultimatum - her or you - and if he doesn't drop everything and hand you an engagement ring, slam the door shut when he leaves and don't open it for him again, until and unless. Here are some commonly known facts about affairs that you should know. He's more than likely not going to leave his girlfriend for you. It's possible, but highly improbable. When you confront him it will probably only increase the intensity of the affair - it's the push-pull that for whatever dumb reason perpetuates the affair cycle. The reason he can't get enough of you is not because he's in love with you but in love with the way being wanted by two women makes him feel. If you threaten to end things if he doesn't leave her for you he will either a) pour it on double-thick with a side of bacon drippings to keep you right where you are or b) give you the cold shoulder and hope that you chase him down again. That's usually how the game gets played. Affairs are often talked about as "addictions" - the "highs" are so intense because the relationship doesn't ever get to mature past infatuation and into the kind of deep, mutual affection and respect of relationships that follow a more natural course. It is not sustainable after the affair becomes the primary relationship. Therefore, statistically, most affairs run their course in 6 months to 2 years, with or without a d-day and regardless of whether the WS leaves their BS or not. Of these, less than 5% lead to marriage, and most of those fail. A lot of this is because the relationship fizzles out when it's no longer forbidden. All the talk he does about being married is called "future faking" and it's also a textbook technique for keeping you exactly where you are - waiting for him in the wings. Until and unless he puts a ring on it, USE CONDOMS AND THE PILL or you may end up like some of the other APs here who are single parents with absentee daddies. Get yourself out and find a boy who loves you so much that he forsakes all others to be with you and only you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
loveisanaction Posted July 18, 2016 Share Posted July 18, 2016 Yep, he may love you but he is not in love with you. He has a girlfriend (which he failed to tell you at the start of your relationship) but she is not legally bound to him. If they do not have any children together and he is so very much in love with you as you say he is then it should be very easy for him to walk away from his relationship with her and start a proper one with you. The fact is, he is choosing to not walk away, he is choosing to stay with her which can only mean he wants to be with her. If you give him an ultimatum there is s a possibility that he will not choose you; he would have already done so had he wanted to. I agree with Pooldog, end things with him. If breaks up with her and comes after you you'll have your answer. If he doesn't you'll have your answer. Either way you will have your answer. He can shout at the top of the Empire State building declaring his love for you but his actions will always tell you how he truly feels. Actions not words are what gives a person away. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ChickiePops Posted July 18, 2016 Share Posted July 18, 2016 What he did to you..that's not love. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BuddyX Posted July 18, 2016 Share Posted July 18, 2016 If you need to be rescued from someone as an adult, then you got a lot of growing up to do. Yes you are a side piece. And no, soulmates do not do this to one another. Subtract sex from the equation and pay attention to his actions. Honey, you need to focus on you. You do not need a man to complete you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
anika99 Posted July 18, 2016 Share Posted July 18, 2016 You need to confront yourself. You write as if your happiness, your very life depends on having a guy. This guy had to rescue you from your pain over the last guy and now you're hanging onto this guy for dear life. That is a problem within you and until you overcome it you will bounce from one guy to the next. They will all take advantage of your neediness because that's the kind of guy you are attracting. Ditch this guy. He is using you and lying to you. There is nothing keeping him from breaking up with his gf if that's what he wanted. I don't believe he isn't having great sex with his gf, but for arguments sake lets just say he's telling the truth and sex with his gf really sucks. That means your role in his life is to provide him sex and the reason he picked you is because you're willing to give him ongoing sex even knowing that he has a gf and that he's a cheater. Most women enjoy great sex as much as guys do so if he ever does leave his gf he there will be tons of girls available to him and how could you ever trust him? Consider some counselling to deal with your depression and self esteem issues. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Maggie888 Posted July 19, 2016 Share Posted July 19, 2016 If he wanted to break up with his girlfriend and be fully with you, he already would have. But he hasnt. And he isnt tied to her with marriage or kids. So the only reason he is with her is he wants to be. Either accept being OW and always a secret on thr sude of his real life, or cut off all contact with him. There is no in between. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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