What is wrong with dating someone who lives in the basement of his parent's house?

[Gr8fuln2020]

Okay, ladies. This is especially for you. I have never done this and don't see myself doing this, but I do have a couple of male friends who have moved back into their parent's homes. One of them is very capable of living on his own, but chooses not to b/c he wants to save money. So, my question is: "Under what circumstances would you be okay dating someone who is still living at home?"

[startingagain15]

If they are under the age of 23, have a good job and are saving with intent to move out or are going to school with the intent to move out when a good job is secured would be the only case I would have been okay with.

 

Any man older than that may have a good reason that makes perfect sense, but I would not date them.

[Larryville]

"Under what circumstances would you be okay dating someone who is still living at home?"

 

I’m just going to throw this out there. Went to California to visit my brother and his son (my nephew of course) lives at home. Now does spend some significant time at his girlfriends but does not “officially” live with her. He is a software engineer in Silicon Valley and makes low six figures is 33, has ridiculous bank account but drives around in an old 1994 Honda, dresses kinda like a bum. I love him dearly, is a great guy, funny, intelligent handsome dude but his cavalier attitude towards life and women would not make his let’s just say “husband” material because he is selfish.

 

Maybe he would be cool in a full-fledged relationship. Has been with same girlfriend for several years now but told me (nobody else knows as of yet) he is going to break up with her, is planning a trip to Thailand with a bunch of his old military buds has not told her. Going for a month.

 

I got out of my parents home at 18 and the thought I would be living with them past 18 for any reason would be mind-boggling, kids do so nowadays and is incomprehensible to me at least but to each their own.

Not necessarily millennial bashing, although the behaviors of many baffle me…

Continuing to live with parents creates a mental and financial safety net that kids should want to grow out of, those who choose NOT TO, creates a dependency that does not nor will ever translate to a relationship with a significant other.

 

I know I’m old fashioned and have heard all the excuses (I work on a college campus, I listen to what these kids say) but any woman who would consider such a dude ignoring an obvious red flag does not make sense to me. At home for college MAYBE... Especially if SHE is on her own, just asking for trouble. IMHO

[kendahke]

Okay, ladies. This is especially for you. I have never done this and don't see myself doing this, but I do have a couple of male friends who have moved back into their parent's homes. One of them is very capable of living on his own, but chooses not to b/c he wants to save money. So, my question is: "Under what circumstances would you be okay dating someone who is still living at home?"

 

There is a distinction here:

 

Living at home because he is working towards a tangible goal, such as saving money for whatever purpose; be it a house, an activity/bucket list thing he wants to do, doing some catching up on fattening up his retirement--but he is in no way dependent upon his parents for his style of living.

 

living at home because he is dependent upon/taking advantage of his parents in any way/shape or form because he lacks motivation or his parents coddle him.

[PegNosePete]

It's a stereotype: men who live in their parents basements are generally overweight, either long hair or bald but definitely greasy, live by their parents strict rules, have never had a girlfriend, spend all their money on jolt cola or mountain dew, and their only hobbies are playing world of warcraft and dressing up as characters from world of warcraft.

 

As a stereotype there are some who conform to it and some who don't.

 

There are some who refuse to date them because of the stereotype (whether applicable or not), and some who judge each individual, individually.

[DramaInPajamas]

Depends where you live.

 

Where I live property is hideously expensive to buy and rent is expensive too.

 

If you leave home and pay private rent then you'll never save up enough for a down payment on your own home.

 

So a few people I knew went home to save for their down payment. As they couldn't save and pay high rents.

 

Needs must.

[stillafool]

What does he look like?

[Gr8fuln2020]

Any man older than that may have a good reason that makes perfect sense, but I would not date them.

 

Thanks, but why not?

 

Another piece of information. For one of my friends, it is likely that he will inherit the house. So, he is helping out, paying (his insistence) some money for utilities/food, but no rent. And is a single father. The other one is lost and "looking" for his role in life. Single.

[Gr8fuln2020]

What does he look like?

 

Well, both guys have never had real problems dating. So, I guess you would consider them good looking and the one friend who is a single father is in pretty good shape, sharp and creative.

[Gr8fuln2020]

Depends where you live.

 

Where I live property is hideously expensive to buy and rent is expensive too.

 

If you leave home and pay private rent then you'll never save up enough for a down payment on your own home.

 

So a few people I knew went home to save for their down payment. As they couldn't save and pay high rents.

 

Needs must.

 

Ha. My own sister did this. Now she is a miserable home-owner!

[Gr8fuln2020]

It's a stereotype: men who live in their parents basements are generally overweight, either long hair or bald but definitely greasy, live by their parents strict rules, have never had a girlfriend, spend all their money on jolt cola or mountain dew, and their only hobbies are playing world of warcraft and dressing up as characters from world of warcraft.

 

As a stereotype there are some who conform to it and some who don't.

 

There are some who refuse to date them because of the stereotype (whether applicable or not), and some who judge each individual, individually.

 

I would say that the one who is a bit lost is a gamer. Likely depressed. But, the other guy is not a gamer and very out-going, active and has his head on straight.

[Redhead14]

Okay, ladies. This is especially for you. I have never done this and don't see myself doing this, but I do have a couple of male friends who have moved back into their parent's homes. One of them is very capable of living on his own, but chooses not to b/c he wants to save money. So, my question is: "Under what circumstances would you be okay dating someone who is still living at home?"

 

"Under what circumstances would you be okay dating someone who is still living at home?" -- When I really liked the guy, had a place of my own, who paid for going out and when I only wanted casual dating without expectations of being supported or owning a home or having a family with him.

 

If he's goal minded and actually saving for his future, no biggie, as long as there is progress toward that goal and he is being responsible -- isn't actually blowing all that he should be saving on crap . . .

[startingagain15]

Thanks, but why not?

 

Another piece of information. For one of my friends, it is likely that he will inherit the house. So, he is helping out, paying (his insistence) some money for utilities/food, but no rent. And is a single father. The other one is lost and "looking" for his role in life. Single.

 

Probably for some of the stereotypes listed in some of the replies above. I would see a man who lives with his parents as unmotivated, dependent on his parents, someone who is not good with money etc.

 

My bf's son has chosen to continue to live at home even though he has a good paying job and could easily share an apartment with friends. He instead chooses to spend his money on boats, motorcycles, etc. and lives rent free off of his parents. And because they are divorced neither will be the bad parent and kick him out or start charging him rent. So the subject is a touchy one with me currently.

 

I'm a single widowed mom of four and I would no way ever move back in with my parents. I was out the minute I turned 18. Like I said they may have a good reason for it, but it wouldn't work for me.

[Gr8fuln2020]

Okay. I can see that my friend who is looking for a place in this world would not be ideal, so I'll just focus on my responsible buddy.

 

Responsible buddy:

 

1. Will likely inherit the house in a very nice neighborhood. House already paid for.

2. Very good job with good income.

3. Once a home owner, but doesn't feel the need to go back to that.

4. Has kids.

5. I don't know if dating is a priority right now. Not sure. But have not known him to be w/o a GF or married (divorced now and married only once) since I've known him.

 

He is financially responsible, so not blowing his money he saves.

[Gr8fuln2020]

Probably for some of the stereotypes listed in some of the replies above. I would see a man who lives with his parents as unmotivated, dependent on his parents, someone who is not good with money etc.

 

My bf's son has chosen to continue to live at home even though he has a good paying job and could easily share an apartment with friends. He instead chooses to spend his money on boats, motorcycles, etc. and lives rent free off of his parents. And because they are divorced neither will be the bad parent and kick him out or start charging him rent. So the subject is a touchy one with me currently.

 

I'm a single widowed mom of four and I would no way ever move back in with my parents. I was out the minute I turned 18. Like I said they may have a good reason for it, but it wouldn't work for me.

 

Thanks. Oh, no he's motivated and I don't think he's a moocher. I don't get that sense. He is planning to convert a part of the basement into a design studio. Do some business/work out of the house.

[elaine567]

Okay. I can see that my friend who is looking for a place in this world would not be ideal, so I'll just focus on my responsible buddy.

 

Responsible buddy:

 

1. Will likely inherit the house in a very nice neighborhood. House already paid for.

2. Very good job with good income.

3. Once a home owner, but doesn't feel the need to go back to that.

4. Has kids.

5. I don't know if dating is a priority right now. Not sure. But have not known him to be w/o a GF or married (divorced now and married only once) since I've known him.

 

He is financially responsible, so not blowing his money he saves.

 

Ok he will inherit, but when exactly?

Could be decades in the future.

Is he going to be looking after said parents when they become infirm?

Who really wants to look after the elderly parents of their bf/husband, as no doubt he will be nowhere to be seen when the catheter bag needs changing...

[Emilia]

I left my home country when I was 20 to move to the UK so I would find it difficult I suppose to date someone who can't even leave their parents' house.

 

However, at least in London, I recognise that the younger generation have it harder and obviously as I am 44, it is extremely unlikely that I will meet anyone who still lives with his parents - let alone date him.

 

When I was in my 20s, rent tended to be a smaller % of wages, that much is true. Having said that, what I have noticed is that people who don't leave home or move back often have a sense of entitlement to the sort of starter home that would be beyond the reach of many anyway.

 

I would also say that, no matter what age, it would be hard for me to relate to someone that didn't strive for independence, to spread their wings and carve out a bit of future for themselves. I lived in my fair share of dodgy bedsits, etc before buying my own place. I dated one guy who moved from his parents' home to his own house then back to his parents' home again when he divorced, rather than live on his own or rent or house share. I found him a bit sheltered and we didn't have much in common.

[Gr8fuln2020]

Ok he will inherit, but when exactly?

Could be decades in the future.

Is he going to be looking after said parents when they become infirm?

Who really wants to look after the elderly parents of their bf/husband, as no doubt he will be nowhere to be seen when the catheter bag needs changing...

 

Yeah. I don't know. His parents are in great shape and he's told me that when the time comes that things go south, they already have things arranged to not be a burden to their kids. Yeah, it could be years. In the end, he has mentioned that moving out would be a very possible option, but for now he doesn't see the benefit of it. Maybe a nice lady would quickly convince him.

[Emilia]

Okay. I can see that my friend who is looking for a place in this world would not be ideal, so I'll just focus on my responsible buddy.

 

Responsible buddy:

 

1. Will likely inherit the house in a very nice neighborhood. House already paid for.

2. Very good job with good income.

3. Once a home owner, but doesn't feel the need to go back to that.

4. Has kids.

5. I don't know if dating is a priority right now. Not sure. But have not known him to be w/o a GF or married (divorced now and married only once) since I've known him.

 

He is financially responsible, so not blowing his money he saves.

1. This is what I meant by entitled in my previous post. Can't stand that mentality.

2. Good for him but he sounds lazy.

3. See point 2.

4. Well that would be a dealbreaker for me anyway but it sort of questions how good a father he can be when he can't even motivate himself to get his butt out of his parents' house.

[Gr8fuln2020]

I would also say that, no matter what age, it would be hard for me to relate to someone that didn't strive for independence, to spread their wings and carve out a bit of future for themselves. I lived in my fair share of dodgy bedsits, etc before buying my own place. I dated one guy who moved from his parents' home to his own house then back to his parents' home again when he divorced, rather than live on his own or rent or house share. I found him a bit sheltered and we didn't have much in common.

 

Hi. Thanks for the response. This guy has been on his own since he was in his early twenties. The idea of living with his parents is a new development. He is very independent. He just got out of a relationship as well. Oh, he is not sheltered. Well traveled and devoted father. He is kind of nutty about his kids. I respect him for that. I know that I could do better with my own, but I have an ex to deal with. Ha.

[Emilia]

Hi. Thanks for the response. This guy has been on his own since he was in his early twenties. The idea of living with his parents is a new development. He is very independent. He just got out of a relationship as well. Oh, he is not sheltered. Well traveled and devoted father. He is kind of nutty about his kids. I respect him for that. I know that I could do better with my own, but I have an ex to deal with. Ha.

He can't be independent if he lives with his parents. That's an oxymoron. I met plenty of well-traveled people during my journeys who couldn't think their way out of a paperbag, it really doesn't mean anything.

[Toodaloo]

Okay, ladies. This is especially for you. I have never done this and don't see myself doing this, but I do have a couple of male friends who have moved back into their parent's homes. One of them is very capable of living on his own, but chooses not to b/c he wants to save money. So, my question is: "Under what circumstances would you be okay dating someone who is still living at home?"

 

I wouldn't.

 

I like to open up the old vocal chords when I come so there is NO WAY I am sharing my orgasms with his mother...

 

If your friend was nutty about his kids he would be finding a place that is suitable for them to come and stay... Mummys basement is NOT that place...

[Gr8fuln2020]

He can't be independent if he lives with his parents. That's an oxymoron. I met plenty of well-traveled people during my journeys who couldn't think their way out of a paperbag, it really doesn't mean anything.

 

Ha ha! No, this guy is sharp. He probably knows how to make that paper bag that he's in. Again, new development. I don't know. I have this feeling that he is not all that excited about living in the basement, but it is an opportunity for him to re-orient himself. Don't know.

[Gr8fuln2020]

I wouldn't.

 

I like to open up the old vocal chords when I come so there is NO WAY I am sharing my orgasms with his mother...

 

If your friend was nutty about his kids he would be finding a place that is suitable for them to come and stay... Mummys basement is NOT that place...

 

I thought about that. Having sex in the basement...ugh. When I say basement, technically it is, but it has multiple bedrooms, etc. I could be a large multi-bedroom apartment on its own. Nice. Space not an issue.

[mg101]

Never again! My recent ex lived with his two sisters. I gave him the same benefit of the doubt at first - maybe he's saving up, has bigger plans, etc. Yeah no, it was an indication of other things that came to light - he was irresponsible, selfish and had no real ambition or plan. Plus 90% of our time ended up being spent at my place, where i paid the bill and i cleaned up the mess he left behind. Boring and annoying. NEVER AGAIN!