SweetSerenity Posted June 28, 2005 Share Posted June 28, 2005 I thought your MM had already moved into your apartment? Isn't that what you told the other girls over on the "Some people have low standards" thread? Or at least thats what I thought you said. Has he still not made his move? Moderator's Note: The first four posts in this thread were split from a different thread because they were off-topic, and were merged with this thread, to which they directly pertain. Link to post Share on other sites
Marie1973 Posted June 29, 2005 Share Posted June 29, 2005 NO he hasn't made his move yet. He lives in my apartment for the summer since his wife & 2 daughters live down the shore the whole summer. But i give him til the end of July to tell her & move in totally. I am to the point where enough is enough already. We have been together for 2 years & 8 months & the passed full year he was supposed to leave his W, but hasn't. I"m just about fed up. So I might be joining the woman who wrote this post . Link to post Share on other sites
joodee Posted June 29, 2005 Share Posted June 29, 2005 So Marie, is he spending the night at the apartment? That would say alot to me as to where this is all heading, I think. Link to post Share on other sites
Marie1973 Posted June 29, 2005 Share Posted June 29, 2005 Joodee Yes he spends as much time as he can at the apartment & hasn't been down the shore to see his family. So we will see, 1 last month! Link to post Share on other sites
Marie1973 Posted June 29, 2005 Share Posted June 29, 2005 Hello All Again Well guys July is just around the corner. As you all know its the last chance for my MM to leave! For those of u who are new, we have been together for 2 years 8 months now. For the passed year he said that he was going to leave. Then he said definitely by the end of July. He has been living at my apt. for the summer, since his wife & daughters live down the shore for the whole summer. He hasn't been down there once yet to visit. So its now or never guys to totally leave & tell his W. I'm to the point where if he doesn't leave, stick a fork in me I'm done!! I don't want this relationship anymore come August if he didn't leave yet. I could only take so much!! Its going to be tough, but I have to do it. So guys, we shall see, I'll keep u all posted! Go ahead people rip me apart, I know its coming!! Link to post Share on other sites
ReluctantRomeo Posted June 29, 2005 Share Posted June 29, 2005 Originally posted by Marie1973 Go ahead people rip me apart, I know its coming!! No ripping apart, just sympathy. I'm sorry. From what I understand, OWs get strung along a lot with these lines. I hope it works out for you. If it doesn't, please walk and don't look back. And find yourself a nice guy who will be yours and yours alone. No cheating, no secrets. Link to post Share on other sites
ww Posted June 29, 2005 Share Posted June 29, 2005 we never want to rip you. we just try to express our opinions. tell how we see it. best of the luck Marie!!!! we are all here for you! Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted June 29, 2005 Share Posted June 29, 2005 Perhaps I've misread this, but I had thought that it was 'until July'...now I'm reading 'by the end of July'. Marie, you seriously should just put a line in the sand a LOT closer...and NOT move it at all anymore. Tell him that he's got a week to make it happen...he's had two years to make it happen, and there is NO REASON why he should keep this up any longer. Just my thoughts... Link to post Share on other sites
Mz. Pixie Posted June 29, 2005 Share Posted June 29, 2005 Hi Marie, I was wondering where things were standing. Keep us updated. Link to post Share on other sites
confused4awhile Posted June 29, 2005 Share Posted June 29, 2005 Marie all I can suggest to you is to read my current thread- these guys are good at doing what they have to - to contiue the double life and very seldom are THEY the ones that actually do anything to END the relationship whether you give them an ultimatum or not. They're such good liars how will YOU know for sure if he ends it for good or not...trust me on this- from what I'm reading here he and his wife have a distant relationship anyway if they are living apart...it will be very easy for him to play both sides if he chooses to and even if he doesn't...will you be able to trust him???? Think long and hard about this ...as I said I know all to well on this one Link to post Share on other sites
Marie1973 Posted June 29, 2005 Share Posted June 29, 2005 Wow guys i really thought i was going to get nasty replies. Thanks for all your support, i'll need it.Thanks for your opinions I know I can get very upset when I get ripped apart in the passed, sorry about that. Its a hard position to be in. I will have to figure out a way to know for sure that he really left his W. I guess if every single thing he owns is in our apartment, then thats a sign. I will keep u all posted on what happens. I will NEVER EVER get involved EVER again with a married man if this doesn't work out, NO MATTER what my heart tells me. I learned a HUGE lesson with this one. Once I hear married, I will run like HELL!! Link to post Share on other sites
newbby Posted June 29, 2005 Share Posted June 29, 2005 marie honey, i dont know what to say, i think it'll take actually missing you for him to make his move. nothing has changed in your relationship, therefore i cannot see him changing things, remember he is a 40+ man, they dont like change. for him to shift his a$$, you need a change in the dynamics of your relationship. you need to actually SHOW him what its like to not have you in his life. he has gotten pretty complacent, he knows what will happen, july will come he will give you an excuse, you will cry, maybe not see him for a little while, he will maybe leave you alone for a few days, so that you miss him, then he will contact you, say sweet words, say it breaks his heart to hurt you, say he is definetly leaving in september.... ((hugs)) Link to post Share on other sites
confused4awhile Posted June 29, 2005 Share Posted June 29, 2005 <-------agrees with EVERYTHING NEWBBY is saying...it is true and thats is how it works.Sweeite even IF he moved all his stuff over there...what stops him from trying to make things right with his wife? Think about this.....do you want to worry about what he's doing every minute you aren't with him? It's easy to say you won't....but once you "have" them you do...as I Said I'm there and living it now Link to post Share on other sites
Marie1973 Posted June 29, 2005 Share Posted June 29, 2005 Ok my posts are all out of wack!! Anyway, Yes i think it will take my MM to lose me & miss me to actually make his move, u r right newwby. I totally agree with u there. & there is NO WAY IN HELL that he is going to tell me September, I am soooooooooooooooooo done after July. No it was always the end of July not the beginning. Think u misunderstood. THis passed June, I was PMS"ing soooooooooooo bad & was sooooooooooo fed up with my MM that I almost called it off before July. I honestly, really can't take anymore of this crap. If he doesn't leave in July, I no longer what to be in this relationship anymore. This may sound crazy but my mother & father are making sure that I stick to my word this time. They aren't letting me forget that July is the deadline. & I promised them that after July I swear its over. I can't let them down!! Link to post Share on other sites
joodee Posted June 29, 2005 Share Posted June 29, 2005 Marie, I know what you're feeling. Sounds like you are reaching your limit. I have a thread that I put up a few days ago, you might want to check it out if you haven't already. I think I told myself in the back of my mind that if my ex-MM didn't attempt to include me in his daughter's graduation festivities, I was completely gone. Cause that would tell me that he didn't want me there not because he's afraid of me getting near his daughter (I've only had distance "meetings" with her, and she and I got along great), but it was because he wanted to hide what was really going on between him and W, and that I should really settle for the crumbs of being 2nd. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Debster Posted June 29, 2005 Share Posted June 29, 2005 Say he does leave his wife in July - are you still going to want a baby? How does your MM fit into that plan? Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted June 29, 2005 Share Posted June 29, 2005 So guys, we shall see, I'll keep u all posted! Go ahead people rip me apart, I know its coming!! Noone is going to kick you, especially if you're down and out by the end of July... Keep your eyes open, DON'T ASK HIM, let him bring it up. He KNOWS the deal, so you don't have to remind him. I don't know what else to say hon, except be ready for anything. Be strong, don't allow him to say, End of the summer, or early September...Remember, there is always going to be another reason why he can't or won't move in...When and IF that does happen, it's time for you to walk away from him, no matter how painful it will be. You deserve a man who will be "just" yours, someone who will love you and ONLY you. I know you love him and he's been a huge part of your life for over 2 years now, but he has a life with a wife and children...He may not know how to start over either...Or really want to, I think he likes things as they are. I have no doubt that he loves you, ofcourse he does - But it's unfair to you to not have ALL of him... Maybe instead of 'waiting' for him, keep yourself busy, even do some research into finding a good therapist, because you may need one...Better to have somebody ready to talk to...If you know what I mean...I don't know how you handle crisis, but I do know a therapist can help you cope, deal with the pain and learn how to go on without him. Heading out on holidays for 2 weeks soon, so I'll catch up on this thread when I'm back. Take care Marie. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SweetSerenity Posted June 29, 2005 Author Share Posted June 29, 2005 It would drive me nuts, though I can understand where you're at with it all. It makes perfect sense. I would do what I think Owl said. Draw that line in the sand a little closer. I wouldn't tolerate nonsense, not that I'm saying you are. But I do wish you a most favorable outcome and the best of luck with it all. Link to post Share on other sites
Marie1973 Posted June 29, 2005 Share Posted June 29, 2005 Thanks guys I will keep you all posted!! Yes i am at the end of my rope with this one. Its time to sh** or get off the pot already. I reached my limit. I knew that i would, it just takes me a little more than the normal person. I don't think i will need a therapist. I know that there is a good chance that he wont be leaving so I prepared for it. And to answer your ? Debster, if my MM does leave his wife, then "we" will have a baby together & the baby will have a live in father!! :-) I guess a few of u know exactly how i'm feeling, joodee, confused. Its all in his court now. Hope he makes the right decision. Link to post Share on other sites
Debster Posted June 29, 2005 Share Posted June 29, 2005 Glad to know that he is willing to be a dad again. Some guys don't want to once they near 40 (unless of course, they don't have any)! Link to post Share on other sites
Marie1973 Posted June 29, 2005 Share Posted June 29, 2005 Yes Even though he is older, he still wants to have kids with me. He knows how special that is to me & is willing to have them with me :-). But we will see this July if that was all "what i wanna hear." Link to post Share on other sites
joodee Posted June 29, 2005 Share Posted June 29, 2005 Yes, be careful on that one. My ex-mm kept saying to my face he wanted to have kids with me, but behind my back he was complaining to his other "OW" that I wanted to BREED, and he didn't want to. And I want kids badly. That should have been enough for me to run like heck. So be careful he's not just telling you that to appease you. Hang in there. Link to post Share on other sites
Miffy Posted June 30, 2005 Share Posted June 30, 2005 I wouldn't move your deadline nearer as it makes you seem indecisive (if you can change it once you can change it again). Just keep firmly fixed on 31 July for him being in. Moving takes a few days anyway so you should be sensing whether he is going to meet the deadline a few days before. Don't mention the deadline, you don't want to come across as a nagger. You have told him enough times now so he knows how you feel. And I agree that you need to get some support set up - close friend, therapist - whoever - who can kick in and spend quality time helping you get through the first week in August if he does not make his move. Good therapists book up fast so I would be tempted to book a few sessions for that week anyway - even if he does move in there are bound to be issues so your money in my opinion would not be wasted. Hope you are ok Link to post Share on other sites
ReluctantRomeo Posted June 30, 2005 Share Posted June 30, 2005 Originally posted by Miffy Don't mention the deadline, you don't want to come across as a nagger. You have told him enough times now so he knows how you feel. Exactly. Do this with all the calmness and serenity you can muster. I agree about not moving the deadline in either direction - it will just make you look weak. The cards have already been dealt, play this hand out accordingly and to the best of your ability. Knowing that it might be a no-win situation, but determined to do your best. And keep your dignity. Link to post Share on other sites
Marie1973 Posted June 30, 2005 Share Posted June 30, 2005 I wrote him a letter & was going to give it to him July 1st. It says how I feel & says that i hope he makes the right decision, saying that he has 1 last month to make his move, etc. You guys don't think that I should give it to him? U think I should just leave it & don't mention it? Link to post Share on other sites
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