confused4awhile Posted June 30, 2005 Share Posted June 30, 2005 Originally posted by Marie1973 I wrote him a letter & was going to give it to him July 1st. It says how I feel & says that i hope he makes the right decision, saying that he has 1 last month to make his move, etc. You guys don't think that I should give it to him? U think I should just leave it & don't mention it? Personally I guess I feel differently- I WOULD give it to him and then not mention it again. I know when I agreed to give mine 6 months every month I would remind him that he had one LESS month. One month before he was out of time he "told" me he had taken care of things just to find out he had not a month later. SO basically if it makes YOU feel better to do it - who gives a damn how it makes him feel. Just my two cents Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted June 30, 2005 Share Posted June 30, 2005 I may have missed this: but does his W know? I would think that if he's living with you in that apartment that she's bound to know something is up. Link to post Share on other sites
SexKitten Posted June 30, 2005 Share Posted June 30, 2005 when i see things like "last chance to leave--july......he better be gone by august", and "live-in father", i do not see it as hopeful. Link to post Share on other sites
Mz. Pixie Posted June 30, 2005 Share Posted June 30, 2005 Marie, I wouldn't do a letter. I'd just firmly tell him. Then do not mention it again. If he truly wants to leave and you tell him that this is his final chance he will do it without you reminding him. Link to post Share on other sites
erika2610 Posted July 1, 2005 Share Posted July 1, 2005 Originally posted by SexKitten when i see things like "last chance to leave--july......he better be gone by august", and "live-in father", i do not see it as hopeful. Well, she's said like 3 times now that she's only giving him another month. "til the end if March.. til the end of April, and now July..' maybe not the exact months, but the point is she's said all this before.. Link to post Share on other sites
ReluctantRomeo Posted July 1, 2005 Share Posted July 1, 2005 Originally posted by erika2610 Well, she's said like 3 times now that she's only giving him another month. "til the end if March.. til the end of April, and now July..' maybe not the exact months, but the point is she's said all this before.. But she didn't say *which* March, April and July Link to post Share on other sites
Marie1973 Posted July 1, 2005 Share Posted July 1, 2005 hahha very funny guys yes i know i have said this before but now i am at the end of my rope, i reached my boiling point. After july i no longer want this relationship I'm the type that it takes me awhile to get to my boiling point, but once i get there, aventually, thats it. I take alot until, BOOM i explode. I am about to explode. Link to post Share on other sites
Marie1973 Posted July 1, 2005 Share Posted July 1, 2005 Ok we are going out to dinner tonight I think I am going to give him the letter tonight! Link to post Share on other sites
Miffy Posted July 1, 2005 Share Posted July 1, 2005 Please don't give him the letter. Link to post Share on other sites
newbby Posted July 1, 2005 Share Posted July 1, 2005 i agree, dont give him the letter, he already knows the deal. if you do then you may well find he turns around and blames you for pushing him or nagging at him. if you give him the letter you are telling him you dont believe that he will leave, if you are saying with your actions that you dont believe he will leave and yet are continuing to see him, it tells him that you dont expect him to leave and yet you will still see him. it weakens rather than strengthens your position. Link to post Share on other sites
Marie1973 Posted July 2, 2005 Share Posted July 2, 2005 Ok guys Well i just got back from dinner. My MM & I had the best time at dinner tonight. I never laughed so hard in my life. We are always joking around & at dessert I flung a berry from my plate to his, then i tried it again & it hit him straight square in the eye. hahah Oh god, i guess u had to be there. We act like such children when we are together. I was laughing so hard when I did this that i was crying. OH GOD. Then he asked how my day went & I said pretty good for PMS'ing. He said "u r in a great mood to be PMS'ing. I said "OH, I have a letter in my purse for u don't let the good mood fool you". So then i gave him the letter & he read it during dessert & then ripped it up. I said what was that for, he said " u r talking stupid, there is no need for you to write that." ther is no need for the letter. I said ok, we will see. So that was it. We had such a great time tonight. I hope this continues , ball is in his court now. I'll keep u all posted. Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted July 2, 2005 Share Posted July 2, 2005 Does his W know about this? She's bound to on some level if he is living with you. Link to post Share on other sites
Marie1973 Posted July 2, 2005 Share Posted July 2, 2005 No the wife doesn't know about this. She lives down the shore for the summer, so she has no clue. He says that their marriage was over long time ago, but of course he's gonna say that i know. We will see guys. Link to post Share on other sites
lynnspies1 Posted July 2, 2005 Share Posted July 2, 2005 My husband of 15 years had an affair earlier this year. When I first became suspicious that something was going on we had a huge fight and he said that he had been unhappy for many years and that to him our marriage was over. It was a shock to me because honestly I thought things were fine. We were still intimate almost daily, we did the normal family stuff with our kids, we still had good times. When I found out about the OW it got ugly and I wanted answers from both of them. I question if I had lived closer to her would I have done something stupid like get in a fight with her or slash her tires. It is strange taht women feel that way about their spouse that has cheated. My anger and hurt was soon redirected at my husband. You are going to go through a difficult emotional time when she does find out and you need to take steps to protect the health of your baby. Stress during pregnancy can have negative effects on the baby, so as much as you can you need to take care of your self and make sure that the MM attends to his wife during the time following when the wife finds out so that you won't be in the middle. I am sure you have thought about how difficult it will be for his wife when she finds out that not only has her husband had an affair, he had unprotected sex and oh, by the way he is going to have a baby and one other thing (if it happens) he is leaving his wife and family. I was insane when I found out and there was no baby involved! Don't put it past the wife to fly off the handle. Link to post Share on other sites
Marie1973 Posted July 2, 2005 Share Posted July 2, 2005 Lynn??????????????? What r u talking about?? I don't have a baby nor am i pregnant by my MM. I think u miss understood one of the posts in here. Link to post Share on other sites
newbby Posted July 2, 2005 Share Posted July 2, 2005 lynnspies, are you still with your h? Link to post Share on other sites
lynnspies1 Posted July 3, 2005 Share Posted July 3, 2005 Sorry Marie, My bad, thank God for the would be baby! Newby, Yes, we stayed together and have been in the throws of MC. He left for just a short time and came back. He said he was stupid, not really in love with her just loved the newness of it all. It sucked bad and still does in many ways. We have small kids and it has been very hard on them even though they don't know (they know something was going on though). I still don't know what will happen and am just trying to live in the moment. Infidelity is tragic and I wish the best for anyone involved especially the kids. Link to post Share on other sites
newbby Posted July 3, 2005 Share Posted July 3, 2005 wish you luck, i'm sure you can sort it out. if love is there, you'll make it. Link to post Share on other sites
Miffy Posted July 6, 2005 Share Posted July 6, 2005 Marie, how's it going? Any positive signs that he is moving in? Link to post Share on other sites
Marie1973 Posted July 7, 2005 Share Posted July 7, 2005 Hello Things are great with my MM but haven't seen any signs of him moving yet i asked & he said, "i got everything taken care of" so we will see, only 3 weeks left. getting nervous Link to post Share on other sites
Marie1973 Posted July 8, 2005 Share Posted July 8, 2005 Hello guys Ok 3 weeks left to go in July I'm getting really nervous. What if my MM doesn't leave? Its really going to kill me. I never felt a love so strong like i feel with him. This is going to kill me if he ends up not leaving like u all say. I hope this MM is different. I am going to be devistated!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Miffy Posted July 8, 2005 Share Posted July 8, 2005 Hi Marie, everything crossed for you, I am hoping for good news from you. Just wondering - how is he planning to tell his wife? Does he have children? Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted July 8, 2005 Share Posted July 8, 2005 Originally posted by Marie1973 Hello guys Ok 3 weeks left to go in July I'm getting really nervous. What if my MM doesn't leave? Its really going to kill me. I never felt a love so strong like i feel with him. This is going to kill me if he ends up not leaving like u all say. I hope this MM is different. I am going to be devistated!!!! Please, please, please - a hundred times please... HAVE SOME EMOTIONAL BACKUP. You will need to hope for the best, but PREPARE for the worst. That means protecting your assets and your job (since he is your boss, it won't be easy), and your heart. Have the phone number of a therapist or counselor onhand so that you can talk some of this out, or at the very least get medicated until you can talk it out. You are putting all your eggs in one basket with this guy and its a dangerous thing: particularly since he has led you on before and seems to be doing the same now. Three weeks before departure is when he should be filing for divorce, and talking to his lawyers about alimony and stuff like that - not to mention packing his belongings and moving them into the apartment. As it is, he hasn't even discussed what is going to happen to the apartment he got for you (which his wife will be entitled to half of when they divorce since he bought it when he was still married), or what will happen if his W's lawyers discover that he has been diverting money into secret accounts to hide it from her. It sounds like he thinks that he is just going to keep extending the "deadline" and you'll keep letting him. He is not doing the things he should be doing, if he is really and truly going to leave his W and move in with you. I don't want to sound negative, but surely he would have done something more than just give you enough to placate you. He hasn't even told the W yet (that you know of anyway, for all you know she is aware of what he is doing and doesn't care and will not be granting him a divorce). You will have to think hard about what is going to happen, Marie. You need to be prepared, mentally and emotionally for a letdown. If he comes through, then it will be a happy surprise for you. Otherwise, don't let this be the thing that kills you. Let it be the thing that eventually makes you stronger. Link to post Share on other sites
Marie1973 Posted July 8, 2005 Share Posted July 8, 2005 Hello Thanks for the luck Miffy. Yes he has 2 daughters, 18 & 17 Not sure how he is going to tell her. We don't discuss that part. So we will see. Link to post Share on other sites
kkat Posted July 8, 2005 Share Posted July 8, 2005 Dear Marie, I am crying, literally, as I read your posts and write this reply. I don't want to rehash my same tired story but Marie - please try to listen to yourself - to look at the facts - as hurtful as they are, and realize that this man is not going to leave his family for you. He may love you dearly but he is not leaving his life, his job, his children, his friends and family, his home, his house at the shore for you. He's not going to do it Marie. He's not going to. He is going to keep stringing you along - the next thing it will be wait until after Labor Day - don't want to ruin the summer for my little children, or some other worthwhile excuse and delay. I'm sorry Marie but I think you really need to look at the situation and prepare, as Lucrezia stated, for the worst. Don't leave yourself in the situation I did. Please try to help yourself. PS If he is truly a wonderful man who can make you happy, I hope I am wrong. But as it is, you indicate repeatedly you don't trust in him (and why should you?). I hope you will move on and find a better love. Peace. Link to post Share on other sites
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