Marie1973 Posted July 21, 2005 Share Posted July 21, 2005 Hello Miffy Things are ok Still no signs either way!' Nope didn't talk to wife that i know of Link to post Share on other sites
A Fly onThe Wall Posted July 21, 2005 Share Posted July 21, 2005 Originally posted by Marie1973 Hello Miffy Things are ok Still no signs either way!' Nope didn't talk to wife that i know of I can not believe you are doing a countdown .. Why do you tie your happiness to a man ? Can't you see that he is married ...it doesn't matter if he is happy or not in his marriage. I'm not busting your chops about the affair.. But you sound like you need to date someone worthy of you that is single and can give you what YOU are looking for. This guy is not it He has you on a string....and what makes you think that if he is unhappy that he will be worth a damn to have anyhow. I think he has treated you poorly.. Take back the power from him and don't give it back Link to post Share on other sites
Marie1973 Posted July 21, 2005 Share Posted July 21, 2005 Hello I know you all are right. I don't tie my happiness to a man. I just love him to death & never had such a loving, caring relationship & never been treated so well by a man in all my life. I know he's married, but I fell in love with him & him being married doesn't change that. I am sticking to my guns with the July deadline, then I'm gone. I know if he leaves, when i have him all to myself, he will & is worth it!! You guys just have NO idea how wonderful this man is to me. I know u r going to say how can he be wonderful if he's not leaving. But he is still wonderful in my eyes!! Link to post Share on other sites
ReluctantRomeo Posted July 22, 2005 Share Posted July 22, 2005 Originally posted by Marie1973 I know u r going to say how can he be wonderful if he's not leaving. But he is still wonderful in my eyes!! We've all been there. In the nicest possible way, I think you're a little silly... but no more silly than any of us in love. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Marie1973 Posted July 22, 2005 Share Posted July 22, 2005 Yes, I'll be the very first one to say that i sound so silly!! But I love this man to death whether he's married or not! 1 year is plenty of time for him to leave, if he doesn't leave by end of July, that is his decision & there is nothing more I could do. I will have to live with that decision & move on! Its going to be hard, but I have to. I'm starting to feel like an idiot, myself !! Link to post Share on other sites
A Fly onThe Wall Posted July 22, 2005 Share Posted July 22, 2005 Originally posted by Marie1973 But I love this man to death whether he's married or not! You fell in love with wrong person.. We all do it .. Give yourself some of your self respect back and stop the deadline and just believe it is over .. fu*k him.. What an ass Don't wait until the end of July.. End it now !! It is already over , even if he comes to you it is still over Link to post Share on other sites
Marie1973 Posted July 22, 2005 Share Posted July 22, 2005 Noooooooooo It is over July 31st , no sooner no later!! Hopefully he will surprise me We will see Link to post Share on other sites
Miffy Posted July 22, 2005 Share Posted July 22, 2005 I hope he will too Marie, not long to go now. Link to post Share on other sites
A Fly onThe Wall Posted July 22, 2005 Share Posted July 22, 2005 Originally posted by Marie1973 Hopefully he will surprise me I think he already has suprised you .. You just don't want to see it yet . Link to post Share on other sites
lynnspies1 Posted July 22, 2005 Share Posted July 22, 2005 I guess you have already given him a year or more, what is another week for goodness sake. I just can't believe he has not started the process with his wife. I would think that if he had he would have told you about it. It is strange that he has not kept you posted on his progress when you have made it clear to him how important it is to you. For that reason I am concerned for you that he is not leaving, you would think he would at least be lying to you and he is not even giving you that much. Hang on Marie, either way it is going to be a wild couple of weeks! Link to post Share on other sites
Marie1973 Posted July 22, 2005 Share Posted July 22, 2005 Yes i know Lynn u r correct. Yeah just 1 more week. What's 1 more week. I just hope he makes the right decision. Cause when its over, its over! I can't take anymore of this!! Link to post Share on other sites
Marie1973 Posted July 23, 2005 Share Posted July 23, 2005 Fly on the wall What u said below, has stuck in my head all day long. I'm afraid that you might be right!!! Originally posted by A Fly onThe Wall I think he already has suprised you .. You just don't want to see it yet . Link to post Share on other sites
A Fly onThe Wall Posted July 23, 2005 Share Posted July 23, 2005 Marie, Try to think of it as what you have gained .. Not what you have lost ... From my perspective ( as a fly on the wall ) you have lost nothing but have gained the chance to find someone who will love you the way you deserve. You sound like a real caring loving woman.. I don't know all the ins and outs of your relationship..Only you know that.. But I think he has disrespected you and it seems that you put alot of your energy and love into a man that isn't capable of loving you back properly.. Fu*k him. he is an as* Link to post Share on other sites
SoftDrink Posted July 23, 2005 Share Posted July 23, 2005 i think you should be the one to do the surprising and not bother waiting until the last day of july and just move on yourself. wouldn't that just be a shock. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted July 23, 2005 Share Posted July 23, 2005 What bugs me about this is, HE KNOWS how you are feeling and the antisipation of it all. He should KNOW BY NOW if he is leaving at the end of the month. One more week shouldn't make a difference here. I hope for your sake this works out, but I have to say, and I'm sorry too, my gut is screaming something different and it isn't good. There will be another reason of why he can't leave. Be prepared for anything, and even if he does leave and move in with you, it will take a long time for life to be settled and comfortable. He is going to need patience and understanding, and allowances for reasons to go home and see his kids. I hope you aren't expecting him to move in and all will be fine and dandy, it won't be. It can't. NOONE can jump out of long marriage, a life that is safe and familiar into a new one that really (no offense to you marie, k) is unpredictable. Neither of you know for sure, just like anybody, until you see how well each of you are together, living together, doing things apart, yet co-habiting in the same place. Will take time to get used to, maybe not for you, but for him. Good luck marie. Link to post Share on other sites
Marie1973 Posted July 23, 2005 Share Posted July 23, 2005 Hello Yes its hard to think of what you've gained not what you lost. This man has treated me like i've never been treated before. I never felt a love so strong ever in my life before. If the beginning I didn't feel as strong for him like he did for me. He is 20 years older, so that held me back a bit. He wished for me to love him just 1/2 of how much he loves me. & now BOOM 2 years later , I am totally in love with him. Honestly, I think I love him now more then he ever loved me & he is the one that now won't leave. I just don't get it. How can that be? Yes I am prepared for the worst. To be honest with you, my attitude towards him these passed 2 days is starting to change. I have a gut feeling that he isn't leaving & i'm starting to get very angry with him. I'm starting to feel that i don't even want to bother with him anymore cause i know he's not leaving in a week. I brought it up last night & asked him if he was still leaving & he said yes. I said "nothing has been done" & he didn't want to talk about it. That just tells me that he has no intensions. How could someone be so in love with me & not want to move. I know that the reason is because of money. He is afraid to lose 1/2 of everything. He says he's older & doesn't have too much time to make it back. He has always been worried about being able to support me & our kids when we have them, he always brought that up. If he doesn't leave in a week, I'VE SOOOOO HAD IT! I'm done. I no longer want to be in this relationship. He is treating me like crap by not leaving & that is not fair to me at all. I already feel the pain inside & it HURTS!!!! I can't stop crying!! Well guys i'll keep u posted, but i think we all know what the outcome is going to be!! Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted July 23, 2005 Share Posted July 23, 2005 Hon, I don't think he is being completely honest with you about his wife and his feelings for her. Maybe things aren't as bad as he makes them out to be?? Also, the fact he will not discuss anything with you about him moving next week is NOT a good sign. Isn't this something he should be excited about? Starting a new life with you? He just doesn't seem to be at that point...Go with your gut. Gut feelings don't lie. He treats you well, but not well enough to be with you forever. OR forever to him is how things are now. He probably isn't ready for his whole way of life to change as he knows it. Older men also like stability and him moving out, basically starting over - By choice - is hard. Men don't like change on a good day! I feel for you. I'm glad to hear that your eyes are open enough to see the possibility of this not happening. I don't doubt his feelings for you, but what he is doing to you is leading you on when inside he has no intention of really changing. If he did, he would have done it by now. Link to post Share on other sites
Miffy Posted July 23, 2005 Share Posted July 23, 2005 Marie, please stop asking him whether he is still leaving. He knows that's what has to happen - also try not to be angry with him, you don't want him to be able to throw back ANY reason for not living with you ie 'I was going to but you were such a nag asking me every five minutes if I was still leaving, being horrible to me, not trusting me that I want to make sure first'. You need to be so nice to him that if he decides not to leave then you have no excuse to blame yourself about it. My gut feel is that he will 'create' an argument around the 29/30th and use that as an excuse for not moving in. I just don't want you to create that opportunity for him. I hope I am wrong Marie and I don't like to be negative, after all I don't know you or the guy and every situation is different. Link to post Share on other sites
kkat Posted July 23, 2005 Share Posted July 23, 2005 Marie, I have been thinking along the same lines as Miffy in regards to what's possibly going to happen over the next week. He is most likely going to come up with another delay in the form of either some drama or excuse to stall, or an argument. The argument is a favorite ploy in this situation - it will allow him to conveniently turn the blame on you, as Miffy described. The other tactic he is highly likely to use is the one he is most comfortable with and has a great track record with - the stall. Let's call a spade a spade - he has been able to stall you time after time with his excuses. Likely excuses to come up now will include that he wants to wait till the kids go back to school, till after Labor Day, or he will invent something (someone in the family suddenly gets sick, one of the kids is having some problem, something). Marie, please, please, please, continue to be realistic about the chances he is not leaving and be prepared. My thoughts are with you and my hope is that you are knocked sideways this week with strength and decide to move on and leave his sorry tail hanging. Or, you could tell him you are having a party his first night living with you to celebrate and let him know how much you are going to need for the catering and ask him for his opinion on the guest list...that might shake the truth out of him and save you about 10 days of this b.s. Link to post Share on other sites
Miffy Posted July 24, 2005 Share Posted July 24, 2005 kkat, that sounds a great idea - I suspect though that he will say he wants it to be an intimate occasion. I feel very wary of this man, if he really wanted to be with you Marie he would not make you wait for a 'deadline' - he would be making the moves now to get it over and done with - surely if it was you, you could not live with yourself having such a big hurtful thing to do and you would want to get this obstacle out of the way so you could be with your loved one? I am also suspicious that he will tell W that he has had to stay on longer than planned - say another month, W may fall for that, you may think he's left her and it gives him another month to see if he really wants to do it. I may have got it all wrong Marie, after all not everyone is the same but he seems to be playing a power game with you and enjoys watching you sweat towards your deadline. Is he bringing all belongings to you? Will he have to go home and get extras? I know you said he was away with you for summer which presumably means he has clothes with him. If I were you I would send him home to come back with big belongings that show he is moving in with you - is there anything like that that he would bring that it would be unavoidable to get out of W house without her wondering why he has taken it. What I am trying to get at here is making sure W knows it is over. He could easily continue to stay at yours and make an excuse to W but if he goes to tell her and comes back with belongings - which he would not need for his summer trip might look more likely. Link to post Share on other sites
Marie1973 Posted July 25, 2005 Share Posted July 25, 2005 Hello You are right about me being angry at my MM. I apoligized to him last night. He didn't even realize that i was angry with him. We hung out last night & we were kissing & i just started to cry. He wiped my tears away & told me not to worry so much, that i have nothing to cry about! I just hugged him the whole night as hard as I could. I DO NOT want to lose that man!! I am MADLY in love with him!! Hopefully he is willing to lose 1/2 of what he has to start "our lives" together! I don't care if we were broke & we lived in a car!! As long as we were together, thats all that matters to me. I hope that he feels the same way & will leave. He just told me that he is going down the shore this weekend & he is supposed to tell him wife. So we will see!! I'm getting REALLY scared. I hate this feeling. How can he allow me to feel like this AGAIN!! My gutt tells me that I am about to lose the love of my life!! Link to post Share on other sites
A Fly onThe Wall Posted July 25, 2005 Share Posted July 25, 2005 Marie, Actions speak louder than words.. Quit listening to his words ( he is stringing you along ) Until his actions at least meet the words that spew out of his lips I would stop all communication with him and begin your healing.. You are gonna have to do it... Just look at the pain this man has you in... Hardly actions of "LOVE" but actions of someone stringing someone along to keep them without any commitment Link to post Share on other sites
newbby Posted July 25, 2005 Share Posted July 25, 2005 marie, i agree with kkat, dont nag him, act as though you are certain that this is going to happen. dont let him see you cry, you are almost creating your own reality then. the thing is that when you do this you are telling him that you dont believe him, yet you are showing him (with your actions, continuing to see him) that this is okay with you. he needs to see that the only reason you are continuing to see him is that you believe him, not that you dont believe him yet are still putting up with it. he is a man, like all men, he will do as little as he feels he has to do to keep the relationship going, in this case he would also have a huge amount of change and upheaval, another thing that men dislike. if he feels that he can keep things as they are, he will do. if he sees that you are upset and continue to see him, this says to him, she will stick around no matter how i treat her. its sad but true. he is a selfish man, or he would not have kept you strung along like this for so long seeing that it hurt you so. he cares about having what he wants. he wants you. if you want to win him, you have to accept that he is selfish and you will have to deal with him as he really is. you cannot hope that his love for you does not want you to hurt, his love for you is essentially about him. he wants you, but what he knows is that he can have you, like this. you may be able to get him, by playing the game, by not letting him have you on his terms, but i also think that by the time you have won, because in order to play the game you will have to understand him, that you will no longer want him, knowing him as the selfish kind of person he is. Link to post Share on other sites
sunflower1008 Posted July 25, 2005 Share Posted July 25, 2005 Marie, I have been reading this since the very start of the thread. I wish you all the luck in the world with your MM and everyone here is here for you if need be. But, remember, you deserve the best. And if this man cannot give you the best, for whatever reason, it is time to move on. He's already shown what he thinks of you in his actions...and actions speak very loud. There is no reason that he cannot tell his wife before July 31st. I have found that if a man wants to do something, HE WILL. They somehow find a way. Good luck Marie and keep us posted! Link to post Share on other sites
billybadass36 Posted July 25, 2005 Share Posted July 25, 2005 Marie, I think you need to start preparing yourself to move on once the 31st rolls around. Sitting there, fingers crossed, hoping that your MM leaves his wife in the next week and finally starts his life with you just gives you the opportunity to cling to this relationship. Then, once the end of the month rolls around it's much easier for you to just keep clinging to something, this "possibility" that maybe someday he'll be just yours. I think you need to start breaking away from the relationship now, not a week from now. There'll be more excuses, etc., and you'll give him another chance.... Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts