Marie1973 Posted July 25, 2005 Share Posted July 25, 2005 Hello Sunflower, thank you very much for your reply. THat was very sweet of you. I totally agree with you when you say "if a man wants to do something, HE WILL. They somehow find a way." I believe this 100%. Billy, I am preparing myself for the worst.. After July 31, I am done with the relationship, I no longer want to be in it anymore. I will not be there crossing my fingers & hoping that he comes back to me & he will be mine, I don't want him after July 31. Did u ever have to be pushed to a limit & then after awhile u don't want it anymore? Well thats where I am at. I gave him 12 times, 1 full year to leave & he hasn't budged. I am sooooooo done with this after July 31. He is not getting anymore chances. I am moving on with my life come next Monday. The thing that I can't understand out of this whole thing. He always told me from day 1 that he never loved someone as much & as strong as he loves me, not even his wife in the beginning. Then how can "green paper with dead presidents" on it stop him from leaving? How can u even compare the two? Money vs love? I don't understand it & don't think i ever will. I'd give up every singel penny i had just to be with him!!!! I'lll keep u all posted. Link to post Share on other sites
sweetserendipity Posted July 25, 2005 Share Posted July 25, 2005 Marie, Today's July 25th - only a few days before your "deadline." It's clear he's not making moves to keep his promise to you because he doesn't even want to broach the subject with you, he's not making any moves or plans to move in with you. Why let him have all the power of giving him to the very last minute? You already know what's going to happen here - take back some of the control and tell him to get out of your life NOW. You've given this man an entire year to show/prove he wants you in his life, he's done nothing but hand you BS - what more proof do you need? As for why he's told you he loves you like nobody else - sorry to say it but all MM tell tall tales to keep their mistress in the picture, to keep her hanging on, to keep her interested. You've been played for a long long time - why don't you stand up for yourself NOW or do you think you're worth so little that you can give this man until the very last second - of an entire 365 day period - to put his actions where his mouth is? Link to post Share on other sites
lynnspies1 Posted July 25, 2005 Share Posted July 25, 2005 Marie, Sometimes love is not enough. You are in competition with years of history, children, two sides of in-laws, etc. The money is just a part of it. You have no real idea of what his married life is like. He may not have the "new love feelings" for his wife that he has for you but in many ways all the others things he does have are as strong as "love" he feels for you. My husband lied and lied to the OW. He told her that our marriage was over, that we were not intimate anymore, that he had been unhappy for years, that we just existed in the marriage and there was no real relationship between us. He made plans with her and even talked about having children. He was so caught up in her that he would have promised her the moon if she had asked. He needed her to stroke his ego, to feel young and alive again. We had failed each other and our marriage. In the end he came back, and he crushed the OW in the process. It was terrible for me and for the OW what he did. I have no ill will toward her, he lied! I think that is why I feel compassion towards you, I do understand how OW can get swept up. Good luck, Lynn Link to post Share on other sites
Marie1973 Posted July 25, 2005 Share Posted July 25, 2005 Hello Sweet yes its a few days from my deadline. Actually my MM set the date, he said that he will be out by the end of July, so it wasn't even me, but i'm sticking to it!! I can't picture him just saying things like that to me, he wouldn't lie like that, would he?? Lynn, this is EXACTLY what my MM told me too: "that our marriage was over, that we were not intimate anymore, that he had been unhappy for years, that we just existed in the marriage and there was no real relationship between us. He made plans with her and even talked about having children. " I know how this is going to end up, I have to give him to his deadline. Link to post Share on other sites
A Fly onThe Wall Posted July 25, 2005 Share Posted July 25, 2005 Originally posted by Marie1973 I have to give him to his deadline. Why ????? If you do it shows that he has all the power......and you have none Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted July 25, 2005 Share Posted July 25, 2005 I can't picture him just saying things like that to me, he wouldn't lie like that, would he?? Maybe he's not lying LYING, but he isn't being totally upfront with you. Hasn't he said he's been leaving for months, setting dates, times etc., then not followed through on it? Link to post Share on other sites
SoftDrink Posted July 25, 2005 Share Posted July 25, 2005 if he hasn't left by now, what difference will 6 more days make? and who wants to be with someone who takes the very last minute to decide they want to be with you--or not? Link to post Share on other sites
Marie1973 Posted July 25, 2005 Share Posted July 25, 2005 Yes he's been making dates for the passed year. I am giving him til the end of July because that is what we agreed on. My friends say that he is probably telling u exactly how he feels about me & thats not a lie, but when it comes down to leaving he doesn't have the courage to. Leaving has nothing to do with the way he feels about me, some say. I don't know what to think anymore. I feel that if he really loved me the way he says he does, that he would leave & want to start our lives together. It basically comes down to that I'm weak & want to be with him as long as I can. That what it comes down to. Its going to be hard to let him go, but i have to. Its time for us to sh** or get off the pot, as they say. I just don;t know how i'm going to handle working in the same buidling as him & passing him in the hallways & seeing his car outside, etc. THat is going to be sooooo hard. Usually when i break up with a man, its easier to never see them again!! I work with this dude!! Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted July 25, 2005 Share Posted July 25, 2005 Marie- I don't mean this as an attack, but simply as reality. He's been lying to his wife for the last year...so why would he not lie to you? I agree with everyone else...waiting six more days is up to you, but in the end he's not going to do anything to end the wonderful way he's got things lined up now...watch, he'll postpone it for something small, like a week. And then a few more days, then it's the end of the month again. You need to end it once and for all...and get someone who DESERVES you. Link to post Share on other sites
BoatingBabe Posted July 25, 2005 Share Posted July 25, 2005 I hate to say this...but this is like watching a trainwreck before it happens. He's not going to leave...he's just trying to push it as much as he can. Marie, If I were you, I'd start preparing for it now..because it's over....unless, you give him one more month...and I hope you don't, because this man is stealing a lot of time from you...He's an old f*ck with a young kid and he's milking it for all he can. Don't give him any more time..Find someone in your age bracket that wants the same thing you do. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted July 25, 2005 Share Posted July 25, 2005 My friends say that he is probably telling u exactly how he feels about me & thats not a lie, but when it comes down to leaving he doesn't have the courage to. Leaving has nothing to do with the way he feels about me, some say. I don't know what to think anymore. I feel that if he really loved me the way he says he does, that he would leave & want to start our lives together. I don't doubt the love he feels for you Marie, it's obviously there. What gets me is he KNOWS he isn't leaving her and moving out. I think, even if he is as unhappy with her, he just isn't going to make any life altering changes that will force HIM to deal with change in his life. Does that make sense to you?? The fact he's older, settled in a job, makes good money, probably within 5 years he could retire happily moneywise, proves my point even more. (some) Men don't like change! Why do you think they sweep things under the rug and say YES DEAR? So the boat doesn't get rocked. Easier that way. (NO offense to any man, but it's true!) You are right, if he loved you and only you, life would be grand. Problem is he is married to somebody else and has children with her. He's led you on, not malciously, but he has definately led you to believe you both will have a grand life together...I don't think he's actual had real intent on leaving and moving. Thought about it, yes. But actually doing it, no. I'm so sorry and I feel for what you're going through and all that heartache. Keep posting Marie and please, find a therapist or somebody close to talk to. Your world could come apart in days and it's gonna be a rough ride. Link to post Share on other sites
BoatingBabe Posted July 25, 2005 Share Posted July 25, 2005 Also I'll add, he doesn't want to look like a failure to his older kids. He WILL lose respect from his kids..... he has left their mother for a young girl....they will not take kindly to that. And someone in his position will not want to fail at the homefront, so to speak. Link to post Share on other sites
Marie1973 Posted July 25, 2005 Share Posted July 25, 2005 Hey You know what REALLY bothers me...... In the beginning when i cared about him, but nothing like now, i was unsure of the relationship due to his age & due to the fact that his daughters would get hurt. I was sure to move forward with the relationship due to this & he practically convinced me that they were be ok in time. Now that I am head over heels in love with him, now he can't do it because of the money & daughters. I was the one who was concerend about this in the first place & now 2 1/2 years later when i love him to death now he's concerned with it & i'm ok with it??grrrrrrrrrr Link to post Share on other sites
newbby Posted July 25, 2005 Share Posted July 25, 2005 whilst i totally agree that he is never going to leave and i think you should make plans for the inevitable marie, i do agree with you to wait till the end of july, otherwise he can use this an excuse for not moving out. you will be feeeling extremely vunerable come august and you dont want to give him the opportunity to blame it on you, "oh i was going to but then you ignored me and i thought you were having doubts blah blah....." no you are right marie, if YOU stick to your word, he is the only one that didnt. Link to post Share on other sites
A Fly onThe Wall Posted July 25, 2005 Share Posted July 25, 2005 Originally posted by Marie1973 Now that I am head over heels in love with him, now he can't do it because of the money & daughters. you need to realize that he doesn't love you.. If he did he would be with you not her .. He is just using you.. Link to post Share on other sites
newbby Posted July 25, 2005 Share Posted July 25, 2005 you need to realize that he doesn't love you.. If he did he would be with you not her .. He is just using you.. i dont actually entirely agree with this, but his feelings for you are selfish Link to post Share on other sites
A Fly onThe Wall Posted July 25, 2005 Share Posted July 25, 2005 Originally posted by newbby i dont actually entirely agree with this, but his feelings for you are selfish Come on newbby .. you will just give her false hope .. What I wrote is true .. Love is multi faceted .. If he loved her the way that it takes to make a marriage work than he would be with her.. He is with his wife..possibly trying to make that marriage work.. He is just using her.. He is lying to her .. that is not love Link to post Share on other sites
newbby Posted July 25, 2005 Share Posted July 25, 2005 Come on newbby .. you will just give her false hope .. there is also such a thing as saying what people are not ready to hear, counter productive imo Link to post Share on other sites
newbby Posted July 25, 2005 Share Posted July 25, 2005 also, i was being honest, i dont think there is a total lack of feeling but i do think he is a player and a liar and he doesnt care how upset marie is, he just wants things the way he wants them. Link to post Share on other sites
Marie1973 Posted July 25, 2005 Share Posted July 25, 2005 Sorry Fly but i don't agree with you on this one. I had to side with Newbie. When we are together, i could just tell that he loves me like he says. I could tell by the way he looks at me. I can see it in his eyes & just the way he touches me. Like no man has ever before. He does love me that is no ? in my mind. I just think that when it comes down to changing his whole life & him losing his $$$ is stopping him. Its a HUGE life change. I will have to accept it, if he chooses his $$$. I hope him & his $$$ will have a very happy life together!!! I hope his $$$ loves him as much as i do! Link to post Share on other sites
joodee Posted July 25, 2005 Share Posted July 25, 2005 also, i was being honest, i dont think there is a total lack of feeling but i do think he is a player and a liar and he doesnt care how upset marie is, he just wants things the way he wants them. I agree with newwby. He is a player and a liar, just like my ex-MM. Marie, please don't take offense, but your MM is acting just like my now ex-MM, he too said he'd take action...but he just wanted me not to leave him...too F%^&*ing bad for him. My husband lied and lied to the OW. He told her that our marriage was over, that we were not intimate anymore, that he had been unhappy for years, that we just existed in the marriage and there was no real relationship between us. He made plans with her and even talked about having children. He was so caught up in her that he would have promised her the moon if she had asked. He needed her to stroke his ego, to feel young and alive again. We had failed each other and our marriage. In the end he came back, and he crushed the OW in the process. It was terrible for me and for the OW what he did. I have no ill will toward her, he lied! I think that is why I feel compassion towards you, I do understand how OW can get swept up. Marie, my now ex-mm said the SAME THING TOO. One day when you look back at all this (if he doesn't come through with meeting the deadline, of course), you will feel sick to your stomach. I have FINALLY seen the light for myself, I can kick myself for putting my life on hold for a man that just thought of himself. You were crying to him and he just gave you words!!! Don't let him get away with that. That's terrible. Link to post Share on other sites
SoftDrink Posted July 25, 2005 Share Posted July 25, 2005 Originally posted by Marie1973 I just think that when it comes down to changing his whole life & him losing his $$$ is stopping him. Its a HUGE life change. I will have to accept it, if he chooses his $$$. and this is supposed to be love? i am sorry, marie, but you just continue to kid yourself. do yourself the favour of getting away from him.--and don't wait 6 more days. Link to post Share on other sites
sunflower1008 Posted July 25, 2005 Share Posted July 25, 2005 Marie, There is no doubt that he loves you, but his actions also have to tell you that he loves you...not just his feelings. I think you know what I mean. And, believe it or not, if you really have that deadline set in YOUR mind for July 31st, and he doesn't come through, you will be surprised at how STRONG you will be. You've been waiting for this for a LONG TIME, and if he doesn't come through, he's not really worth much, is he? He then doesn't deserve you. If someone disappoints me time and time again, in my eyes, they look worse and worse. Link to post Share on other sites
A Fly onThe Wall Posted July 25, 2005 Share Posted July 25, 2005 Marie, You love this man.. You would do anything for him , right ? and yet he won't do anything for you .. why ? You love him differently than he loves you .. Simple.. If a man loves a woman he will do anything short of murder to make her happy .. Sorry it's true.. and Marie.. you are not Happy.. I think you need to forget about him and start looking at his actions ... His actions are not actions of LOVE plain and simple Link to post Share on other sites
SoftDrink Posted July 25, 2005 Share Posted July 25, 2005 Originally posted by sunflower1008 Marie, There is no doubt that he loves you how is there no doubt? it seems to me that there are a thousand doubts. Link to post Share on other sites
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