Marie1973 Posted July 27, 2005 Posted July 27, 2005 Thanks guys! This is really going to hard for me, esp. that I work with him!! grrrrrrrrrrrrr I just can't believe that i'm about to lose the love of my life!! But i guess its true what they say: ITS BETTER TO HAVE LOVED & LOST THEN TO NEVER LOVED AT ALL................(something like that hahah)
Miffy Posted July 27, 2005 Posted July 27, 2005 Marie, why the sudden downturn, is he giving off signals that he is not leaving? You seemed quite positive at the start of this post and now you are getting anxious. Has he changed his attitude or is it just you? I truly hope that if he does not leave you will have the strength to say enough is enough. If he does not leave this time he will never do IMO and if you back down you will continue to be OW for as long as you will put up with it. Something just does not sit right with the laid back way you have painted him, surely he would be getting anxious. Apologies if I have misread his emotions in your postings, something just does not feel right. When is he seeing Wife?
Marie1973 Posted July 27, 2005 Posted July 27, 2005 Hey Miffy I don't know, time is just getting closer & i don't see anything getting done, still the same as it has been for the passed 6 months. I was positive in the beginning of this post, but as it gets closer, I know what the outcome is going to be. His signs are that he's not doing anything at all, thats the whole problem. He isn't moving stuff in, nothing. He still says he's leaving to this day, but i honestly in reality don't think he is, he would be moving stuff into the apartment by now with only 4 days left. He is going down the shore this weekend to his wife & he is supposed to tell her. So we will see. If not, I promise you, I will no longer be the OW. Yes I will miss him & it will kill me but i have to do it. I am not wasting anymore of my time on this relationship. I'm 4 days away from losing the love of my life!!
sunflower1008 Posted July 27, 2005 Posted July 27, 2005 Originally posted by A Fly onThe Wall One of the reasons that no deadline is better .. I think a deadline is good in a instance like this though. This has been going on a long time, and there comes a time when you say enough is enough! Plus, it says something to the MM....that she's had enough of his sh*t.
A Fly onThe Wall Posted July 27, 2005 Posted July 27, 2005 Originally posted by sunflower1008 I think a deadline is good in a instance like this though. This has been going on a long time, and there comes a time when you say enough is enough! Plus, it says something to the MM....that she's had enough of his sh*t. The deadline brings on the ever looming feelings.. She should've just told the MM her feelings and thoughts and if he doesn't feel the same then she should just move on.. It's not any different than dating a normal available man.. If he isn't giving you what you want.. You walk right out of his life.. You should not have to say enough is enough.. They are not married .. By setting a deadline she is showing lack of respect for herself and giving HIM all the POWER..
sunflower1008 Posted July 27, 2005 Posted July 27, 2005 That could be true Fly, but some people need a deadline FOR power. She has an ending point, and if she sticks to it, it gives her the power. If she doesn't stick to it, she loses it. Doesn't matter if their married or not, they're involved, and I hope it works out for Marie's favor. If he uses the same old story, she has the power to say enough and walk away...while he is left standing there. Good luck Marie!
A Fly onThe Wall Posted July 27, 2005 Posted July 27, 2005 Originally posted by sunflower1008 I hope it works out for Marie's favor. Me too
LadyRLD Posted July 27, 2005 Posted July 27, 2005 I don't want to stir up any trouble. But I do agree with Fly On the Wall. Sometimes you have to do what you have to do to not get taken advantage of. I would abruptly cut him off. Someone who is making me cry and breaking my heart doesn't deserve an explanation whether he's married or not. Him being married just makes it worse. But of course I am not Marie. No matter which way you see it, the MM has the power whether she waits or not. The only way for her to get her power back is to live her life without him and be happy and in control of her emotions. Stop letting her emotions be controlled by him. The only way she can do that is to take a break from him and learn to really love herself. F*&K deadlines. This is your one and only life you were given. Do you really want to waste it waiting and counting down minutes? Loving yourself means that you put yourself first and not let anyone still your Joy or time away from you. Waiting for him and living on her emotions for him gives him the Power. Being sad over him is giving him the power. Letting him come and go as he pleases is giving him the power. Just letting him in her life gives him the Power if she lets him get away with being a jerk. I am not saying she should tell him to be a certain way. But her actions should make him want to be a certain way. I am saying that if she is still in his life after he lied to her time and time again then she subconsciously trained him to not have to try very hard. She's just finding happiness from him and hoping one day he will tell the truth. If he gets what he wants by lying then he's going to continue to lie to get what he wants until she changes how she responds to him. I hope that makes sense. Live your life the way you want so that you can be happy no matter what. That's what your MM is doing. The bad thing about him is that he is using other people's emotions to make him happy. If you can strongly take yourself out of painful situations because you love yourself more than the pain, then that's when you have the power over yourself and over any situation. He should have to do a whole lot more than say "I love you" or buy her things or say sweet nothings to get her in the first place. He should have had to just be an honest man. Being honest sometimes makes everything else fall into place. An honest man would not cheat on someone or manipulate people to fall in love with him to get what he wants. No "person" is worth putting your life on hold for. If someone is meant to be with you, they will be with you at the right time no matter what. You wouldn't even have to force it. All you would have to do is live your life for yourself and be happy. If you have to question anything or if someone makes you cry or feel sad in anyway. Then it's time to let that person go so that you can help yourself. Anyone who is going to make a life with you would do everything in their power to add to your happiness. Not subtract from it. It doesn't matter if he loves you or not. He made you cry and feel sad and you are feeling depressed and low. That right there is enough to say STOP. I don't want to keep torturing myself any longer. I love myself too much for this sh*t. Then dust yourself off and start over again. Believe me that's the best kind of power to have over yourself and even over the MM. People respect people who respect themselves. You know why? Because a person who respects themself will not allow it to be any other way. So respect yourself and start your own path without him. Either way, if MM wants to be in your life he will do what he has to do truthfully and rightfully. You don't need to sit and wait. Stop being in pain for this mere man who is pretty much replaceable. You can find men like him a dime a dozen. Maybe not financially but definitely mentally. A respectable man would not cheat on his wife or lie to only satisfy himself. He would deal with her first and get out then look for love with another. A greedy man would do anything in his power to have his cake and eat it too to make himself happy because he's too lazy to actually take the hard route. Unfortunately, there are a lot of men and women as well, who fit the latter. Marie, I hope the best for you. I was an other woman by the way. Once I learned to live my life on my own terms. I kicked MM to the curb like a hot potato and never looked back. So whatever happens, make sure it will add to your life and keep you focused on who you are. Don't let it be all about this MM or any man. Let it be All about you. Find out what would make Marie happy deep down inside without someone else or without hurting someone else. You don't know the wife but in some way you may be hurting people as well even if you don't think so. You are hurting your "own" self for this man. Don't "you" count too? Sorry so long. This just touches my heart.
A Fly onThe Wall Posted July 27, 2005 Posted July 27, 2005 Someone needs to say amen after that post AMEN
LadyRLD Posted July 27, 2005 Posted July 27, 2005 Thank you Newbby. I figured that the focus should be on healing Marie and not MM leaving. That way if she does end up with him she can still be strong or not forget her own worth. Or if she doesn't end up with him she will know that she will be fine no matter what. Her worth is her own to keep. But first she has to figure out how much she's worth to herself before she can succeed in anyway "love" situation.
Marie1973 Posted July 27, 2005 Posted July 27, 2005 YEAH, LADY, GREAT POST!!! WOW i know exactly what u r saying!! Sorry, but I am giving him til Sunday & then I am moving on & starting to take care of me, & me only!!
whichwayisup Posted July 27, 2005 Posted July 27, 2005 Wow, great post reply Lady. You gave her alot of insight and well needed words of advise! You sound like a very strong person and looks like you've been through alot to get to where you are now. Stay strong! You too Marie.
LadyRLD Posted July 27, 2005 Posted July 27, 2005 That's the spirit Marie1973!!! After Sunday, it's all about Marie!!!!
newbby Posted July 27, 2005 Posted July 27, 2005 Thank you Newbby. I figured that the focus should be on healing Marie and not MM leaving. That way if she does end up with him she can still be strong or not forget her own worth. Or if she doesn't end up with him she will know that she will be fine no matter what. Her worth is her own to keep. But first she has to figure out how much she's worth to herself before she can succeed in anyway "love" situation. true, true, all relationships begin with oneself
LadyRLD Posted July 27, 2005 Posted July 27, 2005 Thanks Whichwayisup. I did a lot of soul searching. I realized when i let someone else control my emotions (not just men but my family and anyone else who had an opinion) I did not feel good. Now I don't take any crap. Any man who comes up to me attached in anyway, shape, or form to any other person gets rejected by me big time!!!! Anyone who doesn't like me for who I am gets cut out of my life. So I am much happier and in control with the relationship I have with myself by weeding out the toxic people. I know that's what Marie will learn from her own situation. There are two ways to handle it "Get strong and be happy" or "Be depressed and die early". She's got too much life to live for the latter. Too many beautiful men around to let this one ruin your life.
joodee Posted July 27, 2005 Posted July 27, 2005 AMEN to Lady's post, it was great and inspiring!! Hang in there Marie, I will keep you in my thoughts over the next few days.
Marie1973 Posted July 28, 2005 Posted July 28, 2005 Lady i'm going to post that reply to me. It was so good i think that all the OW should read it!! oh i was talking to my MM & he said that i'm always jumping to conclusions! Maybe he is leaving this weekend? Now i'm totally confused & don't know what the hell to think.
sunflower1008 Posted July 28, 2005 Posted July 28, 2005 I just got home and read your post Lady.......awesome!!! It was very inspiring and insightful for not just Marie, for everyone. Thank you! Marie, hold your head up high......you hear me?? In the end, YOU are the one that matters.
newbby Posted July 28, 2005 Posted July 28, 2005 marie, dont talk to him about IT anymore. dont analyse it, be calm in the knowledge that everything will happen as it should regardless of your interference. read and reread ladys post and do what she says. spend this next few days working on yourself so that whatever happens you are on the road to true happiness. do yoga and meditate and anything you can think of to get in touch with yourself. think of yourself as an individual, someone seperate from this mm, someone complete with or without him, take your focus away from the end of july and towards youself. it doesnt matter anyway how much you think about it and try to guess what the outcome will be, its still going to be what it is. also ladys advice does not just apply to you if he doesnt leave, it applies anyway, to everyone. so concentrate on that. even if he leaves, you still need to be a whole person with him.
Marie1973 Posted July 28, 2005 Posted July 28, 2005 Ok Actually I'm going to print out Lady's post & just keep reading it. Yes u r right, i need it whether he leaves or not! I will not say 1 more word to him anymore. He knows the deal & by me talking about it, its not going to change anything, u r right. It is what it is. thanks
LadyRLD Posted July 28, 2005 Posted July 28, 2005 That's excellent advice Newbby!!!!! Marie, you do not need to stress one more minute about this. Just live your life for each day and minute you know that you have. Sunday, will be Sunday and any other day in the future will be any other day in the future. Make yourself busy. Like Newbby said, do a yoga class. When I did Yoga, it really helped me to get in tuned with myself and to realize how important and beautiful life is just by hearing myself breathe. So whatever you do, book up your schedule until Sunday. Give your thoughts a rest on this situation and think about other things. When you speak to your MM, talk about your own life and the new things you are going to do that do not include him. Try to be a little self-centered when you speak to him from now on. Because right now, you really don't want to hear what he has to say unless he actually brings up his itinerary for leaving. But he has to bring it up on his own. Do this until Sunday. On Sunday, you are going to nonchalantly ask him what the deal is. Then you will make your decision. Whatever you do, do not cry in front of him. He's already seen you cry before. No more of that. Just be strong and firm. We are all with you no matter what happens. By the way. Thank you all for the compliments on my post. I wrote it straight from my heart :-) I love you all here. I have been reading this site for 3 years. You are the most kind hearted people to actually take time out and help a wounded heart and to help others by expressing your broken hearts as well. God Bless you all. I hope the best for everyone.
newbby Posted July 28, 2005 Posted July 28, 2005 ladyrld, you are such a beautiful person and it is obvious that what you say comes straight from the heart. i agree that the people in this forum are amazing people and all have helped each other so much. it is most definetly something i have gained and would never have done so if it werent for the a. see, something good has come out of this already. marie, yoga is fantastic. you could easily fill three days with all of these pursuits. meditation is great too. and as lady said, when you talk to your mm you can tell him about your new yoga class or anything else you decide to do.
Marie1973 Posted July 29, 2005 Posted July 29, 2005 Hello Guys Well honestly I am busy with family stuff this weekend. I have a surprise birthday party tonight Friday, tomorrow I am going to visit my cousin & her baby, maybe play a little poker & sunday i have my cousin's baby Christening. So I am pretty much booked so my mind won't be on my MM. We met last night & I was joking around with him , asking if i should start packing my stuff up now, we were laughing about it for some reason. He hugged me & told me that he's not letting me go anywhere :-) & we hugged & he squeezed me so tight. He said that i just to conclusions too quickly. Then when we left the apartment i told him that he will not regret it & he said, he knows. So he's supposed to go down the shore Saturday to Sunday & tell his wife. So we will see. I'll keep u all posted of the verdict!!
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