We are "friends w/potential", really disappointed?

[Ilovelifeforwhatcome]

I've been dating a guy long distance, well I guess not anymore. The distance has not been a challenge for me, the thing that is a challenge is his hot/cold attitude. I did push quite a bit as I was super frustrated in the way he was treating me. I was sick the whole week and he never really asked how I was doing. I tried to talk to him directly, then said I would date other guys (I know I made a mistake). He would tell me along the lines of "oh I'm close to saying I love you", but at other times pushing me away, telling me he is hurting me that I should just leave. I find out that he isn't ready for a relationship and that we could be friends w/potential. I did not push the exclusive part of the relationship, he wanted to put the gf/bf title on it.

 

He has been hurt in the past and is afraid to be hurt again. I understand his hurt as nearly a year ago I left the 1st man that I ever loved, I thought that he was the "one". Is his cold attitude due to being afraid? He was really loving and affectionate when we 1st met, I know that could just be a show though. I fell for him due to him respecting my choices and just treating me like a lady. The funny thing is he doesn't want the time "apart" to date others and actually got sad when I would date other guys. I am not actively looking, but I'm not gonna sit on my butt like an idiot waiting for a guy, if an opportunity comes up I will go on dates w/guys (no sex or anything).

 

I am really against this "friends" idea but I know if this helps him and we get back together then good, if I force it he will leave anyways. The convos lately have been very one sided selfish ones on his end. I appreciate his honesty, but since he was rarely texting me while we were in a relationship, I have a feeling that he won't be texting me at all. Yes I have been dating before and I never really felt a connection to the other guys. I know this is pathetic, its been a whole day not hearing from him and it is kind ripping me up inside. I do not plan on texting him and if I never hear from again, so be it.

[ExpatInItaly]

How long were you dating, and how often did you see each other?

 

I think his response to your frustration with his lack of effort says it all, unfortunately. He doesn't seem as though he was very interested in the relationship anymore.

 

I wouldn't try to remain friends. If he was already blowing hot and cold, it isn't worth it.

[Ilovelifeforwhatcome]

We spent a month together, a couple times a week (we would spend 3 hours or more together on the dates). The weird thing is that he was the one who wanted to continue the LD and asked me 2x to be his gf (I accepted the 2nd time). He really wooed me until about 2 weeks ago, where all the warmness kind of got left out of the texts. When we skyped, he acted the same until that one time where he confessed he needed to be alone. He even cried, so Idk whether that was genuine or not. The thing is the last convo wasn't intimate at all, it was conducted over text. I tried to call him mid convo, only for him to be annoyed that I called while he was "busy", weird though cause he never said he was busy and continued the convo over text when he was supposedly "busy".

[TMichaels]

OP, if someone (guy or girl, it really doesn't matter) was standing in front of you and you were trying to talk to them, tell them how you had been ill the last week, wanted to know how their week had been, and generally just wanted to have a civil chat, and they ignored you, were looking everywhere else except at you, were texting to other people while you were speaking, and then announced while you were talking mid-sentence, "I'm busy, don't bother me," what would you do/think?

 

If someone did that to me, I'd think they were one of the rudest, inconsiderate, and self-centered weirdos I had ever met. I wouldn't care if I liked them and this person professed to want to be "my friend" or not. I'd say to myself, "The heck with this BS. I don't deserve to be treated like that" and then I'd turn on my heel and never look back.

 

Point is, it doesn't matter if your LD or not. If you wouldn't put up with such behavior in real life/real time, why would you do so when in a LDR when communication, integrity, honesty and trust are so paramount?

 

Best,

TMichaels

[Ilovelifeforwhatcome]

OP, if someone (guy or girl, it really doesn't matter) was standing in front of you and you were trying to talk to them, tell them how you had been ill the last week, wanted to know how their week had been, and generally just wanted to have a civil chat, and they ignored you, were looking everywhere else except at you, were texting to other people while you were speaking, and then announced while you were talking mid-sentence, "I'm busy, don't bother me," what would you do/think?

 

If someone did that to me, I'd think they were one of the rudest, inconsiderate, and self-centered weirdos I had ever met. I wouldn't care if I liked them and this person professed to want to be "my friend" or not. I'd say to myself, "The heck with this BS. I don't deserve to be treated like that" and then I'd turn on my heel and never look back.

 

Point is, it doesn't matter if your LD or not. If you wouldn't put up with such behavior in real life/real time, why would you do so when in a LDR when communication, integrity, honesty and trust are so paramount?

 

Best,

TMichaels

 

I would turn my heel and leave. I guess it was a super red flag that he told me he was such a caring person/catering to his girl etc. I never need to tell people who I am because they see through my actions. I have def figured out he is a pretty selfish person or maybe very jaded after many crappy relationships (still no excuse to treat someone new like crap). I can totally understand if I was being mean or nasty, but I was giving my care w/out an hidden motives. I guess I got caught up in the moment and my heart ran away w/out my head.

[Ilovelifeforwhatcome]

Can stressed people act selfish? Like I said I'm not excusing behavior. I am slowly getting my bearings and closing the door on that guy.

[ExpatInItaly]

Can stressed people act selfish? Like I said I'm not excusing behavior. I am slowly getting my bearings and closing the door on that guy.

 

Yes, but there is a difference between selfish and uninterested.

 

You're dealing with someone losing interest.