Long distance relatonships, some DO work?

[LookAtThisPOst]

Reason I ask this, as I'm considering seeking out beyond the 1 hour range that I'm usually looking in and willing to double that.

 

I know of a couple that met at a conference, and from then, they've dated ever since, but...he lives in one state and she in another VERY far apart...and, get this...there are NO plans for them relocating for each other as they are happy with this arrangement.

 

I was quite baffled, as I was considering saying to her, "Hey, in case you get tired of the long distance thing, you have my #." LOL

 

Anyhow, I am guessing it works for THEM, but I think the reason it does work for them, is because SOME people prefer distance.

 

I recall working with a woman that had a boyfriend that lived 2 hours from her. She said she didn't want to have to deal with a b/f locally because he would be stopping by her house every day or every other day.

 

Though, I tended to wonder if this a commitment-phobe issue, but I was wondering if something like this would be a reckoning.

 

But I guess some like it because they like the fact that someone won't be "popping in" all the time if they lived within a few minutes from them.

 

Thoughts on this?

[Els]

You're talking about 'indefinite' LDRs, where neither party intends to relocate, ever, even though they have the opportunity to do so. In those cases, I think the vast majority are not real relationships. (Those where both parties WANT to close the distance but are prevented by external factors are a different story entirely, and very tragic)

 

Standard LDRs, the kind where they try to close the distance as soon as they can manage, absolutely can work and there are plenty out there that attest to that fact.

[LookAtThisPOst]

You're talking about 'indefinite' LDRs, where neither party intends to relocate, ever, even though they have the opportunity to do so. In those cases, I think the vast majority are not real relationships. (Those where both parties WANT to close the distance but are prevented by external factors are a different story entirely, and very tragic)

 

Standard LDRs, the kind where they try to close the distance as soon as they can manage, absolutely can work and there are plenty out there that attest to that fact.

 

Well, this has been going on for 4 years...so apparently it works for them. I tried to broach the subject with a friend of hers and he said apparently there's no splitting them up.

 

Basically telling me, "Don't even think about trawlin' that." LOL

 

On occasion I would see their get together, usually out of state traveling. Seems they at most get together every other weekend.

 

Surprised they could keep it going for 4 years. Only thing I know is that work keeps her extremely busy.

[losangelena]

Haha, yes. What else is there to say about this, really? What works for some doesn't work for others. Some people do like the space of an LDR. Could it be related to issues to commitment? Sure. But if it helps a person to not feel overwhelmed, I'm not sure what the problem is.

[Michelle ma Belle]

I had a LDR for 3 years. I am in Ontario and he was in NC so we had about 12 hours of distance and a border between us.

 

And it was wonderful and worked because WE worked at it everyday. We discussed our needs and wants and made our own relationship "commandments" for how we wanted to handle the distance and still feel like we had an authentic relationship. It wasn't without it's challenges of course and there are pros and cons to it too.

 

Those couples who are in indefinite LDR obviously get something out of it otherwise why bother?

 

I will admit that there are some serious pros I enjoyed with my LDR. As much as I loved being with my partner day and night and hated saying goodbye at the end of our week(s) together, there was a bit of relief that I got some time back to myself without the constraints of a partner to contend with at every moment, especially being a single parent and having a very busy career. I could get caught up in the day to day trappings of my life without having to apologize for long hours or for being preoccupied with work related details and commitments. The distance also forced us to talk A LOT which I think is one of the best pros anyone can have from a healthy happy relationship, never mind LDR. Even though we weren't physically with each other on a daily basis, we were so entrenched in each other's lives and felt so connected to all the people and activities even in spirit because we talked so much about literally everything all the time. And finally and probably the best part of LRD is the honeymoon periods. Going weeks without being physically together added a level of anticipation that made for some insane sexual encounters and physical connection. It was incredibly erotic and we knew it and made the absolute most of it every chance we had.

 

Would I have done it indefinitely? Absolutely not. I still wanted and needed to be end closer to each other but other obstacles presented themselves that made it difficult.

 

In the end, to each their own. As long as both people in the relationship are on the same page about what is going on and how things are to be then so be it. Live and let live

Edited July 19, 2016 by Michelle ma Belle

[King Me]

Anyhow, I am guessing it works for THEM, but I think the reason it does work for them, is because SOME people prefer distance.

I'm sure some people do prefer distance; on the other hand, some people have found someone who they prefer over all others but who happens to live more than one hour away, so they do what they need to do to be with that person.

 

I find it interesting that you seem to believe that your proximity might make you preferable to a woman than a man who she actually is romantically interested in who lives farther away.

[Els]

Well, this has been going on for 4 years...so apparently it works for them. I tried to broach the subject with a friend of hers and he said apparently there's no splitting them up.

 

Basically telling me, "Don't even think about trawlin' that." LOL

 

On occasion I would see their get together, usually out of state traveling. Seems they at most get together every other weekend.

 

Surprised they could keep it going for 4 years. Only thing I know is that work keeps her extremely busy.

 

Well, 4 years doesn't necessarily mean they NEVER plan on relocating. It's a long time, sure, but there could be legitimate reasons like kids or finances that could be postponing the move.

 

Basically, if someone is in an exclusive R... just don't go there. It doesn't matter whether they live 2 miles apart or 200. You're only going to get yourself a reputation as a creep, and possibly beaten up.