Wife of almost 23 years wants divorce [updated]

[Marc878]

You are correct. She's confused now. Doesn't know quite what to make of this.

 

She'll be like a child who wasn't playing with a toy until someone wanted it.

 

At this time you really don't have to do anything. Your silence will be deafening.

 

I may come down for the cabin opening. It's gotta be top down weather though. So hurry the hell up.

[S2B]

It's always going to be about what SHE needs. She needed something - it was probably on her computer or wherever she was sitting when you came in.

 

She is still sneaky as she didn't tell you she was coming.

 

It has nothing to do with you... It's always what works for her.

 

 

Do I need to remind you that she's hiding things? She didn't want you driving to her place... Yet she shows up in your personal space whenever it suits her needs.

 

Too bad you didn't change the locks when the house was in your name... She can come in anytime she pleases. And too bad you didn't set up a boundary long ago that required her to let you know when she would show up - so now it's unannounced.

 

If you value your things at all or wish to keep anything private from her lock it inside a room that has a separate key.

[SexyPenguin]

Hey Jeff,

 

New to this forum and literally just sat here for two hours and read the ENTIRE thread.

 

You are one hugely admirable man. When you hit Ireland on your travels (three times cancelled you said?) let me know!

 

Stay strong, you did not deserve the pain you went through and are going through but you deserve a great life even if it is alone and remember you have two great sons on top of it all! Kudos to you!

[Lowrider93]

Hi Jeff, You know your over the hump in the road when you remove the option of reconciliation from your ex, she's on her own now with no safety net.

Take the rear view mirrors out of your life and you'll one day see that what happened doesn't matter anymore. Eyes straight forward.

 

Ride safe

[Jeff1690]

Really down today guys. I have had the builder stop construction. The well guys have dug three holes all have water but not enough flow. If I want water from the water department nearest main is over a mile away. It will cost $30,000 to get a line put in and I just don't have that.

 

I am now up to $7,000 on the holes in the ground with not enough water flow. I am going to try again and it is driving me nuts. I have three natural springs and a creek on the property but the elevation is such it would cost a lot of money to run a spring pump and hook up the electrical.

So here I sit with a soon to be ex-wife ****ing her best friends ex-husband, living in a house that is no longer mine. Sure I can stay as long as the cabin isn't finished according to the papers but I want the hell out. She is living the life she wants and now my plans are once again **** on.

 

So freaking angry. I am praying they hit water within the next couple of days. Every house out here with in 10 miles has a freaking well and here I sit on the water and am coming up with jack ****.

 

I was literally praying about it when I got a call from the well owners main operator. He told me he could dig a well on the side for half the price. I hated to say yes, but I did.

[BluesPower]

That really sucks. But you know what, you will work it out.

 

Jeff, if you can get through what your wife did to you, and handle it the way that you did, you can get through this.

 

Stay strong, you are OK...

[tinkerbell16]

Really down today guys. I have had the builder stop construction. The well guys have dug three holes all have water but not enough flow. If I want water from the water department nearest main is over a mile away. It will cost $30,000 to get a line put in and I just don't have that.

 

I am now up to $7,000 on the holes in the ground with not enough water flow. I am going to try again and it is driving me nuts. I have three natural springs and a creek on the property but the elevation is such it would cost a lot of money to run a spring pump and hook up the electrical.

So here I sit with a soon to be ex-wife ****ing her best friends ex-husband, living in a house that is no longer mine. Sure I can stay as long as the cabin isn't finished according to the papers but I want the hell out. She is living the life she wants and now my plans are once again **** on.

 

So freaking angry. I am praying they hit water within the next couple of days. Every house out here with in 10 miles has a freaking well and here I sit on the water and am coming up with jack ****.

 

I was literally praying about it when I got a call from the well owners main operator. He told me he could dig a well on the side for half the price. I hated to say yes, but I did.

 

You will encounter challenges that will set you back and it is true what blues said... nothing is too big for you to overcome. I had to adjust downward my house when I split and got hit with about $25,000 of unexpected repairs. It was a hard pill to swallow but I managed. Now I have a sweet little house that I absolutely love.

 

My ex has a brand new house yet he is still the most miserable person. Do not paint a fantasy world in your mind that she us living.

 

She may have more material things but her money and material possessions can't take away her personal demons.

 

You will sleep soundly in your new place soon enough.

 

Maybe even with a 30 year old by your side

[S2B]

It's true - my ex also will never be capable of being happy. He doesn't have that in him - he's never satisfied.

 

So go on and build a life for yourself that is happy - whatever that may look like for you.

 

And I'm sending positive thoughts that you find a steady water flow!

[Tonofbricks]

Really down today guys. I have had the builder stop construction. The well guys have dug three holes all have water but not enough flow. If I want water from the water department nearest main is over a mile away. It will cost $30,000 to get a line put in and I just don't have that.

 

I am now up to $7,000 on the holes in the ground with not enough water flow. I am going to try again and it is driving me nuts. I have three natural springs and a creek on the property but the elevation is such it would cost a lot of money to run a spring pump and hook up the electrical.

So here I sit with a soon to be ex-wife ****ing her best friends ex-husband, living in a house that is no longer mine. Sure I can stay as long as the cabin isn't finished according to the papers but I want the hell out. She is living the life she wants and now my plans are once again **** on.

 

So freaking angry. I am praying they hit water within the next couple of days. Every house out here with in 10 miles has a freaking well and here I sit on the water and am coming up with jack ****.

 

I was literally praying about it when I got a call from the well owners main operator. He told me he could dig a well on the side for half the price. I hated to say yes, but I did.

 

As far as she's concerned Jeff... " nothing is as it seems " she has made her choice and must live with it now. I can guarantee that it's not all rainbows and unicorns for her. Now reality sets in and usually isn't as perfect as she thought it was. You have come too far to get down now...

 

A perfect example is with my stbxw...her and om had a tidy plan to move in together and enjoy life.. Living comfortably .. Unbeknownst to I and om wife.

After collaboration with om's wife on their sep agreement , things will be less comfortable now. Still these two are in love or so they say , so all should be good. Well the last couple of days the om has been arguing with his stbxw over $50 from something that was hers that she sold. Just a thought , if my wife and om are in a "happy" relationship why I the h€ll would you stir up $hi+ like this? And over such a paltry amount?

 

So Jeff , in my situation I have the privilege of knowing more about the om.. And the paradise I would probably think was reality without this info I know not to be true.

[Jeff1690]

Well I woke up today in a rage still. I beat the heavy bag for about 20 minutes. Then my phone rang. It was old friend and she was just calling to check on me. I of course immediately went into the woes of my life about sinking thousands of dollars in this ****ing well with no water and that I was going to give it one last shot.

She told me to calm down. She said she wasn't aware of the cabin and once she heard about the divorce through mutual friend and that I was moving out she began looking for houses for me. She is a local realtor.

 

She knows I am a tight wad with my cash and she emailed me four homes that were for sale. All were smaller homes 1200-1600 square feet but all had detached workshops, and 2-4 acres. They were all reasonably priced below market value and from the pictures in tip top shape. Two totally remodeled.

 

She said if I fail to hit water she would waive her realtor fee and sell my land and what is there of the cabin as long as I bought a house from her. This is not what I want but you know what...life doesn't give a **** what I want. Just like in a fight you don't want to get your nose broken but if you do you have to roll with the punches.

 

So if I wind up selling the cabin and land it will be a tough blow. That was my ticket to total debt free. If I buy one of these houses I won't be debt free but with the amount of money I can put down the mortgage payment would literally be $200-300 a month on a ten year note. With no other bills if I can 't make it on that I am a total dumbass I can also make double or triple payments and have it paid off in 2-5 years depending on what I do and that will put me debt free when I retire in four years.

 

So I am still praying to hit water this week. But, if I do not I am rolling with the punches and when life lowers it's guard I am busting that mother ****ers teeth out. I guess you can tell I am still a little mad

[CarrieT]

If I buy one of these houses I won't be debt free but with the amount of money I can put down the mortgage payment would literally be $200-300 a month on a ten year note. With no other bills if I can 't make it on that I am a total dumbass I can also make double or triple payments and have it paid off in 2-5 years depending on what I do and that will put me debt free when I retire in four years.

Wow. That seems like an exceptional deal, Jeff!

 

I live in California and am *dreaming* of the day I can buy a house and have a mortgage under $4,500 for 30 years!

 

There might be something to be said for a comfy house that gives you a nice workshop and you still have some sanity.

[Marc878]

Don't give up on your dream just yet. Make it happen!!!!

[kgcolonel]

yep Jeff, doesn't pay to cower to anyone or anything.....however it does pay to plan and be smart about our responses. I see you doing that.....hang in there!!

[BluesPower]

I know that you may/may not be ready yet but you do realize that all these women have the hots for you?

 

I'm just saying...

[Marc878]

I know that you may/may not be ready yet but you do realize that all these women have the hots for you?

 

I'm just saying...

 

Jeff, if you need reinforcements to help with those women I know where you can get some.

[Jeff1690]

Wow. That seems like an exceptional deal, Jeff!

 

I live in California and am *dreaming* of the day I can buy a house and have a mortgage under $4,500 for 30 years!

 

There might be something to be said for a comfy house that gives you a nice workshop and you still have some sanity.

 

I have a lot of friends in California from my Marine Corps days. They often used to tease me about my salary and living in Alabama. That is till they came to visit and they asked how I could afford a 4000 plus square foot home on 10 acres. When I told them I only paid $150K to build it doing most of the work myself I wasn't such a country bumpkin anymore lol.

 

Right now in my area existing homes are going for $53-$68.00 a square foot. That is freaking dirt cheap especially with the interest rates.

[Jeff1690]

Bluespower- I have now fixed my picker and am being selective as hell. Even if they have the hots for me I don't care. Any woman with unwanted baggage, or traits gets tossed in the dumpster. While any single woman in my age range will have baggage I will make sure it isn't the wrong kind. Hell I have baggage.

 

Marc-I am a greedy S.O.B. so I hate to inform you I am not going to share. I have a lot of catching up to do lol.

[Formerfiveo]

Hey Jeff,

 

A couple of things.

 

1. Send me your realtor's name and info on those houses!!! lol

 

2. Having options is huge. If they work for now and further you along your road, go for Plan B. It doesn't mean your cabin dreams are over...just deferred. Right now the goal is to start over with a clean slate. I'm the same way about having debt, and my goal is to buy my cabin in cash paid in full. But the way things are going, I may have to take an intermediary step in order to leave this area sooner.

 

3. How deep are they digging the well? I have one and I remember one of the guys said that once you hit water (an aquifier?) you're supposed to keep going until you hit the next one because the first one usually doesn't provide enough flow. But I don't know wells so who knows.

 

4. You're having a house warming party??? ROAD TRIP!

[Marc878]

 

Marc-I am a greedy S.O.B. so I hate to inform you I am not going to share. I have a lot of catching up to do lol.

 

Damn, we've unleashed the Kraken

[Jeff1690]

Hey Jeff,

 

A couple of things.

 

1. Send me your realtor's name and info on those houses!!! lol

 

2. Having options is huge. If they work for now and further you along your road, go for Plan B. It doesn't mean your cabin dreams are over...just deferred. Right now the goal is to start over with a clean slate. I'm the same way about having debt, and my goal is to buy my cabin in cash paid in full. But the way things are going, I may have to take an intermediary step in order to leave this area sooner.

 

3. How deep are they digging the well? I have one and I remember one of the guys said that once you hit water (an aquifier?) you're supposed to keep going until you hit the next one because the first one usually doesn't provide enough flow. But I don't know wells so who knows.

 

4. You're having a house warming party??? ROAD TRIP!

I just hate my first option and excellent little plan is in the toilet. I am headed out this morning to look at three houses. One I went by on my own yesterday and looked at but have not been inside. It is a foreclosure and appears to be really nice. Looking at the inside pictures online this sucker could be a steal. But, don't know what's hiding in the walls.

 

Downside to the foreclosure house is that it only sits on two acres and has around six other houses around it even though it is in the country. Nice little dead end street though. The second house is a big 2 story farm house that sits in the downtown area of a little tiny town west of me. It sits on 2 acre lot as well but downside to it is it sits right beside the entrance to this little towns ballparks and city park with tennis courts and jogging trail. While that is nice and all there was a lot of traffic for a sleepy little town.

 

The third one I like as well. It sits on 8 acres and is an old limestone constructed house that is common around her for older homes. Downside to it looking at the pictures the inside needs some work. It is super cheap so it makes me wonder just what all is wrong with it.

 

The foreclosure house is the nicest. So we will see. I am not going to let the cabin thing get me down. I may not be debt free if I buy it, but I will have no other bills.

 

The first well hole was 380 feet. The second was 180 but they lost one of the drilling pipes in a huge cave. The third was 220 when I told them to stop. The average well around here is 120 feet because there is so much water. Well except for me lol. Maybe the wife soaked it all up on her way to hell lol.

[tinkerbell16]

Hey

I just hate my first option and excellent little plan is in the toilet. I am headed out this morning to look at three houses. One I went by on my own yesterday and looked at but have not been inside. It is a foreclosure and appears to be really nice. Looking at the inside pictures online this sucker could be a steal. But, don't know what's hiding in the walls.

 

Downside to the foreclosure house is that it only sits on two acres and has around six other houses around it even though it is in the country. Nice little dead end street though. The second house is a big 2 story farm house that sits in the downtown area of a little tiny town west of me. It sits on 2 acre lot as well but downside to it is it sits right beside the entrance to this little towns ballparks and city park with tennis courts and jogging trail. While that is nice and all there was a lot of traffic for a sleepy little town.

 

The third one I like as well. It sits on 8 acres and is an old limestone constructed house that is common around her for older homes. Downside to it looking at the pictures the inside needs some work. It is super cheap so it makes me wonder just what all is wrong with it.

 

The foreclosure house is the nicest. So we will see. I am not going to let the cabin thing get me down. I may not be debt free if I buy it, but I will have no other bills.

 

The first well hole was 380 feet. The second was 180 but they lost one of the drilling pipes in a huge cave. The third was 220 when I told them to stop. The average well around here is 120 feet because there is so much water. Well except for me lol. Maybe the wife soaked it all up on her way to hell lol.

 

It is my experience that when things don't turn out as you think they should in life (ie divorce, cabin falling through) there is something better around the corner for you.

 

There is a reason for these things not working out... you just haven't found out yet.

 

I had a similar thing happen. When I got divorced I had been working on buying a house and at the last minute there was over $100000 in repair work discovered. I had to back out and find another house in 24 hours.

 

At the time I was pretty sad. Had my heart already moved into the first house. 2 years later I LOVE the "temporary" house I found.

 

Just a few months back there was a random mass shooting near the first house I wanted. I don't think I could or would have wanted to be reminded of such a horific tragedy every time I left my front door.

 

So random, but looking back THAT was the reason.

[Just a Guy]

Hi Jeff, just a thought. Have you thought of using the services of a Water Diviner? I guess these guys/ gals must still be around. You could check out the internet for them. Hope it works out for you. Tinkerbelle has a point. Sometimes these kinds of blocks point us in a new direction which then turns out to be the actual dream solution. More power to you. Keep that rugged old chin up!

[tinkerbell16]

Jeff

Are you ok?