MzMelanie Posted July 20, 2016 Share Posted July 20, 2016 A couple weeks ago while on vacation I sent a message to my ex after I had a few drinks and just said I wish I could stop thinking about you but I can't and that I hope you are happy. Its complicated but I have explained in other posts we were together for 10 years and in the end he broke up with me and left me for someone else. It's been about 6 months since our breakup and I still miss him and have been hanging on to hope that we will get back together. Well I think my message got into his head and he stopped over my house briefly last week but just made small talk and no mention was made of the message. Last week he called me at work again just with small talk and said he wanted to have a discussion this week. I have been busy and yesterday I got a text from him saying he understands if I don't want to talk and just wants me to know that it hasn't been easy on him and he feels like he is losing his mind between guilt and missing me. He also said he wishes things worked out differently and we could have agreed on things. I have even more mixed emotions after reading this. I don't know what to think or how to respond. Is he only saying these things because he feels guilty? Link to post Share on other sites
juniorrocha Posted July 21, 2016 Share Posted July 21, 2016 How would you know if you are not talking to him about it? He's the only one who could give you an answer. Maybe he wants to talk and see if there's any way you can reconcile. Maybe he just wants to make you feel better. I suggest inviting him somewhere and spending some time together, to see how it goes. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author MzMelanie Posted July 21, 2016 Author Share Posted July 21, 2016 Thanks...I know I need to talk to him. I am just afraid I will feel like I am being dumped all over again. He sent me a link to open a file sharing account and said he is going to send me a file with all our pictures from various trips. I am afraid he is doing that so he can delete them and forget about me Link to post Share on other sites
juniorrocha Posted July 21, 2016 Share Posted July 21, 2016 You're too afraid, woman. If you believe there may be a chance and that's something you want, I say go for it. Why would he want to send you old pictures of you guys together? What would be the point? I would say he's either being a big a-hole or he wants to get closer to you somehow. Doesn't means he wants the relationship back, that's why I think you should maybe try to spend some time with him to see how it goes. And I say maybe because you may get hurt. It's a risk you could take if you want to. Take it easy. Take care. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted July 21, 2016 Share Posted July 21, 2016 What has been resolved since you broke up? Have any of the issues that lead to separating been worked on? If not, then you're likely going back to the same problems. What have you changed? What has he changed? Link to post Share on other sites
Author MzMelanie Posted July 22, 2016 Author Share Posted July 22, 2016 Juniorrocha...you're right I am too afraid. I need to take the risk or I'll just drive myself crazy. As for the pictures...there probably aren't really a lot of us together. I think they are mostly of scenery from various trips and pictures of our dog. He knows I would be upset if he just got rid of them. S2B...We broke up because he met someone else. I don't know if he is still dating her or not. I have been really depressed and just focusing on myself since the breakup and have gone to therapy. I know there would be a lot to work on. Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted July 22, 2016 Share Posted July 22, 2016 Well then start working on yourself. What suggestions has your counselor made that you could implement every day? Strive to improve yourself each day by doing your best. Do it FOR YOU! The most important person to make happy is yourself! I've learned doing for others takes away depression fastest... Just my 2 cents. Link to post Share on other sites
DevotedBaker54 Posted July 23, 2016 Share Posted July 23, 2016 Wow that's a confusing situation! You must be afraid of asking him how he really feels, but the only way you'll know how he's feeling, is to ask him. It will be an awkward 30 seconds when you ask him, but after that, he'll let you know how he's feeling and then you'll know! Don't freak yourself out Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted July 24, 2016 Share Posted July 24, 2016 10 years is a long time together without taking the relationship to the next level, depending on your ages. If he split up with you because he's met someone else , then there wasn't enough to keep you together from his POV. Meet him for a coffee and hear him out, but you need to understand the reasons he choose someone else over his GF of 10 years, so that you don't have false hope and get hurt. In the event that he wants to get back with you, exactly where do you see the relationship heading anyway? Unless he sees you as his life partner what's the point in reconciling, just to break up again down the line. Link to post Share on other sites
gaig Posted July 25, 2016 Share Posted July 25, 2016 You must be afraid of asking him how he really feels, but the only way you'll know how he's feeling, is to ask him. Ask him about his feelings? Or ask him WHAT DOES HE WANT? Listen to him only when he starts his sentence by "I WANT..." Link to post Share on other sites
Author MzMelanie Posted August 10, 2016 Author Share Posted August 10, 2016 I feel like I've been rejected all over again and gave myself false hope over nothing. He told me he sent the message because he felt guilty and that was the only explanation I got from him. Then today I discovered he de-friended me on Facebook along with several of my close friends. I cried in the bathroom here at work a couple times today and am trying to fight back tears at my desk as I type this. I just feel so much pain and hurt all over again. Link to post Share on other sites
JenP12 Posted August 10, 2016 Share Posted August 10, 2016 I feel like I've been rejected all over again and gave myself false hope over nothing. He told me he sent the message because he felt guilty and that was the only explanation I got from him. Then today I discovered he de-friended me on Facebook along with several of my close friends. I cried in the bathroom here at work a couple times today and am trying to fight back tears at my desk as I type this. I just feel so much pain and hurt all over again. De-friending you and your friends in my opinion is very childish. He basically threw away a 10 year relationship without explanations leaving you with questions. You can not allow him to keep hurting you like this. He knows how this is affecting you, yet he chose to contact you with no intentions of giving you answers or reconciling. I'm sorry, I know its hard, but it is time to move on. Link to post Share on other sites
SevenCity Posted August 10, 2016 Share Posted August 10, 2016 That's terrible. I still don't understand how people who loved you can be so heartless. At least you have a clear answer now and can start healing knowin he won't be coming back. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MzMelanie Posted August 11, 2016 Author Share Posted August 11, 2016 Thanks for the replies. I agree it is childish...its just so hurtful to think at one time he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me and now he deletes me out of his life just like that. He is and was very selfish and I will try to remind myself of this to get thru this pain and try to move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Densel Posted August 11, 2016 Share Posted August 11, 2016 This is so weird. So he chose to defriend you after 6 months, after you sent him a message? What kind of stunt is he pulling man? Sending you old pictures = guilty feelings, never heard of it. You need to move away from him. I dont think he knows what he is doing. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MzMelanie Posted August 11, 2016 Author Share Posted August 11, 2016 What he is doing is cutting me out of his life completely so he doesn't have to be reminded of me. He is still with the new girlfriend and I noticed he recently friended her mother on Facebook so to me that is a sign he is getting serious with her. He feels guilty for hurting me and said he didn't mean to hurt me but his actions speak otherwise. Early on in our breakup he also said he would always love me. I just don't understand how you can replace someone and jump right into another relationship with someone after being together for 10 years. It's just so cruel and hurtful. I am still grieving the loss of the relationship where he seems to have moved on just like that. Link to post Share on other sites
Densel Posted August 11, 2016 Share Posted August 11, 2016 When he broke up with you, he already cut you out of his life. To defriend you 6 months later its very unnecessary. He doesn't know how to handle things. Immature. I was also replaced even before breaking up. It is horrible. Only thing to do now is stop contacting him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MzMelanie Posted August 12, 2016 Author Share Posted August 12, 2016 When he broke up with you, he already cut you out of his life. To defriend you 6 months later its very unnecessary. He doesn't know how to handle things. Immature. I was also replaced even before breaking up. It is horrible. Only thing to do now is stop contacting him. Yeah thanks. I am sorry you were replaced as well before breaking up so you understand the pain. He waited till he had someone else lined up which is so completely selfish. I don't buy the excuses of I didn't mean for it to happen and didn't mean to hurt you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MzMelanie Posted August 31, 2016 Author Share Posted August 31, 2016 Well my ex and I spoke in person and I can't believe it but he admitted that he missed me and that he made a mistake and he really doesn't know what he is doing. He said he never meant to hurt me and wished he could go back in time. He didn't say he wanted to get back together or say that he loves me though. He is still in a relationship with this other chick though and said he can't break up with her now because the timing isn't right which I have no idea what that means. I didn't push the issue and was just really shocked that he admitted he missed me and had admitted his mistakes. I had prayed for that day to come but then I didn't know how to react. We have since talked on the phone but then he seems to have back-pedaled. He was re-hashing issues from the past and asking how I have changed. I'm the one that's gone to therapy and not jumped into a relationship with someone else. This whole situation is just so frustrating. Link to post Share on other sites
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