Started to feel low, depressed and lack of sex drive with partner, I am worried!

[chocolatelover]

Hello,

 

I have been with my partner for a while and I felt he was such a kind man and so accommodating that it was his personality I really fell for at the start, we just got on. I wasn't too sure if I REALLY fancied him on our dates but there was a huge attraction, as at times when we use to meet up I would think he looked quite old, he is 9 years older and other times he was so overly zealous with me it was overbearing where we broke up at the start of our relationship. I think, I may have been settling for a nice man here and didnt think too much sexually because well I had such a difficult non sexual relationship with the ex before, which was 2 years previously. We did have sex which was good, but we were never like rabbits at the start or were able to because he took so long to climax which was his porn and death grip issue.

 

My issue is when I don't give him sex, I feel pressured to do it more. He will make a comment about it, or he wants it to be so amazing. He will ask to try certain things, or do certain things together that I am feeling I cant be bothered and lost my drive to be happy with him or to feel this surge of excitement to want this to be good again, it feels a chore as its just so much like hard work to keep him happy its almost intimidating to keep up with his advances, we cant just have fun and relax into this!

 

I use to think yes I want it at the start of our relationship, but he was all over me and I told him to tone it down, which he did but on the other hand he was also coming across too much which turned me off as well. I feel lately I am suffering from a lot of stress because of this and feel pressured most nights where now I want to be alone in my own bedroom without him. Which isn't like me.

 

I feel my sex drive has gone and I am losing interest in this area which isn't like me at all. We moved house and felt this was the main reason for my stress but it seems to be its more related to this sex issue as its escalating and he is turning it around saying my sex with exes wasn't right, the way he does is better or what he does isn't an issue, so I am thinking he is trying to twist my mind, he is basically trying to manipulate me to think a certain way about sex when to be honest I know for the first time in 30 years its him who is making me feel this way.

 

My parents are just saying leave him and sell the house and start again, which I would rather be single than feeling low about sex or our compatibility related to this.

 

Anyone else had this? I think once I leave I may get my mojo back as sometimes when I am not around him I find myself attracted to others, but his personality is now not making me think he is a nice person because I am finding porn on his phone, him hiding his phone and hiding emails as well around me, which is now making me feel more paranoid around him and making me feel more low. Other times when I don't have to think about sex and we get on well I am fine around him but those other times I would say I am very low and lost in my own thoughts.

 

I am more concerned when he wants sex and I don't, he will say "I should have just "wa*ked" if I knew you were up for it....

 

after that I felt used again and deflated, then the next morning I see he is browsing on his phone the best online porn site, to which he hides it from me. So constantly it is like well if you don't give it to me I will find it elsewhere which is fine, but the more he pressures the worse it gets or I get!

 

I feel its time for me to leave but I am scared to at the same time to start again because we have a house together, mortgage and its scary to start all over again.....

 

thank you for reading

xx

[Mr. Lucky]

I use to think yes I want it at the start of our relationship, but he was all over me and I told him to tone it down, which he did but on the other hand he was also coming across too much which turned me off as well. I feel lately I am suffering from a lot of stress because of this and feel pressured most nights where now I want to be alone in my own bedroom without him. Which isn't like me.

 

How often does he try to initiate sex?

 

It's easy for one partner to become complacent and assume, if they're happy, you're happy too. Is he open to discussion regarding how it might be more rewarding for you? Are there specific things you've asked him to do?

 

Doesn't sound like there was much of a fire to begin with, means both partners would have to work hard to keep the spark going. You'd have to decide if the effort is something you're even interested in...

 

Mr. Lucky

[spindlekey]

Do you feel that you can turn this around? I have to ask as this happened to me, happily we were able to talk and admit that we were both at fault over a number of issues.(no one is perfect!) We talked, we wanted it to work, we knew that we had to both compromise, and we made it. 10 years later we are as strong as ever!

 

To me it sounds like he does listen otherwise he would not have calmed down. Being zealous at the start is not uncommon from my experience. Showing feelings and emotions are all part of getting to understand one another. If anything you should take it as a compliment.

 

I think that what has happened before you two became a couple should not be brought into the relationship. History is history and the physical side will always take adjustment from both sides.

 

The fact that you are worried is a good sign that you want to make this right.

 

good luck

Edited July 24, 2016 by spindlekey
missed last line

[standtall]

If you don't fix this now, your relationship is DOA. How often does he want it, how old are you two, and how long have you guys been sexually involved with each other?

[66Charger]

Your relationship is DOA now. Who wants forced intimacy? No thank you maam. If you never loved him in that way, end this facade tomorrow.

 

Only a worm would accept a "love" like that. And spare me the "sex shouldn't be that important lie" It is VERY important. If you dont want to, don't force yourself, but dont take the rest of him, either.

 

Set fire to this rain. Its dead, and yes i am projecting