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Why do I feel so insecure with good looking men?

Fruitee

By Fruitee,
in Self-Improvement and Personal Well-Being

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Fruitee

Fruitee

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Well there it is. And how to over come it? I guess Im not that bad looking but when I look at myself I dont see someone that good looking dude would be interested on.

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carhill

carhill

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I kind of dealt with this in my 20's when I was going prematurely bald, something women found decidedly unattractive at that time (long hair was in). I spent less time in the mirror and more time out in the world living life and growing as a person. After awhile it didn't matter, meaning how apparently good-looking a woman was didn't matter to me. I approached any I found attractive. Most turned out to be married but the experiences benefited me when I started to meet single ladies a decade or so later and ended up dating some pretty lovely ladies.

 

Usually the solution to insecurities is getting outside of oneself and one's head. Big world out there. Short life. Make it count.

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basil67

basil67

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I've not had this experience with appearance, but it happens with friends who are much more educated than me.

 

I manage it by reminding myself that they wouldn't be spending time with me if they felt I was somewhat lesser than them.

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Fruitee

Fruitee

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^ That is what always puzzles me. Why do they be with me or why would they be with me. When there are so many pretty women out there. And it always drives guys away. Me questioning them all the time.

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SpiralOut

SpiralOut

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I've dealt with something similar. Not with my appearance, but with something else. I've always felt intimidated by outgoing, popular men. You know the kind, the ones that party all the time. If they ever showed interest in me, I would push them away, even if I really liked them back. I am a reserved, shy person and always wondered why a guy like that would want me as a girlfriend. Eventually I realized that they must like something about me. Probably it was my ability to listen well, be someone they could trust, etc. It took me a long time to accept my introversion. I am now able to talk to any friendly, outgoing guy as if he is a friend. There is too much of a lifestyle clash for me to date a party animal, but I'm okay with talking to them. I'm now seeing someone who is a better match. He is very outgoing, but he dislikes large crowds just as much as I do. Sometimes I wonder if I would have run away from him had we met 5-10 years ago.

 

Self-acceptance is hard to come by. Look for role models. See how other women with similar situations made the best of it. Recognize your good qualities.

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basil67

basil67

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^ That is what always puzzles me. Why do they be with me or why would they be with me. When there are so many pretty women out there. And it always drives guys away. Me questioning them all the time.

 

Haha yes I can imagine that it would drive them away.

 

What you need to remember is that we seek company from those who are good company. Being good looking means nothing when it comes to being good company.

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shawneesonee

shawneesonee

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Well there it is. And how to over come it? I guess Im not that bad looking but when I look at myself I dont see someone that good looking dude would be interested on.
bueaty is measured from within and works its way out look into the eyes to find it
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Redhead14

Redhead14

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Well there it is. And how to over come it? I guess Im not that bad looking but when I look at myself I dont see someone that good looking dude would be interested on.

 

You don't know what any particular good looking dude finds attractive anyway. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

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SpiralOut

SpiralOut

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Maybe they don't consider themselves to be attractive. Maybe they are too busy dealing with their own insecurities (looks or otherwise) to really care if you are perfect or not. Or it could be that they feel less intimidated by you.

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grays

grays

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^ That is what always puzzles me. Why do they be with me or why would they be with me. When there are so many pretty women out there. And it always drives guys away. Me questioning them all the time.

 

I've had the same issue. For me, it was partly about having been married for 25 years and really not been noticed by almost anyone in all that time. I never really thought about it then bc I wasn't looking, but when I realized it was over I was pretty certain I was never going to get any attention.

 

I got over that by going on four million dates. Obviously, that wouldn't be comfortable for everyone, but I'm a very outgoing gregarious person, I love meeting people, I love flirting and all that stuff that goes with dating. But seriously, it took many many men obviously feeling chemistry and attraction with me before I started feeling like maybe there wasn't some freak thing going on. Now when I meet someone new, I assume they are lucky to be getting attention from me and if they don't dig me, it's not a problem w me, it's just the way the cookie crumbles.

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basil67

basil67

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^ Yeah but there are certain things people in general find attractive.

 

So you think you've got zero traits that a man would find attractive?

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MK67

MK67

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I think people create all kinds of unnecessary problems for themselves when they compare themselves to others. I mean really, how good do we have to be? None of are perfect and we don't have to be. What we ought to be is someone with whom others who are right for us can enjoy spending time with and being connected to.

 

Do YOU like yourself, like who and what you are? Do YOU like spending time with you? Do YOU enjoy the life you have created and live in? If you don't or if you don't know, then therein lies your first problem.

 

When you look in the mirror, do you focus on the picture or on the human being and everything she has to share? When I look in the mirror I LOVE who I see because she was and is my first and best friend....and she reaches out into the world with that same glow and makes wonderful friends who see her as a great person imperfections and all.

 

These good-looking guys you speak of, are they good guy on the inside too? Do YOU enjoy being with them? Do YOU enjoy who they are? If you do, why not focus on that instead of driving them away by declaring how unworthy you and small you feel in comparison to them and other women.

 

I truly hope you find a way to stop comparing yourself to other people and just start feeling comfortable and happy in your own skin. Your value starts with you. Hugs and good luck!

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Fruitee

Fruitee

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So you think you've got zero traits that a man would find attractive?

 

No. I guess I am okay. But nothing special.

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basil67

basil67

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No. I guess I am okay. But nothing special.

 

Well if it makes you feel any better, most of us are north game special. I think most of us are all degrees of average :)

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  • 3 weeks later...
NTV

NTV

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Not sure if it'll help, but what I did in my 20s was pick out something the good looking lady had that wasn't attractive. Nobody's perfect, so... 'oh her teeth are crooked' 'oh, her fake eyebrows are horrible'.... now keep in mind I wasn't judging them as a person as much as finding the flaw that made me comfortable enough with mind to speak with them.

 

 

But really, like others have said, real beauty is on the inside. Looks don't last. except with statues. I guess statues don't change too much.

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