She doesn't want anyone to know of us? or something else?

[Linc]

Hello,

 

Six months ago I met a girl online who I shared a surprising number of similarities with. I know she is actually who she says she is, as we have spoken on the phone and confirmed with several of her pictures.

 

At the time, she was dating a guy, so nothing happened. Three months later, she told me her boyfriend cheated on her, and they were done. The very next thing she said, on the same day they broke up, "at least we can be affectionate now". I've had issues with girls online before...so that was a red flag, but I ignored it. So we were close for a while - close enough that we got to know almost every detail of each other's lives.

 

Now, before I get into this, let me note she has two accounts, her main and an alt for online friends. Finally, tonight, she said yes to something I had asked a while back, if we could be together. Then she immediately said (I mentioned nothing about it) "I'll change my FB status on my alt account, but not my personal. People are nosey. It's for the better. My parents wouldn't approve." Then she said "but they do know about you." So your parents know you talk to me, but not that for the past 6 months I've become your best and closest friend?

 

On top of all this, I have this odd gift which lets me know when something is wrong. In the past, I've been very careful and considerate of the girls I was with and said nothing about this feeling, but in every case, I was right. I've had this feeling about her ever since she told me they broke up. I feel like she is lying to me, not telling me the whole truth. I feel like something is wrong, and I feel it every single time we talk. I asked her once if there was anything going on, and she said no.

 

It's not that I want her to blab to the entire world of our relationship, but I don't want to be hidden. I want her best friends to know, her friends to know, her family. They may not approve, but she is an adult. I don't want to feel like our relationship doesn't exist at all, especially when we've talked and danced around the idea of us meeting. I'd rather not take it that far if she isn't willing to tell people she is in a relationship.

 

Truthfully, I feel like she is still dating that guy. She told me he was in the military, and was going to be deployed. The day he cheated, I was led to believe he was deployed at the time. Granted, I don't know if he was overseas or not, I just know he was deployed. I think that she lied to me in order to keep getting my love and affection because her bf was no longer around to do so, and now, in order to keep getting my love, she is still lying.

Edited July 21, 2016 by Linc

[ExpatInItaly]

I take it you have never met in person?

 

If not, what you have - at most - is an online friend. What type of romantic relationship can you have with a person you've spent zero time with offline? I don't say that to minimize your feelings, but I have a hard time grasping how so many people are in online relationships with someone they've never actually gone on a date with. It's critical to keep some perspective.

 

In any event, I think you're probably right that she's still with her boyfriend. It's pretty obvious, actually. I would stop communicating with her. She will know why.

[salparadise]

I don't want to feel like our relationship doesn't exist at all, especially when we've talked and danced around the idea of us meeting. I'd rather not take it that far if she isn't willing to tell people she is in a relationship.

 

 

I take it you've exchanged emojis already?

[Linc]

I take it you have never met in person?

 

If not, what you have - at most - is an online friend. What type of romantic relationship can you have with a person you've spent zero time with offline? I don't say that to minimize your feelings, but I have a hard time grasping how so many people are in online relationships with someone they've never actually gone on a date with. It's critical to keep some perspective.

 

 

I'm posting asking for advice, not to be criticized for online dating. I know it's hard to grasp, but there's more to a relationship than just physically touching.

 

I take it you've exchanged emojis already?

 

Your post wasn't necessary. Try not to be a douche bag in the future.

[ExpatInItaly]

I'm posting asking for advice, not to be criticized for online dating. I know it's hard to grasp, but there's more to a relationship than just physically touching.

 

 

Your post wasn't necessary. Try not to be a douche bag in the future.

 

I'm not sure what advice you're looking for. I answered your question, which is that yes, I think she has a boyfriend.

 

So while you are right that a relationship is more than touching, it should at the very least include having met in person. Now you are seeing why. You know nothing about her offline life.

[Lois_Griffin]

I'm posting asking for advice, not to be criticized for online dating. I know it's hard to grasp, but there's more to a relationship than just physically touching.

It's not hard for adults to grasp at all. In fact, you didn't even understand the intent of the question and instead, chose to attack.

 

You're right - it's your choice to pursue online 'relationships' with people you really don't know. Pictures, Skype, emails, chats, texts, phone calls...they all mean nothing. And the fact that you base the 'validity' of this supposed 'relationship' on a Facebook status shows exactly how very little you REALLY have to work with.

 

You see what she WANTS you to see. Bottom line. Catfishes have fooled people for YEARS with fake personas and fake lives and fake relationships.

 

And as long as you haven't met her, you don't know who she really is.

 

ExPat is 10000% right whether you want to accept it or not. Until you've actually met her in person, she's just another stranger on the internet.

[sandylee1]

I totally agree with Expat on this. If you pursue an online only relationship, you open yourself up for so much. You really don't know if you are hearing the truth as it's so easy to lie and lead a double life.

 

If you aren't physically present it just seems like cyberspace fantasy.

 

You really don't need to resort to being rude here.

[anika99]

A normal healthy young woman will not be satisfied for long with an online relationship. Normal people want dates, kisses, companionship and eventually sex. If you are going to pursue relationships that are entirely online then you should expect those relationships to be short lived or contain elements of cheating (I'm not sure if one can really cheat on someone they have never met in real life) and dishonesty. I think it would be nuts for a woman to pass up an opportunity to have a real life flesh and blood man for the sake of an online boyfriend. It's nuts for you to do that too. Why don't you want to meet a woman you can actually touch? Instead of questioning your online gf's intentions maybe you could question yourself about why you are settling for a virtual relationship. What is it about meeting women in real life that you are afraid of?