Wife having affair while we are still living together

[Cephalopod]

Well you have done just about everything wrong a betrayed spouse can do. The more you try to nice her out of this the more you push her away. It is counterintuitive but you need to heed the advice being given. File for divorce before she runs your cards up and destroys your credit. Start protecting yourself.

 

She does not love you. You are nothing to her now. Ask her to please move out, divorce her, get into counseling and do the 180. Stop thinking you can save this. N

[2GraceFull]

Sounds like your wife found a way to make sex exciting again. If you truly want this marriage to heal then you need to let her know if you want to stay in yall's home then she will have to cut off all ties with this man. Which frankly I don't think she will do that. If she says no, then let her go. What is going to happen is once she finds out who Bill truly is and wants from her then she will see you in a whole new light. I guess you could say right now she is her own worst enemy. The excitement of a forbidden love is very tantalizing and an adrendial rush. Something that has not been in your marriage for awhile. Its not your fault, neither of you communicated the unhappiness in your marriage or the lack of sex. You might want to contact an attorney and ask for his advice about legal separation. So sorry you are going through this, but don't stop now communicating with her for what you want.

[Cephalopod]

This.

 

Sorry you've joined the BS club.

 

Please expound on your alternative.

[aliveagain]

Talk to a lawyer, start the process, divorce takes time and you can always stop it anytime up to the final decree. What's the worst that can happen that hasn't already happened? If you divorce and she comes to her senses you can always remarry her if you think she's not too tainted and you can live with the humiliation she has forced on you. Was this POS your adopted child's paternal father? Stop the begging, it makes you look weak and weak is not an attractive trait to women. Ask her to move out, make arrangements with your lawyer to split up your property and your business because you need to take yourself out of infidelity. There are things far worse then divorce, sharing your wife with another man is one of those things. Tell her she is free to see the O/M but not as your wife.

 

You can't control her actions but you can make your marriage the better place to be by showing her how bad things will be without you. Change your finances, don't finance her affair. Document everything and start carrying a VAR(voice activated recorder) on you anytime you are in her presence. You wouldn't be the first husband on here to be charged with domestic violence to get you out of the house so her boyfriend can move in. The other man may be seeing your success as his meal ticket, protect your finances. Friend, she has made her choice and the sooner you see this the sooner your pain will stop. Do what is best for you, talk to a lawyer, go completely 180 on her, ask her to move out. Expose her to everyone with influence over her. Expose her affair to the other betrayed spouse.

[merrmeade]

Talk to a lawyer, start the process, divorce takes time and you can always stop it anytime up to the final decree. What's the worst that can happen that hasn't already happened? If you divorce and she comes to her senses you can always remarry her if you think she's not too tainted and you can live with the humiliation she has forced on you. Was this POS your adopted child's paternal father? Stop the begging, it makes you look weak and weak is not an attractive trait to women. Ask her to move out, make arrangements with your lawyer to split up your property and your business because you need to take yourself out of infidelity. There are things far worse then divorce, sharing your wife with another man is one of those things. Tell her she is free to see the O/M but not as your wife.

 

You can't control her actions but you can make your marriage the better place to be by showing her how bad things will be without you. Change your finances, don't finance her affair. Document everything and start carrying a VAR(voice activated recorder) on you anytime you are in her presence. You wouldn't be the first husband on here to be charged with domestic violence to get you out of the house so her boyfriend can move in. The other man may be seeing your success as his meal ticket, protect your finances. Friend, she has made her choice and the sooner you see this the sooner your pain will stop. Do what is best for you, talk to a lawyer, go completely 180 on her, ask her to move out. Expose her to everyone with influence over her. Expose her affair to the other betrayed spouse.

Yes, this is good. These are all the concrete steps you need to take and the immediate survival (yours) reasons to do it.

 

Take it from someone who had her head in the cloud as much as anyone about what I ASSUMED my husband also wanted in our marriage, and when I found out what he was capable of, it still took a good two years to absorb. But you don't even have a spouse that's pretending. It's as if your head can't grasp the reality of what she wants, and you're still projecting on her what you assumed before.

 

You have to shake yourself out of that mindset. She's already separated herself from you and your world. Like people said, she might wake up to the folly of what she's done later; she might not. But one thing's for sure: She won't realize she's lost anything until you acknowledge and let her go. I'm very sorry, but you have nothing to save, and no one who wants to be saved.

[Oberfeldwebel]

I know that you don’t want to divorce and you want the marriage you thought that you had, unfortunately that will never happen. You are choosing to do nothing in hopes that things will change, unfortunately you can’t keep doing the same thing and expecting different results it just doesn’t happen. I believe that most relationships can be fixed, but it takes hard work from both parties, you can’t do it by yourself. You say you forgive her, but you can’t forgive someone who isn’t the least bit sorry.

She probably hasn’t been happy for a while and instead of talking to you and finding a way forward, she has chosen to throw you away like an old rag. I would dare to say that this has gone on longer than you know and the extent of her lies more pervasive. She has nothing to gain by coming back now, she loses nothing, she has her new lover and you patiently waiting as plan b, just in case. She says she wants a divorce which takes her off the hook to be accountable in the marriage. Since you have refused to take any action she has no consequences for her actions, she will continue her selfish ways.

 

She says she loves you, but her actions have shown that she certainly doesn’t respect you. You can’t change that, but you can at least respect yourself and take matter back into your hands, therefore I recommend the following.

1. Consult with an attorney, you don’t have to file, but you need to know your rights. I feel though that she needs a big dose of reality and that filing for divorce will make her realize that she can’t eat her cake and have it too.

2. Protect your finances, you should open a new bank account and that is where your pay checks should go. Safeguard any savings, it can be split later. I would also get new credit cards in your name and cancel any joint accounts. If he is after money, you need to protect yourself.

3. While she is on one of her rendezvous, move her things out of the master bedroom and into a smaller room. If she is sharing her bed with another man, she should not be sharing yours.

I know you want to save the marriage, but you can’t be so afraid to lose your marriage that you do nothing. You have to have respect for yourself. Take control of your life today.

[aliveagain]

You can't make somebody love you, what are you holding on to, she's moved on and you need to do the same. Who wants to be with someone that isn't in love with them, what's the point? Expose the affair, kill the fantasy and make her see the reality of what she is doing, cheating, having unprotected sex with a POS, adultery. The worst thing you can do is nothing, the best would be to take yourself out of infidelity regardless of her. You can't wait for her to do it because she is more then happy to have you support her and her boyfriend, your the perfect babysitter and provider while the boyfriend does all her servicing. If she is a sh*tty wife fire her. Talk to a lawyer, don't finance her affair, make the affair a bad place to be. The sooner you start the process the sooner the pain will stop, we have all been there and life does get better even if you don't think so now.

 

Read up on the "180" and make it your new way of life. The 180 will help you to distance yourself from her so you start to think clearly. Get yourself out of this really bad situation. The best way to do that is with a really good lawyer.

[Nicklee1019]

Since last I posted, the affair has continued with her leaving our home every 7 days to spend 5 days with him. she is having sexy with him and planning on some sort of long distance life with him. Financial

Issues keep me in the home, but we no longer have any contact with each other in the day to day. By not engaging her, she has gotten really strange. She stays awake for days at a shot. She has accused her family and my family of never loving her because they don't like the affair. She refuses to sign the divorce papers, so I'll have to sue her. She says she just wants to live together as roommates but stay married. No thank you! Now that I pulled the plug in the money, she is trying to live off her own paycheck and finding it difficult to live and spend money on her scumbag boyfriend.

 

I have already started moving on. She can't stand it. She walks into my room and just stares at me at night when she thinks I'm asleep. She has gone bat crap crazy.

[anika99]

Could her and her affair partner be using drugs? The staying awake for days and bizarre behaviour makes me wonder if she is using something. Coming in your room and staring at you while you sleep is creepy. Consider putting a lock on your door.

 

Keep moving forward without her. Make her deal with the reality of her decisions. Work on sorting out your finances so that you can physically seperate.

[Poutrew]

Since last I posted, the affair has continued with her leaving our home every 7 days to spend 5 days with him. she is having sexy with him and planning on some sort of long distance life with him. Financial

Issues keep me in the home, but we no longer have any contact with each other in the day to day. By not engaging her, she has gotten really strange. She stays awake for days at a shot. She has accused her family and my family of never loving her because they don't like the affair. She refuses to sign the divorce papers, so I'll have to sue her. She says she just wants to live together as roommates but stay married. No thank you! Now that I pulled the plug in the money, she is trying to live off her own paycheck and finding it difficult to live and spend money on her scumbag boyfriend.

 

I have already started moving on. She can't stand it. She walks into my room and just stares at me at night when she thinks I'm asleep. She has gone bat crap crazy.

 

Sounds like you are doing everything right. She wanted a dual marriage with both you and the scumbag being her alternate husbands. She is going crazy because in her twisted version of reality, she can't understand why you aren't happy to keep her around and to keep the gravy train going. Sue her and get your divorce. Leave her to her trailer park hillbilly lover, and find yourself a real woman who isn't crazy. Good Luck...

[Mr. Lucky]

Financial Issues keep me in the home, but we no longer have any contact with each other in the day to day.

 

Do you own the house you live in with her?

 

Mr. Lucky

[Nicklee1019]

Yes. She is on the deed. I plan on buying her out as soon as I can get her to sign the papers. I don't know about the drugs. I think it's just some crazy manic behavior caused by the stress and guilt of the affair. She know that everyone in her life is disgusted with her, so she just acts like she's the victim and everyone else is trying to keep her from being happy. She actually had the balls to ask me if I could try to sell all the Jewlery I bought her during our marriage. I told her to go fly a kite. If she wants to sell that stuff, including her wedding set, she can do it. I tell you, she is not the same woman I was married to for almost two decades. She is another person and crazy at that!

[Bufo]

About 100% of those responding have strongly advised that you file for

divorce. Does that tell you something given that. It one of us has any stake in your marriage? Before you answer for yourself, remember that many of us have been there done that. This board is the voice of hard knocks experience

 

But let me offer a practical reason for you to file for divorce. The complications of multi-state divorce will cost you much grief, delay and money. OM lives in another state. WW could claim residency there and file there. Making you start by playing an away game. She could have custody and support orders entered when she files and therefore force you to fight in that other state.

 

Get smart and take action now. Document her absences for custody purposes. Learn how to separate finances and protect yourself from her running up debt. Learn how to protect kids. This is what a lawyer is for. Until you consult one you are dealing from the point of speculation. Your future is too important to leave it in her hands.

 

By he way, she has checked out of your marriage. The sooner you accept that as the true state of events, the sooner you start looking after your own practical interests. Save he emotional hand-wringing for after the divorce when it can't do you much harm. Think with your head, not with your heart.

[Marc878]

I have already started moving on. She can't stand it. She walks into my room and just stares at me at night when she thinks I'm asleep. She has gone bat crap crazy.

 

Install a deadbolt or good lock on your bedroom door.

Edited August 1, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
added quote formatting ~6

[Cephalopod]

My exWW and her AP were cocaine addicts and later meth. She acted in many of the same ways your WW is acting.

 

It is highly possible your wife is on meth if she is not sleeping and is acting delusional. The lack of sleep causes her to hallucinate, and become deluded and paranoid. People think it is the drug that does that but it is actually the sleep deprivation.

 

She will actually go psychotic if she gets worse. Look for sores on her skin, scratching marks on her arms and legs, tooth decay, poor hygene...all of those are surefire signs of meth use.

 

I agree about the lock on your door.

[Friskyone4u]

Yes. She is on the deed. I plan on buying her out as soon as I can get her to sign the papers. I don't know about the drugs. I think it's just some crazy manic behavior caused by the stress and guilt of the affair. She know that everyone in her life is disgusted with her, so she just acts like she's the victim and everyone else is trying to keep her from being happy. She actually had the balls to ask me if I could try to sell all the Jewlery I bought her during our marriage. I told her to go fly a kite. If she wants to sell that stuff, including her wedding set, she can do it. I tell you, she is not the same woman I was married to for almost two decades. She is another person and crazy at that!

 

Your job right now if you want to restore your self esteem is to stop listening to anything she says, get her to sign the damm papers, and STOP worrying about what demons have taken over her. She is leaving you sitting there to go bang another man and putting an end to that is the only thing you need to be worrying about.

Edited August 1, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
added quote formatting ~6

[Silveron]

It's so important that you continue to show love and confidence for yourself and your children. The demons that have infested your wife, that is something she needs to come to terms with. Keep in close contact with your lawyer and keep a journal of her actions.

 

 

How old are your children? Keep strict boundaries between yourself and your wife. Lock your bedroom door, keep a weapon safely close by. Do not assume she won't hurt you. Don't trust her.

 

 

It could be drugs it could also be another mental illness such as BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder). If you really want her out of the house, get a restraining order, she will have to leave the house. It's better you do this, then her. If she were to do this to you then she could have that scumbag living in your house with your kids. All she needs to do is make up some story for the judge to believe.

 

 

As she continues to hit rock bottom, she will get worse with her behaviors. Plan ahead for this. There is a root to this behavior she is exhibiting and the only way to get her out of it, sounds like counseling from a psychologist.

[Chi townD]

Dude, get a lawyer and have her served. Have your lawyer set up a court date. You need to get out of this and you need to get out now. She is totally using you. She has the best of both worlds. She has the safety and security of the home and marriage and has you filling her emotional needs and she goes to this douche rocket to get her physical needs met. How is that remotely fair to you. I would also ask the lawyer how long does she have to be gone to establish that she's abandoned the martial home. I mean, if she's gone 5-6 day stretches at a time, you don't know if she's coming back. So, you want to change the locks! Talk to a lawyer.

 

Then, start to do the 180. Some will do the 180 to try and reconcile the marriage. But, in your case, I would do it to distance yourself from the marriage. the 180 is this.

 

Don't pursue reason, chase, beg, plead or implore.

No frequent phone calls.

 

Don't point out "good points" in marriage.

 

Don't follow her/him around the house.

 

Don't encourage or initiate discussion about the future.

 

Don't ask for help from the family members of your WS.

 

Don't ask for reassurances.

 

Don't buy or give gifts.

 

Don't schedule dates together.

 

Don't keep saying, "I Love You!" Because if you have a brain in your head, he/she is at this particular moment, not very loveable.

 

Do more then act as if you are moving on with your life; begin moving on with your life!

 

Be cheerful, strong, outgoing and independent.

 

Don't sit around waiting on your spouse - get busy, do things, go out with friends, enjoy old hobbies, find new ones! But stay busy!

 

When home with your spouse, (if you usually start the conversation) be scarce or short on words. Don't push any issue? No matter how much you want to!

 

If you're in the habit of asking your spouse his/her whereabouts, ASK NOTHING. Seem totally uninterested.

 

Your partner needs to believe that you have awakened to the fact that "they (the WS)" are serious concerning their assertions as to the future (or lack thee of) of your marriage. Thus, you are you are moving on with your life? with out them!

 

Don't be nasty, angry or even cold - Just pull yourself back. Don't always be so available? for anything! Your spouse will notice. More important, he/she will notice that you're missing.

 

No matter what you are feeling TODAY, only show your spouse happiness and contentment? Make yourself be someone they would want to be around. Not a moody, needy, pathetic individual but a self assured individual secure in the knowledge that they have value.

 

All questions about the marriage should be put on hold, until your spouse wants to talk about it (which may not be for quite a while). Initiate no such conversation!

 

Do not allow yourself to lose your temper. No yelling, screaming or name calling EVER. No show of temper! Be cool, act cool; be in control of the only thing you can control? YOURSELF!

 

Don't be overly enthusiastic.

 

Do not argue when they tell you how they feel (it only makes their feelings stronger). In fact, refuse to argue at all!

 

Be patient and learn to not only listen carefully to what your spouse is really saying to you? HEAR what it is that they are saying! Listen and then listen some more!

 

Learn to back off, keep your mouth shut and walk away when you want to speak out, no matter what the provocation. No one ever got themselves into trouble by just not saying anything.

 

Take care of you. Exercise, sleep, laugh & focus on all the other parts of your life that are not in turmoil.

 

Be strong, confident and learn to speak softly.

 

Know that if you can do this 180, your smallest CONSISTENT action will be noticed far more than any words you can say or write.

 

Do not be openly desperate or needy even when you are hurting more than ever and are feeling totally desperate and needy.

 

Do not focus on yourself when communicating with your spouse. It's not always about you! More to the point, at present they just don't care!

Do not believe any of what you hear them say and less than 50% of what you see. Your spouse will speak in absolute negatives and do so in the most strident tones imaginable. Try to remember that they are also hurting and afraid. Try to remember that they know what they are doing is wrong and so they will say anything they can to justify their behavior.

 

Do not give up no matter how dark it is or how bad you feel. It "ain't over till it's over!"

 

Do not backslide from your hard earned changes. Remain consistent! It is the consistency of action and attitude that delivers the message.

 

When expressing your dissatisfaction with the actions of the wayward party, never be judgmental, critical or express moral outrage. Always explain that your dissatisfaction is due to the pain that the acts being committed are causing you as a person. This is the kind of behavior that will cause you to be a much more attractive and mysterious individual. Further it SHOWS that you are NOT afraid to move on with your life. Still more important, it will burst their positive little bubble; the one in which they believe that they can always come back to you in case things don't work out with the OM/OW."

 

Personally, I would do this to help you move on. To disconnect from the marriage so it won't hurt so bad.

 

Time to heal and move on dude.

[Cephalopod]

On top of the 180, be as sweet as pie. Don't confront anymore. Play the game. Pretend you are her friend and that you are happy for her. Use her foggy head against her to get as much as you can in the divorce.

 

Here is something that can help, written by someone very wise (not me).

 

Just Let Them Go

 

The end result?

 

The end result is to respect yourself in the end,

let go of the people that don't value you or respect you.

 

That is the end result.

 

The quickest way to get a cheating spouse back is to let them go with a smile on your face wishing them the best in life and hoping that everything works out in their relationship with their affair partner.

 

Seriously, the quickest way to get them back.

 

Nothing else works better or quicker.

 

Let them go.

 

Agree with them and their feelings,

"you should be with the OM, I hope he makes you happy, good bye"

 

Wouldn't that be true love?

 

If you really loved your spouse,

and wanted them to have what they really want in life which is the other person they're in love with,

wouldn't letting them go be the approach if you really love them?

 

Why focus on the affair or the drama associated with it?

Just let them go. Give them their freedom.

 

You can take a good hard look at yourself in the mirror everyday and improve yourself but do it for you, not for someone else, the changes will never stick when it's done for someone else, do it for your benefit and you will probably make those changes last much longer if not indefinitely - because it's for your benefit and you realize the importance and value in that benefit because YOU are involved.

 

I will never tell someone to change to entice a WAW back when she's been cheating on him. I don't care how bad a marriage, there is never an excuse for cheating. That is a personal decision that someone makes to cheat on their spouse. If a marriage is really bad, leave, get a divorce, speak up to your spouse and tell them flat out "this marriage sucks and if things don't change I'm going to leave you and find someone better" and if things don't improve, leave that person.

 

But cheating, no excuses.

 

Think about cheating.

A wayward spouse who cheats on their spouse goes behind their back, secretly, telling lies, feeling guilty, getting angry at their spouse for getting in the way of their fantasies but never owning up to their actions, never admitting what they're doing. If a person who cheats on their spouse felt justified in their actions, why hide and go behind their spouses backs when they start cheating, why lie, why make up excuses about late nights at work and going to a friends place and sleeping over because they drank too much and any other such nonsense?

 

Deep down, the cheating spouse knows there is something inherently wrong with their actions otherwise they wouldn't lie about their actions and hide what they're doing.

 

Fighting the affair? For what reason?

To compete with the OM or OW for your spouse?

What message does that communicate to your wayward spouse?

They have lots of value and you have none because now you have to compete with another person for their love? Competing with your wayward spouse's affair partner never works, it just prolongs an ugly drama filled process.

 

And for your last point,

The easiest way to show you will not tolerate cheating in your relationship is to let that person go. That is the easiest and most effective way to show this.

 

"Look wife/husband, I won't be in an open relationship with you, I won't give you X number of days, weeks, months to make your mind, if you really feel like you need to sit on the fence on this decision and can't decide between your affair partner and me well I will make the decision for you, you can be with them because I'm no longer an option. I love you and wish you a good life with them and hope it works out for you because it didn't work out for us. Now the best thing we can do for each other is to make this process as graceful and peaceful as possible for us and our children, I'll contact a lawyer/mediator and get started on the process of our legal separation/divorce."

 

You give them what they want.

You don't fight them on this issue.

You agree with their feelings,

they want to be with the other person, fine they should be with the other person, let them be with the other person.

 

You will never convince a person to change their feelings with your arguments and logic. You can not find one member on this website in a situation where they are dealing with infidelity where they got their spouse to change their mind about how they feel about their affair partner.

 

You can't say "don't love them, love me instead",

you can't say "look at me, I'm better in every way compared to your affair partner, pick me instead of them",

you can't say "you took marriage vows, you promised to love me"

 

I agree, you don't have to make it easy for your wayward spouse to have an affair, but when you let them go, "lovingly detach", you don't have to worry about making it easy for them. It's no longer your concern, they can have you or them but not both and not at the same time and since they've chosen to have an affair, they've made their choice, there is no profit in fighting that decision. Let them go and move on with your life, that is the quickest, easiest way to get them back.

 

You definitely don't support them financially and enable them, that would be weak, wussy, clingy, insecure behavior - something in you telling you that you need to support them financially while they're having an affair, hoping they'll realize how nice you are and come back to you.

 

Just let them go, have them move out or you move out and live a good life without them.

[Bufo]

And when she gets to the pick a fight stage as when she realizes her Easy Street cake eating lifestyle is about to end, remember these words:

 

I'm sorry you feel that way.

 

It's the one size fits all reply to her crazy making anger directed at you for letting her go. Which will happen when OM realizes he's getting more responsibility than he bargained for.

 

You never loved me like you should have. Sorry you feel that way.

 

If you hadn't filed for divorce we'd be in a better place. Sorry you feel that way

 

You were too devoted to your work. Sorry you feel that way

 

My mother warned me about you. Sorry she feels that way.

 

Get it? Your answer will leave her with nothing to say. You're not disagreeing with her despite her attempts to bait you.

[Jersey born raised]

Please read these links:

 

This one is written for Waywards but will help you center your emotions http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/marriage-life-partnerships/infidelity/365269-things-every-wayward-spouse-needs-know

 

This one is how to handie yourself http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/separation-divorce/406628-critical-readings-separation-divorce

 

How wide did you expose.

 

The papers you wish she would sign: who drew them up?

 

Finally record all conversations with her!! She s being coached by a scum bag. I am surprised abuse charges have been served. Don't shake your head, you will need to prove your innocents. This is a knife fight. He who keeps their cool and knows how to evade wins.

 

SLEEP

EAT

EXERCISE

[Nicklee1019]

Since last I posted, my WS has really gone off the deep end. I have been practicing the 180. This alone drives her crazy, as she is always wanting to discuss our marriage and point out all the horrible things I did. I refuse to engage. At best I sit there and let her talk then say "are you done?" And then leave. Recently I found that she had embezzled thousands of dollars from our business. I confronted her with proof and she begged

Me not to tell our partner, a family member, she vowed to pay it all back, but she only had about $500.09 left from thousands. She had spent it or give. It to the OM. I brought my evidence to the partner and he asked her to resign. I now have leverage over her and our divorce. She knows it. If I take this to the police, she would be looking at a minimum of 2 years in prison. So she had been in her best behavior. Even skipping visits to the OM. I thought maybe she had decided to give our marriage another shot. She had been attentive and much more like her old self. We hadn't discussed recinsiliation but I thought we were heading in the right direction. Until today when I found emails she was sending him talking very filthy about how she wanted him and how I made her sick to her stomach

And also sent nude photos to him. This is so out of character for her. When confronted, she told I had the opportunity to "protect" her but chose to burn her at the stake instead. So, I'm back to the 180

And she is still in my home but now broke. She doesn't have access to my

Accounts.

[GoldenR]

With the embezzling, she has now shown you that she is a bad person all around. Thoughts of R should no longer enter your mind, last you want to be dragged down with her.

[kgcolonel]

She has earned the legal consequences of her actions....turn her in.....teach your kids to do the right thing.

[Rubix Cubed]

Since last I posted, my WS has really gone off the deep end. I have been practicing the 180. This alone drives her crazy, as she is always wanting to discuss our marriage and point out all the horrible things I did. I refuse to engage. At best I sit there and let her talk then say "are you done?" And then leave. Recently I found that she had embezzled thousands of dollars from our business. I confronted her with proof and she begged

Me not to tell our partner, a family member, she vowed to pay it all back, but she only had about $500.09 left from thousands. She had spent it or give. It to the OM. I brought my evidence to the partner and he asked her to resign. I now have leverage over her and our divorce. She knows it. If I take this to the police, she would be looking at a minimum of 2 years in prison. So she had been in her best behavior. Even skipping visits to the OM. I thought maybe she had decided to give our marriage another shot. She had been attentive and much more like her old self. We hadn't discussed recinsiliation but I thought we were heading in the right direction. Until today when I found emails she was sending him talking very filthy about how she wanted him and how I made her sick to her stomach

And also sent nude photos to him. This is so out of character for her. When confronted, she told I had the opportunity to "protect" her but chose to burn her at the stake instead. So, I'm back to the 180

And she is still in my home but now broke. She doesn't have access to my

Accounts.

 

Use it for your settlement and if she gives you any backlash take it to the police. I'd consider doing that either way.

Are you in a no fault state?