Approaching/Talking to Women

[FTM042014]

I'm mainly looking for feedback from straight guys here but all are welcome. I'm in my mid 30s. Approaching women is new to me because I am transgender. It has only been 2 years now. I was socialized female and even though I identified as a lesbian before (best option at the time) it was a different ballgame than talking to women as a man.

 

GD it's hard trying to figure out what the hell they want and what they need to hear when approaching! Why don't women make first contact sometimes? Wouldn't that be actual equality? It's nerve racking to approach a woman especially when she's wirh friends and potentially get clowned.

 

So to the guys that have been successful what do you do? I don't understand women and I technically was one for 30 years!

 

*Side note: If I didn't tell you I was trans you'd have no clue so that's not the issue here.

 

Any tips/pointers would be great.

[SevenCity]

I'm mainly looking for feedback from straight guys here but all are welcome. I'm in my mid 30s. Approaching women is new to me because I am transgender. It has only been 2 years now. I was socialized female and even though I identified as a lesbian before (best option at the time) it was a different ballgame than talking to women as a man.

 

GD it's hard trying to figure out what the hell they want and what they need to hear when approaching! Why don't women make first contact sometimes? Wouldn't that be actual equality? It's nerve racking to approach a woman especially when she's wirh friends and potentially get clowned.

 

So to the guys that have been successful what do you do? I don't understand women and I technically was one for 30 years!

 

*Side note: If I didn't tell you I was trans you'd have no clue so that's not the issue here.

 

Any tips/pointers would be great.

 

The reason they don't approach is two fold:

1) They don't have to

2) They lack the balls to do so

 

As much as women talk about wanting equal rights, they still want guys to pay for a date and approach them. It sucks.

 

Women like alpha males. They can sense a man who is not sure of himself and are turned off by it. You have to be bold, assertive, and understanding. Approaching cold is tough - it's always been tough for me. Historically, I would need to at least see some sign of interest for me to approach.

 

In preparation of me potentially dating again (it's been 7 years), I've been reading a book called "The Natural" which gives a system on approaching women and what to say. I don't know if it is the end all, but thus far it has had some good pointers such as:

 

- Be funny and positive

 

- Don't interview them (where are you from, what do you do for a living). Instead, find a connection in what they say to you. Take what they said and find a connection. "I like to go traveling" - instead of the standard guy response "Me too, or that's cool" you say something like "Isn't it great to go to a place you've never been before and absorb all the new sights, smells, and people?". Get her to associate good memories with you.

 

- Don't sell yourself and how great you are. Instead, dive deeper into the things she finds important / is passionate about and make connections that way.

 

I'm not done reading it but it's been pretty good so far (and cheap on Amazon). It's a good reference to understand how a woman's mind works (you should know this already!).

 

This will be one of many books I read. I used to be really good and getting into girls pants but I'm rusty as I have not dated in a long time. Everything I read so far in the book rung true from my past experience.

[FTM042014]

The reason they don't approach is two fold:

1) They don't have to

2) They lack the balls to do so

 

As much as women talk about wanting equal rights, they still want guys to pay for a date and approach them. It sucks.

 

Women like alpha males. They can sense a man who is not sure of himself and are turned off by it. You have to be bold, assertive, and understanding. Approaching cold is tough - it's always been tough for me. Historically, I would need to at least see some sign of interest for me to approach.

 

In preparation of me potentially dating again (it's been 7 years), I've been reading a book called "The Natural" which gives a system on approaching women and what to say. I don't know if it is the end all, but thus far it has had some good pointers such as:

 

- Be funny and positive

 

- Don't interview them (where are you from, what do you do for a living). Instead, find a connection in what they say to you. Take what they said and find a connection. "I like to go traveling" - instead of the standard guy response "Me too, or that's cool" you say something like "Isn't it great to go to a place you've never been before and absorb all the new sights, smells, and people?". Get her to associate good memories with you.

 

- Don't sell yourself and how great you are. Instead, dive deeper into the things she finds important / is passionate about and make connections that way.

 

I'm not done reading it but it's been pretty good so far (and cheap on Amazon). It's a good reference to understand how a woman's mind works (you should know this already!).

 

This will be one of many books I read. I used to be really good and getting into girls pants but I'm rusty as I have not dated in a long time. Everything I read so far in the book rung true from my past experience.

 

Thank you for taking the time to read and reply, I really appreciate it. I honestly wasn't expecting anyone to chime in lol.

[SevenCity]

Thank you for taking the time to read and reply, I really appreciate it. I honestly wasn't expecting anyone to chime in lol.

 

No prob dude. I know you are facing an uphill battle like most of us here. I try to help out where I can.

[shoplocal]

Did you have female friends when you were a girl/woman? What did they say they liked in a man's approach? Use that as a guide.

[FTM042014]

Did you have female friends when you were a girl/woman? What did they say they liked in a man's approach? Use that as a guide.

 

I did but they were mainly all lesbians. These days I have straight female friends and I hear them complain about men that all to them. And toe it seems like it's for such trivial reasons. But I bet that of guys stopped altogether they'd be unhappy with that too. I think women are only not annoyed if the guys is what they consider attractive.

 

I'm good at small talk and I'm intelligence so I can hold a convo about a lot of different topics so that helps. I'm not good at the approach and say something witty game. I'm better with actual conversations so meeting women with groups of mutual friends is easier for me. But that doesn't always happen.

 

I says hear that women have made up their minds about a guy before he even finishes the first sentence!