Starting to wonder about my girlfriend and would like some guidance

[smackie9]

She's a bimbo talkin like that. Throw her back and find someone more mature please.....

[brianmann]

Hey. I'm back. I'm not feeling comfortable with things again.

 

Like I said before, I don't think she's cheating on me. But I still feel like a third wheel. It's as if she likes him more than me. That is how I feel. Why? Because she is spending more time with him than me.

 

Monday, Wed, and Fri they "studied together" and "went out for coffee". Thurs they "did lunch". I saw her once this week, Tuesday, when we spent a few hours at my place watching a movie. And whenever I complain to her about this, she brings up that they have the same major and it's "convenient". She also keeps telling me that she will/is "cutting back" on how much time she spends with him, but I don't see that happening. She seems to be spending more time with him now than ever, but she keeps insisting she is "cutting back" on the amount of time she sees him.

 

Am I wrong to feel like this? I know I can be jealous, but isn't this a tell-tale sign of what people call an 'emotional attachment' or 'emotional cheating'? I mean, she keeps saying he is like a 'brother' to her, but he is NOT her brother!

[aileD]

here's my thought on this and it goes for you and every single other person who has said something similar:

 

I noticed she was particularly private with her fb and phone. She kept her fb friend list private so I couldn’t see any of her friends and she would never let me see what she was texting or to whom. When I complained about it, she would give me lectures about the importance of privacy and trust in a relationship, which I found a bit defensive even tho I could relate to some extent. But I still thought she was a lot more guarded about her privacy than anyone else I’ve known, so I was a bit taken aback by it, although at this stage I wasn’t particularly concerned about it yet.

 

If your significant other is private with their phone, you call them on it, and then they LECTURE YOU or complain about privacy or GET ANGRY at you for wanting to see, ...then the relationship won't last. Maybe they're cheating, maybe they're not but at any rate...they don't want you to see SOMETHING.

 

Now, if you notice, call them on it and they say "oh here see, come look...I'm just texting these friends and bla bla...no big deal but my privacy is important to me...if you want to know anything in the future just ask me".

 

Then that's different. But any person who gets angry and turns it into a lecture or turns it around on YOU....is just deflecting away from something they don't want you to see.

 

I honestly didn't read the rest of your post or any of the replies. This is just how I feel about the cell issue and didn't really need to go further to see that something is not right.

Edited August 20, 2016 by aileD
Their/They're correction

[smackie9]

What you do is just drop her. Just say something like, "I get the feeling we are at different points in our lives, and that our expectations are not the same. It'll do us both good to meet other people, so I'm ending it. Be happy, bye."

 

Keep it short, and non-confrontational. I bet with in a week she'll be burning the sheets with the other guy. You get out of a bad, manipulative situation, with your honor intact.

I agree with this^^^^

 

Keep life simple. Whether she is cheating or not, the relationship isn't what it was, so there is no point in dragging this out any further. Just breakup with her and move on. It's a no brainer, if you are not happy, she's probably not happy, so just call it. It doesn't change anything by hanging on.....it's a month later and where are you at? let her go!

Edited August 20, 2016 by smackie9

[kgcolonel]

Hey. I'm back. I'm not feeling comfortable with things again.

 

Like I said before, I don't think she's cheating on me. But I still feel like a third wheel. It's as if she likes him more than me. That is how I feel. Why? Because she is spending more time with him than me.

 

Monday, Wed, and Fri they "studied together" and "went out for coffee". Thurs they "did lunch". I saw her once this week, Tuesday, when we spent a few hours at my place watching a movie. And whenever I complain to her about this, she brings up that they have the same major and it's "convenient". She also keeps telling me that she will/is "cutting back" on how much time she spends with him, but I don't see that happening. She seems to be spending more time with him now than ever, but she keeps insisting she is "cutting back" on the amount of time she sees him.

 

Am I wrong to feel like this? I know I can be jealous, but isn't this a tell-tale sign of what people call an 'emotional attachment' or 'emotional cheating'? I mean, she keeps saying he is like a 'brother' to her, but he is NOT her brother!

 

Brianmann, dating and relationships are meant to either enjoy your time together or to see if that SO is someone you'd like to spend the rest of your life with. I don't see your GF as either, someone you're having a good time with or marriage material for you. Why are you in this relationship? Please don't say "because you love her" as you seem hurt by her at every turn, (I'm not criticizing you but looking at your posts). You don't seem to be getting what you want from this relationship and she's seems okay with the "since I'm not cheating with you" the amount of time I'm devoting to him is not detrimental to your R. Step back and think about what it would be like to find someone who wanted / desired and committed time to you. Wouldn't that be better than where you are now? Just think about it.

[kgcolonel]

Hey. I'm back. I'm not feeling comfortable with things again.

 

Like I said before, I don't think she's cheating on me. But I still feel like a third wheel. It's as if she likes him more than me. That is how I feel. Why? Because she is spending more time with him than me.

 

Monday, Wed, and Fri they "studied together" and "went out for coffee". Thurs they "did lunch". I saw her once this week, Tuesday, when we spent a few hours at my place watching a movie. And whenever I complain to her about this, she brings up that they have the same major and it's "convenient". She also keeps telling me that she will/is "cutting back" on how much time she spends with him, but I don't see that happening. She seems to be spending more time with him now than ever, but she keeps insisting she is "cutting back" on the amount of time she sees him.

 

Am I wrong to feel like this? I know I can be jealous, but isn't this a tell-tale sign of what people call an 'emotional attachment' or 'emotional cheating'? I mean, she keeps saying he is like a 'brother' to her, but he is NOT her brother!

 

One additional thing here, when she says that she will / is cutting back on the time she is spending with him, and you're not seeing any evidence of this, my belief is that she may be denying herself additional time that SHE'D LIKE TO BE SPENDING TIME WITH HIM BUT TELLS HERSELF NO.... this is indicative of her attempts to deny her feelings for him but realistically, isn't fully able to cut it off for the sake of your relationship.

[BluesPower]

Please listen, please.

 

I realize that you are really young, I understand that completely. And by what most of the young posters are saying, you believe in all the "Old Guy Friends" that your part of society has been telling you.

 

Society, and I will never, never understand this, has worked really hard to emasculate me into being really just really weak baby boys.

 

I am 52, I have been around a few times, and I am not perfect by any means. But, son you are being a fool. I know that you can't believe it, you had a really good talk with her and everything.

 

My friend, your so called girlfriend is screwing these other guys behind your back and you just refuse to believe it. BTW, if you are in a committed relationship, no matter what anyone says, it is totally ok to snoop. (Let the whining begin LS posters.)

 

Now whether you have any "HARD" proof or not you have a ton of red flags with this girl. Get that "A TON OF RED FLAGS".

 

Now, I am not sure why she does not just end it with you and move on??? They do that sometimes, I am guessing that she does not want to be seen as the cheater that she is. I have seen that myself.

 

Look, you can keep your eyes and ears open and you will probably catch her cheating or she will probably breakup with you when she feels that she has screwed mister right and she really thinks she has a chance with him for the foreseeable future.

 

But look at it this way, you are 22 years old, you have been with maybe a hand full of women, and this is your first serious relationship, so why stick around for the pain that is coming. It is far better to be the dumper than the dump-ee.

 

Just dump her and save yourself the heartache that is coming. You will really feel better overall.

 

And look, enjoy yourself while you are young. Maybe you should wait to get into any more relationships until you learn a little bit more about women.

 

Good luck...

[Space Ritual]

Hey. I'm back. I'm not feeling comfortable with things again.

 

Like I said before, I don't think she's cheating on me. But I still feel like a third wheel. It's as if she likes him more than me. That is how I feel. Why? Because she is spending more time with him than me.

 

Monday, Wed, and Fri they "studied together" and "went out for coffee". Thurs they "did lunch". I saw her once this week, Tuesday, when we spent a few hours at my place watching a movie. And whenever I complain to her about this, she brings up that they have the same major and it's "convenient". She also keeps telling me that she will/is "cutting back" on how much time she spends with him, but I don't see that happening. She seems to be spending more time with him now than ever, but she keeps insisting she is "cutting back" on the amount of time she sees him.

 

Am I wrong to feel like this? I know I can be jealous, but isn't this a tell-tale sign of what people call an 'emotional attachment' or 'emotional cheating'? I mean, she keeps saying he is like a 'brother' to her, but he is NOT her brother!

 

 

I already told you last month your relationship was DOOMED....you still are acting like a glutton for punishment.

 

Do you intend on taking another bite of the Turd Sandwich this chick is feeding you?. Come on kid, have some damned dignity. Get rid of her this weekend. Life is far too short and you wasted another month on this stupidity for NOTHING.

 

I doubt her vagina is lined with mink and diamonds, that would be the only reason to stick around, and even then it would probably turn out to be Rat Fur and Cubic Zirconium...

 

Bad visual I know, but you need to be shocked out of this disaster of a relationship.

[Darren Steez]

Hey. I'm back. I'm not feeling comfortable with things again.

 

Like I said before, I don't think she's cheating on me. But I still feel like a third wheel. It's as if she likes him more than me. That is how I feel. Why? Because she is spending more time with him than me.

 

Monday, Wed, and Fri they "studied together" and "went out for coffee". Thurs they "did lunch". I saw her once this week, Tuesday, when we spent a few hours at my place watching a movie. And whenever I complain to her about this, she brings up that they have the same major and it's "convenient". She also keeps telling me that she will/is "cutting back" on how much time she spends with him, but I don't see that happening. She seems to be spending more time with him now than ever, but she keeps insisting she is "cutting back" on the amount of time she sees him.

 

Am I wrong to feel like this? I know I can be jealous, but isn't this a tell-tale sign of what people call an 'emotional attachment' or 'emotional cheating'? I mean, she keeps saying he is like a 'brother' to her, but he is NOT her brother!

 

Nah you absolutely wrong to feel like this, Nothing wrong with going out with him and spending little time with you...because you allow it right?

 

So why complain? If you're going to sit back and go gee, why won't you spend time with me and she goes and spends more time with him then you go gee why won't you spend time with me, then you get exactly what you deserve.. her spending more time with him.

[fromheart]

Hey. I'm back. I'm not feeling comfortable with things again.

 

Like I said before, I don't think she's cheating on me. But I still feel like a third wheel. It's as if she likes him more than me. That is how I feel. Why? Because she is spending more time with him than me.

 

Monday, Wed, and Fri they "studied together" and "went out for coffee". Thurs they "did lunch". I saw her once this week, Tuesday, when we spent a few hours at my place watching a movie. And whenever I complain to her about this, she brings up that they have the same major and it's "convenient". She also keeps telling me that she will/is "cutting back" on how much time she spends with him, but I don't see that happening. She seems to be spending more time with him now than ever, but she keeps insisting she is "cutting back" on the amount of time she sees him.

 

Am I wrong to feel like this? I know I can be jealous, but isn't this a tell-tale sign of what people call an 'emotional attachment' or 'emotional cheating'? I mean, she keeps saying he is like a 'brother' to her, but he is NOT her brother!

 

Well, she said she'd change and make the effort in your relationship but as everyone here rightly predicted, she didn't.

 

She's not going to change, the relationship is not going to change. You gave her a chance and she didn't make the effort. And there is a good chance that she is already cheating on you, all the signs are there and have been for a while.

 

Telling you she doesn't like your penis and suggesting you get surgery... Please, if a woman tells you that it is such an insult. Why were you even continuing to be with her after that!?

[elaine567]

Brianmann, dating and relationships are meant to either enjoy your time together or to see if that SO is someone you'd like to spend the rest of your life with. I don't see your GF as either, someone you're having a good time with or marriage material for you.

 

^^^^this^^^^

 

If you were honest this girl is making you miserable and she is kicking any self esteem you had, down the road as if it were a tin can.

Do not do this to yourself any longer.

 

Please get out of this relationship, there are plenty good girls out there, girls who will build you up and treat you as if you mean something to them.

This girl is filling in time with you, as she doesn't want to be alone just yet. As soon as she gets a better offer, you will not see her for dust.

[Art.at.Heart]

Am I wrong to feel like this?

 

No, you were wrong not to leave after this:

4. I found LOTS of texts, many of which were flirty, between her and this guy. One day she had left her phone at my place and I admit I went through it. I know it was snooping, but with all of the above stuff going on naturally I was going to go for it. The sheer amount of texts revealed to me that this guy HAD to be a fairly big part of her social circle, like perhaps on old friend from high school, and the more flirty ones pointed to a possible ex-bf, or perhaps even a guy she was coming on to. They would post pics of what they wearing to get opinions, and there were comments of ‘yummy’ and emojis with hearts and some with tongues hanging out (drooling). For example, she said things like ‘oh, she is going to love you in that. You look so yummy (drool emoji)’. They also talked a bit about sex and she showed him pics of her new tongue ring. I was mortified, but I knew if I confronted her about it, it would turn into a ‘me snooping’ thing instead of a ‘her flirting’ thing, so I didn’t say anything directly. Instead I tried another approach, which became reason #5.

 

Monday, Wed, and Fri they "studied together" and "went out for coffee". Thurs they "did lunch". I saw her once this week, Tuesday, when we spent a few hours at my place watching a movie. And whenever I complain to her about this, she brings up that they have the same major and it's "convenient". She also keeps telling me that she will/is "cutting back" on how much time she spends with him, but I don't see that happening. She seems to be spending more time with him now than ever, but she keeps insisting she is "cutting back" on the amount of time she sees him.

Listen Brian,

If you have to have an agreement with your significant other that they are to cut back the amount of time they spend with someone, its not the relationship for you. If she were doing all these things with a girlfriend, you may be annoyed that you're not seeing her as much but I highly doubt you tell her to cut back the time she spends with her. You don't trust her with this guy and its not like she hasn't given you good reason to. I know the drill here though. You're not going to leave her, this will drag out, and you will get hurt. I get. I've been there. MANY others have been there and many will continue to go through it as well. Just do me a favor: when this is all said and done, learn from this . Learn to value yourself and really assess what's important to you in a relationship other than comfort and familiarity. And when those boxes aren't checked, walk away and don't look back.

[Try]

Because she is spending more time with him than me.

 

Monday, Wed, and Fri they "studied together" and "went out for coffee". Thurs they "did lunch". I saw her once this week, Tuesday, when we spent a few hours at my place watching a movie. And whenever I complain to her about this, she brings up that they have the same major and it's "convenient".

You should call bull to the "studied together" crap. There is rare occasion when top students find a real need or to study together, and even then it is only if they are taking the same exact class at the same time. Only being in the same major does not cut it. The only convenience to them studying together is that it gives them more time together than they would have otherwise.

 

Dating is when you spend time with a member of the opposite sex that would be a viable candidate to be a mate, in order to give you both the opportunity to develop feeling for each other. Most dates do not involve sex, and many do not even involve kissing. Whatever she tries to call it, they are in reality dating. Sex or no sex, dating others when in an exclusive relationship is still cheating. In light of the many inappropriate text messages that they send each other, I would not rule out some form of physical intimacy or even sex.

[lolablue17]

I never complain to others "Why don't they spend more time with me". I never did. I take it as a fact that the amount of time they spend with me, is the amount of time they want to spend with me.

 

What she gives you now, is exactly what she wants to give. You should accept it or decline it. I see that you don't like it. I agree with the posters who say that there's a big chance she's already cheating with him. It's 50\50.

 

So, i advise you to just walk away with full pride. Don't even bother to explain and by that, letting her the conversation in which she will tell you how bad you are. Don't let her. Tell her that you gave it a try, and you just don't fit, and wish her luck with her next bf.