My sister moved in her baby daddy and he's leeching

[Iceshowers]

I need outsiders insight in this issue that I'm currently going through. I'm set to sit down with my sister and talk to her directly about it tomorrow.

 

I bought a house and my sister and I had made an agreement that we would split it down the middle. It was just me, my son, her and her son. I just gotten out of a 6yr relationship with my baby's dad and she was having issues with her baby's dad and wanted freedom from him (like not moving in together with him). In the beginning, things were shaky, but I kinda learned to ignore that after I said my peace. Her baby's dad was coming over towards night time 2-3 times a week to put the baby to sleep. AT the beginning he would leave after she came home at midnight, but it then became where he would stay the night (he was "too tired" of driving back to his parents house, where he was staying) and leave in the morning. Then, he would be doing this more often, like 5 times a week. About 2-3 months ago, he lost his job and his car got repossessed. He now has this part-time job at some food chain and whatever agreement my sister and him made, he now has been staying in my living room since then. He sleeps, eats, bathes, and stays all day with their son when he doesn't work, in my house. They aren't "together", but she uses him for free care of their child, and she works and parties and goes to the gym.

 

Now my issue is, he pays ZERO. Contributes to the household ZERO. I have let it go for 2-3 months, but I am paying repairs on my home (which is MY home, and my responsibility) out of my own pocket, plus paying half of the increased utilities due to him being home all day 2-3 days (by that I mean, since he only works part-time, he has 3 or so days off where he's just at the house all day) and all night. When he's at my house, my sister's room's ceiling fan is on full speed, the living room ceiling fan is on high speed, lights are on, TV is on and half the time not being used. He is using more electricity than anyone else. I have also noticed he eats some of my food/snacks that I buy for MY SON.

 

I'm about to speak to her tomorrow that he either financially contributes, or I will kick his ass out. The only other issue I see between our talk tomorrow is that she will bring up my boyfriend and say he's doing the same thing. My boyfriend does not live here. Stays with me about every other weekend and MAYBE some weekdays. Last week he stayed all week, but this week he isn't. He doesn't give me money for the utilities, but he does my gardening, mows my lawn and repairs anything that breaks inside and outside MY home. That's how he has contributing when he doesn't even live here. But I just know my sister will use him against me when I bring up her deadbeat baby daddy leeching off my home.

 

I had a verbal agreement with my sister that it would just be us 2 and the 2 kids living here. There is no contract. And definitely I did not agree to her baby daddy living in my living room and she didn't even ask either.

 

I need outsider's insight on if I"m being fair, and how to go about it. I already have gotten insider's insight (like my older sister, who doesn't live with me, but knows exactly what's going on).

 

Edit:

For example my electricity bill:

April $82

May $112

June $145

July $148

 

Water:

April $75

May $71

June $91

July $87

Edited July 22, 2016 by Iceshowers

[rester]

I would make sure you have a more clear goal for your conversation with your sister because it's unclear to me from your post if you want him gone from the house or if you are okay with the living arrangement and want him to contribute money.

 

If you want him to contribute money, I would have an idea of how much you want him to contribute. A ceiling fan is not going to raise your electric bill very much. Air conditioning certainly will and if you don't want him eating your son's food, you need to come up with a plan for food sharing like any other communal living situation.

 

If he's not around, who is going to watch their son? Would he go to childcare outside of the house or would your sister bring someone else into the house? I can understand your sister's perspective if you have your boyfriend around, but you don't want her son's dad around.

 

It seems fair to me that if he uses utilities and food, that he pays for them, but I also think that if he's taking care of your nephew without pay, that the costs for that should fall on your sister and that they need to come up with an agreement that is also fair to you.

 

Hopefully your sister is reasonable during the discussion. I would think this would be a simple negotiation but I know how family can get. Good luck. Have a clear idea of what you want and be willing to compromise if you need to.

[Iceshowers]

I would make sure you have a more clear goal for your conversation with your sister because it's unclear to me from your post if you want him gone from the house or if you are okay with the living arrangement and want him to contribute money.

 

If you want him to contribute money, I would have an idea of how much you want him to contribute. A ceiling fan is not going to raise your electric bill very much. Air conditioning certainly will and if you don't want him eating your son's food, you need to come up with a plan for food sharing like any other communal living situation.

 

If he's not around, who is going to watch their son? Would he go to childcare outside of the house or would your sister bring someone else into the house? I can understand your sister's perspective if you have your boyfriend around, but you don't want her son's dad around.

 

It seems fair to me that if he uses utilities and food, that he pays for them, but I also think that if he's taking care of your nephew without pay, that the costs for that should fall on your sister and that they need to come up with an agreement that is also fair to you.

 

Hopefully your sister is reasonable during the discussion. I would think this would be a simple negotiation but I know how family can get. Good luck. Have a clear idea of what you want and be willing to compromise if you need to.

 

Thank you for the input. I understand what you're getting at. I will have a more clear goal. My goal really is to NOT pay for someone who is not my responsibility. Rent and utilities isn't free anywhere, no matter who it is.

 

I am okay with him staying there and taking space in my living room, but he has to contribute. If he doesn't want to, then he can stay at his mother's and they can figure out the rest. Regarding care for/about my nephew isn't my concerns, just like my sister doesn't care about my child's daycare. I don't bring my baby daddy to lounge around just because I don't want to pay money. To them, it's an easy solution because they are saving money by not paying rent for 2 bedrooms/1 bath (or the full rent that it would have cost them), cut in utilities (that they use more on. I don't have cable, they use cable and I still go half on the cable), and no daycare expenses. I pay for all that, plus daycare and repairs for the house THEY live in.

 

My boyfriend isn't my son's father. And my boyfriend, again, doesn't live here. He comes and goes as a guest, while taking care of repairs and responsibilities in the house. When something of THEIRS breaks, my bf is the one fixing it. My bf helps me as the landlord, because it's my responsibilities and I could be paying hundreds of dollars on a handyman, but instead, he fixes it for free.

 

The way I see it.. if I was an actual landlord, all the house repairs I could have added to the monthly rent to offset the cost, but as she being my sister, I didn't. But I just think it's unfair they want to save money by co-habiting, when it wasn't even an agreement when I bought my house.

[Iceshowers]

And to add to the last post. I don't mean the ceiling fan, lights and TV stay on for 6hrs during the day.. no. It stays on 24/7. The ceiling fans only get turned off, when I come home and see that nobody has been home and it's still on, along with whatever else. He stays watching TV from when he wakes up to about 2 or 3 am (I've woken up in the night to go use the potty and noticed it on). So it's not a few hrs a day, it's 24hrs a day.

[Lois_Griffin]

Why women choose to have babies with such worthless losers is just beyond me. She might as well have gone down to the homeless tent city at the edge of town and chosen one of those guys to father her child. Same result.

 

Unless this fool is on the fast track at Wendy's and they're grooming him for the CEO position - :lmao::lmao: sorry, couldn't resist - he'll continue to mooch off whoever will let him. That's what people like him do - move from person to person and suck them dry. I hope you sister isn't stupid enough to get herself pregnant again with this guy.

 

Here's the bottom line. You're the legal owner of that house. Not your selfish foolish sister, and not her squatter, the completely worthless 'baby daddy.' He's just one big pant-load on society and if we the taxpayers aren't supporting his worthless ass yet, we will be eventually. Yay us.

 

Who cares WHAT argument your sister uses about your boyfriend? Truth is, she's selfish and self-absorbed enough to think letting this loser squat in your living room on YOUR dime is perfectly fine, so it's already a given she's incapable of looking past her own selfish needs and lacks the ability to be a fair, mature adult. That ain't happening. You're dealing with someone who has the emotional maturity and self awareness of a 17 year old spoiled teenager.

 

And let me tell you, his type will suck you dry. If, by some miracle you actually get this loser to start paying you $50 a week, he'll feel entitled to take you for everything you've got. You need to get RID of him. If this guy wants to be a loser his whole life and let women support him, let him do it at mommy's house. After all, his mother raised this creep to think it's ok to let others support him, so let HER support him.

 

If it were me, his worthless ass would be OUT of there. Today.

[MJJean]

Your house, your rules.

 

I'd tell him you expect him to start paying 1/3 of the total expenses (housing and utilities) and buying his own food and necessities or he has to leave. That simple. If your sister doesn't like it, tell her she is free to leave with him and you an find another roommate to share costs.

 

As for your BF, don't get sucked in to an argument about what he contributes and how often he is there. It's irrelevant. It's your house, end of story.

 

My DH's friend was renting a room from us back when we first bought the house. I had a cat and a couple of dogs. He wanted to bring his cat. I said no. He argued that I had a cat, so why couldn't he? I said it was because it's my house. Period. He kept saying I had a cat, so why couldn't he and I kept repeating that it's because it's my house and I said no. Took a few minutes to sink in, but he finally got it.

[MissTrudy]

whatever you do next with your sister, get it in writing and have you both sign it and each possess a copy.

 

i think having him pay something is fair. the question is how much? you said he uses more energy than all of you so are you going to split utilities 3 ways? make him pay 20% and you and your sister each do 40% (20% per person in the house, so you pay for you and your kid and your sister pays for herself and her kid).

 

one thing regarding your utility bills that you posted, i have no idea where you live and what prices are normal, but based on where i live those rate fluctuations aren't that huge going from late spring to summer. it would be more convincing to me if you had data from an entire year for utility bills, but you don't have to convince me, or your sister even, that the bill is going up. your house your rules. if it looks like they're wasting energy, even if it isn't making a major dent technically (i'm sure you all are using fans etc more now that it's summer), i think you have a right to tell them to pay more because it at least seems like the increase could be due to what he's doing.

 

you should also tell them about keeping the tv, fan, etc on when it's not being used because it's wasting energy AND money...money they all can save. some of those habits are hard to break but if you repeatedly tell them it's unacceptable they might change their ways. let them know you don't want him eating the kid's snacks and that if it continues he's out, or needs to buy snacks/food. maybe he don't know you realize it. doesn't make what he's doing right, but if he knows you're on to him he might stop.

 

your sister has no right to bring up your boyfriend. again, your house your rules. if she doesn't like it she can leave. communication here is key. you're not asking her to contribute more, but him to contribute something, so making that distinction is important. you don't need to justify it to her, but if you want to say something, you can say that from now on they have to pay your boyfriend for cutting grass and fixing things (charge them half the rate of such a service). that will have them stop talking about him contributing, if things that he used to do for free now cost money, and probably more than paying some utilities. or perhaps they'll stop breaking things and/or help in the garden!

[anika99]

He has moved in by the sounds of it. He is no longer a visitor, he is a roommate and therefore he needs to pay his share. He is welcome to leave if he doesn't like it. Very disrespectful of both he and your sister to have him move in without any discussion with you first.

 

It doesn't matter how often your bf stays over as you own the house. You could have 10 men staying there every night and it wouldn't be anyone's business but yours. As the owner of the house your sister is a tenant and so she doesn't get equal say and her freeloading the ex gets no say.

Edited July 24, 2016 by anika99

[Iceshowers]

whatever you do next with your sister, get it in writing and have you both sign it and each possess a copy.

 

i think having him pay something is fair. the question is how much? you said he uses more energy than all of you so are you going to split utilities 3 ways? make him pay 20% and you and your sister each do 40% (20% per person in the house, so you pay for you and your kid and your sister pays for herself and her kid).

 

one thing regarding your utility bills that you posted, i have no idea where you live and what prices are normal, but based on where i live those rate fluctuations aren't that huge going from late spring to summer. it would be more convincing to me if you had data from an entire year for utility bills, but you don't have to convince me, or your sister even, that the bill is going up. your house your rules. if it looks like they're wasting energy, even if it isn't making a major dent technically (i'm sure you all are using fans etc more now that it's summer), i think you have a right to tell them to pay more because it at least seems like the increase could be due to what he's doing.

 

you should also tell them about keeping the tv, fan, etc on when it's not being used because it's wasting energy AND money...money they all can save. some of those habits are hard to break but if you repeatedly tell them it's unacceptable they might change their ways. let them know you don't want him eating the kid's snacks and that if it continues he's out, or needs to buy snacks/food. maybe he don't know you realize it. doesn't make what he's doing right, but if he knows you're on to him he might stop.

 

your sister has no right to bring up your boyfriend. again, your house your rules. if she doesn't like it she can leave. communication here is key. you're not asking her to contribute more, but him to contribute something, so making that distinction is important. you don't need to justify it to her, but if you want to say something, you can say that from now on they have to pay your boyfriend for cutting grass and fixing things (charge them half the rate of such a service). that will have them stop talking about him contributing, if things that he used to do for free now cost money, and probably more than paying some utilities. or perhaps they'll stop breaking things and/or help in the garden!

 

Valid point you've made on the utility and how much they were. I live in Florida, which is only cold like 2 months a year lol. But I control the A/C and thermostat, and that has not changed since he moved in, so the increases shows that he's using quite a bit. I tried to show that the 2 months he moved in, the electricity increased almost $40, the water about $20. The month before he officially moved in, when he was coming 5x a week to put their baby to sleep and stay the night, even the utilities increased from the the previous month by a good amount. Again, the A/C hasn't not changed since it's programmed and if some one tries to change it, I can tell (since it will not be programmed anymore and it tells me). Not to even mention that because he has 2 phones, 1 computer and 1 tablet, our internet speed has greatly decreased (since more people are connected) that our online streaming buffers alot now. Even my bf complained and said he will pay the increase if I up the speed, because it's cuz it's affecting our alone time of watching movies/tv shows.

 

Thank you for the input!

Edited July 24, 2016 by Iceshowers

[Tayla]

OP Wrote: I bought a house and my sister and I had made an agreement that we would split it down the middle.

 

Please clarify. You both invested in the house ?

[Iceshowers]

OP Wrote: I bought a house and my sister and I had made an agreement that we would split it down the middle.

 

Please clarify. You both invested in the house ?

 

No, I paid for the down payment, repairs, appraisal, inspection, all. We just agreed to be roomies and pay down the middle (half of mortgage, electricity, water/sewer, cable and internet), so both of us can have financial breathing room. When I made this agreement, I was counting on my baby's dad to give me hard time helping financially, so I thought I wouldn't be able to afford on my own until I got child support in place. But my baby'sdad did not give me that headache, and I could afford it on my own without sister's part, but have to live with it for now until she is ready to be on her own.

[rester]

OP Wrote: I bought a house and my sister and I had made an agreement that we would split it down the middle.

 

Please clarify. You both invested in the house ?

 

That is confusing to me also. I wrote my post above under the assumption both sisters pay equally and own the house. If the sister is a tenant and pays rent but is not on the mortgage, the OP should be making the rules. The way it was worded though I thought they bought the house together. And if they bought the house together but the sister isn't on the mortgage, she's getting royally screwed by the OP.

 

Edit: okay, so the sister is a tenant and OP owns the house so it's her rules. If the sister doesn't like the rules she can move out.

[Iceshowers]

That is confusing to me also. I wrote my post above under the assumption both sisters pay equally and own the house. If the sister is a tenant and pays rent but is not on the mortgage, the OP should be making the rules. The way it was worded though I thought they bought the house together. And if they bought the house together but the sister isn't on the mortgage, she's getting royally screwed by the OP.

 

Edit: okay, so the sister is a tenant and OP owns the house so it's her rules. If the sister doesn't like the rules she can move out.

 

Yea sorry about the confusion. House is under my name, deed and all. Mortgage is also in my name. All utilities are in my name. It is my house. She is just my roommate/tenant.

[rester]

Do you have a written agreement with her? I know she's your sister, but I would still have a lease in writing that clearly states tenant rules, rent payment, late rent fees, utilities payments, etc.

 

How did the conversation with her go?

[Iceshowers]

Do you have a written agreement with her? I know she's your sister, but I would still have a lease in writing that clearly states tenant rules, rent payment, late rent fees, utilities payments, etc.

 

How did the conversation with her go?

 

There is no written agreement, everything was just verbal, one day we just talked about it when she came to me saying her baby daddy isn't going to be helping her and not to involve him in our future living arrangements as a 3rd roommate (that was one of the choices way before this all happened, before I closed on my home, but she said no, since they were having alot of issues, etc).

 

Unfortunately, our schdule didn't make time for talk this weekend. When I was busy, she was home, then when I was home, she was out and about. And since we have different work schedules (I work office hrs, she works 2-11 shift, and I'm asleep by the time she comes home at midnight).

 

BUT something weird happened. I sent her a text that we need to sit and talk Friday morning. Since Friday after work, when I came home, her baby daddy wasn't there at all. I thought maybe they both worked Friday (which happens). Well, all weekend he wasn't there at all. Not once. So I found it weird, and I didn't ask, nor had a chance to talk to her to confirm if she finally grew a backbone. So then last night she says she's getting daycare and is looking and if she can give me some pointers since my child is a bit older and I've gone through it already. If she's looking for daycare, means she isn't needing him or doesn't need him going forward. But I still do believe I should still talk to her just to make it clear if her plans to be independent doesn't go as planned.

[turnera]

I'd wait and see if he stops showing up, first.

[azlightsout]

There is no written agreement, everything was just verbal, one day we just talked about it when she came to me saying her baby daddy isn't going to be helping her and not to involve him in our future living arrangements as a 3rd roommate (that was one of the choices way before this all happened, before I closed on my home, but she said no, since they were having alot of issues, etc).

 

Unfortunately, our schdule didn't make time for talk this weekend. When I was busy, she was home, then when I was home, she was out and about. And since we have different work schedules (I work office hrs, she works 2-11 shift, and I'm asleep by the time she comes home at midnight).

 

BUT something weird happened. I sent her a text that we need to sit and talk Friday morning. Since Friday after work, when I came home, her baby daddy wasn't there at all. I thought maybe they both worked Friday (which happens). Well, all weekend he wasn't there at I all. Not once. So I found it weird, and I didn't ask, nor had a chance to talk to her to confirm if she finally grew a backbone. So then last night she says she's getting daycare and is looking and if she can give me some pointers since my child is a bit older and I've gone through it already. If she's looking for daycare, means she isn't needing him or doesn't need him going forward. But I still do believe I should still talk to her just to make it clear if her plans to be independent doesn't go as planned.

 

Def. Talk with her. Dont forget that she is your sister and u never know when u will need her in the future. I had a similar situation years ago and they would leave around the end of the month (28-29th)and return around the 6th or 7th after all the bills were paid . A talk with her should set her straight that way next time she wants a guy over she will already know the drill