Women be honest: What makes you cheat on a loyal partner?

[tito1501]

I just want to know, one thing. If the guy totally respects you and you love him, what are the main reasons that would lead you to cheat on your partner ?

 

I was not cheated on by my girlfriend (as far as I know). However, I hear stories even from my father, that you cannot trust women.

 

Consequently, I have this big dilemma in my life. It is very difficult for me to totally trust my girlfriend. I always think that even if I do my best, she may find a guy that will seduce her and **** up everything. What I cannot stand is the fact that I KNOW she is trustful and I ain't totally secure yet. Even if she would be attracted to another guy, she would tell me.

 

Why is it so difficult for me to get rid of this fear ? If I look at myself at the mirror, I can see a very confident guy (I seriously can). But still, I can't overcome these thoughts that a certain guy may try something towards my girl. I will not be humble here, I was always very successful with women, but when I fall in love, it feels as if she was the only one in the planet. Then, insecurity kicks in.

[Darren Steez]

I just want to know, one thing. If the guy totally respects you and you love him, what are the main reasons that would lead you to cheat on your partner ?

 

I was not cheated on by my girlfriend (as far as I know). However, I hear stories even from my father, that you cannot trust women.

 

Consequently, I have this big dilemma in my life. It is very difficult for me to totally trust my girlfriend. I always think that even if I do my best, she may find a guy that will seduce her and **** up everything. What I cannot stand is the fact that I KNOW she is trustful and I ain't totally secure yet. Even if she would be attracted to another guy, she would tell me.

 

Why is it so difficult for me to get rid of this fear ? If I look at myself at the mirror, I can see a very confident guy (I seriously can). But still, I can't overcome these thoughts that a certain guy may try something towards my girl. I will not be humble here, I was always very successful with women, but when I fall in love, it feels as if she was the only one in the planet. Then, insecurity kicks in.

 

Not a women but cheating doesn't have a set criteria that people meet. Sometimes it's broken people, a culmination of the perfect storm that brings two people together.

 

You ask a question that has been pondered over for hundreds of years. Look at the way you describe yourself, outwardly confident and successful with ladies but inside you've got this built in irrational fear that ladies are willing and able to cheat on you.

 

Maybe it's a question of vulnerability and something you have to work on.

 

For this one question you may get a thousand answers.

[vanhalenfan]

I wouldn't cheat on a loyal partner. I wouldn't cheat on any partner. I, however, have the same issues you have but with men! I feel as if many men cheat. I'm kind of learning here on LS that many women do, too. But I still think men are more apt to.

[RecentChange]

Hum.

 

Well men cheat too ya know

 

I NEVER worried about cheating, never felt insecure about it. Didn't think my partner would cheat. Until I found out he did. But honestly. After our D day, I didn't stress about him cheating again.

 

Then me! I never thought I would cheat. Didn't feel prone to it. He was faithful when I did. I had many opportunities over the years, but never desired to cheat. I until I did.

 

Maybe he was special and seduced me. It was his idea, but I was open to it - which I had never been before.

 

For me, us. The truth was I was disatifed even if I didn't realize at first. Poor coping / communication. Biggest contribution - we had become apathetic regarding our relationship. Wasn't watering and weeding that garden. Stopped showing appreciation and LUST for each other like we once did

 

Prevention? Keep the fire alive. Invest as much time and attention as you did during the honeymoon period. It has to be a two way street though.

 

Recognize that relationships take constant attention and never take it for granted.

[todreaminblue]

its the nature to the beast to set and have temptation tempt the temptable to do wrong...this goes for all people...all people can be tempted to cheat.that includes loyal people......its in gods design that you are given knowledge and instinct to avoid situations and or people that might tempt you to cheat.people instinctually know right and wrong...most of the time.......

 

 

its been a given that honesty in a relationship and strong communication are key to a healthy successful relationship...that includes mastering the art of fidelity.....if you communicate when you are unhappy as well as happy the loop holes for another to step up and fill that void of dissatisfaction arent there to be slithered through...if you are transparent and honest about your life including friendships and communications with others.....the void isnt there......so having passwords isnt about trust at all...its about maintenance its about being completely open with

the person who should count the most to you....

 

why secrecy...from one who has devoted themselves to you...devotion holds no password keys...unless they are joint keys.....this is my opinion and a lot of people would not agree with me.....which I accept...

 

so transparency...openness...honesty.....avoidance of risky friendships and or situations..talking...then more communication...and throw some more talking in for good measure..till it becomes like breathing........ thinking about who is really important and what relationship counts most...can do wonders for an insecure heart....to feel secure...

 

house keeping is not only about doing the dishes and folding laundry....house keeping is maintaining a strong bond between hearts that reside there in the home...that love...that openness...that communication....relationships need more upkeep..or housekeeping..than dishes.....never let thesun go down on issues unresolved...stuff the dishes...they will be there in the morning....

 

what you have to do is find that person who is willing along with you ...to build that strong relationship based on solid values......and you will have fidelity...you will have temptation come along and knock on your door....but you will also have the strength to resist temptation...and as i said...having that strong honest relationship and knowing exactly how to build it,and house keep it clean..... is always the way to a secure heart and a united front against temptation...good luck...deb

Edited July 23, 2016 by todreaminblue

[biker23]

Very unfair to say one sex cheats more or always.

 

In my personal experience is a combination of attraction and unmet need. Sex isn't always the unmet need. I met a woman whom we would text endlessly. Even stated she thought I was her 'person' but we both were married. I was separated however.

 

In the end she realized these unmet needs and is still trying very hard to get these met in her marriage and hopefully it's helping her. And no we don't text anymore but I'd be her first call if she was single.

[gorf]

Taking a guy for granted + her own selfishness: he's a good guy you can trust, he would not cheat, he is loyal and won't leave. So if a woman has a selfish side, a side where she enjoys attention, then she can realise she can take that to whatever level she can push it to. Even into bed with another guy. Cause her sig other is sooo loyal and good, he will be very mad.. but won't leave. At the end of the day, there are lots of 'reasons' people cheat, but it comes down to not be fufilled, and getting the excitement they want somewhere else. The loyal person who gets cheated on is just an insurance policy in case things go too far, for when the person she cheats on with decides hes bored and ready to move on from her.

[elaine567]

People cheat because

 

• they think they will never get caught,
  
• or they do not care if they get caught,
  
• or they know if they do get caught their BS will stick around anyway and forgive them - they know they can lie and sweet talk their way out of it, or they know their BS is going nowhere (finances. love, kids, responsibilities... etc.).
  

[smackie9]

Many different reasons why people cheat. Everyone is capable of finding themselves in a cheating type situation. The emotional aspect plays a huge part. It's not always about sex, looking for sex, looking for strange, or better sex. Sometimes it a need to be needed, to feel special. Some times depression, or addictions will lead to cheating. Neglect can lead to loneliness will emotionally weaken a person to seek outside attention. Seen infidelity plenty of times with co-workers, friends and family and it have given me a lot of insight and understanding.

[KatZee]

I've only really emotionally cheated on one guy.

 

The reasons I emotionally cheated was because he was super clingy and smothering. He loved me way more, in fact, I actually never fell in love with him. So his "devotion" "attention" and everything else was just super annoying. He always needed to be walking right up under me, sitting basically on top of me on a couch, always trying to grab me, touch me, and I wanted nothing more than to run away.

 

He was also super beta and I emasculated him A LOT. He never took initiative, I always had to be the one to do things.

 

He didn't know how to take care of himself in regards to basic hygiene. It was very gross. He didn't know how to do his own laundry and would take it home to his mother. I'm sorry, but at 25 that's CRAZY. We lived together and he would let the laundry basket pile up to the ceiling unless his mommy did it, or I was home to do it with him. Because of this his clothes often stunk.

 

Oh, and he would cry. I know, I know. Men cry too. But no. It was just crazy. I don't like displays like that, especially when I need an alpha male. HUGE TURN OFF.

 

I wound up meeting a new guy while I was with him, and left him for the new guy.

[smackie9]

Oh dear.............

[Arieswoman]

Q. Women be honest: What makes you cheat on a loyal partner?

 

A. Nothing, I don't cheat, end of....

[Bichunmoo]

Answer is simple my friend. Attention. Everyone loves attention. Hell I used to cheat like heck when I was younger. I loved getting attention from other girls and it's as simple as that. I've def grown out of it now and I'm def a loyal person now. There are people who will always cheat and there are people who will NEVER ever cheat no matter what. Yes there are people like that and you should be thankful to God if you found 1.

[todreaminblue]

i am a very loyal person.....and ill admit when i was with my ex of fifteen years i had an emotional affair with someone online i am ashamed of......there was no real reason for me to...other than...i was spending a lot of time by myself.....too much time on the computer...and i connected with a really nice guy on the computer....so temptation hit and i failed......my ex questioned me one night about the time i spent on the computer.....i had organised to meet up with this guy i was talking too....when my ex questioned me about the tiem i spent on there...and how i was becoming less open with him...not talkign to him like i used too...not going to bed when he went to bed.......i felt overwhelming remorse..i told him about the guy and i cut all contact....never contacted him again.....

 

i dont know if i would have met the guy if my ex hadnt talked to me....and gone through with anything.....what i do know...is communication.....basically halted anything from occurring....and i am glad it did......deb

[sandylee1]

I don't think there is any one thing that makes women cheat. I wouldn't cheat on anyone, let alone a good loyal partner. From the words of some women, who have cheated and confessed that they had a brilliant relationship with a great man, the reasons have been:

 

• Boredom/looking for excitement

• Got swept away in the moment

• Some will forever say they don't know why they cheated

 

When the man dumps them post cheating, they can't believe they threw it all away and risked all for nothing.

 

It comes down to feeling entitled and this applies to both genders.

It's when they don't maintain appropriate boundaries with the opposite sex and quite simply have the weakness to give in to temptation.

 

There are a number of women who want a whole list of things in a husband from stable, reliable, strong, exciting, great in bed, great father, good provider, gentle, yet dominant etc

 

It's pretty difficult to find all those attributed in one person. So they settle for a husband who is reliable and dependable. Then they start missing excitement and the other things.

 

This is the same for men. They want a wife who's a great homemaker, gentle, maternal, great cook, feminine, yet rough and tough, fun, great in bed etc

 

So many will settle for the maternal, homemaker as a wife and to be the mother of their children.

 

Then they go off and have an affair with a women they'd never marry in a million years. One who will do any sexual act, that they would never ask their wife to, because they respect her too much apparently.

 

It's the old Madonna whore complex.

 

Bottom line ... some people are greedy and aren't grateful with what they have and will always want more.

[sandylee1]

This joke sums it up on how some have it all and want more....

 

It's really just a joke, so please don't be offended anyone.

 

Recently a "Husband Super Store" opened where women could go to choose a husband from among many men. It was laid out in five floors, with men increasing in positive attributes as you ascended.

 

The only rule was that once you opened a door to a new floor, you either had to choose a man from that floor, or ascend to the next floor. You could not go back down a floor, except to leave the store, never to return.

 

A couple of girlfriends went to the store to find a husband each. First floor. The door had a sign saying, "These men have jobs and love kids." The women read the sign saying, "Well that's better than not having a job and not loving kids, but I wonder what's up further?" So up they went.

 

Second floor. The sign read, "These men have high paying jobs, love kids, and are extremely good looking." "Hmmm," said the ladies, "But, I wonder what's further up?"

 

Third floor. This sign read, "These men have high paying jobs, are extremely good looking, love kids and help with the housework." "Wow," said the women, "Very tempting." But there was another floor, so further up they went.

 

Fourth floor. This door had a sign saying "These men have high paying jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking, help with the housework and have a strong romantic streak." "Oh, mercy me," they cried, "Just think what must be awaiting us further on! So up to the fifth floor they went.

 

Fifth floor. The sign on that door said, "This floor is empty and exists only to prove that women are impossible to please. The exit is to your left."

 

*

[mizunomead]

People cheat because of some combination of self entitlement, lack of boundaries, lack of caring, me first attitude, narcissistic tendencies etc....

Men and women cheat, and alot it seems like. It annoys the heck out of me. As far as im concerned people like that should just stay single. Don't be in a committed relationship.

[TrustedthenBusted]

However, I hear stories even from my father, that you cannot trust women.

 

.

 

On the whole, your father is right. Reality is you can't trust anyone.

 

I mean...you CAN trust them if you want, but it doesn't really protect you from anything. You are right to be cautious. Odds are not in your favor here.

[fromheart]

I've only really emotionally cheated on one guy.

 

 

Oh, and he would cry. I know, I know. Men cry too. But no. It was just crazy. I don't like displays like that, especially when I need an alpha male. HUGE TURN OFF.

 

I wound up meeting a new guy while I was with him, and left him for the new guy.

 

 

With respect, it looks like the problem is more with you than with him.

 

Human beings have emotions, sadness being one of them. No matter how tough anybody is, they are going to cry at some point.

 

If you were to say, he's not doing anything with his sadness like hitting the gym or getting creative, that would be understandable.

Edited August 16, 2016 by fromheart

[Michelle ma Belle]

Q. Women be honest: What makes you cheat on a loyal partner?

 

A. Nothing, I don't cheat, end of....

 

I second this.

 

I've had plenty of opportunity to stray especially when I was in a very unhappy marriage where I could have easily justified my infidelities but I didn't. I didn't want to be that kind of woman for my family or for myself. It wasn't easy, trust me, but I made a very conscious choice to remain faithful and deal with my troubled marriage head on rather than coast forever in some numb limbo. My marriage ended in divorce.

 

All I have to say regarding cheating is that although there are countless temptations out there for both men and women to stray, no one can be forced or convinced into cheating unless THEY want to be. It's as simple as that.

 

How do you prevent that from happening? As RecentChange mentioned, you have to keep the fire alive in your relationship. Remember to continue dating your partner even years later, something very few couples seem to remember after the honeymoon period is done. It takes effort from both of you to keep things alive and fresh and strong.

 

And yes, sometimes even that isn't enough unfortunately with some people. At the end of the day, you can't control your partner, you only have control over your own actions.

 

Regarding your particular situation, it sounds like YOU are the one that has a lot of work to do regarding your own insecurities. Until you get that under control you risk making mountains out of molehills which could end up destroying your relationship.

 

And STOP listening to other people bellyache about women and relationships. They're often speaking from their own jaded experiences rather than from a place of clear perspective. That doesn't help matters.

 

Good luck.

[DramaInPajamas]

However, I hear stories even from my father, that you cannot trust women.

 

Ive never cheated and never would.

 

I have been cheated on though a few times.

 

You just cannot trust men.

[Alamo657]

I just want to know, one thing. If the guy totally respects you and you love him, what are the main reasons that would lead you to cheat on your partner ?

 

I'm not a woman, but as man i think i have enough experience to answer that question.

 

Unmet needs are what makes a woman cheat. The more good looking an unsatisfied woman is, the more likely she is to cheat, because her range of offers is wider, its statistical.

 

There is no science to it. If as a man your woman has identified a vital need that you do not and cannot meet, you're screwed, she'll fall for the first guy who have those traits.

[JDPT]

Well the truth of the matter is that nothing is guaranteed. A ring does not mean much if the person (male or female) is willing to honor it. I also believe that no one is your property and as wonderful as the relationship may be going things can go south very quickly for whatever reason. With this being said i'm not indicating that anyone should live their lives in fear of getting cheated on at some point in their life. I'm on the same boat as you OP, I conditioned myself to not trust anyone specially women. And the reason why I don't trust women is because and yes i'll admit it, I have messed around with too many women who were supposed to be in relationships with someone else. I would say 90% of the women who I've been with were either married or had a bf. So my thought process used to be well heck if they don't care why should I? So that really lead to me thinking well this can easily be done to me, i'm not immune to it. Maybe that's the reason why I've been single for over two years now, not that i'm looking but I will like to work on this as well.

[seekingpeaceinlove]

Nothing. If I'm not happy, I'LL LEAVE. If I'm THAT tempted to be with someone else, I'LL LEAVE.

 

It's called being honest and having morals.

Edited August 16, 2016 by seekingpeaceinlove

[JDPT]

Q. Women be honest: What makes you cheat on a loyal partner?

 

A. Nothing, I don't cheat, end of....

 

Yeah I hope there is a sarcastic undertone to this that I fail to acknowledge.

How do I explain or perhaps you the significant amount of women (and yeah i might get bashed for this but it's imperative to prove a point) that I have been with yet they were "supposed to be" either married or in a relationship?

Men and women cheat and that's just a fact, women aren't these infallible beings. One isn't better than the other.