versace Posted July 23, 2016 Share Posted July 23, 2016 Hello everyone! First of all thanks for taking the time to read my post. I am kind of stuck in a funny situation. My bf and I have been together for 1 year and 7 months. I have advised him at the beginning of our relationship that i want to be engaged before i move in with him. He was ok with that. We have talked about marriage on numerous occasions and we seem to be on the same page. Recently we decided to put his condo up for sale to see if we can sell it as its small and he mentioned he wants to live in a bigger place with me. It so happens that the condo did not even get listed, someone in the building wanted to purchase it right away. It was sold in 1 week and we are also 1 week from being in our new townhouse-living together. I definately know he knows how i feel and that i am standing my ground. On my end, I will not be sleeping or living there until i am engaged but now everything feels rushed to me.I dont know if i am just looking too much into it, if he is having second thoughts? (The townhouse is under both of our names and so are some other bills. He is and as am I, under the impression that we are both going to move in on the same day) Anyways any feedback would be great. thank you Link to post Share on other sites
Lois_Griffin Posted July 23, 2016 Share Posted July 23, 2016 (The townhouse is under both of our names and so are some other bills. He is and as am I, under the impression that we are both going to move in on the same day) Why would you enter into all kinds of financial/legal entanglements with him if you're not engaged or married? What's next, a kid? You made your boundaries known very clearly right up front. That was the right thing to do and he knew exactly how you felt about this. He had the opportunity to run if he didn't like the deal you offered up. Yet you turn around and buy a townhouse with him and you're planning to move in with him. That tells him you don't stand by our word and you don't respect your own boundaries. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
mikeylo Posted July 23, 2016 Share Posted July 23, 2016 He is and as am I, under the impression that we are both going to move in on the same day) I have advised him at the beginning of our relationship that i want to be engaged before i move in with him. Contradictions on your part. You cant blame him. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
NTV Posted July 24, 2016 Share Posted July 24, 2016 Sounds to me like you might be ruining your surprise... Why the rush to get married? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
VeveCakes Posted July 24, 2016 Share Posted July 24, 2016 Why would you buy a house together if that was your stance? Now you are kind of going to screw him and yourself over if you don't move in. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted July 24, 2016 Share Posted July 24, 2016 You are contradicting yourself, OP. Why does he think you're moving in on the same day he is, if he knows you won't do so without being engaged? Are you assuming he's going to be proposing on moving day, or..? I don't really understand why you agreed to purchase this home together if you were adamant about not living together without an engagement. You've just made a very big commitment. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted July 24, 2016 Share Posted July 24, 2016 You've just made a very big commitment. A huge legal and financial one. The time to make a stand over marriage was before you got into a deal that may mean you could lose thousands of pounds, if you stand your ground here and he isn't shifting.. Any bargaining power you may have had over him, was swept aside as soon as you signed the paperwork. He is obviously in no hurry to pop the question, so it is a big mess. Trying to force men to marry you, is never a good idea. YOU are coming across as desperate here, he ain't buying it and now you are left having to move into a town-house with him as you now own it, but are still not married and not even engaged either. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted July 26, 2016 Share Posted July 26, 2016 Trying to force men to marry you, is never a good idea. This is the most important point. Finances aside, you're trying to finesse him into doing something he plainly seems reluctant to do. You don't get to control him, you're only responsible for your reaction to what he does - or doesn't, in this case. The day the escrow closes, give him a contract to buy out your half and ask for his signature . Tell him a deal's a deal, he knew the conditions so time to pay up. And if you really mean what you say, walk away... Mr. Lucky 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Walters Posted July 26, 2016 Share Posted July 26, 2016 You said "we decided". So I see 2 possible ways this happened 1. He came to you with this idea about moving in together with the money he gets from his condo. Your reply was great idea let’s do it with the idea that he would ask you to marry him right before or right after. Your reply here should have been a reminder that you require a ring before living together. Instead you showed that an engagement was not actually required. 2. You came to him with the idea about selling and buying a place together and he agreed. In this scenario you pretty much told him that the ring was no longer a requirement and you have nobody but yourself to blame. If scenario one is the case, you should talk to him and remind him of your expectations. If scenario two happened you can still talk to him, but you dropped the ball here and should not hold it against him. IMO if this did happen you should set a new expectation or walk away. Link to post Share on other sites
BettyDraper Posted July 26, 2016 Share Posted July 26, 2016 You need to figure out what you really want; the way you have contradicted your words with your actions indicates confusion. Don't be surprised if you wind up resenting your boyfriend five years later because he hasn't proposed. Why would he when you've shown him that he can have all the joys of marriage without making a commitment? Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts