barfool Posted June 29, 2005 Share Posted June 29, 2005 Hi everyone. I’m new here and about to get very personal. You guys seem to give good advice so here it goes. (Sorry for the length) I’ve been with my boyfriend for 6 years. He was my first boyfriend and my first sexual experience. We love each other and have been talking of marriage. I guess that hasn’t happened yet because we are both still young (24). I’ve got an emotional problem. I am depressive and have been in the hospital a couple times for being suicidal. A lot of this comes from my low self-esteem. I am now medicated and feeling better overall but still suffer from my self-esteem issues. What this has to do with anything is that for the first time in six years a guy flirted with me. This boosted my self-esteem to an unbelievable level. My BF was actually there when it happened and didn’t mind. He only didn’t like that if this little bit of attention from an outside source made me feel so good then why couldn’t he. I have a hard time explaining that. I guess it has something to do with the fact that so few people have been attracted to me it's just not something I'm used to. I don't know how else to feel attractive. I feel like my boyfriend would be with me no matter what I looked like because he loves me. This flirtation has happened a few more times and it makes me feel so great. I actually start to like myself rather than be disgusted. I don’t absolutely “need” the flirtation or care for this guy, but I would like to carry on because I feel so much better about myself. I just don’t know what this means for my relationship. Does anyone else here not feel good about themselves even though they have someone who loves them? Is it ok for me to get this feeling of attractiveness from someone other than my BF? I feel bad because this seems so selfish of me, but everything lately has been selfish so that I can make myself feel better and not end up killing myself. I would really appreciate some advice. (haven't gotten to talk to my shrink yet) Link to post Share on other sites
laRubiaBonita Posted June 29, 2005 Share Posted June 29, 2005 of course, Most people like positive attention from the opposite sex. i really think you should discuss this with your bf. how fair is this to him? Link to post Share on other sites
laRubiaBonita Posted June 29, 2005 Share Posted June 29, 2005 and i can relate with you about self esteem, or lack there of, and depression. But you cannot use it as a reason to have an emotional fling with guys that wink at you. and this statement: I feel bad because this seems so selfish of me, but everything lately has been selfish so that I can make myself feel better and not end up killing myself. i do agree or think even makes much sense. if you DID feel better, you would not need to flirt outside your relationship...and killing yourself will do nothing to aliviate any of your problems...you just will not be here to see what goes down and deal with it. which is QUITE selfish, since it Is your problems. I do not want to be a beyotch, but you say you feel bad for doing it.......so you flirt to not feel bad, and then you feel bad again...... See the Cycle? break it, either stop feeling guilty, break up with your bf, or stop flirting around. Link to post Share on other sites
Marshbear Posted June 29, 2005 Share Posted June 29, 2005 Does anyone else here not feel good about themselves even though they have someone who loves them? Having some else pay attention is a definate self esteem booster.It is not weird or unusual to want this from someone other than the one we love. It makes us feel accepted and desired by others and that is a great feeling. Is it ok for me to get this feeling of attractiveness from someone other than my BF? It is fine to get this feeling from others. I'm sure your b/f would love it if some girl flirted with him. You do not really want to do anything with this information but the fact that someone thinks of you that way is flattering( and that is a good thing ). It is a definite depression buster. Just go with it and be happy. Just don't forget your b/f. He has needs to you sexy thing... Link to post Share on other sites
Iluvsiamese Posted June 30, 2005 Share Posted June 30, 2005 Does your bf ever flirt with you??? If not, why not? My guy and I flirt with each other all of the time and it's wonderful. It is one of the things that keeps things interesting and hot. We are so busy flirting with each other that we don't give anyone else a chance. Tell him to give it a whirl. Link to post Share on other sites
Author barfool Posted June 30, 2005 Author Share Posted June 30, 2005 Thanks for the replies everyone. I give a ton of attention to my BF, so he's not left out. Flirting with him, though? I don't think we've done that ever since we became serious. I guess we just skip right from normal conversation to foreplay. Good suggestion. I'll have to tell him about that. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts