LDR Roller Coast - Fight for it or move on?

[Ldradv]

Hey Everyone,

 

Im hoping you can help me out with my current romantic life or at least offer your two cents.

 

Im in an LDR with someone who lives halfway across the country (Canada) and am at a cross roads with whether to keep pursuing this thing, or embrace the change of being single again.

 

Here are the details: Met this girl in my final year of uni 6 months ago (she came to town visit some mutual friends), we hit it off, but she was only there for the weekend. we exchanged numbers and talked frequently(from what i remember). We didnt meet up again in person for another month, but had one of the best weekends of our lives in Montreal when we finally met again (roof top pool in the middle of winter, hot tub, romantic dinner, etc etc. Again, we went our separate ways but stayed close. We visited again the following month, and the following. I graduated in april, and she convinced me to move out there to be with her (she has a year of uni left), so i did, took a break from my job (good job), sold half my **** and went and lived there for a month. For that month, everythign was magical, exactly how i would have imagined it, then literally one day, something happened (to this day I cant really pin point it) and we started drifting apart and she blocked me out of her life. No contact, no sex, super seceretive. I wasnt happy, so I got on a plane and flew back home. I figured this was probably it.

 

About two or three weeks later, she surprised me and flew to my home town to convince me to move back with her, saying she messed up etc etc. So i bought another plane ticket and flew back there. Again, another month of magic. But alas, one month in, the exact same thing happened, maybe even worse. Cut me off from her life, didnt comminucate with me at all, and in the end, ended up sleep at friends house just so she could have her space.

 

Again, i hoped on a plane, and took off.

 

Now at this point i should say, we were great together, and she is the second girl (of many) i have actually connected with, and have said I love you too in my entire life. She said it first, and continues to show me she cares, but it definitely doesnt feel the same as it did just a few months back.

 

we talked about it, and her excuse/reasoning was that she wasnt ready to live with me (only dating 7 months total, so probably too much too fast). What she wanted from me was for me to move to her town and get my own place so we could hangout like a normal couple and take is slower, but there are no jobs there and I have no ties to being there other than here.

 

So here we are, she says Im the one she wants to marry, but im staring down the barrel of a year long LDR and it already feels like we're mismatched in what we expcet. I want a girl i can text good morning and good night too, but she thinks its fine to text me once every other day or longer. I dont feel like shes trying half as hard as I am, and it bugs me because i do like her and really think that if we were living in the same city, yet had our own lives, it would be great.

 

It eats at me though when i text her and she doesnt get back to me for 3 days or something, even thought shes one of those girls who lives on her phone. I just dont get it, and its pushing me away. Were both good looking, so could easily find someone else, but i know i havent connected with someone like this in a very long time. I think she feels the same way (some days) based on what she texts me when she does text me, but i also have my doubts.

 

Top it all off, when i left for the last time, i was kind of like, look, ive been here twice, im not coming back a third time. Kind of like lets take a break and see if this makes sense. I was still not doing anything with anyone else, just trying to spend some time on myself and focus on my life. I ended up catching her cheating (once) and she confessed that it happened once, she regrets it, and that they are just friends - he has no desire in her. I grilled her asking if she wants him etc etc. but she said shes feels terrible and sick about it and only wants me. I half believe her, but on top of not being a great texter/communicator, she is still friends with this guy, and they still hangout as they are in the same group of friends.

 

Cut and move on, or believe her in her saying i am the one, and just try to figure out if we can get better at managing our expectations of this relationship?

 

What a mess. Thanks everyone! if you've made it this far, I owe you big time!

[VeveCakes]

7 months and waiting days between texts? Inconsiderate.

 

Twice neglected and pushed away... are you a glutton for punishment?

[ExpatInItaly]

You would be crazy to continue this.

 

She has shut you out - not once, but twice. And in a very immature, uncommunicative way. After you'd flown across the country for her.

 

She doesn't reply to you for days.

 

She has cheated on you. And her cheat-buddy is still her friend.

 

It very much sounds like there is another guy in her life, and you are the back-up. You need to find the b*lls you apparently handed her on a silver platter and refuse to be her plaything any longer.

 

Sorry, but this girl is not who you were hoping she is. She's not ready to be anyone's girlfriend, let alone be involved in a LDR. Don't waste your time. Her words mean squat compared to her actions. Her actions are saying she doesn't really give a crap about you and your feelings.

[lolablue17]

What???!!!!!!

 

Man, you're insane. She care ONLY about herself, you are only a tool she uses, it's all abou her. In addition she's a cheater. What else do you need to fix your thoughts?

 

Things only get worse, not better. If she disrespect you in the honeymoon stage, your gonna get a lot of sh** when you're in a real relationship with her.

 

Move on - today!

[Ilovelifeforwhatcome]

I would def reconsider this relationship. If she can't text you sweet things and is she a girl that's on her phone, she doesn't place high priority on you. I briefly just recently was dating a LD. We were in the same city for a month before he left. When I 1st met him there were good morning/night texts, sweet texts and lots of time talking. When he moved away I felt a total shift and eventually I found out he isn't sure about me, he cares for me, but wants time alone. I really care for him, but I'm not waiting around for him, the week silence speaks pretty loud. For LD communication is key and if a person wants to talk to you or send you a sweet message they will. There are many girls out there who love getting morning texts and sending them. Don't settle, as hard as it is now wouldn't rather be w/someone who truly cares for you?