Girls, do you get cold approached by men?

[unip]

I am a 23 year old woman and I never get cold approached by men (maybe it has only happened once in my life when a guy came up to me and called me beautiful). Strangers say I am pretty and I try to hang out at coffee shops and bookstores but still no guy has approached me. Are there any other girls who are never cold approached by men because I am getting worried?

[offwithhishead]

I'm a guy but I'd just like to give my insight.

 

Some girls, especially Asian girls (I'm Asian), even if they're attractive physically, give off this cold and hate to say it "bitchy" vibe to guys. I'm not saying they do it on purpose. It's just an unconscious part of their personality.

 

Contrast with some girls who are just warm and polite. That's why some average looking girls actually get boyfriends easily because they're approachable and just give off this warm vibe.

 

Guys aren't all about looks. We have egos too and we like women who make us feel good about ourselves.

 

Have you ever given thought that perhaps you don't look approachable to guys? Do you have a lot of guy friends?

[unip]

I'm a guy but I'd just like to give my insight.

 

Some girls, especially Asian girls (I'm Asian), even if they're attractive physically, give off this cold and hate to say it "bitchy" vibe to guys. I'm not saying they do it on purpose. It's just an unconscious part of their personality.

 

Contrast with some girls who are just warm and polite. That's why some average looking girls actually get boyfriends easily because they're approachable and just give off this warm vibe.

 

Guys aren't all about looks. We have egos too and we like women who make us feel good about ourselves.

 

Have you ever given thought that perhaps you don't look approachable to guys? Do you have a lot of guy friends?

 

No, I do not have any guy friends. And I feel like I am really approachable because I do tend to smile a lot and people say I am a nice girl.

[todreaminblue]

Have you ever gone up and talked to a man yourself?do you often try to strike up conversations with men after a initial smile....

even if it were to ask for directions..or comment on the price of pink lady apples......or are you more likely to talk to a woman.....deb

[jen1447]

No, I do not have any guy friends. And I feel like I am really approachable because I do tend to smile a lot and people say I am a nice girl.

 

There's a diff between kinda graciously smiling and smiling w a barrier. Go look in the mirror and put a smile on ....does it look like you're saying "I'm approachable" or "I'm friendly but stay back"?

[LookAtThisPOst]

I am a 23 year old woman and I never get cold approached by men (maybe it has only happened once in my life when a guy came up to me and called me beautiful). Strangers say I am pretty and I try to hang out at coffee shops and bookstores but still no guy has approached me. Are there any other girls who are never cold approached by men because I am getting worried?

 

Most women don't like being approached in general, in public, if you're a complete stranger. That's from my experience, because in the past I would try to approach them while shopping at malls...usually sitting alone at a cafe court or at a coffee shop.

 

They give me this, "Why is this total stranger trying to talk to me?!" look on their face.

 

I mean, if I had a reason...like if i was an old high school school mate, them maybe I'd stand a chance of her engaging.

[offwithhishead]

No, I do not have any guy friends. And I feel like I am really approachable because I do tend to smile a lot and people say I am a nice girl.

 

I think you just need to be around more guys in a social setting. Most guys these days are too afraid to approach women in public because of creep-shaming and the fear of rejection. The times have certainly changed. Chivalry and masculinity are no longer in style.

 

Try joining social events through meetup.com or something of that nature. There are usually lots of guys, more guys than girls. They will more likely approach you in these kind of venues.

[preraph]

If you cold approach a woman and she sees you and doesn't look pleased, please turn around and leave. In much younger days, I had kind of a resting B face so I didn't always get cold approached, but when I did it would invariably be someone too drunk and desperate to take note of my demeanor.

 

There are many better ways to make someone's acquaintance than the awkward cold approach. It simply needs to be refined to where it makes some sense. Like that you're in the same place at the same time for a common purpose or interest. And I feel what works best (but ONLY if they don't find you repugnant so in small numbers) is just walking past and nodding or saying hi or "nice place" or anything neutral and quick, but then moving on. Then another pass by might get a friendly smile. If not, keep moving.

[Eternal Sunshine]

I get approached by randoms on the street probably once every couple of months or so. I don't think it's flattering; I feel like those guys are pick up artists that approach 50 girls per day or something. That's the vibe I get (sleazy). I think I only ever agreed to go out with one guy that did that and all he wanted was sex.

 

I don't think cold approaches are anything to aspire to. The best type of approaches to me are at places where guys get to know you after interacting with you for a while and there seems to be a mutual attraction and then they ask you out. That has never happened to me though

[SevenCity]

From a guys perspective:

 

The "cold" approach (where you get no indication the girl is interested) is the toughest in the business. This is something that the majority of guys fear due to rejection / humiliation. The more you think about it, the less likely you are to do it. It carries a very high risk of failure and as result I think the majority of guys will not do it.

 

The "warm" approach (where the girl is showing interest like smiling at you) is easier and carries a lower risk of failure. That said, it is still difficult for most guys for fear of not having anything to say or a perception you misread her signs.

 

I'm an introvert but I have done both and failed and succeeded at both. I will say the warm approach is much easier.

 

As much as women complain how hard it is to be a woman, the societal obligation of a man to approach has prevented many a couple from getting together due to its difficulty. Interestingly, the only women who have approached me were fat / unattractive (which I believe is caused by need - no guys are approaching them).

 

The problem with the cold approach is it will attract guys who don't care much about rejection. This could be because they are super confident or they have nothing to loose (ie: they have a gf and are looking for a side piece, they are only interested in sex, you are just one of many options and will never be a priority, etc).

 

As stated, to increase your chances take a look at the vibe you are giving off. Or better yet, have a friend do it. Or even better, go do a cold approach yourself to a guy and say "do I look unapproachable?" This would be a GREAT ice breaker and would allow you to understand the difficulty.

 

Or just go to places where you are forced to interact with guys.

[SwordofFlame]

I am a 23 year old woman and I never get cold approached by men (maybe it has only happened once in my life when a guy came up to me and called me beautiful). Strangers say I am pretty and I try to hang out at coffee shops and bookstores but still no guy has approached me. Are there any other girls who are never cold approached by men because I am getting worried?

 

If you want to be cold approached, I think the odds of that happening are significantly greater at bars and clubs, not coffee shops and bookstores.

[Emilia]

Join some kind of social movement. I get approached all the time at demonstrations

[LookAtThisPOst]

From a guys perspective:

 

The "cold" approach (where you get no indication the girl is interested) is the toughest in the business. This is something that the majority of guys fear due to rejection / humiliation. The more you think about it, the less likely you are to do it. It carries a very high risk of failure and as result I think the majority of guys will not do it.

 

The "warm" approach (where the girl is showing interest like smiling at you) is easier and carries a lower risk of failure. That said, it is still difficult for most guys for fear of not having anything to say or a perception you misread her signs.

 

I'm an introvert but I have done both and failed and succeeded at both. I will say the warm approach is much easier.

 

As much as women complain how hard it is to be a woman, the societal obligation of a man to approach has prevented many a couple from getting together due to its difficulty. Interestingly, the only women who have approached me were fat / unattractive (which I believe is caused by need - no guys are approaching them).

 

The problem with the cold approach is it will attract guys who don't care much about rejection. This could be because they are super confident or they have nothing to loose (ie: they have a gf and are looking for a side piece, they are only interested in sex, you are just one of many options and will never be a priority, etc).

 

As stated, to increase your chances take a look at the vibe you are giving off. Or better yet, have a friend do it. Or even better, go do a cold approach yourself to a guy and say "do I look unapproachable?" This would be a GREAT ice breaker and would allow you to understand the difficulty.

 

Or just go to places where you are forced to interact with guys.

 

 

Well, some are not looking your direction and chances are probably don't know you're considering approaching.

 

I mean, you could look their direction 5 minutes straight, and they may never look up. lol

[offwithhishead]

What is preventing women from approaching guys?

 

Women these days make their own way through life and are largely independent. They don't need men like they did in the past to survive. So what prevents women from being assertive?

 

Like previous posts have said, there is just so much preventing guys from approaching girls even if they want to. There's the fear of rejection, fear of coming off as a creep, etc. Good quality guys who are single and available often will not cold approach. It's the super-confident attractive guys (who are rarely single) or sleezy guys who don't care about being rejected that approach girls.

 

I think girls need to get over the fear of rejection. Guys have been too damaged by the political correctness and mass media. You just never know when a woman will think you're some kind of creep.

[Emilia]

What is preventing women from approaching guys?

 

Women these days make their own way through life and are largely independent. They don't need men like they did in the past to survive. So what prevents women from being assertive?

 

Like previous posts have said, there is just so much preventing guys from approaching girls even if they want to. There's the fear of rejection, fear of coming off as a creep, etc. Good quality guys who are single and available often will not cold approach. It's the super-confident attractive guys (who are rarely single) or sleezy guys who don't care about being rejected that approach girls.

 

I think girls need to get over the fear of rejection. Guys have been too damaged by the political correctness and mass media. You just never know when a woman will think you're some kind of creep.

Some women do approach.

[MK67]

I get approached all the time. I am not perfect by any means, but I love who and what I am and I feel I am pretty enough. The right guys are going to like me for who I am and for those who don't, there are millions left in the sea for them.

 

I am also comfortable with initiating contact and striking up a conversation. I am an introvert by nature, but I have good social skills and feel comfortable when extroverting.

 

I always enjoyed the company of men and found things easy with them...on my end. I was in my mid-20s before I found out that many men were rather shy about approaching me and even felt intimidated because I looked like I knew everyone and owned the situation with confidence and substance. "Intimidating, in a good way", some admitted. Sheesh. I don't bite, at least, not in a bad way....unless you are deliberately harmful to me.

 

Try just being deliberately open and friendly and giving a guy an unmistakeable in.

[offwithhishead]

I get approached all the time. I am not perfect by any means, but I love who and what I am and I feel I am pretty enough. The right guys are going to like me for who I am and for those who don't, there are millions left in the sea for them.

 

I am also comfortable with initiating contact and striking up a conversation. I am an introvert by nature, but I have good social skills and feel comfortable when extroverting.

 

I always enjoyed the company of men and found things easy with them...on my end. I was in my mid-20s before I found out that many men were rather shy about approaching me and even felt intimidated because I looked like I knew everyone and owned the situation with confidence and substance. "Intimidating, in a good way", some admitted. Sheesh. I don't bite, at least, not in a bad way....unless you are deliberately harmful to me.

 

Try just being deliberately open and friendly and giving a guy an unmistakeable in.

 

This is a great attitude. I wish more women would adopt this mentality.

 

If guys know you are open to being approached, then you WILL be approached. Guys need an in.

[SevenCity]

What is preventing women from approaching guys?

 

Women these days make their own way through life and are largely independent. They don't need men like they did in the past to survive. So what prevents women from being assertive?

 

Like previous posts have said, there is just so much preventing guys from approaching girls even if they want to. There's the fear of rejection, fear of coming off as a creep, etc. Good quality guys who are single and available often will not cold approach. It's the super-confident attractive guys (who are rarely single) or sleezy guys who don't care about being rejected that approach girls.

 

I think girls need to get over the fear of rejection. Guys have been too damaged by the political correctness and mass media. You just never know when a woman will think you're some kind of creep.

 

Most women lack the balls to cold approach. Also, women do not handle rejection well AT ALL. Have you ever rejected a woman for sex? It's amazing. You would think you killed her puppy.

 

I remember one girl I dated who constantly rejected my sexual advances for hours when we got back to my house (she would go to the bathroom and put on clothes I managed to get off). Yet I kept on persisting. Eventually we had sex (not that night) and dated for almost a year. Guys have to let rejection roll off them if they ever plan to find a girl.

 

This is also partly the reason why women have a hard time saying no to a guy asking them out. They feel flat out rejection is more hurtful which in reality a fake number or getting stood up is much worse.

 

As much as women cry equal rights and equal pay, I don't see them embracing the less fun aspects of being a guy. I wonder how many women here still expect a guy to approach, pay for the date, and make the first move? I'm willing to bet a lot.

[preraph]

Well, some are not looking your direction and chances are probably don't know you're considering approaching.

 

I mean, you could look their direction 5 minutes straight, and they may never look up. lol

 

But they're not blind. Everyone scans the room. If they were interested, they would have looked up. If you stare for 5 minutes and they don't look your way or quickly do and then look away, they saw you but are not interested. Women definitely simply try to avoid eye contact with guys they know are on the hunt (nearly all guys) but whom they don't find attractive. I've said it over and over on here. Stop staring at the one you think is hot and start being attentive to your surroundings in case there's one who isn't avoiding you.

[HillValley]

 

I don't think cold approaches are anything to aspire to. The best type of approaches to me are at places where guys get to know you after interacting with you for a while and there seems to be a mutual attraction and then they ask you out. That has never happened to me though

 

It took me a long time to realize how much safety sits in women's mind.

 

I know myself, so I know I'm not a creep, so it would blindside me how hard it was to get a girl's attention unless she repeatedly got a chance to see you. Which then runs the risk of you waiting too long to actually make it obvious you are interested so some other guy gets her attention on the first try. That is frustrating.

 

If a guy clicks the buttons that make a girl want to let her guard down(i.e. body type, hair, tattoos, clothes, etc) then you really don't have to wait for anything.

[TunaCat]

I am 30 and I have never been cold approached. Now, I have my suspicions as to why this is, but I try not to let it get to me.

 

Even when I was in college, I was never cold approached. Now that I'm out of college, that streak still stands. No luck at coffee shops, grocery stores, bookstores etc.

[jen1447]

Even when I was in college, I was never cold approached. Now that I'm out of college, that streak still stands. No luck at coffee shops, grocery stores, bookstores etc.

 

Aw, really? I actually like coffee shops better than bars for that.

[redbaron007]

Aw, really? I actually like coffee shops better than bars for that.

 

Totally true for me. If I spot an attractive woman sitting by herself in Starbucks and I spot a vacant table right next to her, there's a 99% chance that I'll approach her by asking something really mundane like what kind of Mac is she using, and if she smiles, makes strong eye contact and asks questions back, I proceed to flirt with her.

 

If I'm sitting and she is waiting for her drink, or there is no empty table adjacent hers then it is a bit tricky and I have less time and go direct, typically by telling her she looks very pretty. Though this always delights the woman, it does not leave me anytime to build rapport so I prefer women who are seated and ain't going anywhere soon.

 

I've had fun, even flirty conversations with quite a few cute women at Starbucks but unfortunately, my little wine country town has skewed demographics and most of the single women are 18-20 age group, which I learn at the point where I ask them if they like wine. I would at least like to date a woman with whom I can hangout at a wine-bar like other grown-ups instead of the local ice-cream parlor with the teenagers.

 

The local mall is even worse. I have lost count of the number of women I've approached and complimented directly, only to learn they are even younger, typically 17-year old high-schoolers (they are tall, 5'7"+ and look older), so I avoid malls altogether.

 

So, yea, as another poster has said, getting a date from a cold approach is a crapshoot. The main reason I still do cold approaches is because I feel happy after the interaction that I was confident and honest enough to tell the woman I find her attractive. In the past I've always felt lousy when I saw cute women by themselves and never said anything.

 

My suggestion for OP is to hangout at coffee shops, with your laptop or a book, be sure to give out a relaxed vibe and look around, i.e. don't bury yourself in your laptop/cell/book. Some lucky guy is bound to approach you. There are a lot of good guys around (like yours truly) and not everyone who approaches cold are desperate and jerks.

[unip]

I get approached all the time. I am not perfect by any means, but I love who and what I am and I feel I am pretty enough. The right guys are going to like me for who I am and for those who don't, there are millions left in the sea for them.

 

I am also comfortable with initiating contact and striking up a conversation. I am an introvert by nature, but I have good social skills and feel comfortable when extroverting.

 

I always enjoyed the company of men and found things easy with them...on my end. I was in my mid-20s before I found out that many men were rather shy about approaching me and even felt intimidated because I looked like I knew everyone and owned the situation with confidence and substance. "Intimidating, in a good way", some admitted. Sheesh. I don't bite, at least, not in a bad way....unless you are deliberately harmful to me.

 

Try just being deliberately open and friendly and giving a guy an unmistakeable in.

 

What did you do in order to get approached all the time by men? Lol, let me in on your secret.