What about the moral MM?

[sandylee1]

I guess it's no suprise that any OW would say that their MM has morals, because she would like to believe she equally has morals. To say he didn't have morals would be putting yourself in the same category and nobody likes to see themselves that way even when they are.

 

Of course you can be someone who does good and raises money for charities, preaches in church, takes the offertory up and advocates lots of good stuff ..... but by having an affair (at that point in time) neither party (OW or MM) has good morals.

 

People can be immoral in many different ways and having an affair is definetly one of them.

[Lady2163]

In my opinion, people tend focus on sinning and immoral behaviors, but not on redemption.

 

I'm divorced. Someone with a conservative view will tell you I'm not going to heaven, because I've committed a sin. Never mind that he left me.

 

The 15 year old girl who was gang raped and is pregnant may have someone tell her she will be a murderer if she aborts. She will burn in the hottest fires of hell.

 

And I was an OW for seven years. The only thing different about my level of charity work, civil involvement and being a good neighbor is that I'm not banging a married man anymore.

 

Have I been redeemed? Has he? That's sort of between our higher power and us.

 

Yet, in the anonymity of an online forum people will stand atop their moral mountain and insist that unless we do XYZ, we don't have morals.

 

My time as an OW and his time as a cheater will hopefully be less than 1/10th of entire lives.

[bathtub-row]

Hmmm...where do I begin?

 

First of all, it's very common for a person in an abusive relationship to have an affair. And I say "so what?" because abusers are sub-human as far as I'm concerned. They get what they deserve. Having said that, though, I wouldn't make a habit out of having affairs. As my xMM told me, "You're with me because I'm safe." He meant that he was safe because I didn't have to have a real relationship with him; that I was able to keep things at arms length. It took a few years for me to see it, but he was right.

 

Now before you protest and remind me of this awesome, soul fulfilling connection that you have with MM, I'll say you can save your breath. You describe exactly what I felt about my xMM. He was sheer awesomeness and everything and more of what I wanted in a guy. And the level of love and friendship between us was off the charts. Fast forward 8 yrs later and my opinion of him never changed.

 

What, you might ask, on earth kept him grounded to his marriage? How is it possible that the universe didn't move heaven and earth so that we were together?

 

Like you, I made the very same mistake that you're now making. You think that because he can't let you go, it means something really significant. It might but I'm here to tell you that it does NOT mean that he will leave his marriage. He has basically none of the classic excuses for staying in his marriage and yet he stays. Not a good sign. At all. Women are continually tricked into relationships like this because they believe that the guy values love in the same way that she does. And you're in for a very rude awakening. I see this all the time in this site. I've seen it in my own life. xMM and I talked constantly. He couldn't last half a day without me. Do you know what he was doing a few months ago? Traveling to Europe with his wife and friends. Now he insists on having friends with them because he doesn't like to travel with her alone. Yet he stays. He had a tremendous connection with me for years. Yet he stays.

 

You're setting yourself up for a very big fall. The best you can do for yourself is to stop believing in magic and walk away from this man. If he leaves his marriage and finds you, wonderful. But don't hold your breath.

 

Btw, good for you for leaving your husband. And please don't ever let him con you into going back to him.

[ladydesigner]

In my opinion, people tend focus on sinning and immoral behaviors, but not on redemption.

 

I'm divorced. Someone with a conservative view will tell you I'm not going to heaven, because I've committed a sin. Never mind that he left me.

 

The 15 year old girl who was gang raped and is pregnant may have someone tell her she will be a murderer if she aborts. She will burn in the hottest fires of hell.

 

And I was an OW for seven years. The only thing different about my level of charity work, civil involvement and being a good neighbor is that I'm not banging a married man anymore.

 

Have I been redeemed? Has he? That's sort of between our higher power and us.

 

Yet, in the anonymity of an online forum people will stand atop their moral mountain and insist that unless we do XYZ, we don't have morals.

 

My time as an OW and his time as a cheater will hopefully be less than 1/10th of entire lives.

 

Redemption has to be earned it isn't given carte blanche and most of these MM or (WS's in general) do not come close to deserving redemption when they don't change their behavior.

[Lady2163]

Redemption has to be earned it isn't given carte blanche and most of these MM or (WS's in general) do not come close to deserving redemption when they don't change their behavior.

 

In that case, when there is no possibility at redemption, then you divorce.

 

Oh wait....that's one of those sin things as well...

 

In the case of XMM, I believe he was a good husband and father before he met me. I believe he was still a good and conscientious husband/father while seeing me. And I believe he will never have another affair for the rest of his life. He is older and while the mental drive is there, the penis no longer cooperates reliably.

 

Since there was no Dday, since I think he will treat his wife wonderfully and be devoted to kids and grandkids, his redemption has to come from within and from God. An Internet stranger will judge him on his immoral behavior with me which probably boils down to fewer than 100 hours of his life.

[ladydesigner]

In that case, when there is no possibility at redemption, then you divorce.

 

Oh wait....that's one of those sin things as well...

 

In the case of XMM, I believe he was a good husband and father before he met me. I believe he was still a good and conscientious husband/father while seeing me. And I believe he will never have another affair for the rest of his life. He is older and while the mental drive is there, the penis no longer cooperates reliably.

 

Since there was no Dday, since I think he will treat his wife wonderfully and be devoted to kids and grandkids, his redemption has to come from within and from God. An Internet stranger will judge him on his immoral behavior with me which probably boils down to fewer than 100 hours of his life.

 

Well it certainly is no sin to me I don't believe in God, but thanks!

[DKT3]

Best of luck to you OP! I would be very weary of a relationship that started this way. You and your MM have poor coping skills and both of you should be in therapy.

 

Both are very much in denial and living among the clouds. That trip down to earth will be a rough one.

 

Op, I'm amazed that you both believe you left the marriages free of the influence of the affair yet both of you dreamt about being together. Secondly you claim you avoid a passionate love affair while sleeping together and walking away from two marriages......totally delusional.

 

Best of luck.

[sandylee1]

This isn't about aborting a baby after a gang rape or even about divorce. We're not talking about biblicsl sins or a woman's right to terminate a pregnancy for whatever reason ..... there's a basic right and wrong and immoral. Why deflect from the issue at hand in a bid to cloud things and throw in red herrings.

 

No moral man or woman breaks their marriage vows via infidelity.

A remorseful spouse can get back on track and I know people who have been unfaithful and made amends and put it all behind them, admitting it was wrong, but most of the OW here only regret having an affair because of how it affected them and not because they realise it was wrong or immoral. It all boils down to "he's not leaving his wife".

 

Those OW who eventually got the MM see themselves as a success story and gloat about their happy ever after, mocking and hating the BW. Not a drop of remorse in sight, but if you see no wrong why would you be remorseful or seek redemption anyway.

 

Have your affairs by all means, but let's get real and not start professing that any man who is lying, sneaking around and cheating on his wife is moral at that point in time. That's a total load of old cobblers and the attempts to justify it just beggar belief quite frankly.

[NTV]

There's pros and cons to seeing everyone. You have stated your pros, but none of the cons. Does this guy really represent the perfect ideal match for you? I mean, what do his farts smell like? How bad is his morning breath? Does he talk with his mouth full or smack his lips when he eats? Any normal relationship has at least one small irritant seen in the other person, right?

 

 

What's his?

[Sabella]

There's pros and cons to seeing everyone. You have stated your pros, but none of the cons. Does this guy really represent the perfect ideal match for you? I mean, what do his farts smell like? How bad is his morning breath? Does he talk with his mouth full or smack his lips when he eats? Any normal relationship has at least one small irritant seen in the other person, right?

 

 

What's his?

 

That made me laugh, thank you

[BettyDraper]

First off I have to take most of what you say about his wife and marriage with a grain of salt. You are not an objective witness. You are seeing very tiny bits of something very large. You are taking the tiny amount of information you have about the marriage and writing it into the story you want to believe and it's the same story most OW create which goes along these lines: MM is the perfect specimen of a man who is being kept from finding true happiness with his lovely and beautiful always understanding and always loving OW because the he is trapped by a villainous horrible nasty witchy wife. OW believes that she must rescue this poor MM from the wife's evil clutches so she hangs on for years certain that someday she will snag her perfect prince of a MM.

 

Stay no contact. His marriage is none of your business. This is his problem to sort out with his wife and family. He is not perfect. He chose/chooses to cheat rather than address his problems and take some sort of action. I don't see what is so perfect or moral about that. You haven't spent enough time with him to really know much about him at all. You say the very first time you saw him you were in awe of him and then go on to say that you have never even had any real meaningful conversations with him. You are writing yourself a fairytale romance based on your massive crush on this guy.

 

What's the point of you leaving an unhappy abusive marriage just to waste your life pining for a married dude? Do you want to be happy or not? If the answer is yes then stop sabatoging yourself. Leave the married guy to his problems. Since he's so perfect I'm sure he doesn't need another woman to fix his life for him. You go live your life and create the happiness you want. The two of you don't need each other and in fact you are probably holding each other back.

 

This. Every MM tells the same sob story about what a miserable harpy his wife is in order to make himself look "perfect" to his side piece. This narrative is almost a trope when discussing affairs.

 

OP, you're idealizing this MM in order to justify your affair and his behavior. You know very little about him and his marriage...only what he says to you which is dubious at best considering his deception. I'm not sure why you're looking for confirmation that it's okay to cheat as long as the cheater is in an allegedly abusive marriage.

 

Focus on healing from your abusive marriage and reclaiming your self esteem. Take at least a year to be single while you heal so that you can choose a build healthier relationships when you're ready.

[wonderingheart]

I am genuinely astonished at the way many of you have attacked me and my views, feelings, opinions. I did not ask to be attacked nor did I ask to be judged. I just wanted others opinions.

 

It is not at all fair to place every woman into the same bucket. I am not ignorant, immature, or naive. If I were I would have found a way to spend 3 glorious years in his arms and bed soaking him up and learning all about him.

 

IT WAS WRONG! Therefore I didn't. IT WAS WRONG so he kept away from me, because near me he was not able to maintain control.

 

In a nutshell most of you are wrong in your assumptions. I guess when you're bitter and/or betrayed as the OW or BS all you know is to attack and belittle the woman who actually did it right.

 

Shame on all of you. If I had been dreaming up a love story of fairytale ending I would already be in his bed and would have the moment he messaged me. I did not, and do not plan to. I still have not had that conversation with him.

 

How about for once you all attempt to see something as it actually is, and pull your freaking claws in and spare someone stuck in the clutches of a terrible circumstance FURTHER pain and anguish. Honestly, is there enough self-hating and shame going on in our world for you to hate on us too?

 

Maybe, just maybe it's not ALL textbook, and maybe, just maybe some people do it right. And how is this for a thought, two good people end up slipping into something hard to ignore, and actually take steps to make changes BEFORE the affair actually happens.

 

Sometimes, maybe not all that often, but sometimes you don't know everything. You can all take your blankets back now, they're suffocating and they don't fit me.

 

Shame on all of you!!

[wonderingheart]

Also, in case anyone missed it, he never once said an ill thing about his wife. Not once. I never spoke of my husband. We talked about life when we talked. Our marriages were never discussed, not even in a brief moment.

 

Also, there was no scandalous affair full of lies and sneaking around. I stated that also pretty clearly. We had slipped up after drinking reduced our judgement when he gave me a ride home from a neighborhood party in the freezing cold (our spouses were both out of town) and in the 45 second car ride home everything blew open. So there is my scandelous and steamy love affair that destroyed marriages. Yes folks, I'm clearly the typical dreamy delusional OW. Clearly no one pays attention to any details here. What a shame.

[ladydesigner]

wonderingheart how was your A with MM not abusive towards his BS? Has she been tested for STD's since you and the MM had sex?

[Lady2163]

This isn't about aborting a baby after a gang rape or even about divorce. We're not talking about biblicsl sins or a woman's right to terminate a pregnancy for whatever reason ..... there's a basic right and wrong and immoral. Why deflect from the issue at hand in a bid to cloud things and throw in red herrings.

 

No moral man or woman breaks their marriage vows via infidelity.

A remorseful spouse can get back on track and I know people who have been unfaithful and made amends and put it all behind them, admitting it was wrong, but most of the OW here only regret having an affair because of how it affected them and not because they realise it was wrong or immoral. It all boils down to "he's not leaving his wife".

 

Those OW who eventually got the MM see themselves as a success story and gloat about their happy ever after, mocking and hating the BW. Not a drop of remorse in sight, but if you see no wrong why would you be remorseful or seek redemption anyway.

 

Have your affairs by all means, but let's get real and not start professing that any man who is lying, sneaking around and cheating on his wife is moral at that point in time. That's a total load of old cobblers and the attempts to justify it just beggar belief quite frankly.

 

I'm not trying to be an ass, but you understand the is an Other forum, right?

 

By the very nature of the act of being an Other there's very few scenarios how this plays out.

 

1. Have a fling, no emotional connection. Move on to next.

2. Have a Dday. Get thrown under the bus, go deeper underground or have AP n your doorstep. Obviously, there's variations.

3. Fall in love, have one or both parties divorce.

 

Again, not trying to be jerkish, but your post is confusing to me. It's like going to a NeoNazi meeting and being surprised they hate Jewish people.

[13Hearts]

Wonderingheart,

Some people have their mind made up about the truth and cannot handle anything but their own perspective. I've had to learn to just ignore those posts that aren't helpful. Not sure if you are able to PM on this site yet, but those who agree with you, or who want to be helpful, just PM me so that they do not incite others to attack further.

 

Anyway, here's my feedback: You need to get really clear on what you want out of life. You need to start with a fresh slate. Nevermind who you might want to spend your remaining years on earth with, if anyone. Just dream your wildest dreams again, think back decades to what you loved and what you wanted to do and accomplish when you were young. And start writing those things down.

 

Then, start sharing those desires with other people. One thing fun to do is create a dream board (google it for a description). And as you investigate and share with others your desires, doors will open up for you.

 

Your MM will fall into place, whatever that may be. Though I do suggest you share with him what you want. Sounds like the two of you may be somewhat similar and don't want to be responsible for anything. It's OK, if so. You jus need to be very clear about what you want out of life. And honestly, no one who is not clear about this belongs in a relationship until they do. If you want a no strings attached relationship, well, there ya go.

[13Hearts]

All this talk about morals...

 

What I think is immoral is holding a person to a promise they made 20, 30, 40, 50 YEARS ago, that the promiser no longer wants to uphold, just because you are too afraid to go it on your own. Or, people still hold onto the old belief that women are not capable of standing on their own two feet, having a career, or making proper decisions for herself. Or that a woman needs a husband. I personally think it is wrong that xMM told BW that he does not want to be married anymore, but she won't give him a divorce. I also don't understand why ANYONE would want to force someone to stay with them when they clearly don't want to. If the person I was with told me they were unhappy in our relationship and wanted to make a go of it alone, or with someone different, or in a different country, or whatever the h3LL they wanted, I'd do the research for them, help them pack their bags, and drive them where they needed to go if they didn't have the ability.

 

So not everyone's ideas of what is moral and what is immoral are different. Those of you who assume that YOUR beliefs are the right beliefs are a little confused.

 

PS For those who believe in the Bible and God, and were married in their church or by their religious leader might want to check what that means. A marriage under God means the promise is made to God, and God is who you answer to. If you think he's supposed to answer to YOU, you may not have understood.

[Lady2163]

I am genuinely astonished at the way many of you have attacked me and my views, feelings, opinions. I did not ask to be attacked nor did I ask to be judged. I just wanted others opinions.

 

It is not at all fair to place every woman into the same bucket. I am not ignorant, immature, or naive. If I were I would have found a way to spend 3 glorious years in his arms and bed soaking him up and learning all about him.

 

IT WAS WRONG! Therefore I didn't. IT WAS WRONG so he kept away from me, because near me he was not able to maintain control.

 

In a nutshell most of you are wrong in your assumptions. I guess when you're bitter and/or betrayed as the OW or BS all you know is to attack and belittle the woman who actually did it right.

 

Shame on all of you. If I had been dreaming up a love story of fairytale ending I would already be in his bed and would have the moment he messaged me. I did not, and do not plan to. I still have not had that conversation with him.

 

How about for once you all attempt to see something as it actually is, and pull your freaking claws in and spare someone stuck in the clutches of a terrible circumstance FURTHER pain and anguish. Honestly, is there enough self-hating and shame going on in our world for you to hate on us too?

 

Maybe, just maybe it's not ALL textbook, and maybe, just maybe some people do it right. And how is this for a thought, two good people end up slipping into something hard to ignore, and actually take steps to make changes BEFORE the affair actually happens.

 

Sometimes, maybe not all that often, but sometimes you don't know everything. You can all take your blankets back now, they're suffocating and they don't fit me.

 

Shame on all of you!!

 

The mods are really good about keeping an eye on things here. If someone crosses the line, they are quick to delete and remind people of the rules. Which is wasn't like that when I first joined.

 

Strangers on the Internet are limited to what you share.

 

You've told us your marriage was abusive.

You've told us his wife is hard on him and not a very kind woman.

 

I believe you.

 

People can get hung up on the details here. I had one person harp and harp on me and ask probably a dozen different questions, many of them just rephrased. So many of the details were not germaine to the topic.

 

I'm not a bitter OW. I don't hate his wife. I don't hate him. I still have frequent, but irregular contact with him.

 

But, I'm telling you - abuse, neglect, controlling behavior and sometimes even divorce take something out of you. It can rob you of your innocence and limit your personal growth. Your normal becomes warped. It takes a while to recover from that.

 

There were mistakes made in my first marriage. I may be cynical, but even I slightly romanticize my imaginary second marriage. I will choose better. I will say no if I don't love him. We won't have money problems (I was poor the first time around, now I'm upper middle class for my locale). I won't be worked to shambles in my own home because my second husband won't be lazy. Plus, there will be money for a house cleaner My second husband won't do things to sabotage me. He will be an honest-to-goodness partner. The sex will be amazing.

 

Now, I'm sure there are people on here who have been married two times or even more who are laughing hysterically.

 

Your writing puts the mm on a pedestal. "He's perfect" "The moment I saw him it was like there was electricity". I think you're headed for a hard fall.

 

Many of us on here consider our relationships with the AP to be special and unique. Often there are special circumstances that show a variation, but the theme is frequently the same.

[anika99]

Maybe, just maybe it's not ALL textbook, and maybe, just maybe some people do it right. And how is this for a thought, two good people end up slipping into something hard to ignore, and actually take steps to make changes BEFORE the affair actually happens.

Sometimes, maybe not all that often, but sometimes you don't know everything. You can all take your blankets back now, they're suffocating and they don't fit me.

 

Shame on all of you!!

 

First of all I'm not a betrayed spouse and secondly it was never my intention to attack you. However it seems you are in denial as you seem to think you haven't had a affair. I assure you the affair has happened. In your first post you talk about the attraction, the talks, the going no contact, the breaking no contact, then trying no contact again. That is called an emotional affair containing the typical push/pull behavior which serves to heighten the passion and the Romeo and Juliet love story. Then there came a point when the emotional affair slipped into a physical affair. There was guilt and uncertainty so it went back to being an emotional affair with more push/pull behavior. You have had an affair with this man.

 

Look, I hope this all turns out the way you hope it will. People here are warning you to be careful. Even though he has left home I still want to warn you to be careful. He just left and anything could happen. If anything, affair relationships become even more fragile and unstable once the MM leaves because then he is on an emotional roller and anything can happen from the MM deciding he wants to go back home to him deciding he wants to play the field and not be tied down to another relationship. You are talking as if the story is over and you have already got your happy ending but actually you might discover that the heartache is only beginning and that there is still a really long way to go before you reach happily ever after.

 

I usually caution people about getting too invested in a newly separated person even if there was no cheating involved because newly separated people are high risk. They are all over the place and don't know what they really want. They will latch onto a new person rather quickly to avoid the pain of being alone of their failed marriage but once they work through some stuff that new person can easily be dismissed. I say the best thing to do is to give him lots of space and basically stay away from him for about 6 months.

[HappyAgain2014]

Also, in case anyone missed it, he never once said an ill thing about his wife. Not once. I never spoke of my husband. We talked about life when we talked. Our marriages were never discussed, not even in a brief moment.

 

Also, there was no scandalous affair full of lies and sneaking around. I stated that also pretty clearly. We had slipped up after drinking reduced our judgement when he gave me a ride home from a neighborhood party in the freezing cold (our spouses were both out of town) and in the 45 second car ride home everything blew open. So there is my scandelous and steamy love affair that destroyed marriages. Yes folks, I'm clearly the typical dreamy delusional OW. Clearly no one pays attention to any details here. What a shame.

 

I'm years out of my affair with a man who claimed "my word is my bond" so I'm pretty comfortable with the concept of a man claiming they can cheat and call themselves moral. That being said...

 

You're accusing many of judging you yet you judged many of the ladies here by referring to them as "typical dreamy delusional OWs."

 

While I've read many a crazy story here, there are more that started like you ... Believing their MM is a moral saint who sacrificed his happiness because of his shrew wife or so called fatherly devotion. Every one of those men has a story. It's simply a matter of them finding a OW willing to listen to it.

 

Here's the reality ... Most of us start out believing the story we were told and believe OUR story is different. If only it were that simple. For most of us, the dream turns into a nightmare. No one has any idea how twisted and complicated affairs become because the beginning is so thrilling.

 

The posters here are trying to save you from a nightmare. If you feel comfortable with your choices and your plan, it shouldn't matter to you.

 

At the same time, you need to realize affairs are typical. MM are typical. OW are typical.

 

Sadly, the nightmare result is typical, too.

Edited July 27, 2016 by HappyAgain2014

[BettyDraper]

I am genuinely astonished at the way many of you have attacked me and my views, feelings, opinions. I did not ask to be attacked nor did I ask to be judged. I just wanted others opinions.

 

It is not at all fair to place every woman into the same bucket. I am not ignorant, immature, or naive. If I were I would have found a way to spend 3 glorious years in his arms and bed soaking him up and learning all about him.

 

IT WAS WRONG! Therefore I didn't. IT WAS WRONG so he kept away from me, because near me he was not able to maintain control.

 

In a nutshell most of you are wrong in your assumptions. I guess when you're bitter and/or betrayed as the OW or BS all you know is to attack and belittle the woman who actually did it right.

 

Shame on all of you. If I had been dreaming up a love story of fairytale ending I would already be in his bed and would have the moment he messaged me. I did not, and do not plan to. I still have not had that conversation with him.

 

How about for once you all attempt to see something as it actually is, and pull your freaking claws in and spare someone stuck in the clutches of a terrible circumstance FURTHER pain and anguish. Honestly, is there enough self-hating and shame going on in our world for you to hate on us too?

 

Maybe, just maybe it's not ALL textbook, and maybe, just maybe some people do it right. And how is this for a thought, two good people end up slipping into something hard to ignore, and actually take steps to make changes BEFORE the affair actually happens.

 

Sometimes, maybe not all that often, but sometimes you don't know everything. You can all take your blankets back now, they're suffocating and they don't fit me.

 

Shame on all of you!!

 

Okay....you did not "slip" into bed with this MM. Both of you willingly decided to have sex with people other than your spouses and that is still cheating. Dress it up with all the rationalizations you want but we can only respond to what you have shared.

 

It appears that you're clinging to the false idea that what you and the MM did is somehow excusable because he has told you that he is in a bad marriage. How do you know what goes on in someone's household unless you live there? If you're not naive, why hasn't it occurred to you that someone in the MM's situation is going to throw his wife under the bus to a woman he has slept with on the side? He is not stuck unless his wife is keeping him chained up in a dungeon. He can leave when he is ready to and that has not occurred yet.

 

I am not a BS or an OW. I'm just a woman who sees things for what they are and I have no illusions about the lies people tell themselves. Why should anyone feel ashamed for telling you the truth just because it wasn't what you wanted to read? There's no point in projecting your feelings of shame and guilt on anonymous people on the internet. We're just observers while you are a willing participant in this situation.

[sandylee1]

I'm not trying to be an ass, but you understand the is an Other forum, right?

 

By the very nature of the act of being an Other there's very few scenarios how this plays out.

 

1. Have a fling, no emotional connection. Move on to next.

2. Have a Dday. Get thrown under the bus, go deeper underground or have AP n your doorstep. Obviously, there's variations.

3. Fall in love, have one or both parties divorce.

 

Again, not trying to be jerkish, but your post is confusing to me. It's like going to a NeoNazi meeting and being surprised they hate Jewish people.

 

 

None of the above is really relevant. It's the talk of a cheater being moral that's the focus of the post. Just because this is an other board doesn't mean there'll be a load of cheerleaders to agree with you.

 

You spoke of redemption .... why would that even come into play with no remorse. It's a none issue.

 

The thread title is the moral MM, the ultimate oxymoron as has already been said. Moral and cheating don't go hand in hand .... that's not rocket science .... it's common sense and basic logic.

 

For the poster who said all this talk of morals ... did you read the thread title?

[cocorico]

None of the above is really relevant. It's the talk of a cheater being moral that's the focus of the post. Just because this is an other board doesn't mean there'll be a load of cheerleaders to agree with you.

 

You spoke of redemption .... why would that even come into play with no remorse. It's a none issue.

 

The thread title is the moral MM, the ultimate oxymoron as has already been said. Moral and cheating don't go hand in hand .... that's not rocket science .... it's common sense and basic logic.

 

For the poster who said all this talk of morals ... did you read the thread title?

 

Morals are not absolute. What you may consider moral behaviour may not be considered moral by someone else.

 

Moral behaviour is simply behaviour that is moral according to the morals of the person behaving - not according to some arb commentator in middle America.

 

Some people consider the patriarchs in the bible moral - yet they raped, plundered, murdered and kept slaves. To me, that's immoral - to whoever wrote the bible, it's heroic. Different value systems, different morals.

 

My H is a highly moral man. He is scrupulously honest, kind, generous to a fault, never has a bad word for anyone and goes out of his way to make the world a better place. He had an A - so the lynch mob here reckon he can't possibly be moral. Fortunately those opinions are completely irrelevant in our lives, and those whose opinions matter consider him moral and respectable.

 

The OP considers her BF moral. His behaviour - and her own - are consistent with her moral code. Ups to them for that. It really doesn't matter whether someone living in the back woods of Deliveranceville has other morals - those have no bearing on their behaviour. Their own morals do.

[sandylee1]

[quote=cocorico;6993375

 

 

 

Some people consider the patriarchs in the bible moral - yet they raped, plundered, murdered and kept slaves. To me, that's immoral - to whoever wrote the bible, it's heroic. Different value systems, different morals.

 

The OP considers her BF moral. His behaviour - and her own - are consistent with her moral code. Ups to them for that. It really doesn't matter whether someone living in the back woods of Deliveranceville has other morals - those have no bearing on their behaviour. Their own morals do.

 

It's a public forum ...... as such you get public views. If the OP was satisfied with her MMs morals .. then why bother with the thread if all is good in paradise.

[ladydesigner]

Morals are not absolute. What you may consider moral behaviour may not be considered moral by someone else.

 

Moral behaviour is simply behaviour that is moral according to the morals of the person behaving - not according to some arb commentator in middle America.

 

Some people consider the patriarchs in the bible moral - yet they raped, plundered, murdered and kept slaves. To me, that's immoral - to whoever wrote the bible, it's heroic. Different value systems, different morals.

 

My H is a highly moral man. He is scrupulously honest, kind, generous to a fault, never has a bad word for anyone and goes out of his way to make the world a better place. He had an A - so the lynch mob here reckon he can't possibly be moral. Fortunately those opinions are completely irrelevant in our lives, and those whose opinions matter consider him moral and respectable.

 

The OP considers her BF moral. His behaviour - and her own - are consistent with her moral code. Ups to them for that. It really doesn't matter whether someone living in the back woods of Deliveranceville has other morals - those have no bearing on their behaviour. Their own morals do.

 

Then why is the OP here asking this question?

 

And majority of people are going to see this situation as immoral so to each his own. Hey if hurting other people sits well with you...