International dating. American dating is not working for me

[Els]

So what are your plans for your travels? Do you even have a passport yet? Applied for visas? How do you intend to fund them (since you would need to stay for several weeks to meet people)? Does your job (if you have one) allow for such long periods away? Where are you going to stay? Have you read up on culture, local laws/customs, etc for the places you plan to go to?

[logan415]

So what are your plans for your travels? Do you even have a passport yet? Applied for visas? How do you intend to fund them (since you would need to stay for several weeks to meet people)? Does your job (if you have one) allow for such long periods away? Where are you going to stay? Have you read up on culture, local laws/customs, etc for the places you plan to go to?

 

Since I'm a contractor I can take off as long as I need. Since I never had a vacation I'm overdue. The place I'm going to I was told that $ 300 USD income is enough to survive for the whole month. Of course I would bring lot more. I haven't applied yet but I have looked into the process needed to complete the application. I was thinking 2 weeks before but realize a month would be better for us to get to know each other more.

Edited July 26, 2016 by logan415

[logan415]

I was reading this thread on this forum and this thread really describes what I see, experience and hear from others.

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/186945-should-american-men-stop-dating-american-women

 

This is a really interesting thread. I thought I was the only one that felt this way.

[logan415]

People do this because they want to try something new. One of my best friends married a girl from the Philippines, and he couldn't be any happier. When my new ex GF met my friend's wife, she came right out and told me that there was no way she could compete with that woman. She just treats her husband much better than any American woman I have ever seen. A decent guy, who might be struggling to find a decent woman in the USA could very well have far better luck if he searched overseas.

 

 

True. Also women from different countries from what I heard are easier. They easier to date. You ask out and go on a date. There is no stupid social standards like wait 2 days to make the call after getting her number otherwise you look like a desperate fool. For me its also trying something new. Being in a new environment while meeting this woman.

[CryForNoOne]

True. Also women from different countries from what I heard are easier. They easier to date. You ask out and go on a date. There is no stupid social standards like wait 2 days to make the call after getting her number otherwise you look like a desperate fool.

 

This is all in your head. There is no such rule! I've NEVER waited more than 24 hours and have even texted asking her out the same night! I almost always get a date.

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/588513-how-long-do-you-wait-after-getting-digits

[CryForNoOne]

I was reading this thread on this forum and this thread really describes what I see, experience and hear from others.

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/186945-should-american-men-stop-dating-american-women

 

This is a really interesting thread. I thought I was the only one that felt this way.

 

Certainly NOT. Here's a thread started by an Asian guy who is complaining that American women don't find "yellow" skin attractive.

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/transitioning/search/587787-east-asian-men-why-we-unattractive

 

He goes on to grouse that guys with "brown" skin do much better. Ironic huh?

 

Indian/South Asian men do better than East Asian men. I don't mean to sound ignorant but Indian men have features more in common with Caucasians except for the skin color. Indians in theory are genetically part of the Caucasoid race. You guys are taller, facial hair, body hair, etc.

 

There are even East Asian women who want to date Indian men. To them, you guys have the best of both worlds. You're taller, more masculine looking but you've got the eastern cultural habits like buying nice gifts, being the main breadwinner, etc.

 

So we're not really in the same category despite both of us being classified as "Asian." That's why I specifically stated "East Asian" in this thread.

[ExpatInItaly]

True. Also women from different countries from what I heard are easier. They easier to date. You ask out and go on a date. There is no stupid social standards like wait 2 days to make the call after getting her number otherwise you look like a desperate fool. For me its also trying something new. Being in a new environment while meeting this woman.

 

OP, I live abroad. I am not American, but as a Canadian woman I can say our dating cultures are more or less the same.

 

I'm not sure where you're getting that foreign women somehow don't have their own social standards. Everyone does, as we products of our culture and socialization. Here in Italy, women have quite exacting standards for the men they date. That is not to say they are high-maintenance, but simply that they too have expectations and you will find this anywhere you go. They are not the same from country to country, but I feel you are setting yourself up for an unpleasant shock if you assume it's going to be so much easier in another country.

 

It is perfectly fine to want to try something new, and heck, why not go and spend some time abroad if you can. But I think you are being very simplistic about your expectations. Just as you cannot paint all American women with the same brush, you cannot paint all Russian or Thai or whatever-nationality women with the same brush either.

 

I would strongly advise you to make it clear to any women you encounter abroad that you intend to leave the US. This will hopefully help filter out those only interested in getting a green card. You are coming across as a rather soft target for scammers, so please, do your research and keep your guard up.

[elaine567]

Of course like any woman they have certain tastes and women will be women. I do feel women attitude in Russia fits me. I met several Russia women who were international students back in college and I was able to hold great and long conversations with them.

 

But did they/would they date you?

[Cherryz]

America is big. So it would be weird if you cant find no one there. lol.

 

But its good not to close yourself up in just one place. And i know what you mean.

 

Its nice that you want to meat people around the world. But also remember the

issues and facts about this. You wont be able to get to know them well because of the distance and also you wont be able to see and connect and be with them much in person,etc.

 

Maybe its a good idea to go on different week vacations to citys in your country where your type of women are to be found.(Latinos).?

Otherwise think well of what it mean to date and being in a relationship with someone that live in a other country. Its kind of impossible. And hard.

[Cherryz]

Maybe its good to just use your vacations to go to places and activity's where you

think your type of women go or hang out.

 

And just socialize. Instead of go firsthand to catch a girlfriend.

 

Eventhou there are many racist people in certain Europe countrys. And scams in others,etc.

There are also some that are not.

Everybody have their own taste. And sometimes people also just fall inlove and not based on what they thought they liked.

 

But dont make that your problem. Make sure you know who you are and what you want and like and

what you have to offer any women as men and as person.

And just socialize. Once you meet potential women that attract you... keep in touch with them and get to know them. If its a match things will go naturally.

[elaine567]

I'm not sure where you're getting that foreign women somehow don't have their own social standards. Everyone does, as we products of our culture and socialization. Here in Italy, women have quite exacting standards for the men they date. That is not to say they are high-maintenance, but simply that they too have expectations and you will find this anywhere you go. They are not the same from country to country, but I feel you are setting yourself up for an unpleasant shock if you assume it's going to be so much easier in another country.

 

 

^^^^this^^^^

When a woman meets a man from her own country she can read the hidden stuff, she knows by his accent where he comes from, she can judge his standard of education, she can more or less tell if he is rich or poor, she can judge his "class", she can judge his personality.

She can tell a lot about him by a quick introduction and she can decide if she wants to take things further.

Foreign women do not have access to that "inside" information, especially if they do not speak the language well or have not spent much time in the country. They have to take things more at face value.

 

It is hence easier for "undesirable" men to con her into thinking he is better than he is. BUT sooner or later she will be able to suss him out and realise he is not such a great "catch" after all.

It is not that such women do not have high standards, it is just that the mismatch of cultures can be confusing.

 

Similarly men can get caught out by foreign women.

She may have seemed exotic and different, but if she was American, the man would probably not have touched that type of woman with a barge pole, as he would have been able to suss her out in an instant. But give her a foreign accent and a cutesy smile, he is then besotted.

[Lois_Griffin]

Girls from here I would get the "aww your nice guy." Friend zoned. Or I will get "I like you like a brother or cousin". Again friend zoned. I think these repetitive patterns makes any guy want to try and date women elsewhere. Those same girls I tried to ask out I seen them with other guys but they were the bad type and aggressive type of guy. I'm not that kind of guy. So that is why I have a huge problem with dating in America. Lot of American women are attractive as most women have origins from Europe but they been brought up in a different culture. I'm basically left out because I don't meet the standards that women here look for and want. I'm okay with that but it just means I will look elsewhere.

YOU'RE the common denominator here.

 

It's utterly ludicrous to blame your inability to attract women on an entire gender, or the entire country in which they live. Utterly ludicrous.

 

I'm going to let you in on a secret about 'nice guys.' Most nice guys are 'nice' because they have no choice but to be nice. They don't have the looks or the appeal or the confidence or the game to act like the more attractive guys who are out there acting like 'bad guys' as you call them.

 

"Nice guy" is a euphemism, a complementary description for guys who simply don't have the looks to attract women. Not in all cases, but in a good amount of them.

 

And the last time I heard, people weren't exactly climbing over top of each other in a mad rush to emigrate to Russia, so stop being so naive and thinking all these Russian women all think you're a God and don't have ulterior motives. Most likely, they DO.

[Els]

I'm not sure where you're getting that foreign women somehow don't have their own social standards. Everyone does, as we products of our culture and socialization. Here in Italy, women have quite exacting standards for the men they date. That is not to say they are high-maintenance, but simply that they too have expectations and you will find this anywhere you go. They are not the same from country to country, but I feel you are setting yourself up for an unpleasant shock if you assume it's going to be so much easier in another country.

 

Exactly. Where I come from, there are certainly requirements for men as well. They may be different from the typical requirements by 'American' women (and really, the US is so huge and varied!), but they are no less stringent.

 

That being said, we could advise OP til we turn blue and he'd just think we're trying to discourage him. Better for him to just go and see for himself. At least he'll get some life and travel experience on the way, which is always useful.

[Lois_Griffin]

This situation reminds me of the guy I saw on Dr. Phil a few years ago.

 

He was pretty unattractive, if I'm being honest. He reminded me of that guy from the 'Powder' movie - completely bald and pale as a ghost. Just really not a man anyone would look twice at when they passed on the street. And yes, he was a self-proclaimed 'nice guy.'

 

Like the OP, he had had zero success in attracting women in America but he had somehow - miraculously - won over the heart of a beauty queen in Russia. You know, because women in other countries don't care what you look like - it's only the rotten women in the US who do.

 

And this guy was in the process of spending thousands and thousands of dollars to bring her to the US so they could get married and have their happily ever after. Everyone in the audience was rolling their eyes because it was just so painfully obvious that this guy was being taken for SUCH a ride.

[elaine567]

YOU made an almost identical post in September 2015.

 

At that time you were speaking online to a young woman from Belarus, did you actually go and see her then?

[LookAtThisPOst]

Funny thing is...a male friend of mine a little over age 50 who has been doing regular American online dating for a while now...suggested to me to check out this Asian dating site...it was a very familiar name that exited even in print magazines distributed throughout the US in the 70s and 80s.

 

I actually knew of some half asian-half american woman I went out with locally, her dad was American, and her mom Asian. The dad kind of looked nerdy, stereotypical Coke bottle glasses, but hey, they've been together for years *shrug* This was when he used the print ads to snag her.

 

Then there are the military men who were stationed overseas that marry, and bring their foreign brides back to the states...and they all seemed to work out.

 

I kind of scoffed at the idea, but he said he's just grown weary of the lack of respect and compassion women have for men these days. He's even noticed some even lacking femininity in some.

 

He's not the only one that's noticed the latter, as I talked with a woman that claimed every time she went on a date, men just took notice that the woman didn't SEEM like a woman in mannerisms, rather cold and calculating than nurturing and feminine.

 

Think Spock from Star Trek.

 

Not saying they are entirely emotionless either, but just seem to be lacking what was the core of what men found attractive in women.

 

She didn't notice herself, because she's on the inside looking out, but she's attributed this to her problem with dating. So it is indeed a pattern, not isolated incidences.

 

Thus the drive to check out other cultures that aren't like ours that adheres to closeness to family, femininity, nurturing, and so on.

 

My friend is just exploring the site, in fact, I was kind of surprised he was considering it, since this is the first time I've heard him playing with notion. It's rather revealing of society when someone organically is considering other options outside the US.

[GunslingerRoland]

OP, I'm not sure about in the Bay area, but I know where I live, a lot of Eastern European women have moved here for tech. Have you tried looking for recently immigrated Eastern European women?

 

 

 

Eventhou there are many racist people in certain Europe countrys. And scams in others,etc.

There are also some that are not.

Everybody have their own taste. And sometimes people also just fall inlove and not based on what they thought they liked.

 

But the problem is, he isn't just talking about meeting a woman from Eastern Europe... he's talking about packing up, moving to Eastern Europe and living there even after he's found one. Sure there are a lot of people that aren't racist in Europe, but the overall climate there is not very friendly to brown people, especially with everything that is going on with ISIS and terrorism the last couple of years. Trust me, I know a brown person who went to Eastern Europe a couple of months ago, it was not a comfortable situation for him.

[joseb]

OP, how do you plan to live long term in Russia?

Even going there on a holiday requires a visa, which is a bit of a PITA to get - if you are planning to go, don't leave it till the last minute.

 

If you are not gullible and are willing to learn from the experience, then go there for a month and see how you like it.

Arrange a few dates online before you get there.

Just don't fall for the first one who seems to like you, and be wary of any tales of financial difficulty that pops up unexpectantly.

[Sunnymae]

Come to Miami, men with your physical attributes are in high demand here.

[carhill]

OP, how do you plan to live long term in Russia?

Even going there on a holiday requires a visa, which is a bit of a PITA to get - if you are planning to go, don't leave it till the last minute.

 

If you are not gullible and are willing to learn from the experience, then go there for a month and see how you like it.

Arrange a few dates online before you get there.

Just don't fall for the first one who seems to like you, and be wary of any tales of financial difficulty that pops up unexpectantly.

Yeah, Russia and Belarus and some of the 'Stan's' can be problems, more frustrating and slow than anything else, but Ukraine went visa-free awhile back. I recall having to register my visa with the local OVIR everywhere I went. Sure I could have ignored the rules but it would have come with the potential of a stiff fine/detention. My remembrance was, using a visa service, at a cost, which included an official invitation, the process for Russia and Ukraine were pretty similar, about three weeks with the consulates here in the US. That could be even quicker today with all the automation out there.

 

If OP has been on RWD like he claims, all the logistics are easily sourced, with thousands of guys from all over the world doing the same thing, and it will be current. Most of the advice I got was from guys actually living in the FSU relaying how it went for them. I found it to be pretty accurate.

 

Reading the linked thread from last year, my only comment is to reiterate what I shared prior; if this is the same lady, and this has been going on for a year, I'd personally be suspect. All I came to know, without exception, would not have waited anywhere near that long and did express writing off guys who did the keyboard romeo thing. I can't remember the Russian for procrastinator but it was something like that and generally unattractive.

 

Another thing, OP, if you don't ex-pat, expect to budget for you and your lady to return to her homeland regularly to visit family and friends. It doesn't always happen but I can't tell you how many guys with FSU wives I met in airports, yup, on their way to visit family, this during the years well beyond my travels there where I was often traveling elsewhere out of major US airports and would overhear some Russian or Ukrainian I understood and, well, yup.

[logan415]

I realize all countries have a dating culture but some cultures are hard to deal with than others. I have heard from men who had a rough time here in the USA did better elsewhere. I'm American born but I can't meet up to American woman standards. That is why I went dateless, sexless, loveless all my life. I'm human too, who wants to be loved and have a family of my own. But if I keep trying to date American women, I guarantee everyone on this thread I will be in the same position by 40 years old. Nothing will change. I'm not saying other countries do not have a culture or even rules either but often their rules are reasonable. They don't expect 6 pack hot man with a 150K income. Yeah, I know I may have exaggerated but you get my drift. Am I blaming women here for my problems? No! I'm just realizing I'm the kind of guy that would probably do better with Filipino woman from the Philippines or possibly a lady from Romania or Poland. These girls I feel want a simple meaningful relationship without the challenges.

 

I know I will get oh you have to improve yourself. No matter what I do. I change different style of clothing, I get nice haircuts, and I try to be the most ambitious guy I can be and that is still not good enough yet. Dating should be fun, easy and relaxing not with a bunch of requirements like your applying for a skilled job in medical research. This is why I want to date a woman from outside the US and probably would never look back.

Edited July 27, 2016 by logan415

[LookAtThisPOst]

These girls I feel want a simple meaningful relationship without the challenges.

 

Right...I wanted to add, these women don't come with the game playing, flakiness or the wishy-washyness of dating.

 

There's no "hanging out" with them, its either a date or not.

[SwordofFlame]

I'm American born and have lived my entire life in NYC. I have gone on several dates with foreign born women who haven't lived too long in the US. It's never worked out because I can't seem to relate or connect with them at all. Don't know how other guys do it.

[sorano]

Thanks for a great informative post and I do agree with you about CA. Dating life is pretty tough. California women have very tough standards and if you don't meet them you are out of luck. Every woman has standards I realize but I feel women not only in Russia but other places are not as strict. The girl I'm talking to she told me her father and mother name. Its amazing we both have fathers that has the same name.

 

You think its only in california? How about new york city and long island? The north shore? The hamptons? Its all over the place here. If not worse.

 

Take my brother for example. He is tall, and looks like a model. way better looking than me. Before he got married, he was on tinder. He got many matches. we are from new york. long island to be exact. Guy goes to the west coast. changes the zip code and doubles, if not triples his matches.

 

Dont think its only in cali. East coast is just as bad if not more. It is what it is. Dating internationally is just ridiculous but hey, whatever floats your boat. Me? I deal with it or I move.

[CryForNoOne]

I'm American born and have lived my entire life in NYC. I have gone on several dates with foreign born women who haven't lived too long in the US. It's never worked out because I can't seem to relate or connect with them at all. Don't know how other guys do it.

 

I totally agree. I've dated American and foreign women. The latter are more "real" and "down to earth" but ultimately I struggled relating or connecting with them. That was always a deal breaker for me. I'd rather put up with the "sense of entitlement" that American women have that makes them "undateable" to all these guys who seek out foreign women. I just hope they realize they have the same exact "sense of entitlement" that they despise in their female American counterparts - and that's why they are "undateable" i.e. can never get a date in the US...