Bichunmoo Posted July 25, 2016 Share Posted July 25, 2016 Okay. So I have this girlfriend we been going out for about 4 months now. And just recently she told me she cheated on me with an ex crush, meaning they never went out BUT they did have sexual experiences together. She had a crush on him, but later on he found a girlfriend and when he did, that's when she cut ties with him and only saw him as a friend (apparently) So just recently we had a hotel party for about 3 days with her ex crush, his sister, me and my girlfriend. I ended up only going on the 2nd Day because of work. She admitted to me just recently that he came on to her and they kissed, no sex. This happend the night before I arrived. Apparently she pushed him away after about 5 seconds so She acknowledged SHE kissed him back and it WAS cheating. This is very bad on his part also because he has a girlfriend and he knows SHE had a girlfriend. If I had known when I was there I would slapped somebody so hard! Anyways. My question is what is the advisable thing to do here. End it and move on? Try work it out? The way I see it is she DID cheat but wasn't THAT bad in terms of how bad cheating can go. Because I used to believe anyway that she really did like me. We met in a club and she was so into me and still is. But on the other hand she did lie about all that, kept it from me so they could keep their friendship. So what's the smart play? I am absolutely ready to leave her and end all ties with her and would like advice if that were the case of not. Thanks in advance guys. Link to post Share on other sites
madjac74 Posted July 25, 2016 Share Posted July 25, 2016 How is this even a question? Leave her instantly...you should have done it already Link to post Share on other sites
lolablue17 Posted July 25, 2016 Share Posted July 25, 2016 We can't give you an answer to that. I understand she didn't confess immediately, Do you have a guess why did she confess at all? Why didn't she keep it to herself? Is she still in contact with him, Before and after the confession? You should know that many times people confess while minimizing what happened. The fact that she says it's only a 5 seconds kiss doesn't mean it's the whole truth. That's why it's very important to know the reasons for her confession. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bichunmoo Posted July 25, 2016 Author Share Posted July 25, 2016 Well after this hotel party. At first she told me, her ex crush just TRIED to kiss her but she pulled away. Basically whenever we'd have a fight, she'd ask me questions like "what if we DID kiss, would you be angry" I didn't look into it much. She says she told me because she feels guilty because I'm a very loyal person. She's always asked me if I ever cheated on her and I always assured her never. So we had an argument last night and that's when she told me. I truly believe that's all it was. Just a simple kiss because it really does seem she likes me though. Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted July 25, 2016 Share Posted July 25, 2016 What's the point in having a girlfriend who can't be faithful to you? Just dump her and move on. Link to post Share on other sites
JS84 Posted July 25, 2016 Share Posted July 25, 2016 Dude for real??? Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted July 25, 2016 Share Posted July 25, 2016 OP - where in the heck is your self-respect? This girl is sketchy and doesn't like you the way you like her. Sorry, but it really is that simple. Dump. Link to post Share on other sites
lolablue17 Posted July 25, 2016 Share Posted July 25, 2016 Well, as for the "is she trust worthy?" million dollar question, she made a mistake, but after that she felt guilt and eventually told you about it. It's not perfect but it is true for every new girl you will meet. So, nobody can answer if it's a one time slip, or if it shows a pattern. I think you can trust your guts and feelings. Can you live with what has happened? Can you forgive? If you really love her and can forgive and be happy with her despite what's happened, I wouldn't necessarily leave. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bichunmoo Posted July 25, 2016 Author Share Posted July 25, 2016 Thanks for the advice guys. I talked to her and I've ended it with her. But I am still unsure with what I want to do because even though I really like this girl and she cheated. I still truly believe she likes me. And I really believe she kept it from me because she didn't want to lose me. People make mistakes, hell I've done a lot worse years ago and on purpose. And she WAS drunk too and STILL stopped him. She's done ALOT for me to make this relationship work and it really seems she wants this to last. For eg. She basically paid a really EXPENSIVE trip to L.A for my birthday and everything we did there for my birthday (Mind you neither of us are rich) basically does whatever I tell her to. And I have no reason to believe she would ever have a relationship with someone else. She never hides her phone, we talk almost all evening after work, SHE always wants to go out with ME(sometimes I'm busy with work) She never wants to go out clubbing without me (always insists I come) always down for sex with me. Always insists on me meeting her family. she really regrets for what she did. That's basically why I was so shocked and hurt when she told me because I never thought she would do that. I know the basic red flags of cheating and none of them came up really. Is it really that black and white? Should I leave it straight up? I DID end it on the phone. And she says she likes me and wants to be with me and says it was a mistake and that she DID stop him. It's just that what bugs me more is that she lied about it, and continued lying about it for a while. Thoughts??????? I really like this girl. I just don't know if my judgement is clouded right now. Link to post Share on other sites
lolablue17 Posted July 25, 2016 Share Posted July 25, 2016 Are you LDR? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bichunmoo Posted July 25, 2016 Author Share Posted July 25, 2016 (edited) Nope not ldr. Just I'm full time working late hours a lot. So I get tired. So we saw eachother mainly whenever I can or I feel like it. She's pretty much down to whenever I'm free. Never once refused to see me when I ask. We mainly see eachother on weekends and just go out clubbing drinking or something like that (I'm 20, she's 25) I've always insisted her to go out without me and she always refuses. Only wanting to see me. Just doesn't seem like actions of a cheater. We CAN see eachother during the week, it's just I'm scared to drive because it would have to be mornings and she lives bout a 30 minute drive from me and I'm always tired as heck. What would you guys do? Should I still just end and leave things be? Or is another chance worth? Edited July 25, 2016 by Bichunmoo Link to post Share on other sites
Darren Steez Posted July 25, 2016 Share Posted July 25, 2016 Nope not ldr. Just I'm full time working late hours a lot. So I get tired. So we saw eachother mainly whenever I can or I feel like it. She's pretty much down to whenever I'm free. Never once refused to see me when I ask. We mainly see eachother on weekends and just go out clubbing drinking or something like that (I'm 20, she's 25) I've always insisted her to go out without me and she always refuses. Only wanting to see me. Just doesn't seem like actions of a cheater. We CAN see eachother during the week, it's just I'm scared to drive because it would have to be mornings and she lives bout a 30 minute drive from me and I'm always tired as heck. What would you guys do? Should I still just end and leave things be? Or is another chance worth? Why are you trying to rationalize why her actions don't seem like a cheater? You know she has cheated. Repeatedly. Unless you want a girl that bangs other dudes and you're cool with it, then by all means stay with her. But you're only a fight with her away and she'll go running to this dude and he'll give her the business. Do you know about respect? She lacks respect for you. Yes you're the nice guy who she can hang out with and she gets to be a nice girl while she's with you. But when you're not there, she gets to call this guy up and be naughty. You give her another chance after she's already cheated on you only tells her that it's okay to cheat because she'll get another chance. Giving her another chance won't gain you her respect, she will only lose respect for you because you have no respect for yourself. Imagine the most beautiful girl and her guy cheats, she dumps him on the spot. Suddenly this girl is not a girl to be messed with and this guy knows he's lost something special forever because this girl has respect for herself. The next guy that gets with her knows that any nonsense won't be tolerated and he has to treat her right. Stay broken up dude. Plenty of girls out there. Link to post Share on other sites
LostOnes05 Posted July 25, 2016 Share Posted July 25, 2016 You did the right thing to break up. I had the same thing happen with my first gf. Forgave her and she did worse years later. No point in taking the chance, If she has already done that. It'll just make you feel angrier/upset later on if it happens and you've invested a lot more. Link to post Share on other sites
lolablue17 Posted July 25, 2016 Share Posted July 25, 2016 Sometimes the best way to know if we took the right decision, is to check how do we feel after the decision was made and done. I read you after you ended it. Obviously you are not satisfied with your decision. It may be a sign for you that you want to give her a second chance. She's learned her lesson, she now knows that she can't play games with you, or manipulate you, and she has paid a price. It's not a bad thing to give her a second chance if that's what your guts tell you, especially if it was only a 5 seconds kiss + she was drunk + she confessed out of her own will. Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted July 25, 2016 Share Posted July 25, 2016 Hmmm, it sounds a little like someone knows something and she gave you just enough to explain what information someone else has on the situation. I have a feeling this is a to be continued story 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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