annalilian26 Posted July 25, 2016 Share Posted July 25, 2016 Hi all, I thought I'd write in and reach out as I am in quite a dark place. I have developed this overwhelming fear that I will be alone for the rest of my life and it has been something which has been consuming so much of me. I am 25 years old and was in a 7 year relationship from 17-23 with such a wonderful guy who I split up with on amicable terms. Him and I are still very close friends and I do not have any residual feelings for the relationship. Very soon (too soon really) after our break up I entered a short lived relationship of 2 months with a guy who kind of swept me off my feet. I was so reluctant to enter a relationship as I wanted to be single but I felt such a deep connection with him and felt this may have been a rare opportunity. Turns out this guy showed some behaviours which made me feel so depleted. One day he would be amazing, the next he would shift to become a very abrasive and inconsiderate boyfriend. I reluctantly ended this relationship and he put all the blame on me for the relationship not working out. I am so ashamed of myself as I am still yearning for him one year after breaking up with him! He is haunting me so much that I have moved to a totally new city as I couldn't bear the idea of bumping into him ever again. I have been living in this new town for 6 months and although I like it more than my hometown, I am quite scared and lonely. This loneliness, teamed with the last unsuccessful relationship has made me feel that I might never experience a healthy happy relationship again, that my healthy relationship of 7 years was just an anomaly and that it is over for me. I'll be honest I don't want a relationship right now as I am well aware that I am not emotionally stable enough and would much rather establish myself in this new town and know myself outside the context of a relationship before I commit to another person. However, I experience so much fear that that person will never be out there when I am ready. I tell people about my fear and many tell me that I am being absurd, that I am kind, attractive and intelligent and will definitely find someone in the end. However, one person I spoke to agreed that my fear is reasonable as she has met so many women who are fantastic but have never managed to find anyone and that there is an excess of women who remain single for the rest of their lives. This has shaken me up a lot! Has anyone ever been in a situation similar to mine and come to peace with it? Do any of you have any success stories of feeling like you would be alone forever but met the love of your life in the end? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted July 25, 2016 Share Posted July 25, 2016 I see no reason to think you'd be alone forever. The fact that you e had a long term relationship plus another fling proves that you've got what it takes to find anther partner when you're ready. As for your friend's opinion - she's talking rubbish. Probably projecting her own fears onto you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
tomboi Posted July 25, 2016 Share Posted July 25, 2016 You had a long relationship wow.. I am 18 and never had a gf.. A virgin.. Got rejected 3 times.. I don't have friends who give a damn about me except maybe 1 or 2.. Thought I had a gf for a week but it was a girl cheating on her bf .. Just to get some.. Getting bad **** grades in college... Believe me you are OK..plus since you dated a guy after breaking up.. You must be pretty so go to a library , park or anyplace else.. Wear hot clothes not slutty tho.. And watch the guys approach you.. Good luck Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted July 25, 2016 Share Posted July 25, 2016 It's understandable that you're having a tough time. Healing from the breakup of a 7 year relationship must be very difficult, and I think you're doing just fine. Baby steps. I also do think that those of us who were in a long-term relationship from a young age might be at a disadvantage in the 'dating world'. I've been with my SO since we were 21, and I honestly don't know what I'd do if we didn't work out. I think people who dated around in their teens and 20s are probably better poised to 'work something out with someone new', whereas if you're going back into dating after a long R it can probably feel like you're starting out from scratch. So I really do empathize. That being said, 25 is still so young, there are so many years ahead of you! And you've only been single for 2 years, which isn't too long considering you're healing from a 7 year R. Chin up girl. I really doubt you'd be single forever. Link to post Share on other sites
Author annalilian26 Posted July 25, 2016 Author Share Posted July 25, 2016 Hey, thank you for writing in and for you kind words. Unfortunately men don't approach me unless they're drunk. I just want to say please don't be so hard on yourself, you're only 18! I actually know about 4 people who were in your exact same position at 18 and found love soon after, your situation is a lot more common than you think. All the best! Link to post Share on other sites
Author annalilian26 Posted July 25, 2016 Author Share Posted July 25, 2016 You had a long relationship wow.. I am 18 and never had a gf.. A virgin.. Got rejected 3 times.. I don't have friends who give a damn about me except maybe 1 or 2.. Thought I had a gf for a week but it was a girl cheating on her bf .. Just to get some.. Getting bad **** grades in college... Believe me you are OK..plus since you dated a guy after breaking up.. You must be pretty so go to a library , park or anyplace else.. Wear hot clothes not slutty tho.. And watch the guys approach you.. Good luck Hey, thank you for writing in and for you kind words. Unfortunately men don't approach me unless they're drunk. I just want to say please don't be so hard on yourself, you're only 18! I actually know about 4 people who were in your exact same position at 18 and found love soon after, your situation is a lot more common than you think. All the best! Link to post Share on other sites
Author annalilian26 Posted July 25, 2016 Author Share Posted July 25, 2016 It's understandable that you're having a tough time. Healing from the breakup of a 7 year relationship must be very difficult, and I think you're doing just fine. Baby steps. I also do think that those of us who were in a long-term relationship from a young age might be at a disadvantage in the 'dating world'. I've been with my SO since we were 21, and I honestly don't know what I'd do if we didn't work out. I think people who dated around in their teens and 20s are probably better poised to 'work something out with someone new', whereas if you're going back into dating after a long R it can probably feel like you're starting out from scratch. So I really do empathize. That being said, 25 is still so young, there are so many years ahead of you! And you've only been single for 2 years, which isn't too long considering you're healing from a 7 year R. Chin up girl. I really doubt you'd be single forever. Thank you for your kind words it does definitely feel very daunting, I feel almost emotionally stunted compared to others at times. Link to post Share on other sites
TheMets Posted July 26, 2016 Share Posted July 26, 2016 Being single has its perks sometimes. Would you rather be alone or be in an unhappy relationship? Or even having to just be with someone because people tell you to be with someone who happens to be a jerk? That's a tough one Link to post Share on other sites
davidvillasor Posted July 26, 2016 Share Posted July 26, 2016 you need to be positive and find new people's and talk to them. when you don't act so hard it's so easy and relationship come easily that lasts forever. Link to post Share on other sites
Nowty V Posted July 26, 2016 Share Posted July 26, 2016 (edited) I feel almost emotionally stunted I read your initial post. You should have faith in your own conviction. You are 25 and streets ahead of me, I'm 52. Remain true to yourself and what Basil67 said. Edited July 26, 2016 by Nowty V Link to post Share on other sites
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