Is he really interested in me/beginning a LDR?

[VanessaVanessa]

I've been chatting with a Colombian friend who I met overseas a couple of years back for just over a month now (time since we added each other on FB). I contacted him initially due to an issue I was having with an ex who was his friend too, and I thought he had told my ex to contact me (which he didn't). So basically, he gave me advice & soon we added each other on whatsapp - which we've been using almost everyday since mid June.

 

So as mentioned, I met him in another country which is how we all (ex, him and I) became friends. I didn't know him very well then & I still don't know him completely but about a week ago he told me he likes me (after I asked him) as he had been complimenting me etc. He asked me what I thought of him too & I told him I do find him attractive and a nice guy in general but that we don't know each other super well and that I am disenchanted with the idea of Long Distance Relationships after what eventually happened with my ex (lies and flakiness etc). He told me he knows me a bit now;that I have a good personality & that he thinks we could get to know each other even better & that distance is nothing compared to space & time etc. He also said he isn't the type of guy to play with a woman's emotions.

 

About 3 days days ago I suggested finally speaking on the phone to each other via Whatsapp to discuss the whole situation better, but he realised he had no data for calls & my call couldn't connect. He hasn't bought any since then & I had asked when he would be able to speak but he didn't give me a date/straight answer. The problem is that over the past few days he has barely responded to my texts but he still asks me for photos and sends me some too (innocent ones). In the past 2 days he has stopped responding as quickly and is leaving me hanging at times since the msgs show as read. I find this unusual after he said what he did.

 

...What should I do? By the way, I live in Australia so of course I have gone over the thought that he may just want to travel here, but even without me even touching that topic he said he is not interested for reasons as such. I am so confused, he is the one who has initiated chats about 65% of the time over the last month so why act this way now that he has given me some indication. Could it all be an ego boost even?

 

(If this helps, I am 22 and he is 27 years old)

 

Would appreciate any thoughts/suggestions.

 

Thanks!

[TMichaels]

No reason why he couldn't talk to you on the phone even if he doesn't have any credit/capability on his cell phone. You two could have Skype-called each other and accomplished the same thing, most likely for free.

 

Anytime you "step it up" with someone LD in terms of pushing to see them on webcam, talking live on the phone, or making plans to meet and they ghost you, something's not right and most likely things are not as they seem.

 

You're in Australia and he's in Colombia? Surely, there are plenty of guys you can find to date much closer than that, especially at your age?!

 

I'd take the guy's lead and do a disappearing act yourself and discontinue having any contact with him and concentrate on finding a local guy instead of wasting your time, emotions, and money pursuing a LDR half-way around the world that already is showing less than encouraging signs.

 

Best,

TMichaels

[VanessaVanessa]

You're right. I am going to cut back on contacting him now. Yeah, there are a couple of guys that do interest me locally, I guess he just seems (seemed?) like a nice enough guy and I wanted to actually hear what he had to say about the whole thing. I sent him a message last night after he finally responded telling him "my friend, it's just too difficult to really get to know someone via these means, but I appreciate our friendship". He responded by saying he agrees and that he laments it but that trying via videocalls would be better. I have just brushed it off and will not initiate chats any longer.

 

Thanks for the response.

[ExpatInItaly]

You're right. I am going to cut back on contacting him now. Yeah, there are a couple of guys that do interest me locally, I guess he just seems (seemed?) like a nice enough guy and I wanted to actually hear what he had to say about the whole thing. I sent him a message last night after he finally responded telling him "my friend, it's just too difficult to really get to know someone via these means, but I appreciate our friendship". He responded by saying he agrees and that he laments it but that trying via videocalls would be better. I have just brushed it off and will not initiate chats any longer.

Thanks for the response.

 

I wouldn't put it any more effort here, either. You're doing the right thing.

 

It seems he enjoys the attention and friendly banter but that's the extent of it.

 

As the previous poster said, I would focus your attention on someone local. Australia to Colombia is a very long distance, especially for someone who doesn't appear all that keen.

[justwhoiam]

Hi Vanessa,

 

as soon as I read he's your friend's ex, I immediately thought that keeping in touch with him was not a good idea.

 

The world's so big, why do you need to look for romance with a friend's ex? Maybe that means nothing to you, because you're over with the ex, but the friend is still probably in touch with him, going out together, etc.

 

The whole thing is not a good idea.

 

Now to the call. If he's Colombian, chances are is language is Spanish, not English. Did you offer to talk to him in Spanish? Can you speak fluent Spanish

Or is any of your written conversation (Skype chats) in English? If that's the case, don't be surprised a call can make a non-native uncomfortable. Just like it might be difficult for you in Spanish.

I've been studying English for decades, and I still have a hard time at times.

[VanessaVanessa]

Hi Vanessa,

 

as soon as I read he's your friend's ex, I immediately thought that keeping in touch with him was not a good idea.

 

The world's so big, why do you need to look for romance with a friend's ex? Maybe that means nothing to you, because you're over with the ex, but the friend is still probably in touch with him, going out together, etc.

 

The whole thing is not a good idea.

 

Now to the call. If he's Colombian, chances are is language is Spanish, not English. Did you offer to talk to him in Spanish? Can you speak fluent Spanish

Or is any of your written conversation (Skype chats) in English? If that's the case, don't be surprised a call can make a non-native uncomfortable. Just like it might be difficult for you in Spanish.

I've been studying English for decades, and I still have a hard time at times.

 

Thanks for your reply. I do question myself actually, as to why I seem to consider this with someone who lives so far. Truth is he doesn't live in the same country as my ex so I know there is no chance of communication/ information but he does have him on fb as far as I know, I doubt he chats with him though.

 

So since first writing this post he and I spoke on the phone a couple of times briefly and even though those times were good - I felt some chemistry - he doesn't seem at all consistent. He is busy with work, I understand, but there have been times where he couldn't even be bothered to shoot me a text to say he wouldn't be able to call or chat etc. We speak Spanish as I am fairly fluent since I am of Latin American background myself. As of yesterday actually I told him that I personally can't handle the inconsistent communication and although I think he is a fairly nice guy, I need a bit more stability. He had even sent me some videos of his daily activities over the past few weeks but then would do a disappearing act for a day or two. I did tell him that I am aware I'm a little "impatient" but that is all the more reason why I probably can't maintain it the way it was going.

 

I have said I just want to keep a friendship and he says he will respect it. A shame because I felt like it could've grown.